Showing posts with label Ryback. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ryback. Show all posts
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Handsome Dan's Final Say
Yes, I realize it's been a while. When I saw that my last post was from back in July of 2013 I couldn't believe it myself.
But the Handsome One is back and he's STILL the Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling! [trademark, muthaphuckas!] Want proof? Just click on the link below and listen to me ramble in a drowsy stupor on the long ride home New Year's Eve and marvel how that even at half-speed, my brain is still calculating faster than 90% of the backwards cap wearing masses.
But don't just stop there. Further your education by reading some of the articles here as well, and while they may not make you as smart as me, you might just be able to impress your friends with the wisdom you glean.
So without further ado, I give you...Handsome Dan's Final Say!
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Thursday, May 2, 2013
WWE Suffering From Severe Memory Loss
As of WrestleMania XXIX, WWE featured a roster of 64 male workers. Subtract the 5 part-timers (Chris Jericho, The Rock, Triple H, Undertaker, and Brock Lesnar) and you're left with 59. Subtract the 2 non-wrestlers (Hornswoggle and Ricardo Rodriguez) and you're left with 57.
Of those 57 male wrestlers, 19 were involved in matches at WrestleMania XXIX. Add the 4 (Brodus Clay, Tensai, Cody Rhodes, and Damien Sandow)that were originally scheduled to have a match and that gives you 22.
So 22 of 57, or 38% of the current regular roster of male workers was doing anything noteworthy or of any interest at the time of WrestleMania XXIX.
[Author's Note: I'm using the WWF roster from the time of Survivor Series 1988 because that's when I was the most familiar with the entire depth of the roster]
By contrast, going into the 1988 Survivor Series event, of the 50 male workers on the regular roster, 28 were involved in some type of program, angle, or feud.
That's 28 of 50, or 56%.
Pretty significant difference, right? Even more so when you consider these numbers:
WWE currently offers 6.5 hours (7.5 if you count NXT; I'm not only because viewers have to pay for a subscription to Hulu Plus in order to watch it)of programming every week on free TV.
All current WWE tv shows feature original programming. Yes, there are replays galore from other shows, but they are built around original content: matches, promos, & backstage segments.
By contrast, the WWF in 1988 offered only 5 hours of programming every week on free TV.
The shows offered by the WWF in 1988 were made up mostly of matches and segments that were re-aired from other shows and very little original content to the point that I as a ten year-old fan didn't even watch All-American Wrestling or Wrestling Spotlight because I knew I wasn't going to see anything I hadn't already seen before.
Yet the WWF in 1988 was able to generate interest in a greater percentage of the regular roster of male workers than WWE has today despite more tv time and more original content. By a whopping 18%! How is that possible?
4 reasons. That we'll see as we examine the differences between the TV shows WWF offered in 1988 and those offered by WWE today:
1) They Utilized More of the Talent. Makes sense, right? You use more of your roster, fans care about more of your roster. In a regular WWF programming week, you were more likely to see Hercules or Koko B. Ware wrestle than Hulk Hogan or Andre the Giant.
2) They Utilized Tag Teams. Bit players like The Barbarian, The Warlord, Barry Darsow (Smash of Demolition), Raymond Rougeau, and Jim Neidhart, guys who would never do anything particularly interesting in their singles careers, fans could appreciate and become invested in because they were part of an entertaining, competitive tag team division (More on that later).
3) They Utilzed Squash Matches. Wrestlers at every stage of their career, whether veterans whose best days were behind them like Harley Race, Ken Patera, Tito Santana, or Greg Valentine, as well as rising stars who had not yet peaked like Curt Hennig, The Blue Blazer, or Big Bossman, could always look impressive and maintain a certain amount of respect in the eyes of fans by mowing down local jobbers on TV week-in and week-out. Despite the match not being competitive, it still captured my imagination as a fan because it was a glimpse into the character's persona and moveset. Squash matches showed fans how good a WWF Superstar could be. And it would whet their anticipation for the big encounter between that Superstar and their arch-rival, or for the time when that Superstar moved up in competition. It would spark the imagination and get fans thinking up dream matches and wondering, "What would happen if Mr. Perfect met The Blue Blazer?" or, "I can't wait to see Demolition finally matched up against The Powers of Pain!" That's excitement. That's fan interest. And it was created by squash matches.
4) They Utilized a Good Mix. I'll admit, as much as I appreciated a good squash, it was also nice to see the occasional competitive match. And the WWF, at least in 1988, smartly balanced their programming by offering midcard, lower midcard, and tag team matches between members of the regular roster as either the "Feature Match" of their syndicated shows, or sprinkled throughout Prime Time Wrestling (my personal favorite). So you never went too long without seeing The Rockers vs. The Conquistadors, The Red Rooster vs. Ken Patera, or Curt Hennig vs. Jim Brunzell. They may not have been "dream matches" but they were more competitive than squash matches and highly entertaining. And you appreciated them as a "rare treat" because it wasn't something you saw all the time.
By contrast, in weekly WWE programming today:
1) They Utilize the Same Talent Over and Over. You could probably count on both hands the workers you see on WWE programming every week. If fans never see Alex Riley, Justin Gabriel, Ted DiBiase Jr., Tyson Kidd, Yoshi Tatsu, Curt Hawkins, JTG, or Michael McGillicuty, how are they supposed to care about them?
2) They Under-utilize Tag Teams. The only real tag team WWE has is Team Hell No. Only recently have the teams of Rhodes Scholars and Brodus Clay & Tensai been taken seriously. Other recognize tag teams are either glorified jobbers getting squashed every week (The Prime Time Players and Primo & Epico), or are never seen (Jimmy & Jey Uso).
3) Superstars Get Squashed. WWE still utilizes squash matches. But now, it's the workers on the regular roster getting squashed by the upper card guys and losing all their credibility.
4) The Same Match-ups Occur Over and Over. Without jobbers to squash, mid and lower card guys have to do the job every week. This makes match-ups between members of the regular roster commonplace instead of a rare treat. Also, the upper card guys are on TV and wrestling each other every week making what should be marquee matches that generate lots of excitement and pay-per-view revenue, into everyday occurances that are regarded as no big deal.
WWE is making plenty of money. Because they have more to sell now than ever before. But television ratings indicate that the public's interest in their TV shows has waned. I realize ratings aren't as critical as they used to be. Vince is no longer selling his TV show. He's selling his brand. And now that WWE is the only game in town as far as wrestling goes, he's always going to have an audience.
But at what cost? There's an underlying tragedy in all of this and it's not just that the fans aren't being entertained as well as they could be.
Fans who grew up watching wrestling the same time I did have fond memories of the things they saw despite the fact that there were no part-timers. They didn't need big names from the past coming back just to get them to buy a pay-per-view. They cared about the current roster. They cared about the entire roster, from the midcard all the way down to glorified jobbers like Sam Houston, Koko B. Ware, and "Dangerous" Danny Davis.
And they cared about tag teams. This is where the tragedy really lies.
Are WWE and its fans really missing anything by not getting a greater percentage of the current roster more involved in meaningful storylines?
The answer is yes.
Consider, two men who would become the WWF's biggest stars, Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart, were members of mid-level tag teams in 1988. Sure, the Hart Foundation had won the tag team titles by then but their reign was brief and unremarkable. There was no guarantee that they'd ever win the belts again. Sure no one suspected at that time what Bret would become.
Same with Shawn. The Rockers never won the tag titles. I'm sure some within the organization thought he had a singles future, but certainly not to the degree that he eventually achieved.
The point is, these men had the opportunity to show glimpses of what they could do because of tag teams. Fans had the opportunity to invest in them emotionally because of tag teams.
So when it was time for Bret to challenge Curt Hennig for the Intercontinental title, the fans were already behind him. When Shawn Michaels threw his longtime partner Marty Jannetty through a plate glass window, fans were in utter disbelief. These two guys were able to hit the ground running as singles performers thanks to the time they spent working in tag teams.
Imagine if both had worked strictly singles from the time they entered the WWF. It took Bret six years before he began a successful singles run. For Shawn it took four years. That's longer than the entire tenure of some midcarders. Perhaps they would've stuck. But what if they hadn't? There would be none of the accomplishments, the great matches, or the memories.
Who knows what accomplishments, what matches, what memories WWE and its fans could be experiencing right now or even five years from now but never will because of World Wrestling Entertainment's current disregard for tag team wrestling?
The cynic may say, "Ah, who cares about a Zack Ryder, or a Ted DiBiase, or a Michael McGillicuty? They aren't anything great." The same could've easily been said about a couple of guys in 1988. "Bret Hart? Yeah, he's good but he'll never be World Champion. He's just not charismatic enough." "Shawn Michaels? That long-haired pretty boy from that sissy tag team?" Yeah, that Shawn Michaels. Believe it or not, he's going to become the greatest wrestler of all-time. "No fucking way!"
What would you have said?
Who will take up the mantle of "the Best There Is, the Best There Was, and the Best There Ever Will Be"? Who will be the next "Showstopper" or "Mr. WrestleMania"? Or is the question rather, "Who could it have been?"
Sadly, we may never know.
And that's the last word for now. Don't let the chance to make your mark pass you by. Leave a comment, then tell your friends to come check out what you had to say.
[You can read more of "Handsome" Dan's work on the Ring Wars Facebook Page. He also writes a weekly review of WWE Smackdown for Wrestling Rambles and is mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks.]
Of those 57 male wrestlers, 19 were involved in matches at WrestleMania XXIX. Add the 4 (Brodus Clay, Tensai, Cody Rhodes, and Damien Sandow)that were originally scheduled to have a match and that gives you 22.
So 22 of 57, or 38% of the current regular roster of male workers was doing anything noteworthy or of any interest at the time of WrestleMania XXIX.
[Author's Note: I'm using the WWF roster from the time of Survivor Series 1988 because that's when I was the most familiar with the entire depth of the roster]
By contrast, going into the 1988 Survivor Series event, of the 50 male workers on the regular roster, 28 were involved in some type of program, angle, or feud.
That's 28 of 50, or 56%.
Pretty significant difference, right? Even more so when you consider these numbers:
WWE currently offers 6.5 hours (7.5 if you count NXT; I'm not only because viewers have to pay for a subscription to Hulu Plus in order to watch it)of programming every week on free TV.
All current WWE tv shows feature original programming. Yes, there are replays galore from other shows, but they are built around original content: matches, promos, & backstage segments.
By contrast, the WWF in 1988 offered only 5 hours of programming every week on free TV.
The shows offered by the WWF in 1988 were made up mostly of matches and segments that were re-aired from other shows and very little original content to the point that I as a ten year-old fan didn't even watch All-American Wrestling or Wrestling Spotlight because I knew I wasn't going to see anything I hadn't already seen before.
Yet the WWF in 1988 was able to generate interest in a greater percentage of the regular roster of male workers than WWE has today despite more tv time and more original content. By a whopping 18%! How is that possible?
4 reasons. That we'll see as we examine the differences between the TV shows WWF offered in 1988 and those offered by WWE today:
1) They Utilized More of the Talent. Makes sense, right? You use more of your roster, fans care about more of your roster. In a regular WWF programming week, you were more likely to see Hercules or Koko B. Ware wrestle than Hulk Hogan or Andre the Giant.
2) They Utilized Tag Teams. Bit players like The Barbarian, The Warlord, Barry Darsow (Smash of Demolition), Raymond Rougeau, and Jim Neidhart, guys who would never do anything particularly interesting in their singles careers, fans could appreciate and become invested in because they were part of an entertaining, competitive tag team division (More on that later).
3) They Utilzed Squash Matches. Wrestlers at every stage of their career, whether veterans whose best days were behind them like Harley Race, Ken Patera, Tito Santana, or Greg Valentine, as well as rising stars who had not yet peaked like Curt Hennig, The Blue Blazer, or Big Bossman, could always look impressive and maintain a certain amount of respect in the eyes of fans by mowing down local jobbers on TV week-in and week-out. Despite the match not being competitive, it still captured my imagination as a fan because it was a glimpse into the character's persona and moveset. Squash matches showed fans how good a WWF Superstar could be. And it would whet their anticipation for the big encounter between that Superstar and their arch-rival, or for the time when that Superstar moved up in competition. It would spark the imagination and get fans thinking up dream matches and wondering, "What would happen if Mr. Perfect met The Blue Blazer?" or, "I can't wait to see Demolition finally matched up against The Powers of Pain!" That's excitement. That's fan interest. And it was created by squash matches.
4) They Utilized a Good Mix. I'll admit, as much as I appreciated a good squash, it was also nice to see the occasional competitive match. And the WWF, at least in 1988, smartly balanced their programming by offering midcard, lower midcard, and tag team matches between members of the regular roster as either the "Feature Match" of their syndicated shows, or sprinkled throughout Prime Time Wrestling (my personal favorite). So you never went too long without seeing The Rockers vs. The Conquistadors, The Red Rooster vs. Ken Patera, or Curt Hennig vs. Jim Brunzell. They may not have been "dream matches" but they were more competitive than squash matches and highly entertaining. And you appreciated them as a "rare treat" because it wasn't something you saw all the time.
By contrast, in weekly WWE programming today:
1) They Utilize the Same Talent Over and Over. You could probably count on both hands the workers you see on WWE programming every week. If fans never see Alex Riley, Justin Gabriel, Ted DiBiase Jr., Tyson Kidd, Yoshi Tatsu, Curt Hawkins, JTG, or Michael McGillicuty, how are they supposed to care about them?
2) They Under-utilize Tag Teams. The only real tag team WWE has is Team Hell No. Only recently have the teams of Rhodes Scholars and Brodus Clay & Tensai been taken seriously. Other recognize tag teams are either glorified jobbers getting squashed every week (The Prime Time Players and Primo & Epico), or are never seen (Jimmy & Jey Uso).
3) Superstars Get Squashed. WWE still utilizes squash matches. But now, it's the workers on the regular roster getting squashed by the upper card guys and losing all their credibility.
4) The Same Match-ups Occur Over and Over. Without jobbers to squash, mid and lower card guys have to do the job every week. This makes match-ups between members of the regular roster commonplace instead of a rare treat. Also, the upper card guys are on TV and wrestling each other every week making what should be marquee matches that generate lots of excitement and pay-per-view revenue, into everyday occurances that are regarded as no big deal.
WWE is making plenty of money. Because they have more to sell now than ever before. But television ratings indicate that the public's interest in their TV shows has waned. I realize ratings aren't as critical as they used to be. Vince is no longer selling his TV show. He's selling his brand. And now that WWE is the only game in town as far as wrestling goes, he's always going to have an audience.
But at what cost? There's an underlying tragedy in all of this and it's not just that the fans aren't being entertained as well as they could be.
Fans who grew up watching wrestling the same time I did have fond memories of the things they saw despite the fact that there were no part-timers. They didn't need big names from the past coming back just to get them to buy a pay-per-view. They cared about the current roster. They cared about the entire roster, from the midcard all the way down to glorified jobbers like Sam Houston, Koko B. Ware, and "Dangerous" Danny Davis.
And they cared about tag teams. This is where the tragedy really lies.
Are WWE and its fans really missing anything by not getting a greater percentage of the current roster more involved in meaningful storylines?
The answer is yes.
Consider, two men who would become the WWF's biggest stars, Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart, were members of mid-level tag teams in 1988. Sure, the Hart Foundation had won the tag team titles by then but their reign was brief and unremarkable. There was no guarantee that they'd ever win the belts again. Sure no one suspected at that time what Bret would become.
Same with Shawn. The Rockers never won the tag titles. I'm sure some within the organization thought he had a singles future, but certainly not to the degree that he eventually achieved.
The point is, these men had the opportunity to show glimpses of what they could do because of tag teams. Fans had the opportunity to invest in them emotionally because of tag teams.
So when it was time for Bret to challenge Curt Hennig for the Intercontinental title, the fans were already behind him. When Shawn Michaels threw his longtime partner Marty Jannetty through a plate glass window, fans were in utter disbelief. These two guys were able to hit the ground running as singles performers thanks to the time they spent working in tag teams.
Imagine if both had worked strictly singles from the time they entered the WWF. It took Bret six years before he began a successful singles run. For Shawn it took four years. That's longer than the entire tenure of some midcarders. Perhaps they would've stuck. But what if they hadn't? There would be none of the accomplishments, the great matches, or the memories.
Who knows what accomplishments, what matches, what memories WWE and its fans could be experiencing right now or even five years from now but never will because of World Wrestling Entertainment's current disregard for tag team wrestling?
The cynic may say, "Ah, who cares about a Zack Ryder, or a Ted DiBiase, or a Michael McGillicuty? They aren't anything great." The same could've easily been said about a couple of guys in 1988. "Bret Hart? Yeah, he's good but he'll never be World Champion. He's just not charismatic enough." "Shawn Michaels? That long-haired pretty boy from that sissy tag team?" Yeah, that Shawn Michaels. Believe it or not, he's going to become the greatest wrestler of all-time. "No fucking way!"
What would you have said?
Who will take up the mantle of "the Best There Is, the Best There Was, and the Best There Ever Will Be"? Who will be the next "Showstopper" or "Mr. WrestleMania"? Or is the question rather, "Who could it have been?"
Sadly, we may never know.
And that's the last word for now. Don't let the chance to make your mark pass you by. Leave a comment, then tell your friends to come check out what you had to say.
[You can read more of "Handsome" Dan's work on the Ring Wars Facebook Page. He also writes a weekly review of WWE Smackdown for Wrestling Rambles and is mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks.]
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
SMH! The Lamest Moments in Wrestling History
We've all been there. You're flipping through the channels as a kid and you come across this bizarre spectacle known as professional wrestling. And for some cosmic reason that no one can explain, you find yourself unable to look away. You're officially hooked. Now, the people around you, family, maybe even friends, don't understand your obsession but that doesn't stop you from defending your newfound love at every opportunity.
And then it happens. It's Saturday morning and there you are minding your own business. You've just poured yourself a bowl of Cap'n Crunch and sat down to watch Superstars of Wrestling when something takes place on your tv that causes a momentary disconnect from your soul and the thing you love and you find yourself powerless to resist that all too human of instincts, shaking your head. For not even you, with all your diehard love of pro wrestling can justify what you've just witnessed. And if that weren't bad enough, that's the exact moment your infidel loved ones decide to walk into the room! Now they're shaking their heads too and you're doing everything you can not to make eye contact.
How do I know this story so well? Because I've been there too. So join me as we relive the pain of the Lamest Moments in Wrestling History.
The following moment was what inspired the idea for this post so I feel it fitting we start with...
THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR - HULK HOGAN FEUD
This video features the contract signing to end all contract signings and probably marks the beginning of the end of my first phase of dedicated wrestling fandom.
If you've seen it before or are seeing it for the first time, even a ten year-old would have to admit it's just plain ridiculous. And that's why now that I think about it, the title of this post couldn't be more appropriate because it is virtually impossible to watch this crap and not shake your head in utter disbelief at how tragically bad it is!
Did this contract signing or the promos by Warrior leading up to the big match (which were just as bad. Don't believe me? Watch this video.) kill my enthusiasm for the rivalry? Almost. But the truth is, I didn't need the contract signing, or Warrior's promos to sell me on the idea of the two biggest stars in wrestling at the time, two unbeatable babyfaces, the top two champions, in an epic showdown at wrestling's biggest event of the year. DUH! Of course any wrestling fan's going to want to see that!
I was twelve when this all went down and even though I was old enough to know that wrestling was "fake," I could still get excited about big match-ups like this because they didn't happen all the time. Imagine trying to sell this today? Anyone mind if I ramble a little here?
Take the elements that made Hogan vs. Warrior I such a huge draw and apply them to today's WWE landscape and here's what you get:
Wrestling's two biggest stars: Hogan and Warrior were both members of the regular roster at the time and worked house shows so The Rock and Undertaker would immediately be disqualified. Obviously, one of the participants would have to be John Cena. But who would the other one be? Randy Orton? Ryback? I'm going to say Ryback only because he started to really pick up steam while challenging for CM Punk's WWE Title around the time of Survivor Series and that's usually when the seeds for the main event of WrestleMania are planted. Orton probably gets bigger pops and moves more merch but Ryback has a lot of the intangibles to be a big star.
Two unbeatable babyfaces: This certainly applies to Cena, who hasn't lost clean since what, 2005? No, his loss to The Rock doesn't count. That's simply an anomaly. Like Halley's comet or something. Ryback has yet to be cleanly beaten, unless you count his loss to the Shielld in the six man tag match at Elimination Chamber. At least as a singles competitor, he's not lost fairly.
The top two champions: Here's where the water get a little murky. Back in the day, they would put a belt on a guy because he was over. These days, I'm not exactly sure why they put belts on people. I would say it's because they're over, like in the case of Antonio Cesaro, who's talent cannot be questioned or suppressed. However, since winning the United States Championship, he's lost more than he ever did without it. So it would almost seem like getting over and getting the title has actually hurt him. Whereas, when it came to the Ultimate Warrior, he clearly had a path laid out before him that stretched from his debut all the way to the WWF Championship and the Intercontinental Title was just a stop along the way. There was no stopping of his momentum.
I realize it's a different era, and actually, the secondary singles championships have been so devalued that they would hardly matter in a marquee match-up like this, but it would be nice if Ryback had won the I-C title and successfully defended it until the big showdown between himself and John Cena at WrestleMania.
It seems hard to believe, but when broken down like this, you can see how a big match like this is actually plausible in the current WWE. Nevertheless, that's not what we're getting. At least not this year. Would it be on the same level as Warrior vs. Hogan? Hard to say. It would all depend on the build-up. I would say with all certainty that the promos would be better. I'd even say with absolute confidence that the match itself would be better. Damn, the more I entertain the thought, the more I regret that WWE didn't have the foresight to make John Cena vs. Ryback happen but oh well. I guess they figure, there's always next year, right?
SWEET SAPPHIRE! POLKA DOTS, IF YOU WILL...
When Dusty Rhodes first debuted in the WWF his attire consisted mostly of a tie-dyed shirt and jeans. Fine. He may be grossly out of shape, but he's Dusty Freaking Rhodes. Even as someone who never got to watch him because I was grew up on the wrong side of the country, I knew who he was and even though he was doing some rather silly "Common Man" skits, I could still take him seriously.
But then...
Alright, not the worst wardrobe change. I mean, polka dots are fun, right? As long as "The Dream" gets in there and takes care of business, I can ignore those Power Pellets that he's got all over him.
Until...
The fuck?? Believe it or not, this picture only tells part of the tale. Not only did these two heftys wear matching dots, but they put them suckers in motion! Observe...but be warned, this video is not for the faint of heart.
Incredible as it may seem, because he's Dusty Freaking Rhodes and possessing of otherworldly charisma, the man made this work. That is, until Vince McMahon decided the only way to truly bury "The American Dream" once and for all was to simply, bury him. So he went on a losing streak the likes of which are reserved these days for anyone wearing a championship belt not named Dwayne or Alberto.
There is so much more to say on this subject, and fear not, for I will revisit this topic very, very soon. But seeing as how it is now almost 4am and I'm supposed to report to work in three hours, this is where this post ends. So for now I suggest you take what I've given you and....DISCUSS!
["Handsome" Dan Lopez, The Smartest Man Not In Pro Wrestling is a regular contributor to WrestlingRambles.com. He is also a regular mention on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast, and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.]
And then it happens. It's Saturday morning and there you are minding your own business. You've just poured yourself a bowl of Cap'n Crunch and sat down to watch Superstars of Wrestling when something takes place on your tv that causes a momentary disconnect from your soul and the thing you love and you find yourself powerless to resist that all too human of instincts, shaking your head. For not even you, with all your diehard love of pro wrestling can justify what you've just witnessed. And if that weren't bad enough, that's the exact moment your infidel loved ones decide to walk into the room! Now they're shaking their heads too and you're doing everything you can not to make eye contact.
How do I know this story so well? Because I've been there too. So join me as we relive the pain of the Lamest Moments in Wrestling History.
The following moment was what inspired the idea for this post so I feel it fitting we start with...
THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR - HULK HOGAN FEUD
This video features the contract signing to end all contract signings and probably marks the beginning of the end of my first phase of dedicated wrestling fandom.
If you've seen it before or are seeing it for the first time, even a ten year-old would have to admit it's just plain ridiculous. And that's why now that I think about it, the title of this post couldn't be more appropriate because it is virtually impossible to watch this crap and not shake your head in utter disbelief at how tragically bad it is!
Did this contract signing or the promos by Warrior leading up to the big match (which were just as bad. Don't believe me? Watch this video.) kill my enthusiasm for the rivalry? Almost. But the truth is, I didn't need the contract signing, or Warrior's promos to sell me on the idea of the two biggest stars in wrestling at the time, two unbeatable babyfaces, the top two champions, in an epic showdown at wrestling's biggest event of the year. DUH! Of course any wrestling fan's going to want to see that!
I was twelve when this all went down and even though I was old enough to know that wrestling was "fake," I could still get excited about big match-ups like this because they didn't happen all the time. Imagine trying to sell this today? Anyone mind if I ramble a little here?
Take the elements that made Hogan vs. Warrior I such a huge draw and apply them to today's WWE landscape and here's what you get:
Wrestling's two biggest stars: Hogan and Warrior were both members of the regular roster at the time and worked house shows so The Rock and Undertaker would immediately be disqualified. Obviously, one of the participants would have to be John Cena. But who would the other one be? Randy Orton? Ryback? I'm going to say Ryback only because he started to really pick up steam while challenging for CM Punk's WWE Title around the time of Survivor Series and that's usually when the seeds for the main event of WrestleMania are planted. Orton probably gets bigger pops and moves more merch but Ryback has a lot of the intangibles to be a big star.
Two unbeatable babyfaces: This certainly applies to Cena, who hasn't lost clean since what, 2005? No, his loss to The Rock doesn't count. That's simply an anomaly. Like Halley's comet or something. Ryback has yet to be cleanly beaten, unless you count his loss to the Shielld in the six man tag match at Elimination Chamber. At least as a singles competitor, he's not lost fairly.
The top two champions: Here's where the water get a little murky. Back in the day, they would put a belt on a guy because he was over. These days, I'm not exactly sure why they put belts on people. I would say it's because they're over, like in the case of Antonio Cesaro, who's talent cannot be questioned or suppressed. However, since winning the United States Championship, he's lost more than he ever did without it. So it would almost seem like getting over and getting the title has actually hurt him. Whereas, when it came to the Ultimate Warrior, he clearly had a path laid out before him that stretched from his debut all the way to the WWF Championship and the Intercontinental Title was just a stop along the way. There was no stopping of his momentum.
I realize it's a different era, and actually, the secondary singles championships have been so devalued that they would hardly matter in a marquee match-up like this, but it would be nice if Ryback had won the I-C title and successfully defended it until the big showdown between himself and John Cena at WrestleMania.
It seems hard to believe, but when broken down like this, you can see how a big match like this is actually plausible in the current WWE. Nevertheless, that's not what we're getting. At least not this year. Would it be on the same level as Warrior vs. Hogan? Hard to say. It would all depend on the build-up. I would say with all certainty that the promos would be better. I'd even say with absolute confidence that the match itself would be better. Damn, the more I entertain the thought, the more I regret that WWE didn't have the foresight to make John Cena vs. Ryback happen but oh well. I guess they figure, there's always next year, right?
SWEET SAPPHIRE! POLKA DOTS, IF YOU WILL...
When Dusty Rhodes first debuted in the WWF his attire consisted mostly of a tie-dyed shirt and jeans. Fine. He may be grossly out of shape, but he's Dusty Freaking Rhodes. Even as someone who never got to watch him because I was grew up on the wrong side of the country, I knew who he was and even though he was doing some rather silly "Common Man" skits, I could still take him seriously.
But then...
Alright, not the worst wardrobe change. I mean, polka dots are fun, right? As long as "The Dream" gets in there and takes care of business, I can ignore those Power Pellets that he's got all over him.
Until...
The fuck?? Believe it or not, this picture only tells part of the tale. Not only did these two heftys wear matching dots, but they put them suckers in motion! Observe...but be warned, this video is not for the faint of heart.
Incredible as it may seem, because he's Dusty Freaking Rhodes and possessing of otherworldly charisma, the man made this work. That is, until Vince McMahon decided the only way to truly bury "The American Dream" once and for all was to simply, bury him. So he went on a losing streak the likes of which are reserved these days for anyone wearing a championship belt not named Dwayne or Alberto.
There is so much more to say on this subject, and fear not, for I will revisit this topic very, very soon. But seeing as how it is now almost 4am and I'm supposed to report to work in three hours, this is where this post ends. So for now I suggest you take what I've given you and....DISCUSS!
["Handsome" Dan Lopez, The Smartest Man Not In Pro Wrestling is a regular contributor to WrestlingRambles.com. He is also a regular mention on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast, and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.]
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
The Color of Money
Alright, we all know who this guy is, don't we?
Now I realize he doesn't wear green all the time, but this ghastly atrocity is actually still very popular among kids in attendance at WWE shows. Not only does it make you as a little kid easier to see amongst thousands of people, but it also leaves no doubt as to with whom your allegiance lies. You are a card-carrying member of the Cenation.
And if you'll grant me a little creative license, allow me to make this connection: Cena wears the GREEN because GREEN is the color of MONEY. And when it comes to World Wrestling Entertainment, CENA EQUALS MONEY.
Now you're all going to stand up and shout about how Cena isn't nearly the draw that Hulk Hogan was, or that he's not nearly the draw that "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was, or that he's not nearly the draw that The Rock was, and that is all true. So pat yourselves on the back, Barry Horowitz, you win that argument.
But that's not the issue. The issue is NOT how much money has Cena ever made for WWE. The issue IS does Cena make money for WWE RIGHT NOW.
The answer is, Yes.
This isn't your dad's WWWF. This isn't even your WWF. This is your kid's WWE. Get it through your heads, people. Those are THREE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT COMPANIES. What worked for the World Wide Wrestling Federation would not have worked for the World Wrestling Federation. And what worked for the World Wrestling Federation WILL NOT WORK for today's World Wrestling Entertainment.
Okay, I may be stretching things just a bit because I personally believe that some of the tested and proven methods of making money that worked for the WWF, and even the WWWF, would actually work for WWE, but it doesn't matter what I think. And it doesn't matter what you think.
What matters is what the shareholders and board of directors think.
World Wrestling Entertainment is a publicly-traded company. It isn't Vince McMahon's rasslin' promotion anymore. It's PG because it HAS to be PG. It isn't because anyone on the planet believes that the best form of wrestling entertainment is created under the PG banner. Anyone who has watched the Rock during his comeback both this year and last year knows that a little edgier is better.
But with CREATIVITY comes RISK.
Ask anyone who has ever had an idea. When you attempt to make your IDEA into a REALITY, you run the RISK of it not being accepted. Not a big deal if all your doing is say, writing a blog on a free blog-posting website. The risk is virtually non-existent.
But when you run a million-dollar company, every single idea that comes out of your creative meetings with the company's stamp of approval, carries with it a MILLION-DOLLAR RISK. All it takes is ONE bad angle, ONE bad promo, ONE bad idea, to cost the company THOUSANDS, if not MILLIONS of dollars.
And forget the fans. I'm not talking about the fans' dollars. Fans are extremely forgiving. Because they're fans. How much garbage have we sat through in our twenty or thirty something years as wrestling fans and yet where are we on Monday nights? In front of TVs watching Raw. Despite ranting and raving all week long about how terrible the product is, we remain loyal and hopeful because we're fans. That's our nature.
But sponsors and advertisers don't have to be fans. And THAT, my friends, is where World Wrestling Entertainment's bread gets buttered.
If you want to read the company's spiel, you can check out this article printed by the Miami Herald last summer.
I'm not going to pretend to understand all the verbiage, but here's the gist of it: if I'm Vince McMahon, here's how I think: "It's not what we DO, it's who we ARE. We are WWE. Consumers (not fans) RECOGNIZE OUR BRAND so they come to us. Just like they recognize Coke or Pepsi. As long as we always LOOK THE WAY WWE IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK, we will always keep consumers coming back.
"Therefore, we're not selling ourselves to the consumers; we're selling ourselves to SHAREHOLDERS, SPONSORS, and ADVERTISERS. And sharholders, sponsors, and advertisers want TWO THINGS: a SAFE INVESTMENT, and BRAND STRENGTH. If we get too CREATIVE, we RISK becoming an UNSAFE INVESTMENT. And that cannot happen.
"Therefore, if we can find something that works within the boundaries of a SAFE INVESTMENT, we will ride that gravy train as long as we can."
And that's where THIS guy comes in...
Look at him. More importantly, look at those troops. They don't care that he dresses like a 12-year old boy. They don't care that he wrestles like one. All they know is, he's a good guy who supports them and is the face of THEIR FAVORITE WRESTLING BRAND, WWE.
Anybody think Zack Ryder could fill that role? How about Daniel Bryan? CM Punk? R-Truth and Little Jimmy? What about The Miz? Could they do it as well as John Cena?
Answer? "OH, HELL NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Now you know why it's John Cena and NOT those guys. That's why it will be John Cena as long as he's capable of functioning inside a wrestling ring. Because he does this WITHOUT BEING CREATIVE. We've all seen John Cena at the top of his game. We know he has it within himself to be entertaining and come with edgier stuff. But that means RISK. And WWE is not going to risk losing shareholders, sponsors, or advertisers.
They've clearly lost fans. Just look at the ratings for Raw. They're nowhere near where they were in the days of Stone Cold and the Rock. But they haven't lost ENOUGH fans and they NEVER WILL because they know it's not just John Cena, it's THE BRAND. It's WWE.
What SHOULD have happened when the World Wrestling Federation became WWE, fans should've abandoned ship the way they did when New Coke came out.
But we didn't. Because even though it didn't TASTE like the WWF, it still LOOKED like the WWF so we stayed. Not all of us, but enough of us did.
And so, instead of scrapping WWE, and going back to what worked, they found a way to make money with New Coke. And the rest is history.
So why did I bother going to such lengths to essentially justify what Vince McMahon and WWE is doing? Am I happy with the current product? HELL to the NO!! But as the Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling, it is my obligation to understand the current wrestling landscape. And what I've just laid out for you so eloquently IS the current wrestling landscape as it pertains to World Wrestling Entertainment. No one else is going to break it down any simpler.
So what should YOUR response be to what I have just told you? Ideally, we would all close our wallets, put away our checkbooks and go find something better to do. It's not that WWE hasn't done a few good things since they adopted the new formula, but if we're all honest we'd have to admit that a good 75-90% of what they have done in the past decade has fallen short of expectations.
That's a pretty lousy performance record. As a fan of the San Diego Chargers, I know all about failure. But in sports, you don't suddenly change teams unless you have a vagina. But this isn't sports. The rules are different here. It's not as if they aren't controlling the outcomes. What we have gotten is what THEY have chosen to give us. So it's up to us to say, "I'm switching brands because I don't like the way this shit tastes."
A lot of people have done it already. But not enough for them to pull the plug. So what's a couple hundred or thousand more marks reading spoilers on the internet? They'll always have the troops. They'll always have the middle-income nuclear families. And those people will happily whip out their checkbooks when it comes time to order a pay-per-view or visit the t-shirt stand. Why? Because it's WWE. It's the brand they recognize. They know it's safe. Think they realize such a thing as TNA exists? Not a fucking chance. If their kid did happen upon Impact on TV, think their parents are going to spend money on that ghetto-looking shit? No. Fucking. Way.
So basically, I'm not telling you to do anything. You want to watch WWE in the hopes of gleaning the few good bits of grain you can? Go ahead. Just don't waste your time getting all red-faced and stomping a mudhole in your TV. Realize, nothing's going to change. You want to make a statement and show WWE how fed up you are? Then take your consumer dollars elsewhere. I personally don't think it will make a difference but maybe it will improve your blood-pressure and that alone will be worth it.
Who knows? Maybe enough people WILL turn away and WWE will finally get the message and start to take some risks and improve the level of creativity. But in the meantime, THAT is the state of the business and no one is going to lay it out any better. What you choose to do with the knowledge is up to you.
And that's the last word, peeps. Now it's time to make your voice heard. WWE may not be willing to listen. But here, your opinion actually matters. So.......DISCUSS!
{The Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling is mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}
Now I realize he doesn't wear green all the time, but this ghastly atrocity is actually still very popular among kids in attendance at WWE shows. Not only does it make you as a little kid easier to see amongst thousands of people, but it also leaves no doubt as to with whom your allegiance lies. You are a card-carrying member of the Cenation.
And if you'll grant me a little creative license, allow me to make this connection: Cena wears the GREEN because GREEN is the color of MONEY. And when it comes to World Wrestling Entertainment, CENA EQUALS MONEY.
Now you're all going to stand up and shout about how Cena isn't nearly the draw that Hulk Hogan was, or that he's not nearly the draw that "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was, or that he's not nearly the draw that The Rock was, and that is all true. So pat yourselves on the back, Barry Horowitz, you win that argument.
But that's not the issue. The issue is NOT how much money has Cena ever made for WWE. The issue IS does Cena make money for WWE RIGHT NOW.
The answer is, Yes.
This isn't your dad's WWWF. This isn't even your WWF. This is your kid's WWE. Get it through your heads, people. Those are THREE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT COMPANIES. What worked for the World Wide Wrestling Federation would not have worked for the World Wrestling Federation. And what worked for the World Wrestling Federation WILL NOT WORK for today's World Wrestling Entertainment.
Okay, I may be stretching things just a bit because I personally believe that some of the tested and proven methods of making money that worked for the WWF, and even the WWWF, would actually work for WWE, but it doesn't matter what I think. And it doesn't matter what you think.
What matters is what the shareholders and board of directors think.
World Wrestling Entertainment is a publicly-traded company. It isn't Vince McMahon's rasslin' promotion anymore. It's PG because it HAS to be PG. It isn't because anyone on the planet believes that the best form of wrestling entertainment is created under the PG banner. Anyone who has watched the Rock during his comeback both this year and last year knows that a little edgier is better.
But with CREATIVITY comes RISK.
Ask anyone who has ever had an idea. When you attempt to make your IDEA into a REALITY, you run the RISK of it not being accepted. Not a big deal if all your doing is say, writing a blog on a free blog-posting website. The risk is virtually non-existent.
But when you run a million-dollar company, every single idea that comes out of your creative meetings with the company's stamp of approval, carries with it a MILLION-DOLLAR RISK. All it takes is ONE bad angle, ONE bad promo, ONE bad idea, to cost the company THOUSANDS, if not MILLIONS of dollars.
And forget the fans. I'm not talking about the fans' dollars. Fans are extremely forgiving. Because they're fans. How much garbage have we sat through in our twenty or thirty something years as wrestling fans and yet where are we on Monday nights? In front of TVs watching Raw. Despite ranting and raving all week long about how terrible the product is, we remain loyal and hopeful because we're fans. That's our nature.
But sponsors and advertisers don't have to be fans. And THAT, my friends, is where World Wrestling Entertainment's bread gets buttered.
If you want to read the company's spiel, you can check out this article printed by the Miami Herald last summer.
I'm not going to pretend to understand all the verbiage, but here's the gist of it: if I'm Vince McMahon, here's how I think: "It's not what we DO, it's who we ARE. We are WWE. Consumers (not fans) RECOGNIZE OUR BRAND so they come to us. Just like they recognize Coke or Pepsi. As long as we always LOOK THE WAY WWE IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK, we will always keep consumers coming back.
"Therefore, we're not selling ourselves to the consumers; we're selling ourselves to SHAREHOLDERS, SPONSORS, and ADVERTISERS. And sharholders, sponsors, and advertisers want TWO THINGS: a SAFE INVESTMENT, and BRAND STRENGTH. If we get too CREATIVE, we RISK becoming an UNSAFE INVESTMENT. And that cannot happen.
"Therefore, if we can find something that works within the boundaries of a SAFE INVESTMENT, we will ride that gravy train as long as we can."
And that's where THIS guy comes in...
Look at him. More importantly, look at those troops. They don't care that he dresses like a 12-year old boy. They don't care that he wrestles like one. All they know is, he's a good guy who supports them and is the face of THEIR FAVORITE WRESTLING BRAND, WWE.
Anybody think Zack Ryder could fill that role? How about Daniel Bryan? CM Punk? R-Truth and Little Jimmy? What about The Miz? Could they do it as well as John Cena?
Answer? "OH, HELL NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Now you know why it's John Cena and NOT those guys. That's why it will be John Cena as long as he's capable of functioning inside a wrestling ring. Because he does this WITHOUT BEING CREATIVE. We've all seen John Cena at the top of his game. We know he has it within himself to be entertaining and come with edgier stuff. But that means RISK. And WWE is not going to risk losing shareholders, sponsors, or advertisers.
They've clearly lost fans. Just look at the ratings for Raw. They're nowhere near where they were in the days of Stone Cold and the Rock. But they haven't lost ENOUGH fans and they NEVER WILL because they know it's not just John Cena, it's THE BRAND. It's WWE.
What SHOULD have happened when the World Wrestling Federation became WWE, fans should've abandoned ship the way they did when New Coke came out.
But we didn't. Because even though it didn't TASTE like the WWF, it still LOOKED like the WWF so we stayed. Not all of us, but enough of us did.
And so, instead of scrapping WWE, and going back to what worked, they found a way to make money with New Coke. And the rest is history.
So why did I bother going to such lengths to essentially justify what Vince McMahon and WWE is doing? Am I happy with the current product? HELL to the NO!! But as the Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling, it is my obligation to understand the current wrestling landscape. And what I've just laid out for you so eloquently IS the current wrestling landscape as it pertains to World Wrestling Entertainment. No one else is going to break it down any simpler.
So what should YOUR response be to what I have just told you? Ideally, we would all close our wallets, put away our checkbooks and go find something better to do. It's not that WWE hasn't done a few good things since they adopted the new formula, but if we're all honest we'd have to admit that a good 75-90% of what they have done in the past decade has fallen short of expectations.
That's a pretty lousy performance record. As a fan of the San Diego Chargers, I know all about failure. But in sports, you don't suddenly change teams unless you have a vagina. But this isn't sports. The rules are different here. It's not as if they aren't controlling the outcomes. What we have gotten is what THEY have chosen to give us. So it's up to us to say, "I'm switching brands because I don't like the way this shit tastes."
A lot of people have done it already. But not enough for them to pull the plug. So what's a couple hundred or thousand more marks reading spoilers on the internet? They'll always have the troops. They'll always have the middle-income nuclear families. And those people will happily whip out their checkbooks when it comes time to order a pay-per-view or visit the t-shirt stand. Why? Because it's WWE. It's the brand they recognize. They know it's safe. Think they realize such a thing as TNA exists? Not a fucking chance. If their kid did happen upon Impact on TV, think their parents are going to spend money on that ghetto-looking shit? No. Fucking. Way.
So basically, I'm not telling you to do anything. You want to watch WWE in the hopes of gleaning the few good bits of grain you can? Go ahead. Just don't waste your time getting all red-faced and stomping a mudhole in your TV. Realize, nothing's going to change. You want to make a statement and show WWE how fed up you are? Then take your consumer dollars elsewhere. I personally don't think it will make a difference but maybe it will improve your blood-pressure and that alone will be worth it.
Who knows? Maybe enough people WILL turn away and WWE will finally get the message and start to take some risks and improve the level of creativity. But in the meantime, THAT is the state of the business and no one is going to lay it out any better. What you choose to do with the knowledge is up to you.
And that's the last word, peeps. Now it's time to make your voice heard. WWE may not be willing to listen. But here, your opinion actually matters. So.......DISCUSS!
{The Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling is mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Review In The Raw 1/7/13: Punk Rocks!
Segment 1
-Glad Cena started the show, because despite their efforts to remind us of his presence by replaying his victory, by the time the show was over, his involvement with this episode had thankfully faded into my subconscious.
-I know Cena sells merch and tickets and this crowd in Tampa, FL was living proof of that, but I just don't like his current schtick. It doesn't entertain me. In fact, it gets on my damn nerves. But if WWE's trying to make money, they're doing the right thing by keeping Cena in the spotlight in a way in which the "Universe" seems to approve of. I just think there are better ways to accomplish the same goal.
-AJ has been stripped of all her charm and is now just a bland, vindictive bitch.
-I believe there are ways to make Dolph more marketable but some guys, like Cena, don't have to try, so I guess Dolph should be thankful for whatever breaks he gets in his career.
-Despite the crowd happily lapping up this opening segment, in reality it was all excruciatingly lame and the only payoff was yet another Ziggler loss to Cena.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 2
-Cena vs. Dolph, Part One. Not that these two can't have a good match, I'm just tired of seeing it.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 3
-The referee throwing the managers out routine seems to be making quite the comeback.
-Not one, but TWO terrific counters by Ziggler that should've resulted in him getting the win.
-Crowd is teeming with marks who were perfectly happy with the result despite the piss-poor psychology. Had Cena scored more near falls, it might have been easier to stomach, but Ziggler pushes him to the absolute limit and can't win, then gets beat with ONE Attitude Adjustment after taking very little punishment in the match makes him look like a human matchstick. I get that Cena HAS to win, but the execution was just insulting.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 4
-I was against Eve's heel turn last year because I didn't think she had the acting chops to pull it off but she has proven me wrong. She still can't wrestle worth a damn though.
-I haven't been impressed with Kaitlyn until now. She did a good job of carrying the action.
-I know the crowd could care less about the divas, but that's WWE's fault for always presenting them as an afterthought. This match was decent, it put value on the Divas Championship, it sold both competitors, and it built to a future match. No complaints.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 5
-Everything Wade said in his backstage segment with Santino and Steamboat was accurate. The Intercontinental title has meant more since he won it than it has in a couple of years.
-Orton is so insanely over with the marks, especially in this crowd.
-I applaud Daniel Bryan for not letting them take away his "Yes" chant completely. It's a shame though when you consider how crazy popular it used to be.
-This segment was all filler. Part of the problem with a three-hour show.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 6
-Crowd just wasn't into this tag match between Team Hell No and Team Rhodes Scholars. Not sure if it's the fact that it seems like it's happened too many times already, or that they forget that Team Hell No actually wrestle and are the tag champs because they're used to seeing them in cheesy backstage skits.
-Bryan, of course, has to eat the pin.
-As much as I like everyone involved in this match, it just failed to capture my interest.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 7
-I don't mind Randy Orton going over Heath Slater in this type of environment because it's what I call a "cheap pop" match. 3MB furthered their role as cheating losers and Orton is still, Orton.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 8
-I don't understand, if Barrett was going to be booked to get a strong win in his match with Santino, why wasn't he given an intro? Granted, his music sucks (and maybe that's why) but he's the champ. And little things like that go a long way in establishing him in the minds of the fans.
-I would actually love to see Ricky Steamboat come back as a babyface manager.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 9
-Crowd popped huge for Antonio Cesaro's win over Khali and rightfully so.
-Miz has thrown away all of his potential in his new role as a babyface. What was once a strength, his talking, has become his biggest weakness.
-Khali is a human punchline, but he got Cesaro over which is what he was out there to do.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 10
-Nothing wrong with this match. It was decent action and a fun win for Sheamus, but it felt a little like overkill having two squashes involving 3MB on the same show.
-The crowd, bless their widdle hearts, stayed with the match and that kept it from becoming a total snoozefest.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 11
-First half of the TLC match. Nothing spectacular, but solid action.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 12
-As with their Hell In A Cell championship match, I felt like the TLC between Punk and Ryback should've been better. By the time the show ended, it was almost as if this match didn't happen. For a TLC championship match, that's not a good thing.
-Still, it wasn't terrible so I guess it gets a plus.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 13
-The Team Hell No segment was childish but it keeps their "momentum" going and now fans have something to look forwad to with Dr. Shelby returning next week.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 14
-The Big Show squashing Kofi was basically filler on a show like this but it was memorable filler. I like Show being built up as a monster. Unfortunately, the result of Friday's Smackdown, which is actually Tuesday's Smackdown have since been reported and this "monster" was apparently stopped by Alberto Del Rio of all people, and in a Last Man Standing match of all things. But at the time, I didn't know that so, this match was fine for what it was intended to be.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 15
[Author's Note: Here's where I plan to rant a little. I tried to keep the review brief on purpose until now because CM Punk's "pipe bomb" has had a lot of people talking since Monday and I've been itching to give my take on what really happened.]
-CM Punk's promo was exactly that, a promo. It wasn't a shoot, or a work, or even a pipe bomb. It was a wrestling promo designed to solicit a particular response from the crowd. And it accomplished exactly what WWE and CM Punk, and even the Rock, wanted it to accomplish.
-What were CM Punk's goals going out for that promo on Monday night?
1) Make people care about him.
2) Make himself a threat to the Rock.
3) Sell tickets to the Royal Rumble and pay-per-view buys.
-Now let's examine how he was able to accomplish these three things.
1) While Punk has been the company's top heel for the past few months, working a program with the Rock is a whole other ball game. Until now, these two have always been viewed as being in entirely different leagues. It's one thing for John Cena to challenge "The Great One" but CM Punk? Get real, kid! You're just a lame duck keeping the WWE title warm until it's time to have Cena win it back, right?
All true, until Monday night. Punk hasn't created a "buzz" since his "pipe bomb" two summers ago in Las Vegas. With his "shoot" comments, he took himself out of the regular roster of Superstars and made himself someone who transcended the WWE, just like the Rock did when he made it big in Hollywood. The same thing happened on Monday. All of a sudden, CM Punk is no longer just a wrestler following the script but he's some kind of renengade, he's a real person who is speaking his mind.
Whether he actually believes what he was saying or not doesn't matter. It accomplished what it was supposed to accomplish. It set CM Punk apart from the rest of the WWE roster and made him more than just a wrestler. Which gave him gave him the clout and the stanind he needed to challenge the Almight Rock.
2) While Punk hasn't been on a roll lately as far as clean, convincing wins, the fact that he dared to make "shoot" comments and "pull back the curtain" makes him a "loose cannon." And a loose cannon is capable of anything. This makes him dangerous, and a threat to the Almighty Rock.
He and the Rock bolstered this by reminding us of when he laid out Dwayne on the 1000th episode of Raw and with other standard "tough guy" talk. But the point is, the guy who has never been able to cleanly beat John Cena has gotten us to at least entertain the notion that he can find a way to defeat one of the few people who has.
3) After the Rock went through his opening monologue, it was critical that CM Punk come back strong. The importance of Phil Brooks not falling flat and simply rolling over for the transcendent Dwayne Johnson cannot be stressed enough. If he had fizzled in his rebuttal, accomplishing the first two goals would have all been for naught.
But not only did Phil Brooks not roll over for Dwayne Johnson, CM Punk smashed the Rock's fast ball in a line drive right back at his head and got off a line that everyone will still remember come next Monday and mark my words, will be replayed multiple times before this angle it finished. And most importantly, he accomplished the one and only goal of the entire segment: Sell. This. Match.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 16
-During the Slammy episode of Raw, the Rock won an award for something (I can't remember what) and of course, he wasn't there to receive it and the crowd booed vociferously. And while watching this I remember writing in my notepad, the crowd may boo the Rock every time he's not there, but these same people will cheer and chant when he is there.
Point being, "The Rock" Dwayne Johnson is a big effing deal in professional wrestling. It's the importance of leaving on a high note and establishing a legacy and going on to accomplish bigger and better things. We as fans may try to belittle the Rock's involvement in anything current in WWE, but to Vince, Hunter, Stephanie, Linda, and the board of directors, he may as well be Midas (the legendary figure from Greek mythology whose touch could turn anything into gold, not the oil change place, ya rednecks!).
But just like it was important for Punk to come back with a strong response to the Rock's dog-and-pony show, it was equally important for the Rock to close out strong. He was clearly rattled by Punk's memorable rebuttal, but he got his revenge with an equally memorable response and punctuated it with perfectly-timed Rock Bottom that seemed to bring the roof off the freaking place.
It was the kind of set-up to a big match that gave you goosebumps and reminded you of what makes wrestling so unique and so much fun. You're never going to see anything that cool in at a UFC weigh-in so shut your mouth about wrestling losing fans to "real fighting." This is theater. This is art. And the two artists who were in the ring on Monday night worked together in perfect harmony to produce a masterpiece that should be appreciated for what it was, not twisted into something it wasn't (I'm looking at YOU, Billy Graham...the wrestler, not the evangelist).
Last Word: PLUS +
FINAL TALLY: 10 PLUS, 6 MINUS
Don't read too much into this final score. I expected them to book a strong show for the Rock's return.
My chief complaints:
- John Cena. It's not just that he's bland and annoying and wrestles like shit....well, come to think of it, yeah, that's exactly what it is.
- The misuse of talent. AJ and Dolph could be doing so much more. But I guess there can only be one top program and right now, it's Punk and the Rock so at least they're not completely irrelevant. Remember, Dolph was once teammates with this guy...
My chief points of praise:
-Antonio Cesaro. Apart from the segment with Punk and the Rock, his Neutralizer on Khali will be the one thing most people remember about this show.
-The final two segments with CM Punk and the Rock was as good as any pre-match build up segment there has ever been. It may not go down in history with other memorable moments like Jake "The Snake" Roberts DDT'ing Ricky Steamboat on the concrete floor, or the "Macho Man" Randy Savage crushing Steamboat's larynx with the ring bell (boy, poor Steamboat had his ass handed to him back in the day, huh?), but as far as mic work is concerned, it was as good, perhaps better, than anything I remember seeing in twenty-eight years as a fan.
I've rambled on enough. I'll be watching the Royal Rumble and you should too if you're a fan at all. I consider myself old-school and hard to please and despite my ability to break a segment down and analyze it for what it really is, I'm still a fan at heart who wants to mark out for wrestling done right. And that's what I was treated to Monday night by CM Punk and the Rock. Whether of not they can keep it going reamins to be seen, but for now, I'm going to allow myself to enjoy it. In a wresting landscape filled with watered-down pop radio garbage, it was nice to get a little Punk-Rock to remind you how much fun wrestling can be. Now, last one into the mosh pit wears his sister's Doc Martens!
That's the last word, bitches. Discuss!
{"Handsome" Dan Lopez is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Breaking the Smack Down: 01-04-13
Haven't watched Raw in two weeks because the holidays had me busy. Haven't watched Smackdown in a couple of months just because I was trying to make an effort to stay current on Raw and after three hours of WWE programming, finding time in my life for another two just wasn't a top priority.
Which is unfortunate because prior to my decision to watch Raw regularly, I actually felt like Smackdown was the better show. And after catching this week's episode, my feelings haven't changed.
Segment 1. Superstar Tag Match Main Event Booking 101
-I'm sure WWE could always use the excuse "well we had other plans and the General Manager decide to change things at the last minute" when it comes to these opening booking segments, but how many times does this need to happen? And what purpose does it serve? Cheap pops from the live crowd? What is the television audience getting out of it? I'll tell ya! NOTHING!
-Randy Orton is over. More over than Sheamus, that's for sure. Which is unfortunate because I think Sheamus is the more entertaining wrestler. I still feel like they've done him a disservice with the way he's been booked.
-The banter between the two faces was pretty weak. Thankfully the Big Show came out to right the ship. The whole segment ultimately fell flat for me but I've been really impressed with Big Show as the heel champ. He's finally being booked strong and it's paying off.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 2. The Three-Man Bland
-3MB could've been done so much better. There's nothing wrong with the concept, just the execution and I think that's not only the fault of the people who are writing, or rather not writing, their skits, but also the fault of the performers. Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre are terrible. They can't act to save their lives, and say what you want to but wrestling is acting. Their overreactions to everything that happened during this segment were painful to watch.
-The one positive was that there was some semblence of a storyline with 3MB wanting revenge against Miz for insulting them during MizTV. As if being on MizTV wasn't enough of an insult.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 3. Didn't Miz the Mark
-This turned out to be a decent match which both guys needed because their current career direction killed any momentum they had.
-Nice to see Miz get a clean win as a face and he seems to have found a schtick that works in which he points to a section of the crowd and they yell, "AWESOME!" He just needs to sustain this and not allow himself to get embarrassed in any future segments. Roddy Piper in the late 80s, early 90s had his share of significant moments despite not being great in the ring, and not being in the main event. Miz is in a similar spot now with this TV show. Despite the scripted nature of WWE TV, I doubt they could stop him from ad-libbing and as long as he makes it entertaining, he could stay relevant at the midcard level which is really all he can ask for at this point.
-Heath Slater is a tremendous worker who would be better served on his own. But he's being used in the ring and in small angles that could easily be turned into something more should he need to be given a push in the future. There are worse positions to be in in the current WWE.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 4. Can't Keep A Good Man Down
-Talent CANNOT be suppressed. We all complain about what's happened to Zack Ryder, and none of us as loudly as Zack himself. But the truth is, Zack is marginally talented at best. Wade Barrett on the other hand, is a supremely talented individual. He's arguably the best talker in wrestling right now and is as good as anyone in the ring. I have NO DOUBT that he will one day be a top heel in WWE.
-I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact that they chose to do pre-match promos and build anticipation for a secondary title that has meant so little until Wade began to challenge for it.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 5. Let The Sleeping Giant Lie
-JBL on commentary is the only thing that could make a Khali match watchable.
-So two guys, Primo and Epico, who actually have talent and can wrestle and put on an excellent match, are forced to job out to two nearly immobile freaks and for what? Is this really what WWE thinks their fans want to see? It's stuff like this that make me feel ashamed to admit that I watch professional wrestling. My wife actually walked in during this segment and I felt the need to apoligize. And I did! This was just an embarrasment on every level and WWE, Vince McMahon, Linda's dog, Stephanie's boobs, and Triple H's nose should all be ashamed of themselves.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 6. The Concept of Overkill Nearly Proven
-Kofi's over, unfortunately. I guess wrestling needs babyfaces like Kofi Kingston so in that respect, he plays his role well. I've just always been partial to heels so whenever I see Kofi jumping around like a sixth grader it makes me want to kick him in the Kingstones.
-Wade needs new music. For the love of Kate's baby, get this man some new music!!
-The first half of this match suffered from a severe case of "been there, seen that". How many times have these two wrestled each other on TV now? I know it's gotten to the point where I am now beating that dead horse's ghost, but this shit needs to stop. THERE'S TOO MUCH WWE ON MY TV!!!!
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 7. That (Should've) Been All, Folks!
-Wade Barrett has single-handedly made the Intercontinental Title important again. How? By VALUING it. He hasn't talked about it as a stepping stone. He kisses it the way Bret Hart used to kiss the WWF Championship. I don't know if there has been a concerted effort on the part of the writers, bookers, announcers, etc., but the fact that the I-C title is important has been effectively communicated to this fan. I can't rave enough about how marvelous that is in the present WWE culture.
-Despite having seen this match so many times, terrific pacing by the wrestlers, and good psychology had me watching intently and emotionally invested (I don't read spoilers because I'm a better fan without them). And to top it all off, THE RIGHT GUY WON with a creative finish and it was CLEAN! It's stuff like this that made me a fan in the first place. Keep your circus, you out-of-touch, condescending twats, and give me WRESTLING!
-My only complaint is, the show should've ended. That should've been the main event. Nothing that followed even came close to approaching this performance and by featuring "bigger names" in what amounted to a throwaway, meaningless tag match you devalue the entire product. Again, I know the logistics, I just appreciate the value of a refined product and I think WWE is missing the boat in this regard.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 8. Diva'd If You Do, Diva'd If You Don't
-The match between Tamina and Layla was short and lackluster. Tamina won but none of it matters. According to this interview recently conducted with Michelle McCool, Divas are punished when they get "too good" in the ring, so what's the point of me investing any interest in them? They're either going to suck because they have no talent, or the ones that do will be told to suck on purpose. Just so incredibly disappointing. Not because I'm a huge fan of female wrestling, but just because I believe that there is money to be made with it that WWE seems content to leave laying on the table.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 9. Hard to Rebound After That
-Like I said, I didn't watch Raw and apparently I didn't miss much if the atrocity that was Dolph Ziggler and AJ's New Year's toast was such a highlight that it was chosen for the Raw Rebound (wasn't it called "Rewind"? Oh well, does it really matter?)
-So Dolph and AJ are the new Edge and Vickie. How blatantly unoriginal.
-The point behind all of this seems to have been to give John Cena a foil to work off of while he bides his time until WrestleMania and a rematch with The Rock. I guess it's working for the majority of the "Universe" but seeing as how I HATE John Cena and I LIKE Dolph Ziggler and AJ, this whole angle can get buried in cement next to Paul Bearer and I wouldn't miss it.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 10. Caution: Pedestrian Main Event In Progress
-Boring, paint-by-number action in the first half of this "Main Event".
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 11. Who Is This "Fella" Anyway?
-Why does Sheamus yell "Fella" all the time? I get that he's Irish but do I need to be reminded before every big move that he does? This is part of his booking that I believe has held him back. Or maybe he came up with it on his own, in which case, he's as out of touch as the WWE creative team. Drop it already, you pasty Paddy!
-Orton "going rogue" makes sense so props for that. But it would've meant more if the match wasn't so unspectacular.
Last Word: MINUS -
FINAL TALLY: FOUR PLUS +, SEVEN MINUS -
With such a lopsided score in favor of the negative, why would I contend that Smackdown is superior to Raw? Let me address that as we examine...
My chief complaints:
-Bookend segments featuring main event players that were cliche' and uninteresting. Fine for the live crowd but not for TV.
-Embarrassing segments like the Khali/Hornswoggle debacle make it hard to even admit being a fan.
My chief points of praise:
-It's only a two-hour show. I'd prefer ninety minutes but when the main event was over and I felt like I just couldn't stand to watch anymore, the show ended. Had this been Raw, I would've had a whole other hour to sit through.
-The entire Wade Barrett-Kofi Kingston Intercontinental title storyline. This is has been hands-down the best thing WWE has done in the past six months.
So there you have it. Knowing I'm going to be subjected to a mostly crap product, I'd prefer less of it. Not too complicated, right?
It's a shame that when it comes to watching wrestling I as a fan am forced into the position of choosing between the lesser of two evils but that's the sad state of the WWE right now.
What would I have done differently?
-The show would only be an hour and half first of all.
-That would enable me to eliminate some segments completely like the "Raw Rebound" (anyone who's watching Smackdown is already watching Raw and remembers what happened just four days ago) and the Khali/Hornswoggle disaster.
-I would eliminate the main event players from the TV show completely. They could've done those segments for the live audience to get them fired up (telling them they're getting an exclusive impromptu main event that won't be aired on TV would be more thrilling I would think than telling them they're going to be subjected to a run-of-the-mill bullshit tag match hampered by TV time limits and commercial breaks but what the fuck do I know, right?) but letting the TV show end with the Barrett-Kofi match would've been fine by me and perfectly acceptable from a booking standpoint. Seeing the main event guys every fucking week devalues their presence and makes it less special. Less is more.
-Instead of humiliating a quality team like Primo and Epico, why not give them a match against another quality team like the Usos?
-And instead of a meaningless two-minute match between the divas, how about give them a little time to work with and give the fans a chance to invest some emotion in them?
That's what I would do anyway. But I'm just a fan. Some might go so far as to call me a mark. But I like to think that I've got my eye on the ball when it comes to wrestling. I would want to make money just like the WWE wants to do. And giving talented, entertaining individuals more air time would generate more interest in the product and willingness to spend money on things pertaining to it like merchandise and pay-per-views.
But again, what do I know? I'm only the Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling.
Now THAT, is the last word, assholes. Post a comment and tell your friends about what we're doing here. Then tell them to post a comment. What I'm trying to say is.............DISCUSS!
{"Handsome" Dan Lopez is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Drawing The Right Conclusions
I've written on this subject before but what bears "peating" bears repeating. (Check out my previous post "Why WWE Isn't Going Anywhere")
Two things provoked me to spend time on this subject again:
1) Members of the Internet Wrestling Community (a term which if you are familiar with me at all, you know I despise) once again proclaiming the imminent demise of World Wrestling Entertainment thanks to low television ratings, pay-per-view buyrates, and poor arena attendance.
2) This video of a shoot interview with Bobby Heenan that I watched a few days ago.
Before we really get the discussion rolling, here are a couple of references that I encourage you to check out either before, during, or after our little discussion as a way to help us all maintain the proper perspective:
- Raw ratings from September 1995 to June 2010
- Revenue reports for 2012 from WWE's Corporate website
Not going to spend a lot of time trying to convince you that WWE is NOT the Titanic sinking fast. I don't think I can put together a more comprehensive argument for that than the one I've already presented in my previous post linked above.
But what I would like to spend time on is what "The Brain" had to say in his shoot interview.
From the reference links above TWO things can be positively determined:
1) Television ratings for Monday Night Raw, currently parked in the 2.7 - 3.0 range, are as low as they were in the company's "darkest days" just prior to the Attitude Era (1995-1997), when they were on the verge of "financial peril" according to Vince McMahon's own testimony.
2) World Wrestling Entertainment is not anywhere close to "financial peril" today. They are consistently turning over a handsome profit in spite of waning interest in the current product.
With these two things in mind, I want to refer to the Bobby Heenan interview where "Brain" emphasizes over and over again the importance of being able to "draw money." For example, after singing the Dynamite Kid's praises as an athlete and a wrestler, the host asks if Dynamite is "the greatest wrestler of all-time." To which Heenan responds, "The greatest of all-time is the guy who draws the most money."
This is just one example. He gives several and it really helped me get a grip on the whole "mark" controversy.
Wrestling fans usually don't mind being called "marks" but I'm afraid few of us understand what it really means. What wrestling do not like is being called "mark" in a dismissive way.
But if the truth be told, if we all had a better understanding of what a "mark" is, we'd have to admit that sometimes, more often than not, we're all a bunch a fucking marks and deserve the type of treatment we get.
I'm not saying "all the time" but most of the time, we wrestling fans draw inaccurate conclusions about how the wrestling business works.
Read that again. The wrestling BUSINESS. And just like any BUSINESS, the one and only, end-all, be-all purpose is to DRAW MONEY.
We all know part of Bobby Heenan's schtick as a legendary heel manager was his "hatred" for Hulk Hogan. Yet during his shoot interview, Bobby goes out of his way to defend Hogan against his detractors.
Why? Because Hulk Hogan DRAWS MONEY.
I applied this logic to myself in this way: once upon a time, I had dreams of becoming a professional wrestler but life, as it sometimes does, got in the way. I had responsibilities that put that dream on permanent hold status.
However, if I had attended a wrestling school at that time (we're talking 1999 or so; shortly after I graduated high school) my goal would probably have been to be the best professional wrestler I could become.
But according to Bobby Heenan, a legend with decades of experience in the business, what is the criteria for being considered the greatest of all-time? DRAWING MONEY.
That's the difference. A mark like me thinks, "I have to be THE BEST" without even realizing what it means to be THE BEST in professional wrestling.
Being THE BEST means DRAWING THE MOST MONEY. That's it. It's literally that simple.
This is why wrestlers develop a certain disdain for fans, or marks. Because a mark will come up to them and say some stupid shit like "You can't wrestle" or "So-and-so is way better than you" without realizing how stupid something like that sounds.
If "So-and-so" is having great matches all across the country, but in high school gymnasiums in front of twenty people, it doesn't matter how fucking "good" he is. The musclebound clod who can barley chain two moves together is the better wrestler because he's the one that's DRAWING MONEY.
Get it now?
I know, I know, it's hard to free ourselves from the mindset of what we see in the ring and how entertaining it is and using that as our basis for comparison. But it's the difference between being a fan, and someone who is involved in the business.
And it's the difference between being dismissed as a mark, and being able to intelligently discuss someone's profession with them.
I'm not saying what takes place in the ring doesn't matter. Of course it does. But that isn't the measuring stick for those involved in the business. Those involved in the business realize that the measuring stick is what perpetuates the business and having a great match isn't it.
What perpetuates the business is DRAWING MONEY.
This is why we see things on our TV that sometimes we don't understand as fans. And it's why we sometimes don't see the things that we would like to see. The people in charge are only interested in DRAWING MONEY and using personnel in the best way to optimize their ability to DRAW MONEY.
In the post linked at the beginning ("Why WWE Isn't Going Anywhere") I mentioned a program that Hulk Hogan was supposed to work in the 80's with Jake "The Snake" Roberts during the height of Hulkamania when Jake was still a heel. The angle was supposed to kick off during Roberts' interview segment The Snake Pit, where he was going to DDT Hogan on the concrete floor.
When Jake did this however, instead of the crowd booing him out of the building for beating up their hero, they cheered. In Jake's own words, this was "the wrong reaction." According to him, when he got backstage, even Vince McMahon said "you've got rotten luck!"
Why? Because as the heel, Jake's desire was to DRAW MONEY by working with the babyface in shows all across the country. Well, if fans were going to be divided when they worked together and CHEER FOR THE HEEL, the angle wasn't going to work and it wasn't going to DRAW MONEY.
Now, a mark might say, "A babyface Jake Roberts versus a heel Hulk Hogan in the 80s would've been AWESOME!" A mark has the luxury to think that way. But the business owner, the bookers, the people in charge have to think about the Big Picture and keep their eye on the goal which is, to DRAW MONEY.
I know I keep beating that horse into the ground, but the point needs to be made. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss and I'd be better off screaming my head off like any other mark and losing myself in the illusion. But I actually don't have a problem doing that even with a better understanding of the business. I prefer to be informed. I prefer to sound intelligent when I speak about the things I'm passionate about, like wrestling.
Fans of movies, even obsessed fans, like those who love the Twilight series, are not as bad as wrestling marks. They don't call Taylor Lautner "Jacob" when they meet him or suggest that his brothers are better at "morphing" than he is. How ridiculous would that be? How might Taylor Lautner respond to such outright lunacy?
Yet we wrestling marks insist that the PERFORMERS that we watch week-in and week-out humor us when he say shit like, "Chris Benoit deserved to be champion way more than you did" or "Dude, you should've won that last match!" Honestly, no wonder they try to avoid us. That would get old real fast!
Wrestling IS unique in the sense that you watch the PERFORMERS put on their SHOW right in front of you. And many times, they'll interact with you IN CHARACTER during the PERFORMANCE (all this emphasis is deliberate, by the way). So it is easy to lose yourself in the illusion probably more so than any other form of entertainment, which is I love it and believe wrestling to be the single greatest form of entertainment in the world. The fact that there are so many marks in the world is proof of how this industry has excelled at what they do.
I would rather go to a wrestling event than to a "real" sporting event. I would rather go to a wrestling show than a Broadway show. I would rather go to a wrestling show than go the movies. Wrestling, when done right, is the end-all, be-all of entertainment in my opinion.
But we have to realize that these men and women are simply PLAYING A ROLE. And once the performance is over, they're real people with real names, families, hobbies, interests, etc. I'm sure just like any performer they appreciate fans who love their performance. But when the line between PERFORMANCE ART and REALITY become blurred that's when things get creepy.
Can a wrestling fan express an opinion about what he believes will DRAW MONEY? I think so, obviously. I do it here every week. But I've increasingly tried to keep my opinions out of the realm of a blind mark's rantings and instead, take the approach of someone whose goal is to perpetuate the product by DRAWING MONEY.
So go ahead, you marks, book your own shows, speculate, rant and rave about the things you hate and the things you'd like to see! No harm in that. But do yourself a favor and at least try to sound intelligent. Try to understand how the business works if you're going to comment on it. We'll never understand it fully as fans because we're not in it. But we can all make an honest effort.
For example, just to apply all this wisdom to the current WWE product, I think they've done a good job recently of booking their top talent like Ryback, and some of the midcard talent like Damien Sandow and Antonio Cesaro. But I do think they haven't done as well with the divas' division or their tag teams. I believe there is money to be made there and they are doing themselves, the performers, and the business a disservice by not focusing more on these areas and booking a better product. That's not a blind mark's ramblings. That's looking at it realistically from the standpoint of what's best for business and DRAWING MONEY.
Would I like to see WWE throw caution to the wind and book whatever would be "cool?" Sure I would. But I understand that it's important to keep someone like John Cena on top. He DRAWS MONEY. Maybe not the bucketfuls that others have drawn in the past. But he provides a steady source of income and I can see how a business owner, would be hesitant to risk that by changing his character.
That doesn't mean I don't think there are better ways to use John Cena and still DRAW MONEY. I certainly believe that there are. So I'll rant about that. That's not being a mark. That's just being a fan.
So to tie all this together, how has this knowledge changed me? Am I still The Smartest Man Not Currently Involved In Wrestling (trademark, Sonnnnnnnn!)? Of course!
I've been changed in this sense, were I to enter a wrestling school today with visions of fulfilling my dream, my goal would still be the same. I would still want to become the greatest wrestler I could be, but instead of asking my instructors to "teach me to be a great wrestler," I would ask them "teach me how to draw money."
That's the secret to success in professional wrestling. For some, it's having great matches. For others, it's finding the right gimmick. For others still, it's a combination of the two, or something entirely different altogether. But the goal remains the same.
So quit making yourself look stupid. Be a mark, but know what the fuck you're talking about. And that'll help you draw the right conclusions.
That's the last word for now, phreaks and phalluses. Until next time, and I mean this...........DISCUSS!!!!!!!!
[The Smartest Man Not Currently Involved In Wrestling is mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.]
Two things provoked me to spend time on this subject again:
1) Members of the Internet Wrestling Community (a term which if you are familiar with me at all, you know I despise) once again proclaiming the imminent demise of World Wrestling Entertainment thanks to low television ratings, pay-per-view buyrates, and poor arena attendance.
2) This video of a shoot interview with Bobby Heenan that I watched a few days ago.
Before we really get the discussion rolling, here are a couple of references that I encourage you to check out either before, during, or after our little discussion as a way to help us all maintain the proper perspective:
- Raw ratings from September 1995 to June 2010
- Revenue reports for 2012 from WWE's Corporate website
Not going to spend a lot of time trying to convince you that WWE is NOT the Titanic sinking fast. I don't think I can put together a more comprehensive argument for that than the one I've already presented in my previous post linked above.
But what I would like to spend time on is what "The Brain" had to say in his shoot interview.
From the reference links above TWO things can be positively determined:
1) Television ratings for Monday Night Raw, currently parked in the 2.7 - 3.0 range, are as low as they were in the company's "darkest days" just prior to the Attitude Era (1995-1997), when they were on the verge of "financial peril" according to Vince McMahon's own testimony.
2) World Wrestling Entertainment is not anywhere close to "financial peril" today. They are consistently turning over a handsome profit in spite of waning interest in the current product.
With these two things in mind, I want to refer to the Bobby Heenan interview where "Brain" emphasizes over and over again the importance of being able to "draw money." For example, after singing the Dynamite Kid's praises as an athlete and a wrestler, the host asks if Dynamite is "the greatest wrestler of all-time." To which Heenan responds, "The greatest of all-time is the guy who draws the most money."
This is just one example. He gives several and it really helped me get a grip on the whole "mark" controversy.
Wrestling fans usually don't mind being called "marks" but I'm afraid few of us understand what it really means. What wrestling do not like is being called "mark" in a dismissive way.
But if the truth be told, if we all had a better understanding of what a "mark" is, we'd have to admit that sometimes, more often than not, we're all a bunch a fucking marks and deserve the type of treatment we get.
I'm not saying "all the time" but most of the time, we wrestling fans draw inaccurate conclusions about how the wrestling business works.
Read that again. The wrestling BUSINESS. And just like any BUSINESS, the one and only, end-all, be-all purpose is to DRAW MONEY.
We all know part of Bobby Heenan's schtick as a legendary heel manager was his "hatred" for Hulk Hogan. Yet during his shoot interview, Bobby goes out of his way to defend Hogan against his detractors.
Why? Because Hulk Hogan DRAWS MONEY.
I applied this logic to myself in this way: once upon a time, I had dreams of becoming a professional wrestler but life, as it sometimes does, got in the way. I had responsibilities that put that dream on permanent hold status.
However, if I had attended a wrestling school at that time (we're talking 1999 or so; shortly after I graduated high school) my goal would probably have been to be the best professional wrestler I could become.
But according to Bobby Heenan, a legend with decades of experience in the business, what is the criteria for being considered the greatest of all-time? DRAWING MONEY.
That's the difference. A mark like me thinks, "I have to be THE BEST" without even realizing what it means to be THE BEST in professional wrestling.
Being THE BEST means DRAWING THE MOST MONEY. That's it. It's literally that simple.
This is why wrestlers develop a certain disdain for fans, or marks. Because a mark will come up to them and say some stupid shit like "You can't wrestle" or "So-and-so is way better than you" without realizing how stupid something like that sounds.
If "So-and-so" is having great matches all across the country, but in high school gymnasiums in front of twenty people, it doesn't matter how fucking "good" he is. The musclebound clod who can barley chain two moves together is the better wrestler because he's the one that's DRAWING MONEY.
Get it now?
I know, I know, it's hard to free ourselves from the mindset of what we see in the ring and how entertaining it is and using that as our basis for comparison. But it's the difference between being a fan, and someone who is involved in the business.
And it's the difference between being dismissed as a mark, and being able to intelligently discuss someone's profession with them.
I'm not saying what takes place in the ring doesn't matter. Of course it does. But that isn't the measuring stick for those involved in the business. Those involved in the business realize that the measuring stick is what perpetuates the business and having a great match isn't it.
What perpetuates the business is DRAWING MONEY.
This is why we see things on our TV that sometimes we don't understand as fans. And it's why we sometimes don't see the things that we would like to see. The people in charge are only interested in DRAWING MONEY and using personnel in the best way to optimize their ability to DRAW MONEY.
In the post linked at the beginning ("Why WWE Isn't Going Anywhere") I mentioned a program that Hulk Hogan was supposed to work in the 80's with Jake "The Snake" Roberts during the height of Hulkamania when Jake was still a heel. The angle was supposed to kick off during Roberts' interview segment The Snake Pit, where he was going to DDT Hogan on the concrete floor.
When Jake did this however, instead of the crowd booing him out of the building for beating up their hero, they cheered. In Jake's own words, this was "the wrong reaction." According to him, when he got backstage, even Vince McMahon said "you've got rotten luck!"
Why? Because as the heel, Jake's desire was to DRAW MONEY by working with the babyface in shows all across the country. Well, if fans were going to be divided when they worked together and CHEER FOR THE HEEL, the angle wasn't going to work and it wasn't going to DRAW MONEY.
Now, a mark might say, "A babyface Jake Roberts versus a heel Hulk Hogan in the 80s would've been AWESOME!" A mark has the luxury to think that way. But the business owner, the bookers, the people in charge have to think about the Big Picture and keep their eye on the goal which is, to DRAW MONEY.
I know I keep beating that horse into the ground, but the point needs to be made. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss and I'd be better off screaming my head off like any other mark and losing myself in the illusion. But I actually don't have a problem doing that even with a better understanding of the business. I prefer to be informed. I prefer to sound intelligent when I speak about the things I'm passionate about, like wrestling.
Fans of movies, even obsessed fans, like those who love the Twilight series, are not as bad as wrestling marks. They don't call Taylor Lautner "Jacob" when they meet him or suggest that his brothers are better at "morphing" than he is. How ridiculous would that be? How might Taylor Lautner respond to such outright lunacy?
Yet we wrestling marks insist that the PERFORMERS that we watch week-in and week-out humor us when he say shit like, "Chris Benoit deserved to be champion way more than you did" or "Dude, you should've won that last match!" Honestly, no wonder they try to avoid us. That would get old real fast!
Wrestling IS unique in the sense that you watch the PERFORMERS put on their SHOW right in front of you. And many times, they'll interact with you IN CHARACTER during the PERFORMANCE (all this emphasis is deliberate, by the way). So it is easy to lose yourself in the illusion probably more so than any other form of entertainment, which is I love it and believe wrestling to be the single greatest form of entertainment in the world. The fact that there are so many marks in the world is proof of how this industry has excelled at what they do.
I would rather go to a wrestling event than to a "real" sporting event. I would rather go to a wrestling show than a Broadway show. I would rather go to a wrestling show than go the movies. Wrestling, when done right, is the end-all, be-all of entertainment in my opinion.
But we have to realize that these men and women are simply PLAYING A ROLE. And once the performance is over, they're real people with real names, families, hobbies, interests, etc. I'm sure just like any performer they appreciate fans who love their performance. But when the line between PERFORMANCE ART and REALITY become blurred that's when things get creepy.
Can a wrestling fan express an opinion about what he believes will DRAW MONEY? I think so, obviously. I do it here every week. But I've increasingly tried to keep my opinions out of the realm of a blind mark's rantings and instead, take the approach of someone whose goal is to perpetuate the product by DRAWING MONEY.
So go ahead, you marks, book your own shows, speculate, rant and rave about the things you hate and the things you'd like to see! No harm in that. But do yourself a favor and at least try to sound intelligent. Try to understand how the business works if you're going to comment on it. We'll never understand it fully as fans because we're not in it. But we can all make an honest effort.
For example, just to apply all this wisdom to the current WWE product, I think they've done a good job recently of booking their top talent like Ryback, and some of the midcard talent like Damien Sandow and Antonio Cesaro. But I do think they haven't done as well with the divas' division or their tag teams. I believe there is money to be made there and they are doing themselves, the performers, and the business a disservice by not focusing more on these areas and booking a better product. That's not a blind mark's ramblings. That's looking at it realistically from the standpoint of what's best for business and DRAWING MONEY.
Would I like to see WWE throw caution to the wind and book whatever would be "cool?" Sure I would. But I understand that it's important to keep someone like John Cena on top. He DRAWS MONEY. Maybe not the bucketfuls that others have drawn in the past. But he provides a steady source of income and I can see how a business owner, would be hesitant to risk that by changing his character.
That doesn't mean I don't think there are better ways to use John Cena and still DRAW MONEY. I certainly believe that there are. So I'll rant about that. That's not being a mark. That's just being a fan.
So to tie all this together, how has this knowledge changed me? Am I still The Smartest Man Not Currently Involved In Wrestling (trademark, Sonnnnnnnn!)? Of course!
I've been changed in this sense, were I to enter a wrestling school today with visions of fulfilling my dream, my goal would still be the same. I would still want to become the greatest wrestler I could be, but instead of asking my instructors to "teach me to be a great wrestler," I would ask them "teach me how to draw money."
That's the secret to success in professional wrestling. For some, it's having great matches. For others, it's finding the right gimmick. For others still, it's a combination of the two, or something entirely different altogether. But the goal remains the same.
So quit making yourself look stupid. Be a mark, but know what the fuck you're talking about. And that'll help you draw the right conclusions.
That's the last word for now, phreaks and phalluses. Until next time, and I mean this...........DISCUSS!!!!!!!!
[The Smartest Man Not Currently Involved In Wrestling is mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.]
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Review In The Raw 12-10-12: Do not adjust your sets. You HAVE see this all before.
Segment 1. Dolph Ziggler: A Career Retrospective
- How eerily symbolic was Dolph's little demonstration? He does all the work to climb the ladder of success, only to get completely overshadowed by the two big men and be sent toppling back to the ground. Welcome back to reality, Dolph!
- Still not crazy about the way they're booking Sheamus. I wrote a post entitled "Where Have All The Good Guys Gone?" for SPINEBUSTER.com (back when they were still up and running) and may have to recreate it here. The gist of it though was, why does WWE expect us to cheer for hypocritical babyfaces who act like heels? Sheamus is a terrific example of this. He tries to come across as a noble warrior and a hero, yet his entire babyface run has been built on sneak attacks and Pearl Harbor jobs. I have nothing against a babyface employing such tactics, but only if they're honest about it the way "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was. As a fan you were never surprised when he took a short cut to win a match because that's who he was. He was The Rattlesnake. D.T.A., you stupid piece of trash et cetera, et cetera!
Anyhow, before I dwell too long on this subject, just keep that little nugget of truth in the back of your mind because you're going to see it play out as a recurring theme in tonight's show.
- Here's my problem, the purpose of this segment was soley to sell tickets and pay-per-view buys for TLC. As a fan, I don't want to see Sheamus win so why would I want to watch? I wouldn't mind seeing Big Show retain the belt but they already had a very good wrestling match at Hell In A Cell that Show won. Are they really going to top that beating each other with chairs?
I don't want to see Cena win Dolph's MITB briefcase. The only way Dolph will win is if there's interference of some kind so why would I want to watch a match that Ziggler will carry only to end up with a shitty payoff? I don't.
- This is what you call a good ol' fashioned FAIL! To his credit, Big Show was strong on the mic.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 2. Wade gets got.
- Vickie Guerrero is a very good performer. Say what you want about being tired of her but I'm not. She gets a reaction and that's what you want in a wrestling show.
- Normally I wouldn't mind R-Truth getting a "flash" win over Wade Barrett like that but on the Raw before a pay-per-view? Wade is the one that has been built strong on Raw in the weeks leading up to his match at TLC with Kofi. Why have him lose now? This could've been done a couple of weeks ago if you wanted to throw Truth a bone and give him a cheap win. Not a deal-breaker, but a poor decision for sure.
If they were going to have Wade lose, at least follow it up with a backstage interview where he blows off the loss. Or have him attack R-Truth to exact a measure of revenge. ANYTHING just to make him look strong on the way out. Again, if the idea is to sell the pay-per-view, methinks they be going about it all wrong.
- Remember what I said about supposed white meat babyfaces acting like heels? We had another example in Kofi taking a cheap shot on Wade. Kofi, you're the champion. You're the good guy. Why would you jump someone who a) just had a match, b) just lost said match, and c) is at the challenger's disadvantage on Sunday? And why the hell should I be cheering you for doing it? I'm not. Go to hell, Kofi. Or Ghana, West Africa. Whichever's closer.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 3. AJ is a pervert.
- Just when I thought WWE was going to listen to its audience and let the John Cena-AJ romance angle die of natural causes, here they are trying to revive it again. We hate John Cena. We love AJ. We don't want someone we HATE macking on someone we LOVE.
I understand the logic behind trying to keep Cena "in the mix" by involving him with those who are relevant, but I think there are better ways to do that than by forcing an angle on their fans that is clearly going nowhere.
- The tag team fatal four-way was basically a formality.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 4. "CO-DY'S MUS-TACHE!" CLAP! CLAP! CLAP CLAP CLAP!
- Surprised to see Cody back so soon from injury but whoever put the match together did it right. Cody looked tremendous in picking up the win for his team.
- Also give props to whoever had the idea to book the Usos so strong. It always gives cause to us old-schoolers to get optimistic about a resurgence in tag team wrestling when we see a match like this. However, with makeshift teams like Rhodes Scholars, Mysterio & Sin Cara, and Team Hell No in the top spots, not sure there's room for teams like the Usos even though they are clearly over with the fans.
Not that the Usos need to win the Tag Team Titles or anything. But just having them featured more often in matches against the top teams or even Primo and Epico, would be a refreshing break from the norm.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 5. That wave looks familiar. Where have I seen it before?
- Opening narration. Mysterious rogue group attacking members of the roster. And now the princess wave. What else is WWE going to admit that TNA has done right?
It's a great gimmick for a heel ladies' champion. While we're on the subject so is that "photo shoot" routine Eve did at the end of her match with Alicia Fox.
My question is, why can't these ideas be given to a woman who can actually wrestle? I realize Beth Phoenix isn't the glamor puss that Eve is, but she can at least put on a decent match. You mean to tell me these gimmicks wouldn't have worked just as well for her? Maybe Eve is just that ambitious and she's coming up with these things herself but if not, creative needs to quit catering to these Runway Rejects and start investing in women who can actually deliver a payoff once it's time to get in the ring. I still say there's a untapped market of young female fans longing for real female athletes that they can look up to.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 6. More symbolism can't silence the fans.
- Just like the example of Ziggler's ladder toppling over, how about WWE Champion CM Punk having to hobble out on crutches? His entire reign as champion has always seemed a bit hobbled.
One thing that can't be denied though is that CM Punk is over with the fans. He got a resounding ovation with his line "working more days than anyone else." The fans believe it because they see it. In spite of his and Paul Heyman's attempts to insult the fans and play the heel role, I think the fans are smart enough to appreciate that he's in his comfort zone now. I didn't like him either when he was trying to be "Cena Lite" as the babyface champion because it clearly wasn't what he was good at. But fans appreciate a performer playing their role well whether it's as a heel or a face. And right now, fans are appreciating CM Punk.
- Was it just me or did it seem like they cut him off to soon? His promo just seemed to end awkwardly. Still, it was good, and I liked that he started building toward his match with The Rock. That is one I would pay money to see.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 7. Somebody change the CD. It's skipping.
- Sheamus vs. Dolph. It's Sheamus vs. Dolph. Sheamus vs. Dolph. This is why they make such a big deal anytime two Superstars are in a match and HAVE NEVER FACED EACH OTHER ONE-ON-ONE BEFORE. Because even they know that they keep giving us the same matches on TV over and over and over again.
Not that Sheamus vs. Dolph is a bad match. It's always good. But how many damn times can we watch it just to see the same fucking result??
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 8. The Diesel Effect.
- It happened twice tonight. The babyface kicks out of a move that should've beaten anybody. The crowd's response? "BOOOOOOOOOO!" The Superman shit just needs to go away already. Especially now that kayfabe is dead. Fans know the only reason Sheamus gets to kick out is because he's the "good guy" and they recognize when a move should win a match, especially when someone like Ziggler is working his ass off.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 9. Midget porn.
- Have to give credit where it's due. The segment with Vickie, Hornswoggle and Khali was funny.
- The Shield's Joker-esque "manifesto" was okay. I hate seeing things that have the potential to be great, come up just a little short of that. Still, it accomplished the goal of adding to The Shield's reputation.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 10. Pretty sure even the radio knows Zack Ryder's no longer relevant.
- Once upon a time, Zack Ryder would've gotten a HUGE ovation in New Jersey. Now? Crickets. I guess it's possible for him to become relevant again if he's given another push. Just not sure if the stars will ever align the way they did for him a year ago when he was on a roll with his internet show and making backstage cameo appearances. Not that I'm a mark for Zack Ryder. It's just a shame that all the work he did to get himself over was sacrificed on the altar of the WWE's Golden Nugget.
- The fans clearly could've cared less about this match and it damn near put me in a coma as a result. Not that the action was bad. But you can't just throw two guys in the ring that nobody cares about...and expect people to care about it!
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 11. Brad Maddox screws AJ (not as hot as it sounds)
- I realize that if dogshit could shit, it would shit this match. But if this had lead to a backstage segment in which Vince tells Maddox that if he wants to be in the spotlight so badly he could have a match at TLC against AJ, I would've marked out hard core!
Sadly, that didn't happen. But at the time, I was optimistic. I hope there's a lot more of Brad Maddox in the future because he's a character that hasn't been done in a while so it's fresh. And I find him to be a charismatic performer.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 12. CHAMPION VERSUS CHAMPION!!!! (And no one cared)
- Not that Kofi vs. Cesaro was a bad match. It was a good match. And I'm glad Cesaro won clean as fuck. But the Intercontinental Champion faces the United States Champion in a one-on-one showdown...and it's just some throw-in "Who cares?" match to fill time?
I'm sorry but that just pisses me off! How about we make some money, build a story behind a match like this, and make the product special instead?
Now that Wade Barrett AND Kofi Kingston both lost on the go-home show before a pay-per-view in meaningless throw-away matches, why should I care about who wins the Intercontinental Title? It's like the past three weeks they've spent building up that encounter to mean something was just pissed away.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 13. Michael Cole can't hide his hard-on (hey look, three "H's")
- Regardless of everything that was wrong with the way the Cesaro-Kofi match was booked, I have to give props to first of all Michael Cole for actually selling a new talent on commentary, and the WWE for having the right guy win. Must've been a Triple H hire.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 14. Colonel DAMN Sanders
- This is a great example of what's wrong with a three-hour show. This Miz TV segment was very good for everyone invovled. But it should've been happening on next week's Raw. Instead, next week, Team Rhodes Scholars is probably going to have another match that they'll either lose or win that will devalue either themselves or one of the other tag teams.
Again, I understand why the show is three hours. But if we're talking about making the product special and making money long term, I just think stretching things out a little further, making it last a little longer, is the smarter approach. But what do I know, right? I'm just a goon with a keyboard.
- That being said, it was a decent segment. Team Rhodes Scholars handled themselves extremely well. Very happy for Cody Rhodes.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 15. I'm here to show the world! Here I am again! Yoo-hoo, here I am again!
- Dolph Ziggler did a fine job on commentary but this was his third appearance in the arena. It just felt like overkill.
- The match was standard John Cena vs. Big Show fare. Not terrible, but again, when it's been done so many times who gives a flying shit?
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 16. What do you know? Less IS more!
- The loudest ovations of the night came for the people we saw the least during the show. Team Hell No came out to a HUGE pop. And then of course, the fans worked themselves into a frenzy for Ryback, who the company continues to handle well.
If the philosophy is, sell the main event, then WWE is doing a good job because they have certainly done that.
Last Word: PLUS +
FINAL TALLY: 7 PLUS, 9 MINUS
After two weeks of breaking even, we've had a first mostly negative Raw in a month.
My chief points of praise:
- Ryback and Team Hell No are hot enough that even though they haven't done a great job of building up The Shield, they've done enough with the babyfaces to get people to care about TLC and probably order it.
- Some of the young heels like Sandow and Antonio Cesaro continue to be booked strong. At least on Raw.
My chief complaints:
- Too many matches that we've either seen way too many times before or don't care about.
- Illogical booking that did nothing to build interest in upcoming pay-per-view matches like Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett.
- Three hours results in way too much filler being needed which results in throw-away matches or segments that could've been used more effectively on a future show. Thus, resulting in a show that is mostly bad.
It's not like WWE isn't doing anything right. But when you have to sit through three fucking hours just to get half a good show it's a little maddening because we've all got better things to do with our time. I really don't need that much wrestling. I can be just as satisfied with a show that's an hour and half and gets me to care about the product to the point that I might actually order the upcoming pay-per-view.
Because I love wrestling, I don't always need to be sold on a pay-per-view. But speaking strictly from a fan's perspective who is deciding on what to do with his dollars during the holiday season, I just feel like interest in TLC could've been generated more efficiently with this particular episode of Raw.
That's the last word for now, beanbags. Until next time.....DISCUSS!
[Our intrepid author is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling shows The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.]
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