The Color of Money

Alright, we all know who this guy is, don't we?

Now I realize he doesn't wear green all the time, but this ghastly atrocity is actually still very popular among kids in attendance at WWE shows. Not only does it make you as a little kid easier to see amongst thousands of people, but it also leaves no doubt as to with whom your allegiance lies. You are a card-carrying member of the Cenation.

And if you'll grant me a little creative license, allow me to make this connection: Cena wears the GREEN because GREEN is the color of MONEY. And when it comes to World Wrestling Entertainment, CENA EQUALS MONEY.

Now you're all going to stand up and shout about how Cena isn't nearly the draw that Hulk Hogan was, or that he's not nearly the draw that "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was, or that he's not nearly the draw that The Rock was, and that is all true. So pat yourselves on the back, Barry Horowitz, you win that argument.

But that's not the issue. The issue is NOT how much money has Cena ever made for WWE. The issue IS does Cena make money for WWE RIGHT NOW.

The answer is, Yes.

This isn't your dad's WWWF. This isn't even your WWF. This is your kid's WWE. Get it through your heads, people. Those are THREE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT COMPANIES. What worked for the World Wide Wrestling Federation would not have worked for the World Wrestling Federation. And what worked for the World Wrestling Federation WILL NOT WORK for today's World Wrestling Entertainment.

Okay, I may be stretching things just a bit because I personally believe that some of the tested and proven methods of making money that worked for the WWF, and even the WWWF, would actually work for WWE, but it doesn't matter what I think. And it doesn't matter what you think.

What matters is what the shareholders and board of directors think.

World Wrestling Entertainment is a publicly-traded company. It isn't Vince McMahon's rasslin' promotion anymore. It's PG because it HAS to be PG. It isn't because anyone on the planet believes that the best form of wrestling entertainment is created under the PG banner. Anyone who has watched the Rock during his comeback both this year and last year knows that a little edgier is better.

But with CREATIVITY comes RISK.

Ask anyone who has ever had an idea. When you attempt to make your IDEA into a REALITY, you run the RISK of it not being accepted. Not a big deal if all your doing is say, writing a blog on a free blog-posting website. The risk is virtually non-existent.

But when you run a million-dollar company, every single idea that comes out of your creative meetings with the company's stamp of approval, carries with it a MILLION-DOLLAR RISK. All it takes is ONE bad angle, ONE bad promo, ONE bad idea, to cost the company THOUSANDS, if not MILLIONS of dollars.

And forget the fans. I'm not talking about the fans' dollars. Fans are extremely forgiving. Because they're fans. How much garbage have we sat through in our twenty or thirty something years as wrestling fans and yet where are we on Monday nights? In front of TVs watching Raw. Despite ranting and raving all week long about how terrible the product is, we remain loyal and hopeful because we're fans. That's our nature.

But sponsors and advertisers don't have to be fans. And THAT, my friends, is where World Wrestling Entertainment's bread gets buttered.

If you want to read the company's spiel, you can check out this article printed by the Miami Herald last summer.

I'm not going to pretend to understand all the verbiage, but here's the gist of it: if I'm Vince McMahon, here's how I think: "It's not what we DO, it's who we ARE. We are WWE. Consumers (not fans) RECOGNIZE OUR BRAND so they come to us. Just like they recognize Coke or Pepsi. As long as we always LOOK THE WAY WWE IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK, we will always keep consumers coming back.

"Therefore, we're not selling ourselves to the consumers; we're selling ourselves to SHAREHOLDERS, SPONSORS, and ADVERTISERS. And sharholders, sponsors, and advertisers want TWO THINGS: a SAFE INVESTMENT, and BRAND STRENGTH. If we get too CREATIVE, we RISK becoming an UNSAFE INVESTMENT. And that cannot happen.

"Therefore, if we can find something that works within the boundaries of a SAFE INVESTMENT, we will ride that gravy train as long as we can."

And that's where THIS guy comes in...

Look at him. More importantly, look at those troops. They don't care that he dresses like a 12-year old boy. They don't care that he wrestles like one. All they know is, he's a good guy who supports them and is the face of THEIR FAVORITE WRESTLING BRAND, WWE.

Anybody think Zack Ryder could fill that role? How about Daniel Bryan? CM Punk? R-Truth and Little Jimmy? What about The Miz? Could they do it as well as John Cena?

Answer? "OH, HELL NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Now you know why it's John Cena and NOT those guys. That's why it will be John Cena as long as he's capable of functioning inside a wrestling ring. Because he does this WITHOUT BEING CREATIVE. We've all seen John Cena at the top of his game. We know he has it within himself to be entertaining and come with edgier stuff. But that means RISK. And WWE is not going to risk losing shareholders, sponsors, or advertisers.

They've clearly lost fans. Just look at the ratings for Raw. They're nowhere near where they were in the days of Stone Cold and the Rock. But they haven't lost ENOUGH fans and they NEVER WILL because they know it's not just John Cena, it's THE BRAND. It's WWE.

What SHOULD have happened when the World Wrestling Federation became WWE, fans should've abandoned ship the way they did when New Coke came out.

But we didn't. Because even though it didn't TASTE like the WWF, it still LOOKED like the WWF so we stayed. Not all of us, but enough of us did.

And so, instead of scrapping WWE, and going back to what worked, they found a way to make money with New Coke. And the rest is history.

So why did I bother going to such lengths to essentially justify what Vince McMahon and WWE is doing? Am I happy with the current product? HELL to the NO!! But as the Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling, it is my obligation to understand the current wrestling landscape. And what I've just laid out for you so eloquently IS the current wrestling landscape as it pertains to World Wrestling Entertainment. No one else is going to break it down any simpler.

So what should YOUR response be to what I have just told you? Ideally, we would all close our wallets, put away our checkbooks and go find something better to do. It's not that WWE hasn't done a few good things since they adopted the new formula, but if we're all honest we'd have to admit that a good 75-90% of what they have done in the past decade has fallen short of expectations.

That's a pretty lousy performance record. As a fan of the San Diego Chargers, I know all about failure. But in sports, you don't suddenly change teams unless you have a vagina. But this isn't sports. The rules are different here. It's not as if they aren't controlling the outcomes. What we have gotten is what THEY have chosen to give us. So it's up to us to say, "I'm switching brands because I don't like the way this shit tastes."

A lot of people have done it already. But not enough for them to pull the plug. So what's a couple hundred or thousand more marks reading spoilers on the internet? They'll always have the troops. They'll always have the middle-income nuclear families. And those people will happily whip out their checkbooks when it comes time to order a pay-per-view or visit the t-shirt stand. Why? Because it's WWE. It's the brand they recognize. They know it's safe. Think they realize such a thing as TNA exists? Not a fucking chance. If their kid did happen upon Impact on TV, think their parents are going to spend money on that ghetto-looking shit? No. Fucking. Way.

So basically, I'm not telling you to do anything. You want to watch WWE in the hopes of gleaning the few good bits of grain you can? Go ahead. Just don't waste your time getting all red-faced and stomping a mudhole in your TV. Realize, nothing's going to change. You want to make a statement and show WWE how fed up you are? Then take your consumer dollars elsewhere. I personally don't think it will make a difference but maybe it will improve your blood-pressure and that alone will be worth it.

Who knows? Maybe enough people WILL turn away and WWE will finally get the message and start to take some risks and improve the level of creativity. But in the meantime, THAT is the state of the business and no one is going to lay it out any better. What you choose to do with the knowledge is up to you.

And that's the last word, peeps. Now it's time to make your voice heard. WWE may not be willing to listen. But here, your opinion actually matters. So.......DISCUSS!

{The Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling is mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}

Raw is....AJ?

There's been a lot of buzz in the Internet Wrestling Community (a designation that is about as annoying as "WWE Universe") about Impact Wrestling, TNA, SNM, STD, whatever. A lot of people making a case for why it's the best weekly wrestling show right now and that's fine.

But it got me thinking, "Is Raw really a good wrestling show?"

I don't know how regularly you watch it or why but I watch Raw every single week. Unfortunately I work nights so I can't watch it live but I would if I could. Instead I DVR it and watch it as soon as I can. Sometimes I don't get to it until Thursday but I don't go a week without watching.

Why? Because it's WWE. It's what I was raised on. It's what made me fall in love with wrestling in the first place. You don't just abandon something that you have that kind of history with.

Plus, WWE is still the "major leagues" of professional wrestling. If something really big is going to happen it's going to happen in WWE. The Rock and Brock Lesnar weren't going anywhere else and their involvement, regardless of how it played out or how it may play out, was compelling.

But Raw, which hasn't been my favorite show for awhile now, always seems to be the "go to" show for people like me. Diehard wrestling fans who were also brought up on WWE/WWF and just assume that nothing important is happening on Smackdown and it's not worth watching. I've actually enjoyed Smackdown a lot more than I have Raw for the past several weeks but that's another topic for another time.

What we're looking at now is the question of whether or not a basic episode of Raw can honestly be called a good wrestling show. So let's dissect yesterday's installment, shall we?

OPENING VIDEO PACKAGE REPLAYING WHAT BIG SHOW DID TO CENA LAST WEEK
- I like the way they've built Big Show up to this point. It's similar to how they put Mark Henry over strong and that was very compelling.
Last Word: PLUS

JOHN CENA, DANIEL BRYAN, CM PUNK, CHRIS JERICHO, KANE, BIG SHOW IN RING SEGMENT TO PROMOTE MONEY IN THE BANK.
-I actually like John Cena's invovlement in the Money in the Bank Ladder Match. That concept got really boring and this was one of the few things that hadn't been done yet and at least for me, has breathed new life into the concept.
-Daniel Bryan, again, owned everyone else on the mic. He's a genuine old-school heel who is actually cutting wrestling promos as opposed to Cena and Punk who go out and just talk. There's a difference.
Last Word: I give this segment a PLUS. Daniel Bryan did a good job furthering his character and Big Show ended up looking strong. And CM Punk finally spoke up for himself as WWE Champion. Everybody's been laying claim to his title and he's said nothing. It was nice to see him finally put his foot down, even confronting the Almighty Cena.

PRIME TIME PLAYERS, DAVID OTUNGA & CODY RHODES vs. KOFI KINGSTON, R-TRUTH, CHRISTIAN & SANTINO
-First of all, who gives a fuck about any of these people? And it's always the same ones matched up all the time.
-The Prime Time Players are still realatively new and fresh but they showed how green they were in this terrible match.
-How many times is David Otunga going to job to the Cobra?
-I'm glad that there was some continuity with Brodus Clay and Otunga feuding but those matches are going to be awful anyway so unfortunately, there's no real payoff.
Last Word: MINUS

TEDDY LONG BACKSTAGE WITH ALBERTO DEL RIO
-I actually thought Teddy did a great job during his angle with John Laurenitis. Unfortuantely, that angle is over and he's gone back to the boring, outdated wanna-be pimp GM.
-Teddy thinking that Del Rio doesn't deserve a title shot after he beat the U.S. Champion and the Intercontinental Champion cleanly in the same week means he either doesn't watch the shows or he's an idiot. Saying it pops the "Universe" though because Del Rio's a "bad guy" so whatever.
Last Word: MINUS

ALBERTO DEL RIO NON-MATCH WITH SIN CARA
-I LOVE area-specific match-ups like this. Unfortunately, they didn't let them actually wrestle.
-Del Rio actually beating Sin Cara in a match would've been a better build for him.
Last Word: MINUS

AJ EATS FLOWERS
-The first appearance of AJ. It was in the perfect spot. She didn't open the show. She had more interaction with Daniel Bryan which is good for him. She kept up the crazy girl gimmick. Fine.
Last Word: PLUS

PAUL HEYMAN LOOKS LIKE SHIT VIA SATELLITE TOO
-How funny was his face when that asshole started messing with his tie??
-I love Paul Heyman but I'm starting to hate this angle because it appears to be building towards a HHH win at SummerSlam. I could be wrong and I hope I am. After all, I think nearly everyone expected John Cena to win at Mania so I could still end up being surprised.
-It would be great if this angle was allowed to play out and Heyman won his "lawsuit" against the WWE and became the "owner" and actually "ran" WWE for a little while.
Last Word: Although I've been enjoying the angle and Heyman's performances, I'm giving this segment a MINUS because they teased an answer all week and Heyman basically didn't say anything new.

DOLPH IS TO THE BROGUE KICK WHAT OTUNGA IS TO THE COBRA
-What the fuck does Dolph Ziggler have to be so confident about? How many times can you get beat and still come out yelling, "This is MY time!"
-That old Braveheart Sheamus once again kicks his much smaller opponent when he's not looking. What a champion we can all be proud of!
-Speaking of which, the World Heavyweight Championship belt is really starting to look a lot more prestigious than the WWE Championship belt. The "big gold" had been around so long and the way it had been booked it became sort of an afterthought but now with ADR and Ziggler chasing it and Sheamus being booked to look so strong that's flipped. Punk and his title have become secondary to the whole "crazy chick" angle and it's now HIS belt that's become an afterthought.
Last Word: MINUS

HEY PUNK, "WOT HOPPENED?"
-We get our third installment of AJ, this time backstage with the champ who is quickly becoming the Ricky Ricardo of Raw and AJ is Lucy, stealing every segment their in together and completely pushing him into the background.
Last Word: MINUS

DOINK GOES "DOINK" AND DDP KILLS ANDY GRIFFITH
-I honestly don't think anyone in that crowd knew who the clown was. For that matter, I don't know who the clown was! It could've been ANYBODY! He didn't do anything that was particular to the Doink character other than being dressed like him. I'd much rather preferred to see DDP wrestle.
-Speaking of the real "People's Champ" (sorry Rock, but until YOU leave through the crowd, DDP is ALWAYS going to hold that title in MY book!), I'd much rather have preferred had he come out to the "Self Hi-Five" Nirvana rip-off he used in WCW. It would've been better for Andy Griffith that's for sure. I had no idea the former Sheriff of Mayberry was a wrestling fan but hearing DDP rip off Earest T. Bass in his entrance theme was apparently too much for the eighty-six year-old Matlock to take.
Last Word: MINUS

KANE SAYS OTHERWISE, THEN GOES OUT AND DOES IT
-Wrestling Booking Rule #89: Jobbing out a credible opponent in five minutes doesn't make the winner of the match who you are trying to build look strong. It makes the loser of the match look weak. In other words, Kane vs Big Show equals EPIC FAIL.
Last Word: MINUS

AJ TAKES A NAP ON EVE'S BREAST
-This is where we cross the line into "AJ Overload" territory. Her segment with Bryan, her match, and her segment with Punk did enough to advance the character for one show. I get it. She's unstable. How about make the Kane-Big Show match a little longer instead?
-Also, she was practically eating Eve's boob! Not that there's anyting wrong with that, but if you're trying to get AJ over as the company's top hottie, putting her next to Eve is like putting your sister's cute friend next to the smoking hot teacher and telling you to pick one. It's really no contest.
Last Word: MINUS

YOSHI TATSU: "A SCHOOLBOY! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?!"
-Yeah, apparently that's Tensai's weakness. Of course it would take bland-as-balls Tyson Kidd to discover this. Of all the young talent that could be getting pushed! The fans clearly did not care either, despite his best efforts to get them to grope him by standing on the ring barrier. He doesn't even have the cool haircut going for him anymore.
Last Word: MINUS

CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THOSE CHANTS! WHAT? OH, BROTHER!
-Punk telling Cena to follow his lead was cool but that didn't really play out in the match. I rip on Ring of Honor for lacking psychology in their matches but the truth is, most WWE matches are devoid of it as well. This match could've really done a lot to build toward the pay-per-veiw and a probable confrontation between Cena and Punk but instead, we get Cena going all Ultimate Warrior circa SummerSlam '91, and chasing the evil Chris Jericho all the way back to the dressing room.
-And just when you thought you might make it to the end of the show without her, here comes............AJ! And once again, she completely overshadows the men.
-Just as an aside, why the fuck does SHE get to revive the "Yes!" chant? Vince shits on Bryan for not having the "look" of a WWE Superstar but he's shit on the divas for years! And yet this girl gets five segments...FIVE SEGMENTS?! Trust me, I'm all about AJ. I think she's adorable and her character's great but...five segments??
Last Word: MINUS

So if you've already lost track (I know I have) here's the final score:
PLUSES: 3, MINUSES: 11

So is Raw a GOOD wrestling show? In a word, No, it's not.

Why do I waste time watching it? Honestly? I don't know. I like knowing what's going on first-hand, as oppposed to just reading spoilers and listening to what everyone else is saying, I guess. I still watch the Chargers play football and the Suns play basketball even though they disappoint me regularly.

Don't worry, this blog is not going to become some review site because I know there's already an assload of those but I really wanted to break down an episode of Raw just so I can draw a definite conclusion. It's easy to get caught up in the product as a whole and say it's bad without realizing why. So maybe you got a little perspective out of the deal. I know I did and so, I guess it was worth it.

The last word on this subject is, if you find yourself watching Raw and feel the sudden urge to punch your TV, don't be alarmed. There's nothing wrong with you. You're just watching a bad wrestling show.

I'm out peeps! Until next time......discuss!


[Look for our beloved author as a contributor on his favorite wrestling show The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and on SPINEBUSTER.com. Follow him on Twitter @DAntonioLopez]

"U Can't See Me...Or Deez Nuts!"

[Lazy Author's Note: I haven't got the time to investigate these sources so if you're willing to do the legwork and find out that they're shit, I'll give you props. But until then, I'm just going to go with what I have.]

Ratings for Monday Night Raw lately have been in the high 2's and low 3's despite all their hotshot booking efforts of brining in "surprise guests" or "returning stars." I'm not going to get into why that doesn't work right now but suffice to say, a consistently good product is what gets people talking, builds a fan base, and eventually boosts ratings. NOT booking week-to-week hoping the way WWE currently is hoping for an immediate spike.

Check out this website for some perspective, 2XZONE.COM. If you'll notice, even in 1997, when some of the really cool shit with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Bret Hart, and DX was happening, the ratings weren't much better than they are right now.

In other words, it was a slow build. It took consistently entertaining programming to generate the necessary buzz to get people to turn to the WWF product. So a lot of the people that eventually got on board and bumped their numbers into the 4's and 5's a couple of years later, didn't see a lot of the stuff that those of us who were watching at the time remember with great fondness as landmark shit.

We all know the current WWE product needs to change and that one good show, one big name, one big surprise is not going to rescue them from the ratings outhouse. The creative staff has clearly lost touch with what works and that goes for the writers, the bookers, Triple H and Stephanie, all the way up to Vince McMahon. Waiting for them to strike gold and suddenly start booking compelling television is like waiting for Kamala's amputated leg to grow back. It just isn't going to happen.

The good news is, this is nothing new. This already happened once before. It's well-documented that in the mid-90's when WCW was picking up steam and beating the WWF in the ratings and the product was tanking to the same degree it is now, Vince went to his wrestlers and essentially said, "I'm out of ideas."

Whether or not he has admitted that recently I have no idea. However, when he threw up his hands nearly twenty years ago, the talent stepped up and started changing the product on their own. But it wasn't as if it came out of the blue. All throughout the "Disney years" of the early 90's, wrestlers like Kevin Nash (then Diesel), Shawn Michaels, Vader, Psycho Sid, Goldust, Steve Austin, and Brian Pillman were crossing the line and pushing the envelope long before that became the mantra at Titan Tower.

For most of these men, there was no gurantee that they couldn't be fired. Brian Pillman, who signed in June of 1996, was the first person to receive a guranteed contract with the WWF. None of these men had been annoninted as "The Man" and given the company's blessing to work at the top of the card to the same degree or for the same length of time that John Cena. Yet they took that chance anyway and the only reason I can think of for why they would do that can be summed up in one word....BALLS!

That's what brings me to John Cena and the title of this post. It's painfully (never has that word been more appropriately used) obvious that he is "The Man" in the WWE. He won his first WWE Championship at WrestleMania 21, SEVEN YEARS AGO , and has been at the top of the card ever since despite the boos, despite the hatred, despite the low ratings.

If I'm John Cena, job security is not keeping me up at night. If I'm John Cena, I'm pretty confident that when I lie down at night next to Eve Torres or Stephanie McMahon (or both), I'm going to wake up with a) their mouths on my cock, and b) a job at the top of the card with World Wrestling Entertainment.

The men who revolutionized the business in the 90's, men like Kevin Nash, Shawn Michaels, Vader, Steve Austin, Goldust, Brian Pillman, etc.), had no such peace of mind. Granted, there were other places one could go back then and apply their trade. However, Impact Wrestling, while incredibly shitty (don't get me started), is pulling ratings nearly equal to Smackdown right now. So for better or worse, they have become a legitimate option for wrestlers today who leave WWE to still maintain national exposure.

But the rest of the roster aside, if ANYONE currently employed by the WWE has the influence and standing within the company to change the direction of the current product, it's John Cena. I don't care if he does it by dropping the PG label once in awhile or by simply abandoning the script and just doing something different that would actually be entertaining, no one is going to fire him. I don't think they would suspend him or even fine him! They are so desperate to keep their current fan base that they can't go one week without panicking when he's not on their show and the ratings are bad.

He's clearly capable of being entertaining. For all the shit he gets about his in-ring ability, he offers more in the ring than Hulk Hogan ever did. And when he's forced to step up his game, like he was recently during his angle with the Rock, he can be compelling.

Remember this guy?



For one night in 2012, he made a comeback.



But when the Rock left, apparently, so did "Doze Nuts."



Only thing I can figure is, he must have been borrowing Dwyane's. Apparently, Rock was telling the truth about Cena and his "lady parts."

The Rock could've come back and fallen in line with the PG program. It's not like he hasn't worked under those kind of restraints before. He was the fucking Tooth Fairy for crying out loud! But he knew that'd fall flatter than tapeworm shit so when he came back he said, "Fuck PG! I have to be THE ROCK!"

Can't Cena tell that what he's doing right now is falling flat? Can he not tell that he's failing miserably at being a professional wrestler? Is he content with the shit that stirring into the big ass bowl of Fruity Pebbles he's serving up every Monday Night? He's boning the boss' daughter (or is it the boss' wife now?) and making a gazillion dollars so he's got a right to be content, I guess. I'd take some real balls to jeopardize all that just for the sake of going down in history with the likes of men like Shawn Micheals and Steve Austin and the others who changed the game.

But I guess it's always taken balls. Guess that's why if things do change, it won't be because of this guy....


Whatever happened to "Deez Nuts?"

That's the last word. Until next time....discuss!

["Handsome" Dan Lopez is a regular on the Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast. You can also find him on SPINEBUSTER.com. Follow him on Twitter @DAntonioLopez ]