Haven't watched Raw in two weeks because the holidays had me busy. Haven't watched Smackdown in a couple of months just because I was trying to make an effort to stay current on Raw and after three hours of WWE programming, finding time in my life for another two just wasn't a top priority.
Which is unfortunate because prior to my decision to watch Raw regularly, I actually felt like Smackdown was the better show. And after catching this week's episode, my feelings haven't changed.
Segment 1. Superstar Tag Match Main Event Booking 101
-I'm sure WWE could always use the excuse "well we had other plans and the General Manager decide to change things at the last minute" when it comes to these opening booking segments, but how many times does this need to happen? And what purpose does it serve? Cheap pops from the live crowd? What is the television audience getting out of it? I'll tell ya! NOTHING!
-Randy Orton is over. More over than Sheamus, that's for sure. Which is unfortunate because I think Sheamus is the more entertaining wrestler. I still feel like they've done him a disservice with the way he's been booked.
-The banter between the two faces was pretty weak. Thankfully the Big Show came out to right the ship. The whole segment ultimately fell flat for me but I've been really impressed with Big Show as the heel champ. He's finally being booked strong and it's paying off.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 2. The Three-Man Bland
-3MB could've been done so much better. There's nothing wrong with the concept, just the execution and I think that's not only the fault of the people who are writing, or rather not writing, their skits, but also the fault of the performers. Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre are terrible. They can't act to save their lives, and say what you want to but wrestling is acting. Their overreactions to everything that happened during this segment were painful to watch.
-The one positive was that there was some semblence of a storyline with 3MB wanting revenge against Miz for insulting them during MizTV. As if being on MizTV wasn't enough of an insult.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 3. Didn't Miz the Mark
-This turned out to be a decent match which both guys needed because their current career direction killed any momentum they had.
-Nice to see Miz get a clean win as a face and he seems to have found a schtick that works in which he points to a section of the crowd and they yell, "AWESOME!" He just needs to sustain this and not allow himself to get embarrassed in any future segments. Roddy Piper in the late 80s, early 90s had his share of significant moments despite not being great in the ring, and not being in the main event. Miz is in a similar spot now with this TV show. Despite the scripted nature of WWE TV, I doubt they could stop him from ad-libbing and as long as he makes it entertaining, he could stay relevant at the midcard level which is really all he can ask for at this point.
-Heath Slater is a tremendous worker who would be better served on his own. But he's being used in the ring and in small angles that could easily be turned into something more should he need to be given a push in the future. There are worse positions to be in in the current WWE.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 4. Can't Keep A Good Man Down
-Talent CANNOT be suppressed. We all complain about what's happened to Zack Ryder, and none of us as loudly as Zack himself. But the truth is, Zack is marginally talented at best. Wade Barrett on the other hand, is a supremely talented individual. He's arguably the best talker in wrestling right now and is as good as anyone in the ring. I have NO DOUBT that he will one day be a top heel in WWE.
-I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact that they chose to do pre-match promos and build anticipation for a secondary title that has meant so little until Wade began to challenge for it.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 5. Let The Sleeping Giant Lie
-JBL on commentary is the only thing that could make a Khali match watchable.
-So two guys, Primo and Epico, who actually have talent and can wrestle and put on an excellent match, are forced to job out to two nearly immobile freaks and for what? Is this really what WWE thinks their fans want to see? It's stuff like this that make me feel ashamed to admit that I watch professional wrestling. My wife actually walked in during this segment and I felt the need to apoligize. And I did! This was just an embarrasment on every level and WWE, Vince McMahon, Linda's dog, Stephanie's boobs, and Triple H's nose should all be ashamed of themselves.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 6. The Concept of Overkill Nearly Proven
-Kofi's over, unfortunately. I guess wrestling needs babyfaces like Kofi Kingston so in that respect, he plays his role well. I've just always been partial to heels so whenever I see Kofi jumping around like a sixth grader it makes me want to kick him in the Kingstones.
-Wade needs new music. For the love of Kate's baby, get this man some new music!!
-The first half of this match suffered from a severe case of "been there, seen that". How many times have these two wrestled each other on TV now? I know it's gotten to the point where I am now beating that dead horse's ghost, but this shit needs to stop. THERE'S TOO MUCH WWE ON MY TV!!!!
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 7. That (Should've) Been All, Folks!
-Wade Barrett has single-handedly made the Intercontinental Title important again. How? By VALUING it. He hasn't talked about it as a stepping stone. He kisses it the way Bret Hart used to kiss the WWF Championship. I don't know if there has been a concerted effort on the part of the writers, bookers, announcers, etc., but the fact that the I-C title is important has been effectively communicated to this fan. I can't rave enough about how marvelous that is in the present WWE culture.
-Despite having seen this match so many times, terrific pacing by the wrestlers, and good psychology had me watching intently and emotionally invested (I don't read spoilers because I'm a better fan without them). And to top it all off, THE RIGHT GUY WON with a creative finish and it was CLEAN! It's stuff like this that made me a fan in the first place. Keep your circus, you out-of-touch, condescending twats, and give me WRESTLING!
-My only complaint is, the show should've ended. That should've been the main event. Nothing that followed even came close to approaching this performance and by featuring "bigger names" in what amounted to a throwaway, meaningless tag match you devalue the entire product. Again, I know the logistics, I just appreciate the value of a refined product and I think WWE is missing the boat in this regard.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 8. Diva'd If You Do, Diva'd If You Don't
-The match between Tamina and Layla was short and lackluster. Tamina won but none of it matters. According to this interview recently conducted with Michelle McCool, Divas are punished when they get "too good" in the ring, so what's the point of me investing any interest in them? They're either going to suck because they have no talent, or the ones that do will be told to suck on purpose. Just so incredibly disappointing. Not because I'm a huge fan of female wrestling, but just because I believe that there is money to be made with it that WWE seems content to leave laying on the table.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 9. Hard to Rebound After That
-Like I said, I didn't watch Raw and apparently I didn't miss much if the atrocity that was Dolph Ziggler and AJ's New Year's toast was such a highlight that it was chosen for the Raw Rebound (wasn't it called "Rewind"? Oh well, does it really matter?)
-So Dolph and AJ are the new Edge and Vickie. How blatantly unoriginal.
-The point behind all of this seems to have been to give John Cena a foil to work off of while he bides his time until WrestleMania and a rematch with The Rock. I guess it's working for the majority of the "Universe" but seeing as how I HATE John Cena and I LIKE Dolph Ziggler and AJ, this whole angle can get buried in cement next to Paul Bearer and I wouldn't miss it.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 10. Caution: Pedestrian Main Event In Progress
-Boring, paint-by-number action in the first half of this "Main Event".
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 11. Who Is This "Fella" Anyway?
-Why does Sheamus yell "Fella" all the time? I get that he's Irish but do I need to be reminded before every big move that he does? This is part of his booking that I believe has held him back. Or maybe he came up with it on his own, in which case, he's as out of touch as the WWE creative team. Drop it already, you pasty Paddy!
-Orton "going rogue" makes sense so props for that. But it would've meant more if the match wasn't so unspectacular.
Last Word: MINUS -
FINAL TALLY: FOUR PLUS +, SEVEN MINUS -
With such a lopsided score in favor of the negative, why would I contend that Smackdown is superior to Raw? Let me address that as we examine...
My chief complaints:
-Bookend segments featuring main event players that were cliche' and uninteresting. Fine for the live crowd but not for TV.
-Embarrassing segments like the Khali/Hornswoggle debacle make it hard to even admit being a fan.
My chief points of praise:
-It's only a two-hour show. I'd prefer ninety minutes but when the main event was over and I felt like I just couldn't stand to watch anymore, the show ended. Had this been Raw, I would've had a whole other hour to sit through.
-The entire Wade Barrett-Kofi Kingston Intercontinental title storyline. This is has been hands-down the best thing WWE has done in the past six months.
So there you have it. Knowing I'm going to be subjected to a mostly crap product, I'd prefer less of it. Not too complicated, right?
It's a shame that when it comes to watching wrestling I as a fan am forced into the position of choosing between the lesser of two evils but that's the sad state of the WWE right now.
What would I have done differently?
-The show would only be an hour and half first of all.
-That would enable me to eliminate some segments completely like the "Raw Rebound" (anyone who's watching Smackdown is already watching Raw and remembers what happened just four days ago) and the Khali/Hornswoggle disaster.
-I would eliminate the main event players from the TV show completely. They could've done those segments for the live audience to get them fired up (telling them they're getting an exclusive impromptu main event that won't be aired on TV would be more thrilling I would think than telling them they're going to be subjected to a run-of-the-mill bullshit tag match hampered by TV time limits and commercial breaks but what the fuck do I know, right?) but letting the TV show end with the Barrett-Kofi match would've been fine by me and perfectly acceptable from a booking standpoint. Seeing the main event guys every fucking week devalues their presence and makes it less special. Less is more.
-Instead of humiliating a quality team like Primo and Epico, why not give them a match against another quality team like the Usos?
-And instead of a meaningless two-minute match between the divas, how about give them a little time to work with and give the fans a chance to invest some emotion in them?
That's what I would do anyway. But I'm just a fan. Some might go so far as to call me a mark. But I like to think that I've got my eye on the ball when it comes to wrestling. I would want to make money just like the WWE wants to do. And giving talented, entertaining individuals more air time would generate more interest in the product and willingness to spend money on things pertaining to it like merchandise and pay-per-views.
But again, what do I know? I'm only the Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling.
Now THAT, is the last word, assholes. Post a comment and tell your friends about what we're doing here. Then tell them to post a comment. What I'm trying to say is.............DISCUSS!
{"Handsome" Dan Lopez is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}
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