Breaking the Smack Down: 01-04-13

Haven't watched Raw in two weeks because the holidays had me busy. Haven't watched Smackdown in a couple of months just because I was trying to make an effort to stay current on Raw and after three hours of WWE programming, finding time in my life for another two just wasn't a top priority.

Which is unfortunate because prior to my decision to watch Raw regularly, I actually felt like Smackdown was the better show. And after catching this week's episode, my feelings haven't changed.

Segment 1. Superstar Tag Match Main Event Booking 101

-I'm sure WWE could always use the excuse "well we had other plans and the General Manager decide to change things at the last minute" when it comes to these opening booking segments, but how many times does this need to happen? And what purpose does it serve? Cheap pops from the live crowd? What is the television audience getting out of it? I'll tell ya! NOTHING!

-Randy Orton is over. More over than Sheamus, that's for sure. Which is unfortunate because I think Sheamus is the more entertaining wrestler. I still feel like they've done him a disservice with the way he's been booked.

-The banter between the two faces was pretty weak. Thankfully the Big Show came out to right the ship. The whole segment ultimately fell flat for me but I've been really impressed with Big Show as the heel champ. He's finally being booked strong and it's paying off.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 2. The Three-Man Bland

-3MB could've been done so much better. There's nothing wrong with the concept, just the execution and I think that's not only the fault of the people who are writing, or rather not writing, their skits, but also the fault of the performers. Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre are terrible. They can't act to save their lives, and say what you want to but wrestling is acting. Their overreactions to everything that happened during this segment were painful to watch.

-The one positive was that there was some semblence of a storyline with 3MB wanting revenge against Miz for insulting them during MizTV. As if being on MizTV wasn't enough of an insult.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 3. Didn't Miz the Mark

-This turned out to be a decent match which both guys needed because their current career direction killed any momentum they had.

-Nice to see Miz get a clean win as a face and he seems to have found a schtick that works in which he points to a section of the crowd and they yell, "AWESOME!" He just needs to sustain this and not allow himself to get embarrassed in any future segments. Roddy Piper in the late 80s, early 90s had his share of significant moments despite not being great in the ring, and not being in the main event. Miz is in a similar spot now with this TV show. Despite the scripted nature of WWE TV, I doubt they could stop him from ad-libbing and as long as he makes it entertaining, he could stay relevant at the midcard level which is really all he can ask for at this point.

-Heath Slater is a tremendous worker who would be better served on his own. But he's being used in the ring and in small angles that could easily be turned into something more should he need to be given a push in the future. There are worse positions to be in in the current WWE.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 4. Can't Keep A Good Man Down

-Talent CANNOT be suppressed. We all complain about what's happened to Zack Ryder, and none of us as loudly as Zack himself. But the truth is, Zack is marginally talented at best. Wade Barrett on the other hand, is a supremely talented individual. He's arguably the best talker in wrestling right now and is as good as anyone in the ring. I have NO DOUBT that he will one day be a top heel in WWE.

-I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact that they chose to do pre-match promos and build anticipation for a secondary title that has meant so little until Wade began to challenge for it.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 5. Let The Sleeping Giant Lie

-JBL on commentary is the only thing that could make a Khali match watchable.

-So two guys, Primo and Epico, who actually have talent and can wrestle and put on an excellent match, are forced to job out to two nearly immobile freaks and for what? Is this really what WWE thinks their fans want to see? It's stuff like this that make me feel ashamed to admit that I watch professional wrestling. My wife actually walked in during this segment and I felt the need to apoligize. And I did! This was just an embarrasment on every level and WWE, Vince McMahon, Linda's dog, Stephanie's boobs, and Triple H's nose should all be ashamed of themselves.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 6. The Concept of Overkill Nearly Proven

-Kofi's over, unfortunately. I guess wrestling needs babyfaces like Kofi Kingston so in that respect, he plays his role well. I've just always been partial to heels so whenever I see Kofi jumping around like a sixth grader it makes me want to kick him in the Kingstones.

-Wade needs new music. For the love of Kate's baby, get this man some new music!!

"Who's music is that? It really sucks arse."
-The first half of this match suffered from a severe case of "been there, seen that". How many times have these two wrestled each other on TV now? I know it's gotten to the point where I am now beating that dead horse's ghost, but this shit needs to stop. THERE'S TOO MUCH WWE ON MY TV!!!!

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 7. That (Should've) Been All, Folks!

-Wade Barrett has single-handedly made the Intercontinental Title important again. How? By VALUING it. He hasn't talked about it as a stepping stone. He kisses it the way Bret Hart used to kiss the WWF Championship. I don't know if there has been a concerted effort on the part of the writers, bookers, announcers, etc., but the fact that the I-C title is important has been effectively communicated to this fan. I can't rave enough about how marvelous that is in the present WWE culture.

-Despite having seen this match so many times, terrific pacing by the wrestlers, and good psychology had me watching intently and emotionally invested (I don't read spoilers because I'm a better fan without them). And to top it all off, THE RIGHT GUY WON with a creative finish and it was CLEAN! It's stuff like this that made me a fan in the first place. Keep your circus, you out-of-touch, condescending twats, and give me WRESTLING!

-My only complaint is, the show should've ended. That should've been the main event. Nothing that followed even came close to approaching this performance and by featuring "bigger names" in what amounted to a throwaway, meaningless tag match you devalue the entire product. Again, I know the logistics, I just appreciate the value of a refined product and I think WWE is missing the boat in this regard.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 8. Diva'd If You Do, Diva'd If You Don't

-The match between Tamina and Layla was short and lackluster. Tamina won but none of it matters. According to this interview recently conducted with Michelle McCool, Divas are punished when they get "too good" in the ring, so what's the point of me investing any interest in them? They're either going to suck because they have no talent, or the ones that do will be told to suck on purpose. Just so incredibly disappointing. Not because I'm a huge fan of female wrestling, but just because I believe that there is money to be made with it that WWE seems content to leave laying on the table.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 9. Hard to Rebound After That

-Like I said, I didn't watch Raw and apparently I didn't miss much if the atrocity that was Dolph Ziggler and AJ's New Year's toast was such a highlight that it was chosen for the Raw Rebound (wasn't it called "Rewind"? Oh well, does it really matter?)

-So Dolph and AJ are the new Edge and Vickie. How blatantly unoriginal.

-The point behind all of this seems to have been to give John Cena a foil to work off of while he bides his time until WrestleMania and a rematch with The Rock. I guess it's working for the majority of the "Universe" but seeing as how I HATE John Cena and I LIKE Dolph Ziggler and AJ, this whole angle can get buried in cement next to Paul Bearer and I wouldn't miss it.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 10. Caution: Pedestrian Main Event In Progress

-Boring, paint-by-number action in the first half of this "Main Event".

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 11. Who Is This "Fella" Anyway?

-Why does Sheamus yell "Fella" all the time? I get that he's Irish but do I need to be reminded before every big move that he does? This is part of his booking that I believe has held him back. Or maybe he came up with it on his own, in which case, he's as out of touch as the WWE creative team. Drop it already, you pasty Paddy!

-Orton "going rogue" makes sense so props for that. But it would've meant more if the match wasn't so unspectacular.

Last Word: MINUS -

FINAL TALLY: FOUR PLUS +, SEVEN MINUS -

With such a lopsided score in favor of the negative, why would I contend that Smackdown is superior to Raw? Let me address that as we examine...

My chief complaints:

-Bookend segments featuring main event players that were cliche' and uninteresting. Fine for the live crowd but not for TV.
-Embarrassing segments like the Khali/Hornswoggle debacle make it hard to even admit being a fan.

My chief points of praise:

-It's only a two-hour show. I'd prefer ninety minutes but when the main event was over and I felt like I just couldn't stand to watch anymore, the show ended. Had this been Raw, I would've had a whole other hour to sit through.
-The entire Wade Barrett-Kofi Kingston Intercontinental title storyline. This is has been hands-down the best thing WWE has done in the past six months.

So there you have it. Knowing I'm going to be subjected to a mostly crap product, I'd prefer less of it. Not too complicated, right?

It's a shame that when it comes to watching wrestling I as a fan am forced into the position of choosing between the lesser of two evils but that's the sad state of the WWE right now.

What would I have done differently?

-The show would only be an hour and half first of all.
-That would enable me to eliminate some segments completely like the "Raw Rebound" (anyone who's watching Smackdown is already watching Raw and remembers what happened just four days ago) and the Khali/Hornswoggle disaster.
-I would eliminate the main event players from the TV show completely. They could've done those segments for the live audience to get them fired up (telling them they're getting an exclusive impromptu main event that won't be aired on TV would be more thrilling I would think than telling them they're going to be subjected to a run-of-the-mill bullshit tag match hampered by TV time limits and commercial breaks but what the fuck do I know, right?) but letting the TV show end with the Barrett-Kofi match would've been fine by me and perfectly acceptable from a booking standpoint. Seeing the main event guys every fucking week devalues their presence and makes it less special. Less is more.
-Instead of humiliating a quality team like Primo and Epico, why not give them a match against another quality team like the Usos?
-And instead of a meaningless two-minute match between the divas, how about give them a little time to work with and give the fans a chance to invest some emotion in them?

That's what I would do anyway. But I'm just a fan. Some might go so far as to call me a mark. But I like to think that I've got my eye on the ball when it comes to wrestling. I would want to make money just like the WWE wants to do. And giving talented, entertaining individuals more air time would generate more interest in the product and willingness to spend money on things pertaining to it like merchandise and pay-per-views.

But again, what do I know? I'm only the Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling.

Now THAT, is the last word, assholes. Post a comment and tell your friends about what we're doing here. Then tell them to post a comment. What I'm trying to say is.............DISCUSS!

{"Handsome" Dan Lopez is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}

Drawing The Right Conclusions

I've written on this subject before but what bears "peating" bears repeating. (Check out my previous post "Why WWE Isn't Going Anywhere")

Two things provoked me to spend time on this subject again:

1) Members of the Internet Wrestling Community (a term which if you are familiar with me at all, you know I despise) once again proclaiming the imminent demise of World Wrestling Entertainment thanks to low television ratings, pay-per-view buyrates, and poor arena attendance.

2) This video of a shoot interview with Bobby Heenan that I watched a few days ago.

Before we really get the discussion rolling, here are a couple of references that I encourage you to check out either before, during, or after our little discussion as a way to help us all maintain the proper perspective:

- Raw ratings from September 1995 to June 2010

- Revenue reports for 2012 from WWE's Corporate website

Not going to spend a lot of time trying to convince you that WWE is NOT the Titanic sinking fast. I don't think I can put together a more comprehensive argument for that than the one I've already presented in my previous post linked above.

But what I would like to spend time on is what "The Brain" had to say in his shoot interview.

From the reference links above TWO things can be positively determined:

1) Television ratings for Monday Night Raw, currently parked in the 2.7 - 3.0 range, are as low as they were in the company's "darkest days" just prior to the Attitude Era (1995-1997), when they were on the verge of "financial peril" according to Vince McMahon's own testimony.

2) World Wrestling Entertainment is not anywhere close to "financial peril" today. They are consistently turning over a handsome profit in spite of waning interest in the current product.

With these two things in mind, I want to refer to the Bobby Heenan interview where "Brain" emphasizes over and over again the importance of being able to "draw money." For example, after singing the Dynamite Kid's praises as an athlete and a wrestler, the host asks if Dynamite is "the greatest wrestler of all-time." To which Heenan responds, "The greatest of all-time is the guy who draws the most money."

This is just one example. He gives several and it really helped me get a grip on the whole "mark" controversy.

Wrestling fans usually don't mind being called "marks" but I'm afraid few of us understand what it really means. What wrestling do not like is being called "mark" in a dismissive way.

But if the truth be told, if we all had a better understanding of what a "mark" is, we'd have to admit that sometimes, more often than not, we're all a bunch a fucking marks and deserve the type of treatment we get.

I'm not saying "all the time" but most of the time, we wrestling fans draw inaccurate conclusions about how the wrestling business works.

Read that again. The wrestling BUSINESS. And just like any BUSINESS, the one and only, end-all, be-all purpose is to DRAW MONEY.

We all know part of Bobby Heenan's schtick as a legendary heel manager was his "hatred" for Hulk Hogan. Yet during his shoot interview, Bobby goes out of his way to defend Hogan against his detractors.

Why? Because Hulk Hogan DRAWS MONEY.

I applied this logic to myself in this way: once upon a time, I had dreams of becoming a professional wrestler but life, as it sometimes does, got in the way. I had responsibilities that put that dream on permanent hold status.

However, if I had attended a wrestling school at that time (we're talking 1999 or so; shortly after I graduated high school) my goal would probably have been to be the best professional wrestler I could become.

But according to Bobby Heenan, a legend with decades of experience in the business, what is the criteria for being considered the greatest of all-time? DRAWING MONEY.

That's the difference. A mark like me thinks, "I have to be THE BEST" without even realizing what it means to be THE BEST in professional wrestling.

Being THE BEST means DRAWING THE MOST MONEY. That's it. It's literally that simple.

This is why wrestlers develop a certain disdain for fans, or marks. Because a mark will come up to them and say some stupid shit like "You can't wrestle" or "So-and-so is way better than you" without realizing how stupid something like that sounds.

If "So-and-so" is having great matches all across the country, but in high school gymnasiums in front of twenty people, it doesn't matter how fucking "good" he is. The musclebound clod who can barley chain two moves together is the better wrestler because he's the one that's DRAWING MONEY.

Get it now?

I know, I know, it's hard to free ourselves from the mindset of what we see in the ring and how entertaining it is and using that as our basis for comparison. But it's the difference between being a fan, and someone who is involved in the business.

And it's the difference between being dismissed as a mark, and being able to intelligently discuss someone's profession with them.

I'm not saying what takes place in the ring doesn't matter. Of course it does. But that isn't the measuring stick for those involved in the business. Those involved in the business realize that the measuring stick is what perpetuates the business and having a great match isn't it.

What perpetuates the business is DRAWING MONEY.

This is why we see things on our TV that sometimes we don't understand as fans. And it's why we sometimes don't see the things that we would like to see. The people in charge are only interested in DRAWING MONEY and using personnel in the best way to optimize their ability to DRAW MONEY.

In the post linked at the beginning ("Why WWE Isn't Going Anywhere") I mentioned a program that Hulk Hogan was supposed to work in the 80's with Jake "The Snake" Roberts during the height of Hulkamania when Jake was still a heel. The angle was supposed to kick off during Roberts' interview segment The Snake Pit, where he was going to DDT Hogan on the concrete floor.

When Jake did this however, instead of the crowd booing him out of the building for beating up their hero, they cheered. In Jake's own words, this was "the wrong reaction." According to him, when he got backstage, even Vince McMahon said "you've got rotten luck!"

Why? Because as the heel, Jake's desire was to DRAW MONEY by working with the babyface in shows all across the country. Well, if fans were going to be divided when they worked together and CHEER FOR THE HEEL, the angle wasn't going to work and it wasn't going to DRAW MONEY.

Now, a mark might say, "A babyface Jake Roberts versus a heel Hulk Hogan in the 80s would've been AWESOME!" A mark has the luxury to think that way. But the business owner, the bookers, the people in charge have to think about the Big Picture and keep their eye on the goal which is, to DRAW MONEY.

I know I keep beating that horse into the ground, but the point needs to be made. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss and I'd be better off screaming my head off like any other mark and losing myself in the illusion. But I actually don't have a problem doing that even with a better understanding of the business. I prefer to be informed. I prefer to sound intelligent when I speak about the things I'm passionate about, like wrestling.

Fans of movies, even obsessed fans, like those who love the Twilight series, are not as bad as wrestling marks. They don't call Taylor Lautner "Jacob" when they meet him or suggest that his brothers are better at "morphing" than he is. How ridiculous would that be? How might Taylor Lautner respond to such outright lunacy?

Yet we wrestling marks insist that the PERFORMERS that we watch week-in and week-out humor us when he say shit like, "Chris Benoit deserved to be champion way more than you did" or "Dude, you should've won that last match!" Honestly, no wonder they try to avoid us. That would get old real fast!

Wrestling IS unique in the sense that you watch the PERFORMERS put on their SHOW right in front of you. And many times, they'll interact with you IN CHARACTER during the PERFORMANCE (all this emphasis is deliberate, by the way). So it is easy to lose yourself in the illusion probably more so than any other form of entertainment, which is I love it and believe wrestling to be the single greatest form of entertainment in the world. The fact that there are so many marks in the world is proof of how this industry has excelled at what they do.

I would rather go to a wrestling event than to a "real" sporting event. I would rather go to a wrestling show than a Broadway show. I would rather go to a wrestling show than go the movies. Wrestling, when done right, is the end-all, be-all of entertainment in my opinion.

But we have to realize that these men and women are simply PLAYING A ROLE. And once the performance is over, they're real people with real names, families, hobbies, interests, etc. I'm sure just like any performer they appreciate fans who love their performance. But when the line between PERFORMANCE ART and REALITY become blurred that's when things get creepy.

Can a wrestling fan express an opinion about what he believes will DRAW MONEY? I think so, obviously. I do it here every week. But I've increasingly tried to keep my opinions out of the realm of a blind mark's rantings and instead, take the approach of someone whose goal is to perpetuate the product by DRAWING MONEY.

So go ahead, you marks, book your own shows, speculate, rant and rave about the things you hate and the things you'd like to see! No harm in that. But do yourself a favor and at least try to sound intelligent. Try to understand how the business works if you're going to comment on it. We'll never understand it fully as fans because we're not in it. But we can all make an honest effort.

For example, just to apply all this wisdom to the current WWE product, I think they've done a good job recently of booking their top talent like Ryback, and some of the midcard talent like Damien Sandow and Antonio Cesaro. But I do think they haven't done as well with the divas' division or their tag teams. I believe there is money to be made there and they are doing themselves, the performers, and the business a disservice by not focusing more on these areas and booking a better product. That's not a blind mark's ramblings. That's looking at it realistically from the standpoint of what's best for business and DRAWING MONEY.

Would I like to see WWE throw caution to the wind and book whatever would be "cool?" Sure I would. But I understand that it's important to keep someone like John Cena on top. He DRAWS MONEY. Maybe not the bucketfuls that others have drawn in the past. But he provides a steady source of income and I can see how a business owner, would be hesitant to risk that by changing his character.

That doesn't mean I don't think there are better ways to use John Cena and still DRAW MONEY. I certainly believe that there are. So I'll rant about that. That's not being a mark. That's just being a fan.

So to tie all this together, how has this knowledge changed me? Am I still The Smartest Man Not Currently Involved In Wrestling (trademark, Sonnnnnnnn!)? Of course!

I've been changed in this sense, were I to enter a wrestling school today with visions of fulfilling my dream, my goal would still be the same. I would still want to become the greatest wrestler I could be, but instead of asking my instructors to "teach me to be a great wrestler," I would ask them "teach me how to draw money."

That's the secret to success in professional wrestling. For some, it's having great matches. For others, it's finding the right gimmick. For others still, it's a combination of the two, or something entirely different altogether. But the goal remains the same.

So quit making yourself look stupid. Be a mark, but know what the fuck you're talking about. And that'll help you draw the right conclusions.

That's the last word for now, phreaks and phalluses. Until next time, and I mean this...........DISCUSS!!!!!!!!

[The Smartest Man Not Currently Involved In Wrestling is mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.]

Review In The Raw 12-03-12: Tell Me A Lie

[Author-has-his-period Note: I realize this is a couple of days old but I have a life, dammit and if Raw was as "must see" as The Miz thinks he is, which he isn't, maybe I would get this shit out a little quicker. Just be thankful I was able to get through the show at all to bring you this review.]

Segment 1. Team Hell No vs. Prime Time Players, Part One.

-If the selling point of this first segment was supposed to be the wrestling, then it failed miserably.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 2. The Shield jumps Team Hell No.

-Clearly Darren Young blew an opportunity on commentary last week the way Michael Cole (Vince McMahon) kept deriding him for not saying much both last week and this week. Don't be surprised if you see Titus break out first.

-At least the tag champs didn't job. I like that Shield got some air time right off the bat and looked ruthless and strong.

-Sheamus and Cena's backstage segment was ridiculous and not in a good way.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 3. AJ gets lucky with Tamina (not as hot as it sounds)

-These two should not be wrestling already. With proper build, this could've been made a pay-per-view series. Not that I really care to see it because AJ can't wrestle for shit but still, do we want to make money here or not?

-Giving credit where it's due, at least they were smart enough to include AJ on the show and seeing her back in her wrestling gear was almost enough for me to pardon this atrocity. Almost.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 4. Paul Heyman and CM Punk in-ring promo. Miz interrupts.

-Paul Heyman clearly knows his endgame before he starts speaking. That's why he's so damn good, folks. He's not out there just rambling and it shows.

-Punk is clearly so much more comfortable being the heel and this whole respect angle, while getting a little monotonous, makes sense and has the legs necessary for a heel champ to run with (now if only Punk still had legs to run with, OHHHHHHHH!)

-I honestly got excited at first when Miz came out because I honestly thought that would make for a good match-up. But I quickly got over it after he started speaking. Miz was AWWWWWSOMMMME as WWE Champion but has been anything but that since his feud with Alex Riley.

-The best in this segment came prematurely which is never a good thing.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 5. Entrances galore and some wrestling.

-The Cena-Sheamus vs. Show-Ziggler tag match started around the one hour mark and all I could think was, "This should be the main event. If the show ended here it would be perfect. But no, there's still TWO MORE HOURS TO GO!!"

-That being said, the action was good and the crowd was hot for this match.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 6. Ziggler shows off how great he is at getting pinned.

-It's like we're getting house shows on Raw each week. Nothing wrong with this finish for the sake of popping the live crowd, but for the rest of watching at home, why the fuck would I want to order a pay-per-view when clearly Dolph Ziggler is utterly INCAPABLE of beating John Cena? Again, we here to make money or not?

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 7. Forget apprentice, I'll be his concubine!

-I am in mad man love with Damien Sandow. It's not just that he's a great character. But he has bought into this character completely to that point that we all believe he is this snobby intellectual douchebag. THAT, my friends, is a great heel!

-Glad he got the best of Santino.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 8. Because Brian Maddox was on it.

-Sandow beats Santino and somewhere in the universe, Killer Kowalski remains at rest.

-Thought they had forgotten about this guy but I'm glad they didn't because he's pretty freaking entertaining! Who knew?

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 9. Anybody know where I can find two Mexicans willing to wrestle for money?

-When I first saw that it was going to be Sin Cara vs. Del Rio I thought, "Damn, I need to mow my grass tomorrow!" No, actually I thought, "Who gives a flying burrito?"

-But The Man With No Face and The Man With No Originiality actually put on a pretty damn good match.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 10. Cue the trumpet, Ricardo!

-It's almost as if ADR is being built the same way Randy Orton has been over the past couple of years. Despite not doing anything particularly meaningful, he keeps winning. This should serve him well in the future. Whether or not serves wrestling fans well, the jury's still out on that. Still, it was a good match.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 11. NO CHANCE IN HELLLLLL!!!!!!!! (Of saving this segment)

-Vince came back for this?

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 12. "WTF? MF'N Viper's in the MF'N ring?! I'm calling in Shield!"

-Orton is really in a sweet spot in his career and regardless of whether you love him or hate him, he can make a moment virtually at any time. Him coming out as Maddox opponent was pretty cool and it made sense that he squashed him.

-I hope they aren't done with Maddox and Shield attacking Orton gives me hope that they are not.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 13. Hey, WWE Universe, we REALLY want to know what you think this time!

-Everybody's pretty much decided for themselves that Ziggler's briefcase being up for grabs means he's losing. But if The Shield can keep Cena from beating Punk, it can keep Cena from beating Ziggler. I'm pretty sure Cena's out of the title picture until WrestleMania. So relax.

-Tag match turned into a four way is fine but this whole segment just seemed like a waste.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 14. Fatal four way, Part One

-So WWE goes with the ACTUAL result this time and puts Antonio Cesaro's U.S. Title on the line. Not sure what that says about the WWE Universe's opinion on the two secondary champions; if they're protecting Kofi's title or they just care more about Cesaro's.

-Good action in Part One of this match. I like the fact that Kofi & Truth are forced to wrestle each other.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 15. Fist-pumping like a champ

-After this match was over I had a flashback to the early 90s when Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, Curt Hennig, Marty Jannetty, and Razor Ramon (Scott Hall) were battling over the Intercontinental title and their matches outshone anything that was going on with the WWF title. Just goes to show when you book a belt to matter, it fucking matters.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 16. Lie to me and tell me they didn't just do this.

-I actually don't have a problem not ending Raw with a match as long as whatever they do instead is compelling. But this segment almost felt like WWE just gave up knowing that viewership was going to drop off for the last hour.

-Ryback finally making an appearance was an excellent handling of his character. I actually think to this point, WWE has done a decent job with Ryback.

-The whole lie-detector test thing with Miz and Punk was just kind of meh. I blame Miz because he just did not come with anything strong to answer Punk's verbal barbs. And even though storyline-wise this all made sense, it's now been wasted on a match that isn't even going to happen.

Last Word: MINUS -

FINAL TALLY: 8 PLUS, 8 MINUS

Raw breaks even again. The show "felt" worse than what it actually was as a whole. And I'll explain that by addressing....

My chief points of praise:

+ Intermediate titles continuing to be booked strong.
+ Damien Sandow. You're welcome.

My chief complaints:

- The Miz. Ruining two segments in the same show? Really? Really?
- Three hours is still way too fucking long.
- Poor booking choices. I realize WHY they almost have to do things the way they do, but that doesn't mean I have to approve of it.

To elaborate on that final complaint, booking AJ vs. Tamina this early in their angle, Ziggler constantly getting pinned clean by Cena, The Shield, while used, coming across as almost an afterthought. We get it, they attack people; let them speak, let them do something meaningful. It's hard because if you use up their legs too soon, you have three guys left with nothing to do. So while taking a slower approach makes sense for the current format, it doesn't necessarily make for compelling TV.

That's the last word, except for this: apparently there's some confusion as to how to post comments. Below this paragraph and the blurb that follows you should see the words "No comments" or "Comments" with a number in front of it. Click on that and the option should pop up. I need your participation here, people. Come strong like the marks I know you all are. You have opinions now make them heard! In other words.......DISCUSS!

{"Handsome" Dan Lopez is a regular mention on his two favorite wrestling shows The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}

Review In The Raw: 11-26-12, Shield Your Eyes

Did Raw build upon a mostly positive show last week? Let's find out...

Opening Narration.

-People can bust on WWE for ripping off TNA all they want, but the fact is, this is a good idea. Almost every other popular "weekly, episodic" tv show does a recap at the beginning of the show to bring viewers up to speed. It makes it feel more like a tv show and let's face it, that's what Raw is. I know purists like to entertain dreams of WWE returning to its roots and becoming a rasslin' show again, but that's not going to happen anytime soon. So, for the way WWE is trying to present their product, I think the opening narration is a smart move.

-Furtherance of the John Cena-Dolph Ziggler feud taking place on Smackdown this past Friday is alluded to. As an adult, I groan at this because I just don't care enough to watch every second of WWE programming. But as a kid, I was such a hopeless devotee, that I think I would have LOVED having this much wrestling to watch and would have kept up on it religiously. Still not sold on this approach by WWE. I think a less-is-more approach with a better overall product would result in a greater overall viewership, but I can't say that I don't see the logic in doing things this way either.

Segment 1. Ryback def. Titus O'Neil. Ryback refuses to leave the ring.


Old-school type match in which the singles star goes over the tag team specialist. I don't have a problem with it.

Titus is so horribly green it's disgusting. But he makes a strong showing.

-"Feed Me More" chant, and Ryback, really starting to get over.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 2. Ryback attacks security. Vicki gives him a TLC title match against Punk at next PPV. Hornswoggle, Rosa, ADR & Khali backstage.

-Nothing wrong with the Ryback-Vicki segment other than illogical booking. How does Vicki Guerrero have the authority to book pay-per-view title matches when she's just the Raw (whatever title they're using now)?

-The backstage segment with the also-rans was to set up for a match between Del Rio and Khali. This is the kind of thing that I can do without and lends credence to my argument that a three-hour Raw is just way too long.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 3. ADR def. Khali clean with Rosa watching backstage. Punk and Heyman confront Vicki backstage.

-Not sure where the Rosa, ADR angle is going to lead but again, this isn't the kind of thing that I think needed to be part of this show.

-The whole concept of a fan poll deciding Punk's opponent is another concept that old-school fans can't stand but it's actually a good idea. Whether or not it's legit is always going to be a question, but social media is more important right now than TV ratings and WWE is doing its best to stay at the head of the pack, even posting a graphic during the show of their "Social Media Ranking." Even if it is bogus, it keeps fans involved.

Think about how often you check Twitter or Facebook throughout the day. Not that a non-wrestling fan will suddenly watch wrestling because a related topic is trending, but if you can show investors and stockholders that millions of people on social media are talking about your product, that makes your product relevant and marketable to advertisers and sponsors. So criticize all you want, wrestling fans, it's smart business.

-All that being said, this segment really wasn't needed.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 4. Cole interviews Ambrose, Rollins and Reins. They call themselves The Shield.

-Not crazy about the name. But loving the gimmick and the concept behind it. Why? BECAUSE IS MAKES SENSE. We're always complaining that storylines don't make sense anymore, and with good reason. This one does. Ambrose has already confronted Mick Foley about something similar, the "purity" of wrestling. And their declaration of protecting what amounts to the "old-school" way of doing things is an extension of that.

-It is clear that Ambrose should be the leader of this group. He has a natural gift for speaking. I say, give them guns and make him The Joker! As a rogue group, they should be able to get away with pushing the envelope a little bit.

-I don't see them getting over as individuals with this angle unfortunately, but it's a nice way of making three guys the WWE Universe is probably not at all familiar with seem important right off the bat.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 5. Fandago vignette. Tamina def. Alicia Fox.

-Vignettes are such an effective way of debuting someone. It worked for Damien Sandow. Whether or not a dancing gimmick is the best way to go, I'm not exactly sure. It'll draw some heat initially which will be good for him and he can always change things later. I have no complaints.

-Tamina's outfit looked like she was trying to hide her period. And the match was terrible. Fans can't help but pop for the Superfly splash though.

-I don't have a problem with this segment because I realize the importance of furthering both characters, I just wish it had been a part of a two-hour show instead. The fact that I had to watch this on top of everything else just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 6. Another replay of Cena-Ziggler-AJ. Vicki gives Cena & AJ a "gift." More gross make-out stuff. Ziggler interrupts.

-Cena's involvment in this angle has made almost everyone else lose their appeal. Sure, AJ is adorable but her lack of chemistry with Cena just makes it feel like her presence is wasted. And Vicki always has heat but it looks like not even she believes in her "crusade" to expose Cena and AJ. Dolph so far, has been able to maintain some conviction but he started to lose it this week when he made the feud with Cena to suddenly be more about AJ than about furthering his career.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 7. Some football player gets a Spinner Belt. Wade Barrett on commentary while Kofi Kingston def. Tensai.

-Along with the constant reference to Vince and other Superstars visiting a U.S. miliatry aircraft carrier, the short video featuring the football player is just more intelligent PR by WWE.

-Wade Barrett is so good on the mic, I find it hard to believe that he won't be a top heel someday.

-Unfortunately, Kofi is over but Tensai made an excellent showing and could possibly build on this if they decide to use him in something worthwhile. I think he impressed the fans by kicking the crap out of Kofi.

-I really like the way the Intercontinental title is being showcased as something important.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 8. Daniel Bryan and Kane backstage. Kane revealed as winner of the fan poll.

-Bryan is still crazy over. This segment was funny. I just wish they could turn these segments into more success for these two wrestlers in the ring. I realize they're tag champs, but both of them ended up losing tonight in mediocre fashion.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 9. Rey Mysterio vs. Daniel Bryan, Part One.

-In case you didn't catch it on Monday, this is the FIRST TIME EVER these two have wrestled a singles match against each other. UGH! Overkill much?

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 10. Rey wins (of course). ADR, Ricardo & Rosa backstage.

-The match was decent by WWE standards, but when you realize how much more these two are capable of, it just fell a little flat. Bryan looked like he hadn't even broken a sweat when it was over. And why does the WWE Tag Champion who is over like mad have to fucking lose?! Just a disappointment on every level.

-Can't say much about the Del Rio, Rosa angle except that what I care most about is how it's going affect Ricardo and I'm not sure that's a good thing.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 11. Yet ANOTHER replay of AJ-Dolph-Cena. Ziggler vs. Cena, Part One.

-Cole almost reluctantly acknowledges Cena's "torn meniscus" as Cena runs full speed to the ring and then executes a leapfrog without favoring the limb at all. At least the jorts are gone.

-Dolph Ziggler may be the new Shawn Michaels. He just needs to develop HBK's refusal to do jobs.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 12. Ziggler can't even beat a hobbled Cena.

-When Cena suddenly aggrivates his "injury" hitting the ropes I groaned thinking Ziggler would win but only because Cena was hobbled. Not sure how I let that thought even enter my brain because of course, Cena can't lose no matter the odds or how hurt he may be. Silly me!

-I realize Cena's over. And despite the "Cena Sucks!" chants, the crowd popped huge when he won. But when Ziggler countered the AA by hitting the Zig Zag, I don't think Cena's reputation as a "Superman" would've been hindered at all had he just eaten the pin. It was a brilliant counter and Ziggler's best move, yet Cena still kicks out. Dolph, on the other hand, gets caught in an Attitude Adjustment, or in layman's terms, a fireman's carry takeover, and 1-2-3, the match is over! It just made Ziggler's winning streak disappear because no matter what kind of a roll he was on, he still can't beat even an injured John Cena, meaning he's not in the same class as The Rock or....well, gee, I guess that's it actually.

I understand that he's supposed to be this era's Hulk Hogan, but the way I look at it, you can give Cena marks in the Raw crowd the cheap pop, then give the Cena marks in the next crowd the cheap pop again by having him continue to go over every single time. OR, you can have Ziggler win the match, and show everyone that John Cena IS human, that he can lose, and help everyone get behind the illusion and suspend their disbelief and actually generate some interest in a future match between the two at say, TLC, when fans will actually have to PAY TO SEE IT. I don't know, it makes sense to me but when has that ever mattered to WWE when it comes to booking their Golden Nugget?

-Very good match. Fantastic showing by Ziggler. All spoiled by a cheap Cena win and Cena trying to swallow AJ's face afterward in a revolting display. Hopefully WWE has realized the utter lack of chemistry between these two and will put this angle out of its misery. This article by PWMania gives me some hope.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 13. Sheamus def. Antonio Cesaro by countout. A pay-per-view match worth caring about.

-What an excellent, physical match! It's just a shame that neither of these guys are as over as John Cena. The crowd was clearly more involved in the previous match. I think these two eventually won them over though with some hard-hitting action.

-The finish wasn't going to generate much of a pop, but it was the right call. Cesaro is too good to be jobbing to main event guys in non-title matches. And Sheamus needed another good showing but also needed to win. This way, both purposes are accomplished.

-I like the build for Big Show-Sheamus. Their match at Hell In A Cell was very good and this has turned into an old-school championship series that I actually wouldn't mind seeing through to its final resolution.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 14. Damien Sandow gets his token win over Zack Ryder. Josh Matthews interviews Paul Heyman outside CM Punk's dressing room.

-This is the point in the show when I start wishing it was still two hours.

-Sandow, whose recent stint as a tag team foil for Team Hell No I wasn't particularly fond of, is back to singles competition again which is great BUT...this Wednesday he's going up against The Golden Nugget on Main Event, John Cena. Now, why should ANYONE with ANY SENSE AT ALL think Sandow has a snowball's chance in Hell of actually winning? Honestly, they wouldn't! But that hardly matters. The Universe will tune in anyway just to see their "hero" make his monkey faces and resort to his standard "drop the town name to get the cheap pop" antics.

BUT...WWE has to at least make some kind of effort to make Sandow look like a threat. So of course, they give him a token win against a token jobber who used to be somebody once upon a time, Zack Ryder. I was surprised at the pop Ryder got when his entrance music hit. Maybe that's a sign that the character is not completely dead and could still enjoy a resurrection should the right opportunity present itself.

-As much as I understand the logic in booking this match, I don't think it accomplished the goal because Sandow barely beat Ryder, which if I were him, wouldn't exactly fill me with confidence in my chances of beating Cena.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 15. Shield interview replayed. CM Punk vs. Kane, Part One.

-Glad they replayed the Shield interview. It honestly felt like it had happened LAST week by this point in the show!

-Apparently, in some more investigative reporting done by PWMania, CM Punk wrestled the wrong opponent in this match. According to this article, Daniel Bryan actually won the fan poll.

My take is, it's wrestling. Who gives a shit if they fix the outcome of a poll?? The outcomes of the matches are fixed! But my question is WHY? What difference would it have made if Punk wrestled Bryan or Kane? Do they honestly think we are so stupid that we simply CANNOT BELIEVE that a man of average size like Bryan couldn't beat CM Punk? They obviously don't think we believe that Bryan can beat ANYBODY the way they have him lose EVERY. SINGLE. MATCH.

How hot would the crowd have been for an all-out war between Punk and Bryan? They could have played up Punk's "relief" at not having to face Kane. His smugness at feeling like Bryan would be an easy win. And you know the crowd would've been rabid in their support for Bryan beating the champ! So you have Bryan trap Punk in the "No Lock", the crowd's going crazy thinking Punk's about to tap, and Shield intervenes just like they did.

Not that the match with Kane was bad, but a Punk-Bryan match has the potential to be so much better and is the hotter ticket the way Bryan is over. Worst part is, you have the guy WHO THE FANS ACTUALLY WANTED TO SEE lose a meaningless match to Rey Mysterio!

It's as if WWE is going out of their way to make Daniel Bryan NOT MATTER. As I've said countless times, he's a survivor and he's make the best of it, but he's got to be fuming on the inside. I'm just a fan and this situation's got me pissed off. He deserves better than the treatment he's getting.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 16. Punk defeats Kane with the help of the Shield. Ryback to the rescue.


-As if Bryan's mistreatment wasn't bad enough, WWE rubs salt in the wound by sending him out to save his partner to yet another huge pop, only to get beaten down for his trouble.

-As much as I maligned the booking of the match, it was another step in the right direction for Shield. According to their interview, having the WWE Champion wrestle the winner of a fan poll would be considered an injustice, thus prompting them to get involved. Again, it makes sense. And they were able to get the best of Ryback yet again.

-Speaking of Ryback, this angle has been very good for him. The crowd knew who they wanted to see come out and save the day and it wasn't John Cena (Thank God!). And the pop when Ryback did appear on the scene proved it.

Last Word: PLUS +

Final Tally: 8 PLUS, 8 MINUS

So from a mostly positive show last week, to merely breaking even this week. A couple of side notes: no Randy Orton this week, and no Brian Maddox. Don't be surprised if that angle is just conveniently no longer mentioned. My chief points of praise are:

+ The Shield. Not just because I'm a big fan of stables. But I am a big fan of stables featuring talented workers that are booked well.

My chief complaints:

-Sorry Dolph, but AJ's not trash, your angle with her, Cena, and Vicki is trash!
-Although there was plenty of action, aside from Sheamus vs. Cesaro and Kofi vs. Tensai, it was pretty lackluster.
-Gross misuse of the talent, especially Ziggler and Daniel Bryan.

As optimistic as I was last week, I am equally trepidatious heading into the rest of this week. WWE hasn't completely fallen off the porch but Granny's rocking chair is getting awfully close to the edge. They don't need a major overhaul. Some things are still going in a positive direction. Just the way certain talents are being handled needs to be corrected immediately.

That's the last word for now, rejects. Time for you to put in YOUR two cents. Don't let my wealth of wisdom and disarming charisma rob you of your manhood (or womanhood for that matter). Speak your mind. Let's get a discussion going. And tell your friends to check out the blog and make their voices heard as well. Until next time....DISCUSS!

{Our beloved author is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling show, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}

Gimmicks That Should Never Have Sucked: The Berzerker

Title's pretty self-explanatory but that's not going to stop me from explaining the purpose for this blog because that's what we authors do because we authors are assholes who just can't get enough of ourselves.

A lot of people like to claim that the wrestling business has been completely tapped out. That there are no more "new" and "fresh" ideas to be had, that there are only old ones to be re-packaged and re-purposed.

Pardon me while I call BULL to the SHIT.

Are people proclaiming the death of the movie or television industries? How many ideas have been tried and re-tried in those two forms of entertainment yet you don't find people playing their funeral march, do you?

Just because there was once a terrible movie made out of a great idea, that doesn't mean that idea can never be used again. No, someone takes that idea and does it better; perhaps with better effects, better acting, better direction, or a better screenplay.

Even then, that idea is not dead. Because that is just one interpretation. It doesn't matter if it is successful or not, the next interpretation that is tried may be a colossal failure or may be even more successful. The point being, ideas can live forever.

So what if old concepts that have been tried in wrestling are being tried again? A new interpretation can breathe new life into any concept. But I also believe there are many concepts that haven't yet been tried that could be made successful when executed properly.

Some characters or gimmicks that were terrible in their original execution, when given a fresh interpretation, could be great. I've chosen one in particular to focus on for this installment of Gimmicks That Should Never Have Sucked and that is, this man....

That's right boys and girls. If you grew up watching wrestling when I did, you know all too well who this is. It's the motherfucking Berzerker. Good ol' "Yukon" John Nord. Sure, a viking helmet and some fuzzy boots are step up from flannel and an axehandle but not by much.

So what was the problem with this gimmick? Where did it go so horribly wrong?

On the plus side you have a huge guy playing the character, John Nord is 6'6" (1.98 m) and over 300lbs (143 kg), who had seven years of experience as a pro wrestler, working for Verne Gagne in the AWA and with legends such as Bruiser Brody and Jimmy Snuka.

The concept, on the surface at least, sounds cool. He's a berserker. Berserkers were the fiercest of the vikings. Vikings were ruthless, take-no-prisoners, plunderers who would wreck anything and anyone that tried to withstand them. This all sounds great right? Yeah, sure it does...for the tenth century.

The fact is, in professional wrestling in the 21st century, it is against the rules to hack someone to pieces with ye broadsword, or smash them with ye shield, or headbutt them with ye horned helmet. Which makes ye gimmick pretty fucking pointless.

Ye might as well be an oversized goon with a viking fetish.

"BOOBIES!!!"
So in other words, when the WWF debuted The Berzerker they didn't put much thought into the character or how the concept could be executed effectively in the modern world. Not a big deal since it was just John Nord, not a guy synonymous with wrestling excellence or star potential charisma. I'm sure they didn't have big plans for him other than just to have around in case they needed a big guy to job out to their top heroes like Hulk Hogan or the Ultimate Warrior.

That's fine. Problem is, it's a waste of what could potentially be a pretty cool gimmick. It's clear why the Berzerker sucked in 1991, but how could it have been done better?

To answer that question, let's first find out what a true berserker is, and see how we can apply it effectively to the modern world of pro wrestling.

First of all, bersekers were known for possessing AN UNCONTROLLABLE, TRANCE-LIKE FURY IN BATTLE.


This is something that has been done before in wrestling and could easily be done again. It wouldn't make for very intersting in-ring performances if, for every single match, the person playing the berserker character simply came out and flew into an uncontrollable rage because in the real world, wrestlers blow up, they get tired. So pacing has to be taken into consideration.

But the idea that could be sold is that this person could "snap" at any time and fly into that "berserker rage" that drives him forward even after a lengthy, physically-grueling match.

Second, this rage was attributed to the influence of DRUGS, ADRENALINE, or WITCHCRAFT.

I realize sorcery and drug abuse have rarely been portrayed well in wrestling for whatever reason but all three of these things can be and have beeen communicated quite effectively on television and in movies. So my question is, why not in wrestling? They are all forms of entertainment. These are very real social issues that draw people to watch and can be very compelling when part of a dramatic story.

So if it can be done convincingly, any one of these explanations for the character's "power" would be perfectly acceptable and equally compelling.

Thirdly, berserkers were distinguished by what they wore in battle. They often wore either wolf or bear pelts, giving them a fearsome appearance. The word "berserker" actually means "bear coat".

In the tenth century, in the heat of the moment on a chaotic battlefied where you're fighting on foot with crude weapons, a guy showing up in a bear or wolf costume would be pretty unnerving. Know what happens when you try that today in a wrestling ring? You get this....

Yeah, not so much.

That's essentially where the WWF failed with regard to their original try at the berserker character. That type of wardrobe just doesn't work anymore. It's not frightening. It's comical. Because it doesn't make you a better warrior. It just makes you a better target for hunters.

If you're going to take a cool archaic concept and revise it to fit the modern world, you have to give it an honest, modern interpretation to make it just as cool now as it was then.

A berserker's wardrobe in the tenth century was both functional and frightening. How would such a warrior accomplish that today? Take a look at this examples of badass modern-day combat gear...

Obviously, this example is a little too cumbersome to be realistically applied to a professional wrestler, but trim away a few of the accessories, and this still looks like a guy who fucking means business!

This is when I started to get a vision of a more current worker with a similar wardrobe and character to that of John Nord's 1991 Berzerker. That being Edge.

Obviously, he's not playing a "berserker" type character in this photo, but look at his jacket. It has a sort of futuristic, modern warfare feel to it. The only adjustments I would make to the rest of his ring gear would be to add a sleeveless top to offer some sort of chest protection, nothing too bulky; sleeveless, to allow full range of arm movement, something a berserker would like to have in battle; and his tights more of a combat-ready type as opposed to the "Rated R" type he's wearing in this picture.

Edge may not have John Nord's imposing physique, but realistically, how essential in combat is it to be muscle-bound? If anything, a more flexible, athletic, versatile fighter would be better suited as part of a berserker army on today's battlefields. It's not like Edge is a small man. At 6'5" (1.96 m) he still has the imposing height that one would imagine a viking would possess.

Even the name "Edge" suits a berserker character because they were noted for fighting with reckless abandon and disregard for even their own lives. In other words, someone who is on the edge.

Also, someone with a berserker mentality would take every advantage in battle to give themselves an edge over their enemies. An ultimate opportunist in other words. So the underhanded, self-serving things he did, marrying Vicki Guerrero for example, could still be completely applicable, just another way of gaining an advantage, a calculated way of positioning himself to ensure victory.

Berserker warfare still exists today, believe it or not. Some researchers suggest that perhaps even the berserkers of old were fueled by the same psychological disorder that affects those today with post-traumatic stress syndrome. A regular person thrust into horrific circumstances in which survival is the ultimate goal, can be infused with what appears to be a supernatural imperviousness to pain and an utter disregard for the lives of others and even his own.

Edge did a good job of conveying madness at times with his expressions. Add the extra storyline element of this madness giving him a certain imperviousness to pain and driving him to victory or insane risk-taking and, even though his character was never tied to a modern-day berserker, it's easy to see how he could have been.

So did I really go through all this just to say that the Berzerker would have worked, just as Edge? Kind of. Sometimes a character has to be sold subtly, with nothing more than a commentator referring to him as a "modern-day berserker". Sometimes that's all it takes for a concept to become ingrained in the fans' subconscious.

The point is, ideas need to be well thought-out and developed before they're debuted to avoid one-dimensional caricatures that have a very limited range of application. The character of Edge had tremendous range and versatility. Attaching the "berserker" label to that character would not have limited that range at all. On the other hand, a guy comes out in fuzzy boots and a viking helmet, you've pretty much seen all you're going to get.

This is just one interpretation of The Berzerker. I'm sure there are others that would be just as effective. That's the beauty of a great idea. It can spawn multiple incarnations. Speaking of a great idea, tune in next time when we tackle this monstrosity....

Until then, that's the Last Word, y'all. Now.........DISCUSS!


{"Handsome" Dan Lopez is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling show, the Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast. Follow him on Twitter, @DAntonioLopez.}

A Bad Case of the IWC: Ignorant Wrestling Community

[Douchey Author's Note: I don't watch Raw live because it's THREE FUCKING HOURS and I just don't have THREE FUCKING HOURS to sit in front of my TV and watch a wrestling show that I know I'm going to mostly hate; consequently, I'm still catching up. So I have yet to watch Raw from last Monday, September 27th therefore, this review pertains to what transpired on Raw from a few weeks prior, that being August 20th. Just play along and I think we'll be alright.]


Anybody else catch the "ENTERTAINMENT" graphic that flashed across the screen followed by the WWE logo after Raw went off the air?

The first part of it appears at the tail-end of this video.

I bring it up because it's going to be important for you to keep that in the back of your mind while you read this review. I'll explain how it relates to everything else I'm about to say when we get to my Last Word.

But first things first. To say that wrestling fans complain a lot is like saying the Kardashian girls might have had multiple sex partners. It's a bit of an understatement. Now I'll be the first one to stand up and proclaim my rights as a paying fan to voice my displeasure as often and as loudly as I see necessary.

However, because we do it so often, the act of complaining can turn into a REFLEX rather than a REACTION, and we can find ourselves complaining about EVERYTHING. Even when WWE does the things that we say we want them to do.

Let's go through the August 20th edition of Raw and pick out some examples and see if I'm not on to something here....

When Brock Lesnar came back we were all upset because we felt like they threw him into the mix too quickly with Cena only to have him lose to Cena in their very first match.

HOWEVER...he has become the most intimidating motherfucker on the entire roster thanks to his manhandling of Shawn Michaels, his victory over Triple H, the addition of Paul Heyman as his mouthpiece, and even his constant "quitting" adds to his persona of being "bigger than WWE."

Speaking of Brock, has anyone noticed that he's only wrestled TWICE in five months since returning to the company? Another of our chief complaints is that the talent is overexposed. We all thought this was going to get worse when Raw went to three hours every week.

HOWEVER...not only has WWE managed to keep Brock out of the ring, but on this edition of Raw, neither of the top champions wrestled, meaning World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus and WWE Champion CM Punk. And neither did John Cena.

Now I'm not saying that they couldn't afford to spread out the in-ring appearances of these guys even more, but you would expect, especially in a three-hour show, that at least one of them would have to end up in a match of some kind. But the point is, they didn't.

Speaking of matches, there were eight, count 'em, EIGHT matches on the August 20th edition of Raw. Now, before you start using "fuzzy math" (Come back, W!) and try to argue that every match should've been at least twenty minutes if it's a three hour show, let me give you some more realistic numbers...

Any hour-long program you watch on TV, you're only going to get about 30-40 minutes of actual show and about 20-30 minutes of commercials. So to be fair to Raw, every hour the show is on, we're probably only getting about 30-40 minutes of actual show. If we're generous and say it's 40 minutes for every hour, that gives us 120 minutes of actual show time. If every segment was devoted entirely to the matches, that would mean each match would have to last approximately 15 minutes from beginning to end, including intros, aftermath, etc.

Now, I'm sure there are some purists out there that would love that. I for one, wouldn't mind seeing a little more WRESTLING in my WRESTLING shows. However, I understand that some time has to be devoted to other things too. You're going to have backstage segments, in-ring segments, replays, etc. That's all part of wrestling. So as much as I would love to see longer matches, my point is, if it's more wrestling I want, I can't honestly say that WWE isn't making an effort in that regard, especially when you consider how much show time you're actually getting.

Speaking of all the extra-curriculars like backstage segments and in-ring promos, Raw General Manager AJ Lee, while not nearly as cute fully-clothed, hasn't lot much of her appeal as far as I can see. Her involvement in the WWE Title picture with CM Punk and Daniel Bryan got to be too much for my liking, to the point where I felt like she was overshadowing the championship and two of the company's best workers.

In her new role however, she gets plenty of screen time (good), wrestles less (good), and gets to continue to expand her "crazy chick" persona (good) while not being married (that was intentional) to any one worker or angle. Fact is, her character is good. Really good. And she plays it so well that she's going to overshadow anyone she's involved with.

So as much as we might hate to admit it, putting her in the General Manger role was the best thing that WWE could have done for her. Tying her to any one worker would have most likely resulted in the death of her character because she's not good enough to headline shows as a wrestler and the crazy chick who was just another worker on the roster had already hit its ceiling with Punk, Bryan and Kane.

So yeah, I'd much rather see the half-naked pixie wrapping her legs around guys and making love to their faces but I'm sure when the occasion calls for it, that version of AJ will make her reappearance. At least she's still relevant and in a position to be used that way and not completely forgotten.

Speaking of AJ as Raw GM, the "decisions" she made during this particualr episode were about as good as anyone could have asked for, in my opinion. The Randy Orton return was exciting. I'm a little tired of him, like everybody else, but in a wrestling landscape that offers so few surprises thanks to internet spoilers, it was a good moment.

The Kane/Ryder vs. Bryan/Miz match, while doing a horrible disservice to Ryder and Miz, was a nod to continuity which so many of us complain, is lacking in today's product. The fact that these wrestlers all had history with each other was played up for that match to the point where you couldn't overlook it or forget about it, as is usually the case.

Speaking of Bryan and Kane, even though I'm not a fan of the way WWE has treated Bryan like a second-rate star because of his lack of size, thanks to the whole "Yes vs. No" thing, the anger storyline, his history with AJ, and the quality matches he's had with Kane, who is still a major company player, he is in a position now that I don't think any internet mark could have projected for him just one year ago.

Speaking of Kane, he's in a similar position to Orton, a veteran who seems to be hanging on too long. However, if it weren't for his chemistry with the Big Red Monster, Daniel Bryan might have been forgotten by now. Our biggest complaint about these veterans overstaying their welcome is when they refuse to put new guys over on their way out. That can hardly be said about Kane who seems to be doing his best to "make" Daniel Bryan in thier angle.

The proof? No one else is getting entire vignettes and backstage segments devoted to him like Bryan is and even though we all know he is a much more capable wrestler than he is being allowed to show, I'd rather he be involved and over as a heel, than losing to the Funkasaurus and buried at the bottom of the midcard.

Speaking of the Funkasaurus, I thought the gimmick had run it's course. And it may still have. But, whatever life is left in it, I'm glad it's being sacrificed on the altar of Damien Sandow. Another of our many complaints is that the WWE isn't making any new stars. Like I said, not sure how much further Brodus Clay can climb, but the sky's the limit for Sandow as far as I'm concerned. Their "mini-feud" is a throwback to the late eighties when midcarders like Bret Hart and Bad News Brown, or Hercules and the Ultimate Warrior, young up-and-coming talents would engage in a similar feud, with the more impressive of the two moving up, and the "loser" staying put until he has proven himself ready to advance to the "next level."

A similar scenario has developed between Ryback and Jinder Mahal. Both guys clearly have potential and their present conflict is a great tool for revealing which one is ready to take that proverbial next step.

Speaking of potential, David Otunga, who I'd really grown to appreciate as a lackey to John Laurenitis, not only held his own with AJ backstage but immediately gets a match upon his return to TV. He also explained what he'd been up to in his absence. Not that filming a movie with Halle Berry is as big a deal as it used to be but still, nice to see a talented guy making some progress in the world of entertainment and still being allowed to get right back into the ring upon his return.

Speaking of Otunga getting back in the ring, while some might complain about him getting squashed, he was squashed by Big Show. Big Show has always been a source of frustration for me because he hasn't always been booked as the intimidating physical force that he is. I realize this is wrestling and sometimes the storyline calls for the giant to take a fall.

What I'm not going to complain about is when a giant finally gets booked as a giant. I said earlier that Brock Lesnar is the most intimidating guy on the roster right now. Well Number "One B" would be Big Show. People should be scared to get in the ring with him and right now, that's how he's being booked. That's booking that makes sense. Again, one of those things we all clamor for.

Speaking of which, one thing that so many people have been clamoring for that was actually mentioned during the show, is CM Punk to be involved in the main event as the WWE Champion instead of constantly taking a backseat to John Cena. It seems that this real internet situation is actually being brought to the forefront, not just in any angle, but in the biggest angle in the company right now. You'd think this would make us all happy, right? FINALLY, WWE is listening to the Internet Wrestling Community.

You'd be surprised, or maybe you wouldn't, to know that some people actually liked the pandering corporate suck-up that CM Punk had become as the babyface champion and maligned this heel turn.

And that, dear friends, leads me to my point behind running down virtually the entire show, which I don't usually do and despise in reviews as a general rule. But I felt it was necessary to prove my point: most of the complaining that people do with regard to the current WWE product seems like a REFLEX more than a REACTION.

You ask them, "How was Raw?" And instead of a realistic answer, you get the usual, "Ah, more of the same old shit. WWE sucks right now so of course it was terrible!"

But just look at how many POSITIVE things I mentioned about this one episode of Raw. Yet you can't get these haters to even mention ONE.

Another thing you can't get them to do is tell you the last time they actually liked EVERYTHING WWE Creative was doing. They all use phrases like "FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS NOW the WWE has gotten worse and worse." Care to ascribe a NUMBER to those "past few years?"

Or they'll say, "The creative team, Vince and Linda McMahon, continue to just make the WWE look more and more terrible AS THE YEARS GO ON." A time frame, a date, something! I'm beggin' ya!

They won't do it. Know why? Because they've NEVER liked everything WWE Creative has done. There's always SOMETHING to complain about and therefore the product is "terrible." "Oh, if only we were still in the ATTITUDE ERA!" I wish I could borrow Doc Brown's DeLorean, kidnap one of these motherfuckers, and take them back to their beloved Attitude Era so they can hear just how much they were complaining even back then!

Bottom line is, you're memories are liars. You think back fondly to your childhood or your teenage years when you weren't so smart (I use that term very, very loosely) and you could watch wrestling just for the fun of it and you think everything they did back then was good. I dare you to go watch some of that shit again. Go watch a random episode of WCW Nitro or an Attitude Era Raw then come tell me how great it was.

Or you really want to see some shit, how about you go back even further and watch an episode of Prime Time Wrestling or Saturday Night's Main Event. Or how about an old WWF pay-per-view?

Am I saying EVERYTHING from "back in the day" sucked? Of course not. Anymore than I'm saying that everything WWE is doing now is good. I'm just saying, let's quit kicking our legs at EVERYTHING WWE is doing now and pissing on the entire product and let's start making realistic assesments of what we're watching.

Because what we're watching (you were supposed to remember something, remember?) is ENTERTAINMENT. It is not, is not, is not WRESTLING. Forget about belts and their legacy or importance. Forget about "midcard" or "main event". Forget about who "deserves" to be a "top star". Because it's TV SHOW. They don't talk like that. They haven't for YEARS. It's time we all caught up.

As usual, I've got a lot more I could say, but for now, that's the Last Word. Until next time, marks......DISCUSS!!!!



["Handsome" Dan Lopez is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling show, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast which you can download for free on iTunes. Follow him on Twitter, @DAntonioLopez.}