WWE vs UFC: The Missing Piece

WWE vs. UFC, some statistics....

More men watch UFC than WWE, 74.6% to 62.8%
More women watch WWE than UFC, 37.2% to 25.4%
A greater percentage of UFC's audience is Gen Y(18-29) & Gen X(30-44) than WWE, 36.5% & 37.1% to 29.1% & 35.8%
WWE's audience skews older than UFC's (a greater percentage of fans in the 45-64 & 65+ demographics than UFC)
A greater percentage of UFC's fans have attended/graduated from college or completed post-graduate work/degree
Of the 318.9 million people in the United States, 3.7% or 11.7 million are avid WWE fans compared to 5.1% or 16.3 million avid UFC fans.
According to WWE's investor's presentation on their corporate website, the largest percentage of their audience is 50+ years of age (37%) with 19% of their audience ages 2-17.

If you were going to summarize what you just read, you would draw the conclusion that UFC is a more testosterone-driven REAL SPORT that appeals primarily to YOUNG MEN. While WWE, or pro wrestling, is a COSMETIC ATHLETIC DRAMA that appeals to a MORE DIVERSE AUDIENCE.

The personalities and reputations of the people involved are dramatically different. UFC is made of up of ATHLETES. There are very few athletes who do or say anything controversial while carrying out their athletic endeavors. Even the more brash, demonstrative talkers like Chael Sonnen or Conor McGregor don't do much more than puff out their chests like boys in a high school hallway fight when it comes right down to it.

The only controversy that surrounds UFC are the things that take place outside of the performance arena: the PED scandals and Jon Jones' recent legal troubles as examples. Other than that, it's very easy to embrace an ATHLETE because when it comes time to market and promote a UFC event, you know what you're getting: a well-produced, sporting event in which athletes behave themselves by getting in the cage and fighting. It's the final scene of any beloved sports movie: legitimate athletes making the necessary sacrifices in order to achieve their goals. And many of these men and women are Olympians, All-Americans, or national heroes. People who are easy for the public to embrace.

In this way, UFC has virtually erased its auspicious beginnings when it was seen as barbaric and a bloodsport. It has polished its star to the point where it has become something that the public has not only accepted, but embraced.

By contrast, WWE is made up of PERFORMERS. There's a reason more pro wrestlers try ACTING than PROFESSIONAL SPORTS. When a UFC live event starts, you know what to expect: all of the talking is over, and the athletes are going to shut their mouths and compete. In a live WWE event however, you have NO IDEA what to expect. How many shows air live on TV? Not very many. And those that do typically do not have a very long run time and usually follow a very structured format. And almost never do the people responsible for the content of the show become part of the show. WWE Raw is a loosely-formatted three-hour live show that is never rehearsed and the people responsible for the content of the show are regularly part of the show. Do you see the difference?

Any live show is going to be inherently more risky for advertisers than a scripted show. But the risk involved with a WWE live product has to be considered greater by virtue of the nature of the product itself. One of the selling points of UFC is human interest. Fans are encouraged to get to know the athletes, view their story, and connect with them on social media. There are few boundaries when it comes to fan access in UFC. WWE, and wrestling in general, is still a business that is shrouded in mystery. Because the wrestlers are PLAYING A ROLE, there are often aspects of the performers' lives that THEY PURPOSELY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT and will do their best NOT TO MENTION or even TRY TO COVER UP.

Pro wrestling, like UFC, has very auspicious roots. But whereas UFC has been able to shed its early less-favorable reputation, wrestling still maintains that cloud of suspicion that has hung over it since its creation. Pro wrestling has always fought the battle for legitimacy: whether it was trying to pass itself off as a legitimate sport in its early days, or trying to pass itself off as a legitimate big player in entertainment today. And the struggle is centered around the very nature of the business itself. Pro wrestling is and always has been A WORK. Wrestlers are carnival workers trying to get you to spend a dollar on the sideshow exhibit. They're trying to SELL the audience on an ILLUSION. It should go without saying that the UFC is completely different. A UFC fighter can endear himself to his audience by simply BEING HIMSELF. In most cases, a pro wrestler is trying to endear himself to his audience by being SOMEONE ELSE. This very fact alone immediately creates obstacles to fan interaction and therefore, fan investment. WWE is not going to put together a video package on Bray Wyatt's journey to the “big time” and encourage its fans to get to know him. Because that doesn't help to SELL THE ILLUSION. It actually achieves the OPPOSITE. Windham Lawrence Rotunda (Bray Wyatt's real name) might have a very compelling personal story that fans might really enjoy, but the nature of pro wrestling is in direct opposition to WWE sharing that story with its fans.

In this way, pro wrestling finds itself in a unique situation in entertainment. For whatever reason, fans of Breaking Bad can interact with Bryan Cranston at a live event or on social media, and are completely accepting of the fact that they are not interacting with Walter White, Cranston's character on the show. However, fans are less tolerant of the same type of interaction with pro wrestlers. The reason can only be wrestling's insistence on and success at SELLING THE ILLUSION that fans are so much more invested in these characters. For instance, fans are reminded every week when they watch Game of Thrones that they are watching Emilia Clarke PLAYING THE CHARACTER of Daenerys Targaryen. WWE has NEVER told its audience Dolph Ziggler's real name. But if every week during Raw's opening sequence fans read “Starring Nick Nemeth as Dolph Ziggler” this perception might change. While something so simple could help improve fan interaction, would it also SPOIL THE ILLUSION? It doesn't seem to affect the popularity of these other shows. And if pro wrestling is really just another form of entertainment, why not simply follow suit?

It almost seems silly that a million-dollar company like WWE would be failing at expanding its portfolio for no reason other than a misguided determination to hang onto its archaic carny methods of doing business, but right now wrestling seems truly STUCK. While WWE has succeeded in polishing its product to the point of having overdone it, pro wrestling remains a sort of bastard in the entertainment industry. It's not likely that they will try to appeal to the coveted 18-34 year-old demographic by reverting to more risque storylines like they did in the 90s. But if the goal is to be accepted and be invited to sit at the “big kids' table” SOMETHING needs to change. WWE has often set the trends for the wrestling business and for a company so willing to drop certain traditions in the past, it seems odd that it would be one of those very traditions that has them so hung up. It's time to pull the curtain all the way back so to speak, and finally become an open book for the welfare of the entire industry. Right now, they're on the fence and the impression is that they're scared to abandon their “secret society” mentality. But hiding in the shadows has not helped them to achieve their goals. The performers deserve to be recognized as stars and not just nameless, faceless acts in ring leaderVince McMahon's circus. A new level of respectability needs to be achieved not only in the way wrestling presents its product, but in the way it does business with not just the public, but with its performers as well.

Perhaps that is what truly has Vince McMahon afraid. Right now he still wields the power of Oz. But to acknowledge that World Wrestling Entertainment is not merely his genius operation but also the result of the hard work and talent of dozens of highly trained professionals, he's reduced to merely a clever “wizard” with no true magic. Why would a man whose only goal in business has ever been success purposely prevent himself from it? The adage rings true: the only time a man doesn't want money, is when he wants something else. Wrestling fans all wondered why Vince didn't capitalize on the money that could have been made from the WCW Invasion angle or from the resurrection of ECW. Why indeed? It's not hard to piece together the truth and realize that Vince McMahon was after something else: the complete and utter burial of the two brands that dared to challenge him. Even at the expense of making himself more money. If that was true then, is it really a stretch to think that Vince McMahon, who has always had the final say and ultimate control over his product, might purposely be preventing the ONE THING that could help him to achieve his goal of mainstream acceptance of “sports entertainment” for no reason other than it would result in too much leverage for the performers not just in his company, but throughout the professional wrestling industry? Again, its not hard to piece to together.

Handsome Dan Lopez is the host of Handsome Dan's Final Say which you can listen to at wlwstudios.com. Follow him on Twitter @DansLastWord.

PULL UP A CHAIR

This post was inspired by a rather gruesome picture circulating on the internet of a "wrestler" with a replica of the Grand Canyon on top of his head thanks to a chair shot he received during a "wrestling match." In case you haven't seen it, here's a link to the Ring Wars Wrestling Facebook page where you can view it BUT BE WARNED, THE PHOTO IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART! It makes me a little nauseous and I'm a wrestling fan of thirty years who has seen a lot.

Anyhow, I figured this was as good a time as any to once again express my disdain for everything that is ECW and hardcore wrestling. I mention ECW specifically because it's the organization that really popularized hardcore wrestling in the United States. Sure, it was around for a long time before ECW was even conceived, in places like Puerto Rico and Memphis, but Extreme Championship Wrestling really took hardcore & high-spot wrestling "mainstream." And professional wrestling has never recovered.

Remember Chris Nowinski? Me neither. Truth is, I wasn't watching wrestling when he started making a push in the WWF in 2002 and 2003. He retired from wrestling at the age of 24 after suffering symptoms of post-concussion syndrome for over a year. After that he devoted himself to raising awareness about the dangers of concussions in contact sports, primarily football, but in wrestling as well.

My question is, since when do wrestlers get concussions? I realize there is a lot of high-impact involved in pro wrestling, especially these days, but when I was growing up, you never heard talk of concussions in wrestling. I'm sure it probably happened, but even when you read biographies of wrestlers who worked in that era or prior, you don't see it mentioned much from them either.

Sure, there was plenty of bloodletting from guys cutting themselves. You read about shoulder, arm, knee, leg, hip, back, and neck injuries. But talk about concussions is sparse. It isn't until the 90's when you start hearing that word become commonplace in discussions about injuries sustained in the ring.

Coincidentally, that's when "raising the bar" became the trendy thing to do. If Twitter had been around then, you probably would've had good ol' JR telling you to use #raisethebar during an episode of Monday Night Raw. But who spearheaded this revolution in which taking unprotected chair shots and integrating more kicks to the head and more high-impact moves that made it harder to protect yourself and your opponent the norm in professional wrestling?

That would be this guy.

I actually think it's hard to say that Paul Heyman is solely responsible. After all, the wrestlers who worked for him were all grown men (with the exception of Mass Transit that is) who chose to participate in this much more dangerous form of entertainment. And the fans certainly have to hold some accountability themselves as well, for relishing in these types of performances. And if it had stopped with them, then I would have a lot less to say about this subject.

The problem is it didn't stop with ECW. ECW closed its doors for good in April 2001. Fourteen years ago(WWE's revival of the brand doesn't count). And yet to this day there are still independent promotions that are trying to build off of that legacy. Wrestlers on every level are dropping like flies due to injury from moves that entered the mainstream of professional wrestling in that damn bingo hall in Philadelphia. Granted, the style of wrestling seen today was going to eventually become the norm anyway thanks to the "hybrid" style that wrestlers developed from working in several different places like Canada, Mexico, Europe, and Japan.

But for all of this flash and all of this risk, what's the true reward? What type of legacy are men like Daniel Bryan really building for themselves? Or how about Sami Zayn or Adrian Neville? Fans today still have great regard for legends of the past like Hulk Hogan, Randy "Macho Man" Savage, The Ultimate Warrior, and Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Did anyone of them take unprotected chair shots? Did any of them dive through the ropes to the arena floor? Will the people who are taking such risks today, either in WWE or for an independent promotion, be remembered in the same way as these legends? If it wasn't the risks they were taking, what was it about these performers that we all remember so fondly?

It was the way they captivated our hearts and our imaginations without resorting to such cheap tricks. I realize they all had their vices, but frankly any idiot can take a chair shot. In fact, if a bunch of out-of-shape hillbillies want to beat the shit out of each other strictly for the amusement of other out-of-shape hillbillies I say more power to them. Next time do the universe a favor and put a little more Oomph! behind that chair shot and finish the job!

But for those who truly have the talent and ability to perform and entertain, I regret that risk will always be part of the job. Thankfully, World Wrestling Entertainment has cracked down on the level of violence it allows. It just isn't necessary in order to tell a story in the ring. Now if only all wrestling promotions, WWE included, can be convinced that it's not so much WHAT takes place during their shows, but WHY. Then perhaps we can enjoy watching our favorites perform a little longer and in ways that will stick with us, not for the random sort of chaos and activity that causes a car wreck to stick with you, but for the sort of creativity, nuance, and ability to tap into the human emotion that cause our favorite stories to forever be etched in our subconscious minds, and bring a smile to our face when we recall them consciously.

Think about those moments that you will never forget and what made them so memorable. Certainly the action is tied to those memories. After all, it's professional wrestling. But I dare say the reason you hold onto those memories goes deeper than that. And that's the greatness of professional wrestling that I'm afraid too often is being substituted for with high spots. And there's not a promotion on ANY level that isn't guilty of this!

So rather than pulling up a chair to split another man's skull with, how about you take a seat and watch the pros of the past do more with glance than you could with a 450 splash?

I'm Handsome Dan, and you just read the last word.

["Handsome" Dan Lopez is a regular contributor to Ring Wars Facebook Page. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord]

Handsome Dan's Final Say

Yes, I realize it's been a while. When I saw that my last post was from back in July of 2013 I couldn't believe it myself.

But the Handsome One is back and he's STILL the Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling! [trademark, muthaphuckas!] Want proof? Just click on the link below and listen to me ramble in a drowsy stupor on the long ride home New Year's Eve and marvel how that even at half-speed, my brain is still calculating faster than 90% of the backwards cap wearing masses.

But don't just stop there. Further your education by reading some of the articles here as well, and while they may not make you as smart as me, you might just be able to impress your friends with the wisdom you glean.

So without further ado, I give you...Handsome Dan's Final Say!

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The Greatest Heel Stable In Wrestling History

[Douchey Author's Note: Lofty title, right? But when you tout yourself as The Smartest Man Not In Pro Wrestling (trademark, muthafuckas!), you tend to have to go balls-in or else people just don't take you seriously.]

The inspiration for this post came from considering nWo Wulfpac, the babyface stable that sprung from a "split" in the original nWo. It featured Kevin Nash, Sting, Lex Luger, Konnan, and briefly, Randy Savage. With the exception of Konnan, all big names, all very popular and successful in their own right. The group was certainly over, but in terms of booking, it actually sucked. It made me wonder whether or not a babyface stable could actually succeed in wrestling.

And as usual, when I get to thinking about wrestling, one thought leads to a million others. So as I contemplated the merits of a babyface stable, I started examining the entire purpose of a stable in wrestling. And here, in all it's rawness, is how that played out...

The ultimate benefit to a stable is having someone to watch your back. Heels take it a step further by having someone interfere on their behalf or give them an unfair advantage in a fight. Heel stables get over by exploiting this to the max. The Hart Foundation was probably the best example of heels getting an advantage in such a sneaky, chickenshit way and against such popular faces, that fans actually hated them.

Some heel stables are full of such individually cool characters that they're hard to hate no matter what they do. Like the Four Horsemen. They were dastardly cheats who always took every advantage to beat up on the most popular babyfaces. But besides that they were cool. They could wrestle, they could talk, they were tough, and had a sweet life.

The Hart Foundation on the other hand were hard to like. An Elvis impersonator? Two guys who wear pink and can't win without cheating? A wrestling referee? A little pipsqueak who wears hearts and uses a megaphone? Those are heat magnets. Add all the classic heel stable tactics and you've got a group of assholes you can't wait to see the shit beaten out of.

Any heel stable has to win a little. The degree to which they need to win varies depending on who they're facing. If they're being built up to eventually fall to the top babyface, they should win a lot. On the other hand, if all they do is lose, they're just a comedy group. Buffoons who can't even cheat well. That has its place in the show but can't be taken seriously.

Like 3MB. The odds are in their favor every single time and they still lose. But that could be turned around. Give them a manager and either a "roadie" or a bodyguard and you could have a very successful, hateable group.

The last five paragraphs were my unedited hand-written notes on this topic. Just to expound a bit, I'd like to say that The Hart Foundation of 1987 was the greatest heel group of all time. Bold proclamation I know. But by "greatest" I want to make it clear that I don't mean "most successful" or "best" but then again, I do. What I mean is, if the purpose behind heels banding together and forming a stable in the first place is making it work to their advantage to achieve success in spite of their own limitations or the level of competition they're up against, then the Hart Foundation of 1987 did it the best, was the most successful, drew the most legitimate heat, against the best babyface competition, and therefore, was the greatest heel stable of all time.

I'm sure the arguments contrary to my point of view will be many and varied: no longevity, no world titles, not enough individually great wrestlers, not enough main events, etc, etc. Allow me to squash every single one of those in order: longevity hurt the Horsemen more than it helped them, a lack of world titles doesn't mean shit, a lack of individually great wrestlers actually lends to the greatness of the stable, the Honky Tonk Man headlined plenty of shows at his hottest, and just for shits and giggles, let me also throw in the fact that when it came time to form the Mega Powers, the evil force that brought them together was the Hart Foundation, not the Heenan Family nor any other top heel working at the time.

I haven't seen everything, nor do I claim to know everything. I'm sure someone could come up with another example of a heel stable, something I haven't seen perhaps, that might also fit this definition of "great". That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if there is a measuring stick for the right kind of success for a heel stable, the Hart Foundation is it.

Heels getting cheered has always been a thing in wrestling. And I'm sure it always will be. I'm probably the biggest offender when it comes to cheering the bad guys. But I love the kind of heels that nobody likes. To me, that is the most successful kind of heel. And every single member of the Hart Foundation was that kind of heel.

Bret Hart was the coolest of the group but in 1987, he was downright mean. He joined in with Honky Tonk Man and the rest of crew in threatening Elizabeth and mocking her when HTM violently knocked her to ground. The way he would cheat at every opportunity and pal up to Danny Davis, the despicable corrupt referee, there's no way anyone could like this guy! And credit "Mean" Gene Okerlund who sold "Hitman" and "The Anvil" as a couple of sick individuals. He'd play along with Honky Tonk Man's routine, but when it came to the Harts, he was always appalled by their actions, even once throwing down the mic and walking out on an interview with them. Great stuff!

It all lead exactly where it was supposed to lead. To the two most popular babyfaces in the company teaming up to wreak havoc on the whole bunch. I swear, my television set was shaking after Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage cleaned house of the entire bunch and then shook hands. I've heard a lot of ovations in my time as a wrestling fan, but that one, which wasn't even live, seemed like it shook the fucking arena!

Does the overness of Hogan and Savage deserve the credit for that? Certainly. But the crowd had been effectively worked into such a frenzy that it was ready to explode and THAT is thanks to the despicable actions of greatest heel stable of all time.

Point is, I love wrestling. And great booking, great psychology, deserves to be recognized. It's a fucking tragedy when the spotlight shines on others while sheer genius seems to go almost completely unrecognized [I experience it every time I post a new blog and no one comments on it. But I digress...].

When it comes to the Hart Foundation, it seems like there's always something getting in the way of them receiving the credit that they're due. Mention what a great manager Jimmy Hart was (the greatest of all time in my opinion, but that's an entirely different post), and right away someone has to bring up that Bobby Heenan was better. And of course, they just happened to work for the same company at the same time, both as heels. But when the Heenan Family started winning multiple titles in 1989 and 1990, it was like everyone forgot that the Hart Foundation had already done it.

Speaking of the Hart Foundation, mention them as a tag team, and while they may get some accolades, fans usally have more regard for The innovations of the British Bulldogs, or the legacy of Demolition, or the fact that the Rockers were never tag champs. Or they care more about Bret's singles career. And while I agree that the Hart Foundation just as a tag team, especially as babyfaces, wasn't the most exciting. But as a part of Jimmy Hart's stable, they played their roles to absolute perfection.

And the Honky Tonk Man. Mention him and it's either he didn't deserve to beat Ricky Steamboat or his quick loss to The Ultimate Warrior. Sure, everyone remembers that he's the longest reigning Intercontinental Champion of all time, but his feud with Savage is hardly ever mentioned among the greatest feuds in history when it was possibly the greatest feud Savage ever had. It seems like he's easy to dismiss because of his limited ring skills but last I checked drawing heat as a heel is a skill too and Honky Tonk was exceptional at it. His limited ability was one of the big reasons he was so hated. Macho Man should've wrestled circles around this clown but for all his efforts, he couldn't rest that I-C title away. And it wasn't just the interference of Jimmy Hart that helped hold on to the title, it was the mind games Honky Tonk played with Savage concerning Elizabeth. Yet no one ever acknowledges that.

And don't even get me started on this guy.

Just look at him. You can tell he's a fucking asshole. The fact he couldn't wrestle for shit made the success of the entire stable even more infuriating. He wasn't tough or talented, just a slimy piece of shit sneaking around just waiting to screw the good guys over. It doesn't get more heel than that!

Every individual has a role that they play in wrestling. And so does every stable. Not every stable is going to be the same. If that was the case then there would be no separation between the great ones and the mediocre. But I'm afraid a real oversight has taken place and is ongoing to this day with regard to the Hart Foundation. So it's my hope that if nothing else, this post will not only awaken you assholes to MY greatness as The Smartest Man Not In Pro Wrestling [Son!], but also give you pause next time one of those all-time discussions gets started on the Facebook, Twitter, or even sitting around the house with your pals and you won't be so quick to overlook The Greatest Heel Stable in Wrestling History.

Now THAT'S the Last Word. I'm out.

{"Handsome" Dan's ghetto ass is without a computer right now, but as soon as that situation is corrected look for more of his musings on Wrestling Rambles, Ring Wars Facebook page, and he's mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast, and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Both of which you can find at swn.shiningwizards.com.}

The Color of Money

Alright, we all know who this guy is, don't we?

Now I realize he doesn't wear green all the time, but this ghastly atrocity is actually still very popular among kids in attendance at WWE shows. Not only does it make you as a little kid easier to see amongst thousands of people, but it also leaves no doubt as to with whom your allegiance lies. You are a card-carrying member of the Cenation.

And if you'll grant me a little creative license, allow me to make this connection: Cena wears the GREEN because GREEN is the color of MONEY. And when it comes to World Wrestling Entertainment, CENA EQUALS MONEY.

Now you're all going to stand up and shout about how Cena isn't nearly the draw that Hulk Hogan was, or that he's not nearly the draw that "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was, or that he's not nearly the draw that The Rock was, and that is all true. So pat yourselves on the back, Barry Horowitz, you win that argument.

But that's not the issue. The issue is NOT how much money has Cena ever made for WWE. The issue IS does Cena make money for WWE RIGHT NOW.

The answer is, Yes.

This isn't your dad's WWWF. This isn't even your WWF. This is your kid's WWE. Get it through your heads, people. Those are THREE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT COMPANIES. What worked for the World Wide Wrestling Federation would not have worked for the World Wrestling Federation. And what worked for the World Wrestling Federation WILL NOT WORK for today's World Wrestling Entertainment.

Okay, I may be stretching things just a bit because I personally believe that some of the tested and proven methods of making money that worked for the WWF, and even the WWWF, would actually work for WWE, but it doesn't matter what I think. And it doesn't matter what you think.

What matters is what the shareholders and board of directors think.

World Wrestling Entertainment is a publicly-traded company. It isn't Vince McMahon's rasslin' promotion anymore. It's PG because it HAS to be PG. It isn't because anyone on the planet believes that the best form of wrestling entertainment is created under the PG banner. Anyone who has watched the Rock during his comeback both this year and last year knows that a little edgier is better.

But with CREATIVITY comes RISK.

Ask anyone who has ever had an idea. When you attempt to make your IDEA into a REALITY, you run the RISK of it not being accepted. Not a big deal if all your doing is say, writing a blog on a free blog-posting website. The risk is virtually non-existent.

But when you run a million-dollar company, every single idea that comes out of your creative meetings with the company's stamp of approval, carries with it a MILLION-DOLLAR RISK. All it takes is ONE bad angle, ONE bad promo, ONE bad idea, to cost the company THOUSANDS, if not MILLIONS of dollars.

And forget the fans. I'm not talking about the fans' dollars. Fans are extremely forgiving. Because they're fans. How much garbage have we sat through in our twenty or thirty something years as wrestling fans and yet where are we on Monday nights? In front of TVs watching Raw. Despite ranting and raving all week long about how terrible the product is, we remain loyal and hopeful because we're fans. That's our nature.

But sponsors and advertisers don't have to be fans. And THAT, my friends, is where World Wrestling Entertainment's bread gets buttered.

If you want to read the company's spiel, you can check out this article printed by the Miami Herald last summer.

I'm not going to pretend to understand all the verbiage, but here's the gist of it: if I'm Vince McMahon, here's how I think: "It's not what we DO, it's who we ARE. We are WWE. Consumers (not fans) RECOGNIZE OUR BRAND so they come to us. Just like they recognize Coke or Pepsi. As long as we always LOOK THE WAY WWE IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK, we will always keep consumers coming back.

"Therefore, we're not selling ourselves to the consumers; we're selling ourselves to SHAREHOLDERS, SPONSORS, and ADVERTISERS. And sharholders, sponsors, and advertisers want TWO THINGS: a SAFE INVESTMENT, and BRAND STRENGTH. If we get too CREATIVE, we RISK becoming an UNSAFE INVESTMENT. And that cannot happen.

"Therefore, if we can find something that works within the boundaries of a SAFE INVESTMENT, we will ride that gravy train as long as we can."

And that's where THIS guy comes in...

Look at him. More importantly, look at those troops. They don't care that he dresses like a 12-year old boy. They don't care that he wrestles like one. All they know is, he's a good guy who supports them and is the face of THEIR FAVORITE WRESTLING BRAND, WWE.

Anybody think Zack Ryder could fill that role? How about Daniel Bryan? CM Punk? R-Truth and Little Jimmy? What about The Miz? Could they do it as well as John Cena?

Answer? "OH, HELL NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Now you know why it's John Cena and NOT those guys. That's why it will be John Cena as long as he's capable of functioning inside a wrestling ring. Because he does this WITHOUT BEING CREATIVE. We've all seen John Cena at the top of his game. We know he has it within himself to be entertaining and come with edgier stuff. But that means RISK. And WWE is not going to risk losing shareholders, sponsors, or advertisers.

They've clearly lost fans. Just look at the ratings for Raw. They're nowhere near where they were in the days of Stone Cold and the Rock. But they haven't lost ENOUGH fans and they NEVER WILL because they know it's not just John Cena, it's THE BRAND. It's WWE.

What SHOULD have happened when the World Wrestling Federation became WWE, fans should've abandoned ship the way they did when New Coke came out.

But we didn't. Because even though it didn't TASTE like the WWF, it still LOOKED like the WWF so we stayed. Not all of us, but enough of us did.

And so, instead of scrapping WWE, and going back to what worked, they found a way to make money with New Coke. And the rest is history.

So why did I bother going to such lengths to essentially justify what Vince McMahon and WWE is doing? Am I happy with the current product? HELL to the NO!! But as the Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling, it is my obligation to understand the current wrestling landscape. And what I've just laid out for you so eloquently IS the current wrestling landscape as it pertains to World Wrestling Entertainment. No one else is going to break it down any simpler.

So what should YOUR response be to what I have just told you? Ideally, we would all close our wallets, put away our checkbooks and go find something better to do. It's not that WWE hasn't done a few good things since they adopted the new formula, but if we're all honest we'd have to admit that a good 75-90% of what they have done in the past decade has fallen short of expectations.

That's a pretty lousy performance record. As a fan of the San Diego Chargers, I know all about failure. But in sports, you don't suddenly change teams unless you have a vagina. But this isn't sports. The rules are different here. It's not as if they aren't controlling the outcomes. What we have gotten is what THEY have chosen to give us. So it's up to us to say, "I'm switching brands because I don't like the way this shit tastes."

A lot of people have done it already. But not enough for them to pull the plug. So what's a couple hundred or thousand more marks reading spoilers on the internet? They'll always have the troops. They'll always have the middle-income nuclear families. And those people will happily whip out their checkbooks when it comes time to order a pay-per-view or visit the t-shirt stand. Why? Because it's WWE. It's the brand they recognize. They know it's safe. Think they realize such a thing as TNA exists? Not a fucking chance. If their kid did happen upon Impact on TV, think their parents are going to spend money on that ghetto-looking shit? No. Fucking. Way.

So basically, I'm not telling you to do anything. You want to watch WWE in the hopes of gleaning the few good bits of grain you can? Go ahead. Just don't waste your time getting all red-faced and stomping a mudhole in your TV. Realize, nothing's going to change. You want to make a statement and show WWE how fed up you are? Then take your consumer dollars elsewhere. I personally don't think it will make a difference but maybe it will improve your blood-pressure and that alone will be worth it.

Who knows? Maybe enough people WILL turn away and WWE will finally get the message and start to take some risks and improve the level of creativity. But in the meantime, THAT is the state of the business and no one is going to lay it out any better. What you choose to do with the knowledge is up to you.

And that's the last word, peeps. Now it's time to make your voice heard. WWE may not be willing to listen. But here, your opinion actually matters. So.......DISCUSS!

{The Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling is mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}

Review In The Raw 1/7/13: Punk Rocks!

Segment 1

-Glad Cena started the show, because despite their efforts to remind us of his presence by replaying his victory, by the time the show was over, his involvement with this episode had thankfully faded into my subconscious.

-I know Cena sells merch and tickets and this crowd in Tampa, FL was living proof of that, but I just don't like his current schtick. It doesn't entertain me. In fact, it gets on my damn nerves. But if WWE's trying to make money, they're doing the right thing by keeping Cena in the spotlight in a way in which the "Universe" seems to approve of. I just think there are better ways to accomplish the same goal.

-AJ has been stripped of all her charm and is now just a bland, vindictive bitch.

-I believe there are ways to make Dolph more marketable but some guys, like Cena, don't have to try, so I guess Dolph should be thankful for whatever breaks he gets in his career.

-Despite the crowd happily lapping up this opening segment, in reality it was all excruciatingly lame and the only payoff was yet another Ziggler loss to Cena.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 2

-Cena vs. Dolph, Part One. Not that these two can't have a good match, I'm just tired of seeing it.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 3

-The referee throwing the managers out routine seems to be making quite the comeback.

-Not one, but TWO terrific counters by Ziggler that should've resulted in him getting the win.

-Crowd is teeming with marks who were perfectly happy with the result despite the piss-poor psychology. Had Cena scored more near falls, it might have been easier to stomach, but Ziggler pushes him to the absolute limit and can't win, then gets beat with ONE Attitude Adjustment after taking very little punishment in the match makes him look like a human matchstick. I get that Cena HAS to win, but the execution was just insulting.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 4

-I was against Eve's heel turn last year because I didn't think she had the acting chops to pull it off but she has proven me wrong. She still can't wrestle worth a damn though.

-I haven't been impressed with Kaitlyn until now. She did a good job of carrying the action.

-I know the crowd could care less about the divas, but that's WWE's fault for always presenting them as an afterthought. This match was decent, it put value on the Divas Championship, it sold both competitors, and it built to a future match. No complaints.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 5

-Everything Wade said in his backstage segment with Santino and Steamboat was accurate. The Intercontinental title has meant more since he won it than it has in a couple of years.

-Orton is so insanely over with the marks, especially in this crowd.

-I applaud Daniel Bryan for not letting them take away his "Yes" chant completely. It's a shame though when you consider how crazy popular it used to be.

-This segment was all filler. Part of the problem with a three-hour show.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 6

-Crowd just wasn't into this tag match between Team Hell No and Team Rhodes Scholars. Not sure if it's the fact that it seems like it's happened too many times already, or that they forget that Team Hell No actually wrestle and are the tag champs because they're used to seeing them in cheesy backstage skits.

-Bryan, of course, has to eat the pin.

-As much as I like everyone involved in this match, it just failed to capture my interest.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 7

-I don't mind Randy Orton going over Heath Slater in this type of environment because it's what I call a "cheap pop" match. 3MB furthered their role as cheating losers and Orton is still, Orton.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 8

-I don't understand, if Barrett was going to be booked to get a strong win in his match with Santino, why wasn't he given an intro? Granted, his music sucks (and maybe that's why) but he's the champ. And little things like that go a long way in establishing him in the minds of the fans.

-I would actually love to see Ricky Steamboat come back as a babyface manager.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 9

-Crowd popped huge for Antonio Cesaro's win over Khali and rightfully so.

-Miz has thrown away all of his potential in his new role as a babyface. What was once a strength, his talking, has become his biggest weakness.

-Khali is a human punchline, but he got Cesaro over which is what he was out there to do.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 10

-Nothing wrong with this match. It was decent action and a fun win for Sheamus, but it felt a little like overkill having two squashes involving 3MB on the same show.

-The crowd, bless their widdle hearts, stayed with the match and that kept it from becoming a total snoozefest.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 11

-First half of the TLC match. Nothing spectacular, but solid action.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 12

-As with their Hell In A Cell championship match, I felt like the TLC between Punk and Ryback should've been better. By the time the show ended, it was almost as if this match didn't happen. For a TLC championship match, that's not a good thing.

-Still, it wasn't terrible so I guess it gets a plus.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 13

-The Team Hell No segment was childish but it keeps their "momentum" going and now fans have something to look forwad to with Dr. Shelby returning next week.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 14

-The Big Show squashing Kofi was basically filler on a show like this but it was memorable filler. I like Show being built up as a monster. Unfortunately, the result of Friday's Smackdown, which is actually Tuesday's Smackdown have since been reported and this "monster" was apparently stopped by Alberto Del Rio of all people, and in a Last Man Standing match of all things. But at the time, I didn't know that so, this match was fine for what it was intended to be.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 15

[Author's Note: Here's where I plan to rant a little. I tried to keep the review brief on purpose until now because CM Punk's "pipe bomb" has had a lot of people talking since Monday and I've been itching to give my take on what really happened.]

-CM Punk's promo was exactly that, a promo. It wasn't a shoot, or a work, or even a pipe bomb. It was a wrestling promo designed to solicit a particular response from the crowd. And it accomplished exactly what WWE and CM Punk, and even the Rock, wanted it to accomplish.

-What were CM Punk's goals going out for that promo on Monday night?
1) Make people care about him.
2) Make himself a threat to the Rock.
3) Sell tickets to the Royal Rumble and pay-per-view buys.

-Now let's examine how he was able to accomplish these three things.
1) While Punk has been the company's top heel for the past few months, working a program with the Rock is a whole other ball game. Until now, these two have always been viewed as being in entirely different leagues. It's one thing for John Cena to challenge "The Great One" but CM Punk? Get real, kid! You're just a lame duck keeping the WWE title warm until it's time to have Cena win it back, right?

All true, until Monday night. Punk hasn't created a "buzz" since his "pipe bomb" two summers ago in Las Vegas. With his "shoot" comments, he took himself out of the regular roster of Superstars and made himself someone who transcended the WWE, just like the Rock did when he made it big in Hollywood. The same thing happened on Monday. All of a sudden, CM Punk is no longer just a wrestler following the script but he's some kind of renengade, he's a real person who is speaking his mind.

Whether he actually believes what he was saying or not doesn't matter. It accomplished what it was supposed to accomplish. It set CM Punk apart from the rest of the WWE roster and made him more than just a wrestler. Which gave him gave him the clout and the stanind he needed to challenge the Almight Rock.

2) While Punk hasn't been on a roll lately as far as clean, convincing wins, the fact that he dared to make "shoot" comments and "pull back the curtain" makes him a "loose cannon." And a loose cannon is capable of anything. This makes him dangerous, and a threat to the Almighty Rock.

He and the Rock bolstered this by reminding us of when he laid out Dwayne on the 1000th episode of Raw and with other standard "tough guy" talk. But the point is, the guy who has never been able to cleanly beat John Cena has gotten us to at least entertain the notion that he can find a way to defeat one of the few people who has.

3) After the Rock went through his opening monologue, it was critical that CM Punk come back strong. The importance of Phil Brooks not falling flat and simply rolling over for the transcendent Dwayne Johnson cannot be stressed enough. If he had fizzled in his rebuttal, accomplishing the first two goals would have all been for naught.

But not only did Phil Brooks not roll over for Dwayne Johnson, CM Punk smashed the Rock's fast ball in a line drive right back at his head and got off a line that everyone will still remember come next Monday and mark my words, will be replayed multiple times before this angle it finished. And most importantly, he accomplished the one and only goal of the entire segment: Sell. This. Match.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 16

-During the Slammy episode of Raw, the Rock won an award for something (I can't remember what) and of course, he wasn't there to receive it and the crowd booed vociferously. And while watching this I remember writing in my notepad, the crowd may boo the Rock every time he's not there, but these same people will cheer and chant when he is there.

Point being, "The Rock" Dwayne Johnson is a big effing deal in professional wrestling. It's the importance of leaving on a high note and establishing a legacy and going on to accomplish bigger and better things. We as fans may try to belittle the Rock's involvement in anything current in WWE, but to Vince, Hunter, Stephanie, Linda, and the board of directors, he may as well be Midas (the legendary figure from Greek mythology whose touch could turn anything into gold, not the oil change place, ya rednecks!).

But just like it was important for Punk to come back with a strong response to the Rock's dog-and-pony show, it was equally important for the Rock to close out strong. He was clearly rattled by Punk's memorable rebuttal, but he got his revenge with an equally memorable response and punctuated it with perfectly-timed Rock Bottom that seemed to bring the roof off the freaking place.

It was the kind of set-up to a big match that gave you goosebumps and reminded you of what makes wrestling so unique and so much fun. You're never going to see anything that cool in at a UFC weigh-in so shut your mouth about wrestling losing fans to "real fighting." This is theater. This is art. And the two artists who were in the ring on Monday night worked together in perfect harmony to produce a masterpiece that should be appreciated for what it was, not twisted into something it wasn't (I'm looking at YOU, Billy Graham...the wrestler, not the evangelist).

Last Word: PLUS +

FINAL TALLY: 10 PLUS, 6 MINUS

Don't read too much into this final score. I expected them to book a strong show for the Rock's return.

My chief complaints:

- John Cena. It's not just that he's bland and annoying and wrestles like shit....well, come to think of it, yeah, that's exactly what it is.

- The misuse of talent. AJ and Dolph could be doing so much more. But I guess there can only be one top program and right now, it's Punk and the Rock so at least they're not completely irrelevant. Remember, Dolph was once teammates with this guy...

My chief points of praise:

-Antonio Cesaro. Apart from the segment with Punk and the Rock, his Neutralizer on Khali will be the one thing most people remember about this show.

-The final two segments with CM Punk and the Rock was as good as any pre-match build up segment there has ever been. It may not go down in history with other memorable moments like Jake "The Snake" Roberts DDT'ing Ricky Steamboat on the concrete floor, or the "Macho Man" Randy Savage crushing Steamboat's larynx with the ring bell (boy, poor Steamboat had his ass handed to him back in the day, huh?), but as far as mic work is concerned, it was as good, perhaps better, than anything I remember seeing in twenty-eight years as a fan.

I've rambled on enough. I'll be watching the Royal Rumble and you should too if you're a fan at all. I consider myself old-school and hard to please and despite my ability to break a segment down and analyze it for what it really is, I'm still a fan at heart who wants to mark out for wrestling done right. And that's what I was treated to Monday night by CM Punk and the Rock. Whether of not they can keep it going reamins to be seen, but for now, I'm going to allow myself to enjoy it. In a wresting landscape filled with watered-down pop radio garbage, it was nice to get a little Punk-Rock to remind you how much fun wrestling can be. Now, last one into the mosh pit wears his sister's Doc Martens!

That's the last word, bitches. Discuss!

{"Handsome" Dan Lopez is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}

Breaking the Smack Down: 01-04-13

Haven't watched Raw in two weeks because the holidays had me busy. Haven't watched Smackdown in a couple of months just because I was trying to make an effort to stay current on Raw and after three hours of WWE programming, finding time in my life for another two just wasn't a top priority.

Which is unfortunate because prior to my decision to watch Raw regularly, I actually felt like Smackdown was the better show. And after catching this week's episode, my feelings haven't changed.

Segment 1. Superstar Tag Match Main Event Booking 101

-I'm sure WWE could always use the excuse "well we had other plans and the General Manager decide to change things at the last minute" when it comes to these opening booking segments, but how many times does this need to happen? And what purpose does it serve? Cheap pops from the live crowd? What is the television audience getting out of it? I'll tell ya! NOTHING!

-Randy Orton is over. More over than Sheamus, that's for sure. Which is unfortunate because I think Sheamus is the more entertaining wrestler. I still feel like they've done him a disservice with the way he's been booked.

-The banter between the two faces was pretty weak. Thankfully the Big Show came out to right the ship. The whole segment ultimately fell flat for me but I've been really impressed with Big Show as the heel champ. He's finally being booked strong and it's paying off.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 2. The Three-Man Bland

-3MB could've been done so much better. There's nothing wrong with the concept, just the execution and I think that's not only the fault of the people who are writing, or rather not writing, their skits, but also the fault of the performers. Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre are terrible. They can't act to save their lives, and say what you want to but wrestling is acting. Their overreactions to everything that happened during this segment were painful to watch.

-The one positive was that there was some semblence of a storyline with 3MB wanting revenge against Miz for insulting them during MizTV. As if being on MizTV wasn't enough of an insult.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 3. Didn't Miz the Mark

-This turned out to be a decent match which both guys needed because their current career direction killed any momentum they had.

-Nice to see Miz get a clean win as a face and he seems to have found a schtick that works in which he points to a section of the crowd and they yell, "AWESOME!" He just needs to sustain this and not allow himself to get embarrassed in any future segments. Roddy Piper in the late 80s, early 90s had his share of significant moments despite not being great in the ring, and not being in the main event. Miz is in a similar spot now with this TV show. Despite the scripted nature of WWE TV, I doubt they could stop him from ad-libbing and as long as he makes it entertaining, he could stay relevant at the midcard level which is really all he can ask for at this point.

-Heath Slater is a tremendous worker who would be better served on his own. But he's being used in the ring and in small angles that could easily be turned into something more should he need to be given a push in the future. There are worse positions to be in in the current WWE.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 4. Can't Keep A Good Man Down

-Talent CANNOT be suppressed. We all complain about what's happened to Zack Ryder, and none of us as loudly as Zack himself. But the truth is, Zack is marginally talented at best. Wade Barrett on the other hand, is a supremely talented individual. He's arguably the best talker in wrestling right now and is as good as anyone in the ring. I have NO DOUBT that he will one day be a top heel in WWE.

-I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact that they chose to do pre-match promos and build anticipation for a secondary title that has meant so little until Wade began to challenge for it.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 5. Let The Sleeping Giant Lie

-JBL on commentary is the only thing that could make a Khali match watchable.

-So two guys, Primo and Epico, who actually have talent and can wrestle and put on an excellent match, are forced to job out to two nearly immobile freaks and for what? Is this really what WWE thinks their fans want to see? It's stuff like this that make me feel ashamed to admit that I watch professional wrestling. My wife actually walked in during this segment and I felt the need to apoligize. And I did! This was just an embarrasment on every level and WWE, Vince McMahon, Linda's dog, Stephanie's boobs, and Triple H's nose should all be ashamed of themselves.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 6. The Concept of Overkill Nearly Proven

-Kofi's over, unfortunately. I guess wrestling needs babyfaces like Kofi Kingston so in that respect, he plays his role well. I've just always been partial to heels so whenever I see Kofi jumping around like a sixth grader it makes me want to kick him in the Kingstones.

-Wade needs new music. For the love of Kate's baby, get this man some new music!!

"Who's music is that? It really sucks arse."
-The first half of this match suffered from a severe case of "been there, seen that". How many times have these two wrestled each other on TV now? I know it's gotten to the point where I am now beating that dead horse's ghost, but this shit needs to stop. THERE'S TOO MUCH WWE ON MY TV!!!!

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 7. That (Should've) Been All, Folks!

-Wade Barrett has single-handedly made the Intercontinental Title important again. How? By VALUING it. He hasn't talked about it as a stepping stone. He kisses it the way Bret Hart used to kiss the WWF Championship. I don't know if there has been a concerted effort on the part of the writers, bookers, announcers, etc., but the fact that the I-C title is important has been effectively communicated to this fan. I can't rave enough about how marvelous that is in the present WWE culture.

-Despite having seen this match so many times, terrific pacing by the wrestlers, and good psychology had me watching intently and emotionally invested (I don't read spoilers because I'm a better fan without them). And to top it all off, THE RIGHT GUY WON with a creative finish and it was CLEAN! It's stuff like this that made me a fan in the first place. Keep your circus, you out-of-touch, condescending twats, and give me WRESTLING!

-My only complaint is, the show should've ended. That should've been the main event. Nothing that followed even came close to approaching this performance and by featuring "bigger names" in what amounted to a throwaway, meaningless tag match you devalue the entire product. Again, I know the logistics, I just appreciate the value of a refined product and I think WWE is missing the boat in this regard.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 8. Diva'd If You Do, Diva'd If You Don't

-The match between Tamina and Layla was short and lackluster. Tamina won but none of it matters. According to this interview recently conducted with Michelle McCool, Divas are punished when they get "too good" in the ring, so what's the point of me investing any interest in them? They're either going to suck because they have no talent, or the ones that do will be told to suck on purpose. Just so incredibly disappointing. Not because I'm a huge fan of female wrestling, but just because I believe that there is money to be made with it that WWE seems content to leave laying on the table.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 9. Hard to Rebound After That

-Like I said, I didn't watch Raw and apparently I didn't miss much if the atrocity that was Dolph Ziggler and AJ's New Year's toast was such a highlight that it was chosen for the Raw Rebound (wasn't it called "Rewind"? Oh well, does it really matter?)

-So Dolph and AJ are the new Edge and Vickie. How blatantly unoriginal.

-The point behind all of this seems to have been to give John Cena a foil to work off of while he bides his time until WrestleMania and a rematch with The Rock. I guess it's working for the majority of the "Universe" but seeing as how I HATE John Cena and I LIKE Dolph Ziggler and AJ, this whole angle can get buried in cement next to Paul Bearer and I wouldn't miss it.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 10. Caution: Pedestrian Main Event In Progress

-Boring, paint-by-number action in the first half of this "Main Event".

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 11. Who Is This "Fella" Anyway?

-Why does Sheamus yell "Fella" all the time? I get that he's Irish but do I need to be reminded before every big move that he does? This is part of his booking that I believe has held him back. Or maybe he came up with it on his own, in which case, he's as out of touch as the WWE creative team. Drop it already, you pasty Paddy!

-Orton "going rogue" makes sense so props for that. But it would've meant more if the match wasn't so unspectacular.

Last Word: MINUS -

FINAL TALLY: FOUR PLUS +, SEVEN MINUS -

With such a lopsided score in favor of the negative, why would I contend that Smackdown is superior to Raw? Let me address that as we examine...

My chief complaints:

-Bookend segments featuring main event players that were cliche' and uninteresting. Fine for the live crowd but not for TV.
-Embarrassing segments like the Khali/Hornswoggle debacle make it hard to even admit being a fan.

My chief points of praise:

-It's only a two-hour show. I'd prefer ninety minutes but when the main event was over and I felt like I just couldn't stand to watch anymore, the show ended. Had this been Raw, I would've had a whole other hour to sit through.
-The entire Wade Barrett-Kofi Kingston Intercontinental title storyline. This is has been hands-down the best thing WWE has done in the past six months.

So there you have it. Knowing I'm going to be subjected to a mostly crap product, I'd prefer less of it. Not too complicated, right?

It's a shame that when it comes to watching wrestling I as a fan am forced into the position of choosing between the lesser of two evils but that's the sad state of the WWE right now.

What would I have done differently?

-The show would only be an hour and half first of all.
-That would enable me to eliminate some segments completely like the "Raw Rebound" (anyone who's watching Smackdown is already watching Raw and remembers what happened just four days ago) and the Khali/Hornswoggle disaster.
-I would eliminate the main event players from the TV show completely. They could've done those segments for the live audience to get them fired up (telling them they're getting an exclusive impromptu main event that won't be aired on TV would be more thrilling I would think than telling them they're going to be subjected to a run-of-the-mill bullshit tag match hampered by TV time limits and commercial breaks but what the fuck do I know, right?) but letting the TV show end with the Barrett-Kofi match would've been fine by me and perfectly acceptable from a booking standpoint. Seeing the main event guys every fucking week devalues their presence and makes it less special. Less is more.
-Instead of humiliating a quality team like Primo and Epico, why not give them a match against another quality team like the Usos?
-And instead of a meaningless two-minute match between the divas, how about give them a little time to work with and give the fans a chance to invest some emotion in them?

That's what I would do anyway. But I'm just a fan. Some might go so far as to call me a mark. But I like to think that I've got my eye on the ball when it comes to wrestling. I would want to make money just like the WWE wants to do. And giving talented, entertaining individuals more air time would generate more interest in the product and willingness to spend money on things pertaining to it like merchandise and pay-per-views.

But again, what do I know? I'm only the Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling.

Now THAT, is the last word, assholes. Post a comment and tell your friends about what we're doing here. Then tell them to post a comment. What I'm trying to say is.............DISCUSS!

{"Handsome" Dan Lopez is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}

Drawing The Right Conclusions

I've written on this subject before but what bears "peating" bears repeating. (Check out my previous post "Why WWE Isn't Going Anywhere")

Two things provoked me to spend time on this subject again:

1) Members of the Internet Wrestling Community (a term which if you are familiar with me at all, you know I despise) once again proclaiming the imminent demise of World Wrestling Entertainment thanks to low television ratings, pay-per-view buyrates, and poor arena attendance.

2) This video of a shoot interview with Bobby Heenan that I watched a few days ago.

Before we really get the discussion rolling, here are a couple of references that I encourage you to check out either before, during, or after our little discussion as a way to help us all maintain the proper perspective:

- Raw ratings from September 1995 to June 2010

- Revenue reports for 2012 from WWE's Corporate website

Not going to spend a lot of time trying to convince you that WWE is NOT the Titanic sinking fast. I don't think I can put together a more comprehensive argument for that than the one I've already presented in my previous post linked above.

But what I would like to spend time on is what "The Brain" had to say in his shoot interview.

From the reference links above TWO things can be positively determined:

1) Television ratings for Monday Night Raw, currently parked in the 2.7 - 3.0 range, are as low as they were in the company's "darkest days" just prior to the Attitude Era (1995-1997), when they were on the verge of "financial peril" according to Vince McMahon's own testimony.

2) World Wrestling Entertainment is not anywhere close to "financial peril" today. They are consistently turning over a handsome profit in spite of waning interest in the current product.

With these two things in mind, I want to refer to the Bobby Heenan interview where "Brain" emphasizes over and over again the importance of being able to "draw money." For example, after singing the Dynamite Kid's praises as an athlete and a wrestler, the host asks if Dynamite is "the greatest wrestler of all-time." To which Heenan responds, "The greatest of all-time is the guy who draws the most money."

This is just one example. He gives several and it really helped me get a grip on the whole "mark" controversy.

Wrestling fans usually don't mind being called "marks" but I'm afraid few of us understand what it really means. What wrestling do not like is being called "mark" in a dismissive way.

But if the truth be told, if we all had a better understanding of what a "mark" is, we'd have to admit that sometimes, more often than not, we're all a bunch a fucking marks and deserve the type of treatment we get.

I'm not saying "all the time" but most of the time, we wrestling fans draw inaccurate conclusions about how the wrestling business works.

Read that again. The wrestling BUSINESS. And just like any BUSINESS, the one and only, end-all, be-all purpose is to DRAW MONEY.

We all know part of Bobby Heenan's schtick as a legendary heel manager was his "hatred" for Hulk Hogan. Yet during his shoot interview, Bobby goes out of his way to defend Hogan against his detractors.

Why? Because Hulk Hogan DRAWS MONEY.

I applied this logic to myself in this way: once upon a time, I had dreams of becoming a professional wrestler but life, as it sometimes does, got in the way. I had responsibilities that put that dream on permanent hold status.

However, if I had attended a wrestling school at that time (we're talking 1999 or so; shortly after I graduated high school) my goal would probably have been to be the best professional wrestler I could become.

But according to Bobby Heenan, a legend with decades of experience in the business, what is the criteria for being considered the greatest of all-time? DRAWING MONEY.

That's the difference. A mark like me thinks, "I have to be THE BEST" without even realizing what it means to be THE BEST in professional wrestling.

Being THE BEST means DRAWING THE MOST MONEY. That's it. It's literally that simple.

This is why wrestlers develop a certain disdain for fans, or marks. Because a mark will come up to them and say some stupid shit like "You can't wrestle" or "So-and-so is way better than you" without realizing how stupid something like that sounds.

If "So-and-so" is having great matches all across the country, but in high school gymnasiums in front of twenty people, it doesn't matter how fucking "good" he is. The musclebound clod who can barley chain two moves together is the better wrestler because he's the one that's DRAWING MONEY.

Get it now?

I know, I know, it's hard to free ourselves from the mindset of what we see in the ring and how entertaining it is and using that as our basis for comparison. But it's the difference between being a fan, and someone who is involved in the business.

And it's the difference between being dismissed as a mark, and being able to intelligently discuss someone's profession with them.

I'm not saying what takes place in the ring doesn't matter. Of course it does. But that isn't the measuring stick for those involved in the business. Those involved in the business realize that the measuring stick is what perpetuates the business and having a great match isn't it.

What perpetuates the business is DRAWING MONEY.

This is why we see things on our TV that sometimes we don't understand as fans. And it's why we sometimes don't see the things that we would like to see. The people in charge are only interested in DRAWING MONEY and using personnel in the best way to optimize their ability to DRAW MONEY.

In the post linked at the beginning ("Why WWE Isn't Going Anywhere") I mentioned a program that Hulk Hogan was supposed to work in the 80's with Jake "The Snake" Roberts during the height of Hulkamania when Jake was still a heel. The angle was supposed to kick off during Roberts' interview segment The Snake Pit, where he was going to DDT Hogan on the concrete floor.

When Jake did this however, instead of the crowd booing him out of the building for beating up their hero, they cheered. In Jake's own words, this was "the wrong reaction." According to him, when he got backstage, even Vince McMahon said "you've got rotten luck!"

Why? Because as the heel, Jake's desire was to DRAW MONEY by working with the babyface in shows all across the country. Well, if fans were going to be divided when they worked together and CHEER FOR THE HEEL, the angle wasn't going to work and it wasn't going to DRAW MONEY.

Now, a mark might say, "A babyface Jake Roberts versus a heel Hulk Hogan in the 80s would've been AWESOME!" A mark has the luxury to think that way. But the business owner, the bookers, the people in charge have to think about the Big Picture and keep their eye on the goal which is, to DRAW MONEY.

I know I keep beating that horse into the ground, but the point needs to be made. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss and I'd be better off screaming my head off like any other mark and losing myself in the illusion. But I actually don't have a problem doing that even with a better understanding of the business. I prefer to be informed. I prefer to sound intelligent when I speak about the things I'm passionate about, like wrestling.

Fans of movies, even obsessed fans, like those who love the Twilight series, are not as bad as wrestling marks. They don't call Taylor Lautner "Jacob" when they meet him or suggest that his brothers are better at "morphing" than he is. How ridiculous would that be? How might Taylor Lautner respond to such outright lunacy?

Yet we wrestling marks insist that the PERFORMERS that we watch week-in and week-out humor us when he say shit like, "Chris Benoit deserved to be champion way more than you did" or "Dude, you should've won that last match!" Honestly, no wonder they try to avoid us. That would get old real fast!

Wrestling IS unique in the sense that you watch the PERFORMERS put on their SHOW right in front of you. And many times, they'll interact with you IN CHARACTER during the PERFORMANCE (all this emphasis is deliberate, by the way). So it is easy to lose yourself in the illusion probably more so than any other form of entertainment, which is I love it and believe wrestling to be the single greatest form of entertainment in the world. The fact that there are so many marks in the world is proof of how this industry has excelled at what they do.

I would rather go to a wrestling event than to a "real" sporting event. I would rather go to a wrestling show than a Broadway show. I would rather go to a wrestling show than go the movies. Wrestling, when done right, is the end-all, be-all of entertainment in my opinion.

But we have to realize that these men and women are simply PLAYING A ROLE. And once the performance is over, they're real people with real names, families, hobbies, interests, etc. I'm sure just like any performer they appreciate fans who love their performance. But when the line between PERFORMANCE ART and REALITY become blurred that's when things get creepy.

Can a wrestling fan express an opinion about what he believes will DRAW MONEY? I think so, obviously. I do it here every week. But I've increasingly tried to keep my opinions out of the realm of a blind mark's rantings and instead, take the approach of someone whose goal is to perpetuate the product by DRAWING MONEY.

So go ahead, you marks, book your own shows, speculate, rant and rave about the things you hate and the things you'd like to see! No harm in that. But do yourself a favor and at least try to sound intelligent. Try to understand how the business works if you're going to comment on it. We'll never understand it fully as fans because we're not in it. But we can all make an honest effort.

For example, just to apply all this wisdom to the current WWE product, I think they've done a good job recently of booking their top talent like Ryback, and some of the midcard talent like Damien Sandow and Antonio Cesaro. But I do think they haven't done as well with the divas' division or their tag teams. I believe there is money to be made there and they are doing themselves, the performers, and the business a disservice by not focusing more on these areas and booking a better product. That's not a blind mark's ramblings. That's looking at it realistically from the standpoint of what's best for business and DRAWING MONEY.

Would I like to see WWE throw caution to the wind and book whatever would be "cool?" Sure I would. But I understand that it's important to keep someone like John Cena on top. He DRAWS MONEY. Maybe not the bucketfuls that others have drawn in the past. But he provides a steady source of income and I can see how a business owner, would be hesitant to risk that by changing his character.

That doesn't mean I don't think there are better ways to use John Cena and still DRAW MONEY. I certainly believe that there are. So I'll rant about that. That's not being a mark. That's just being a fan.

So to tie all this together, how has this knowledge changed me? Am I still The Smartest Man Not Currently Involved In Wrestling (trademark, Sonnnnnnnn!)? Of course!

I've been changed in this sense, were I to enter a wrestling school today with visions of fulfilling my dream, my goal would still be the same. I would still want to become the greatest wrestler I could be, but instead of asking my instructors to "teach me to be a great wrestler," I would ask them "teach me how to draw money."

That's the secret to success in professional wrestling. For some, it's having great matches. For others, it's finding the right gimmick. For others still, it's a combination of the two, or something entirely different altogether. But the goal remains the same.

So quit making yourself look stupid. Be a mark, but know what the fuck you're talking about. And that'll help you draw the right conclusions.

That's the last word for now, phreaks and phalluses. Until next time, and I mean this...........DISCUSS!!!!!!!!

[The Smartest Man Not Currently Involved In Wrestling is mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.]

Review In The Raw 12-10-12: Do not adjust your sets. You HAVE see this all before.

Segment 1. Dolph Ziggler: A Career Retrospective

- How eerily symbolic was Dolph's little demonstration? He does all the work to climb the ladder of success, only to get completely overshadowed by the two big men and be sent toppling back to the ground. Welcome back to reality, Dolph!

- Still not crazy about the way they're booking Sheamus. I wrote a post entitled "Where Have All The Good Guys Gone?" for SPINEBUSTER.com (back when they were still up and running) and may have to recreate it here. The gist of it though was, why does WWE expect us to cheer for hypocritical babyfaces who act like heels? Sheamus is a terrific example of this. He tries to come across as a noble warrior and a hero, yet his entire babyface run has been built on sneak attacks and Pearl Harbor jobs. I have nothing against a babyface employing such tactics, but only if they're honest about it the way "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was. As a fan you were never surprised when he took a short cut to win a match because that's who he was. He was The Rattlesnake. D.T.A., you stupid piece of trash et cetera, et cetera!

Anyhow, before I dwell too long on this subject, just keep that little nugget of truth in the back of your mind because you're going to see it play out as a recurring theme in tonight's show.

- Here's my problem, the purpose of this segment was soley to sell tickets and pay-per-view buys for TLC. As a fan, I don't want to see Sheamus win so why would I want to watch? I wouldn't mind seeing Big Show retain the belt but they already had a very good wrestling match at Hell In A Cell that Show won. Are they really going to top that beating each other with chairs?

I don't want to see Cena win Dolph's MITB briefcase. The only way Dolph will win is if there's interference of some kind so why would I want to watch a match that Ziggler will carry only to end up with a shitty payoff? I don't.

- This is what you call a good ol' fashioned FAIL! To his credit, Big Show was strong on the mic.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 2. Wade gets got.

- Vickie Guerrero is a very good performer. Say what you want about being tired of her but I'm not. She gets a reaction and that's what you want in a wrestling show.

- Normally I wouldn't mind R-Truth getting a "flash" win over Wade Barrett like that but on the Raw before a pay-per-view? Wade is the one that has been built strong on Raw in the weeks leading up to his match at TLC with Kofi. Why have him lose now? This could've been done a couple of weeks ago if you wanted to throw Truth a bone and give him a cheap win. Not a deal-breaker, but a poor decision for sure.

If they were going to have Wade lose, at least follow it up with a backstage interview where he blows off the loss. Or have him attack R-Truth to exact a measure of revenge. ANYTHING just to make him look strong on the way out. Again, if the idea is to sell the pay-per-view, methinks they be going about it all wrong.

- Remember what I said about supposed white meat babyfaces acting like heels? We had another example in Kofi taking a cheap shot on Wade. Kofi, you're the champion. You're the good guy. Why would you jump someone who a) just had a match, b) just lost said match, and c) is at the challenger's disadvantage on Sunday? And why the hell should I be cheering you for doing it? I'm not. Go to hell, Kofi. Or Ghana, West Africa. Whichever's closer.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 3. AJ is a pervert.

- Just when I thought WWE was going to listen to its audience and let the John Cena-AJ romance angle die of natural causes, here they are trying to revive it again. We hate John Cena. We love AJ. We don't want someone we HATE macking on someone we LOVE.

I understand the logic behind trying to keep Cena "in the mix" by involving him with those who are relevant, but I think there are better ways to do that than by forcing an angle on their fans that is clearly going nowhere.

- The tag team fatal four-way was basically a formality.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 4. "CO-DY'S MUS-TACHE!" CLAP! CLAP! CLAP CLAP CLAP!

- Surprised to see Cody back so soon from injury but whoever put the match together did it right. Cody looked tremendous in picking up the win for his team.

- Also give props to whoever had the idea to book the Usos so strong. It always gives cause to us old-schoolers to get optimistic about a resurgence in tag team wrestling when we see a match like this. However, with makeshift teams like Rhodes Scholars, Mysterio & Sin Cara, and Team Hell No in the top spots, not sure there's room for teams like the Usos even though they are clearly over with the fans.

Not that the Usos need to win the Tag Team Titles or anything. But just having them featured more often in matches against the top teams or even Primo and Epico, would be a refreshing break from the norm.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 5. That wave looks familiar. Where have I seen it before?

- Opening narration. Mysterious rogue group attacking members of the roster. And now the princess wave. What else is WWE going to admit that TNA has done right?
It's a great gimmick for a heel ladies' champion. While we're on the subject so is that "photo shoot" routine Eve did at the end of her match with Alicia Fox.

My question is, why can't these ideas be given to a woman who can actually wrestle? I realize Beth Phoenix isn't the glamor puss that Eve is, but she can at least put on a decent match. You mean to tell me these gimmicks wouldn't have worked just as well for her? Maybe Eve is just that ambitious and she's coming up with these things herself but if not, creative needs to quit catering to these Runway Rejects and start investing in women who can actually deliver a payoff once it's time to get in the ring. I still say there's a untapped market of young female fans longing for real female athletes that they can look up to.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 6. More symbolism can't silence the fans.

- Just like the example of Ziggler's ladder toppling over, how about WWE Champion CM Punk having to hobble out on crutches? His entire reign as champion has always seemed a bit hobbled.

One thing that can't be denied though is that CM Punk is over with the fans. He got a resounding ovation with his line "working more days than anyone else." The fans believe it because they see it. In spite of his and Paul Heyman's attempts to insult the fans and play the heel role, I think the fans are smart enough to appreciate that he's in his comfort zone now. I didn't like him either when he was trying to be "Cena Lite" as the babyface champion because it clearly wasn't what he was good at. But fans appreciate a performer playing their role well whether it's as a heel or a face. And right now, fans are appreciating CM Punk.

- Was it just me or did it seem like they cut him off to soon? His promo just seemed to end awkwardly. Still, it was good, and I liked that he started building toward his match with The Rock. That is one I would pay money to see.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 7. Somebody change the CD. It's skipping.

- Sheamus vs. Dolph. It's Sheamus vs. Dolph. Sheamus vs. Dolph. This is why they make such a big deal anytime two Superstars are in a match and HAVE NEVER FACED EACH OTHER ONE-ON-ONE BEFORE. Because even they know that they keep giving us the same matches on TV over and over and over again.

Not that Sheamus vs. Dolph is a bad match. It's always good. But how many damn times can we watch it just to see the same fucking result??

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 8. The Diesel Effect.

- It happened twice tonight. The babyface kicks out of a move that should've beaten anybody. The crowd's response? "BOOOOOOOOOO!" The Superman shit just needs to go away already. Especially now that kayfabe is dead. Fans know the only reason Sheamus gets to kick out is because he's the "good guy" and they recognize when a move should win a match, especially when someone like Ziggler is working his ass off.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 9. Midget porn.

- Have to give credit where it's due. The segment with Vickie, Hornswoggle and Khali was funny.

- The Shield's Joker-esque "manifesto" was okay. I hate seeing things that have the potential to be great, come up just a little short of that. Still, it accomplished the goal of adding to The Shield's reputation.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 10. Pretty sure even the radio knows Zack Ryder's no longer relevant.

- Once upon a time, Zack Ryder would've gotten a HUGE ovation in New Jersey. Now? Crickets. I guess it's possible for him to become relevant again if he's given another push. Just not sure if the stars will ever align the way they did for him a year ago when he was on a roll with his internet show and making backstage cameo appearances. Not that I'm a mark for Zack Ryder. It's just a shame that all the work he did to get himself over was sacrificed on the altar of the WWE's Golden Nugget.

- The fans clearly could've cared less about this match and it damn near put me in a coma as a result. Not that the action was bad. But you can't just throw two guys in the ring that nobody cares about...and expect people to care about it!

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 11. Brad Maddox screws AJ (not as hot as it sounds)

- I realize that if dogshit could shit, it would shit this match. But if this had lead to a backstage segment in which Vince tells Maddox that if he wants to be in the spotlight so badly he could have a match at TLC against AJ, I would've marked out hard core!

Sadly, that didn't happen. But at the time, I was optimistic. I hope there's a lot more of Brad Maddox in the future because he's a character that hasn't been done in a while so it's fresh. And I find him to be a charismatic performer.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 12. CHAMPION VERSUS CHAMPION!!!! (And no one cared)

- Not that Kofi vs. Cesaro was a bad match. It was a good match. And I'm glad Cesaro won clean as fuck. But the Intercontinental Champion faces the United States Champion in a one-on-one showdown...and it's just some throw-in "Who cares?" match to fill time?

I'm sorry but that just pisses me off! How about we make some money, build a story behind a match like this, and make the product special instead?

Now that Wade Barrett AND Kofi Kingston both lost on the go-home show before a pay-per-view in meaningless throw-away matches, why should I care about who wins the Intercontinental Title? It's like the past three weeks they've spent building up that encounter to mean something was just pissed away.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 13. Michael Cole can't hide his hard-on (hey look, three "H's")

- Regardless of everything that was wrong with the way the Cesaro-Kofi match was booked, I have to give props to first of all Michael Cole for actually selling a new talent on commentary, and the WWE for having the right guy win. Must've been a Triple H hire.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 14. Colonel DAMN Sanders

- This is a great example of what's wrong with a three-hour show. This Miz TV segment was very good for everyone invovled. But it should've been happening on next week's Raw. Instead, next week, Team Rhodes Scholars is probably going to have another match that they'll either lose or win that will devalue either themselves or one of the other tag teams.

Again, I understand why the show is three hours. But if we're talking about making the product special and making money long term, I just think stretching things out a little further, making it last a little longer, is the smarter approach. But what do I know, right? I'm just a goon with a keyboard.

- That being said, it was a decent segment. Team Rhodes Scholars handled themselves extremely well. Very happy for Cody Rhodes.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 15. I'm here to show the world! Here I am again! Yoo-hoo, here I am again!

- Dolph Ziggler did a fine job on commentary but this was his third appearance in the arena. It just felt like overkill.

- The match was standard John Cena vs. Big Show fare. Not terrible, but again, when it's been done so many times who gives a flying shit?

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 16. What do you know? Less IS more!

- The loudest ovations of the night came for the people we saw the least during the show. Team Hell No came out to a HUGE pop. And then of course, the fans worked themselves into a frenzy for Ryback, who the company continues to handle well.

If the philosophy is, sell the main event, then WWE is doing a good job because they have certainly done that.

Last Word: PLUS +

FINAL TALLY: 7 PLUS, 9 MINUS

After two weeks of breaking even, we've had a first mostly negative Raw in a month.

My chief points of praise:

- Ryback and Team Hell No are hot enough that even though they haven't done a great job of building up The Shield, they've done enough with the babyfaces to get people to care about TLC and probably order it.
- Some of the young heels like Sandow and Antonio Cesaro continue to be booked strong. At least on Raw.

My chief complaints:

- Too many matches that we've either seen way too many times before or don't care about.
- Illogical booking that did nothing to build interest in upcoming pay-per-view matches like Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett.
- Three hours results in way too much filler being needed which results in throw-away matches or segments that could've been used more effectively on a future show. Thus, resulting in a show that is mostly bad.

It's not like WWE isn't doing anything right. But when you have to sit through three fucking hours just to get half a good show it's a little maddening because we've all got better things to do with our time. I really don't need that much wrestling. I can be just as satisfied with a show that's an hour and half and gets me to care about the product to the point that I might actually order the upcoming pay-per-view.

Because I love wrestling, I don't always need to be sold on a pay-per-view. But speaking strictly from a fan's perspective who is deciding on what to do with his dollars during the holiday season, I just feel like interest in TLC could've been generated more efficiently with this particular episode of Raw.

That's the last word for now, beanbags. Until next time.....DISCUSS!

[Our intrepid author is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling shows The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.]