The Greatest Heel Stable In Wrestling History

[Douchey Author's Note: Lofty title, right? But when you tout yourself as The Smartest Man Not In Pro Wrestling (trademark, muthafuckas!), you tend to have to go balls-in or else people just don't take you seriously.]

The inspiration for this post came from considering nWo Wulfpac, the babyface stable that sprung from a "split" in the original nWo. It featured Kevin Nash, Sting, Lex Luger, Konnan, and briefly, Randy Savage. With the exception of Konnan, all big names, all very popular and successful in their own right. The group was certainly over, but in terms of booking, it actually sucked. It made me wonder whether or not a babyface stable could actually succeed in wrestling.

And as usual, when I get to thinking about wrestling, one thought leads to a million others. So as I contemplated the merits of a babyface stable, I started examining the entire purpose of a stable in wrestling. And here, in all it's rawness, is how that played out...

The ultimate benefit to a stable is having someone to watch your back. Heels take it a step further by having someone interfere on their behalf or give them an unfair advantage in a fight. Heel stables get over by exploiting this to the max. The Hart Foundation was probably the best example of heels getting an advantage in such a sneaky, chickenshit way and against such popular faces, that fans actually hated them.

Some heel stables are full of such individually cool characters that they're hard to hate no matter what they do. Like the Four Horsemen. They were dastardly cheats who always took every advantage to beat up on the most popular babyfaces. But besides that they were cool. They could wrestle, they could talk, they were tough, and had a sweet life.

The Hart Foundation on the other hand were hard to like. An Elvis impersonator? Two guys who wear pink and can't win without cheating? A wrestling referee? A little pipsqueak who wears hearts and uses a megaphone? Those are heat magnets. Add all the classic heel stable tactics and you've got a group of assholes you can't wait to see the shit beaten out of.

Any heel stable has to win a little. The degree to which they need to win varies depending on who they're facing. If they're being built up to eventually fall to the top babyface, they should win a lot. On the other hand, if all they do is lose, they're just a comedy group. Buffoons who can't even cheat well. That has its place in the show but can't be taken seriously.

Like 3MB. The odds are in their favor every single time and they still lose. But that could be turned around. Give them a manager and either a "roadie" or a bodyguard and you could have a very successful, hateable group.

The last five paragraphs were my unedited hand-written notes on this topic. Just to expound a bit, I'd like to say that The Hart Foundation of 1987 was the greatest heel group of all time. Bold proclamation I know. But by "greatest" I want to make it clear that I don't mean "most successful" or "best" but then again, I do. What I mean is, if the purpose behind heels banding together and forming a stable in the first place is making it work to their advantage to achieve success in spite of their own limitations or the level of competition they're up against, then the Hart Foundation of 1987 did it the best, was the most successful, drew the most legitimate heat, against the best babyface competition, and therefore, was the greatest heel stable of all time.

I'm sure the arguments contrary to my point of view will be many and varied: no longevity, no world titles, not enough individually great wrestlers, not enough main events, etc, etc. Allow me to squash every single one of those in order: longevity hurt the Horsemen more than it helped them, a lack of world titles doesn't mean shit, a lack of individually great wrestlers actually lends to the greatness of the stable, the Honky Tonk Man headlined plenty of shows at his hottest, and just for shits and giggles, let me also throw in the fact that when it came time to form the Mega Powers, the evil force that brought them together was the Hart Foundation, not the Heenan Family nor any other top heel working at the time.

I haven't seen everything, nor do I claim to know everything. I'm sure someone could come up with another example of a heel stable, something I haven't seen perhaps, that might also fit this definition of "great". That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if there is a measuring stick for the right kind of success for a heel stable, the Hart Foundation is it.

Heels getting cheered has always been a thing in wrestling. And I'm sure it always will be. I'm probably the biggest offender when it comes to cheering the bad guys. But I love the kind of heels that nobody likes. To me, that is the most successful kind of heel. And every single member of the Hart Foundation was that kind of heel.

Bret Hart was the coolest of the group but in 1987, he was downright mean. He joined in with Honky Tonk Man and the rest of crew in threatening Elizabeth and mocking her when HTM violently knocked her to ground. The way he would cheat at every opportunity and pal up to Danny Davis, the despicable corrupt referee, there's no way anyone could like this guy! And credit "Mean" Gene Okerlund who sold "Hitman" and "The Anvil" as a couple of sick individuals. He'd play along with Honky Tonk Man's routine, but when it came to the Harts, he was always appalled by their actions, even once throwing down the mic and walking out on an interview with them. Great stuff!

It all lead exactly where it was supposed to lead. To the two most popular babyfaces in the company teaming up to wreak havoc on the whole bunch. I swear, my television set was shaking after Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage cleaned house of the entire bunch and then shook hands. I've heard a lot of ovations in my time as a wrestling fan, but that one, which wasn't even live, seemed like it shook the fucking arena!

Does the overness of Hogan and Savage deserve the credit for that? Certainly. But the crowd had been effectively worked into such a frenzy that it was ready to explode and THAT is thanks to the despicable actions of greatest heel stable of all time.

Point is, I love wrestling. And great booking, great psychology, deserves to be recognized. It's a fucking tragedy when the spotlight shines on others while sheer genius seems to go almost completely unrecognized [I experience it every time I post a new blog and no one comments on it. But I digress...].

When it comes to the Hart Foundation, it seems like there's always something getting in the way of them receiving the credit that they're due. Mention what a great manager Jimmy Hart was (the greatest of all time in my opinion, but that's an entirely different post), and right away someone has to bring up that Bobby Heenan was better. And of course, they just happened to work for the same company at the same time, both as heels. But when the Heenan Family started winning multiple titles in 1989 and 1990, it was like everyone forgot that the Hart Foundation had already done it.

Speaking of the Hart Foundation, mention them as a tag team, and while they may get some accolades, fans usally have more regard for The innovations of the British Bulldogs, or the legacy of Demolition, or the fact that the Rockers were never tag champs. Or they care more about Bret's singles career. And while I agree that the Hart Foundation just as a tag team, especially as babyfaces, wasn't the most exciting. But as a part of Jimmy Hart's stable, they played their roles to absolute perfection.

And the Honky Tonk Man. Mention him and it's either he didn't deserve to beat Ricky Steamboat or his quick loss to The Ultimate Warrior. Sure, everyone remembers that he's the longest reigning Intercontinental Champion of all time, but his feud with Savage is hardly ever mentioned among the greatest feuds in history when it was possibly the greatest feud Savage ever had. It seems like he's easy to dismiss because of his limited ring skills but last I checked drawing heat as a heel is a skill too and Honky Tonk was exceptional at it. His limited ability was one of the big reasons he was so hated. Macho Man should've wrestled circles around this clown but for all his efforts, he couldn't rest that I-C title away. And it wasn't just the interference of Jimmy Hart that helped hold on to the title, it was the mind games Honky Tonk played with Savage concerning Elizabeth. Yet no one ever acknowledges that.

And don't even get me started on this guy.

Just look at him. You can tell he's a fucking asshole. The fact he couldn't wrestle for shit made the success of the entire stable even more infuriating. He wasn't tough or talented, just a slimy piece of shit sneaking around just waiting to screw the good guys over. It doesn't get more heel than that!

Every individual has a role that they play in wrestling. And so does every stable. Not every stable is going to be the same. If that was the case then there would be no separation between the great ones and the mediocre. But I'm afraid a real oversight has taken place and is ongoing to this day with regard to the Hart Foundation. So it's my hope that if nothing else, this post will not only awaken you assholes to MY greatness as The Smartest Man Not In Pro Wrestling [Son!], but also give you pause next time one of those all-time discussions gets started on the Facebook, Twitter, or even sitting around the house with your pals and you won't be so quick to overlook The Greatest Heel Stable in Wrestling History.

Now THAT'S the Last Word. I'm out.

{"Handsome" Dan's ghetto ass is without a computer right now, but as soon as that situation is corrected look for more of his musings on Wrestling Rambles, Ring Wars Facebook page, and he's mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast, and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Both of which you can find at swn.shiningwizards.com.}

The Color of Money

Alright, we all know who this guy is, don't we?

Now I realize he doesn't wear green all the time, but this ghastly atrocity is actually still very popular among kids in attendance at WWE shows. Not only does it make you as a little kid easier to see amongst thousands of people, but it also leaves no doubt as to with whom your allegiance lies. You are a card-carrying member of the Cenation.

And if you'll grant me a little creative license, allow me to make this connection: Cena wears the GREEN because GREEN is the color of MONEY. And when it comes to World Wrestling Entertainment, CENA EQUALS MONEY.

Now you're all going to stand up and shout about how Cena isn't nearly the draw that Hulk Hogan was, or that he's not nearly the draw that "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was, or that he's not nearly the draw that The Rock was, and that is all true. So pat yourselves on the back, Barry Horowitz, you win that argument.

But that's not the issue. The issue is NOT how much money has Cena ever made for WWE. The issue IS does Cena make money for WWE RIGHT NOW.

The answer is, Yes.

This isn't your dad's WWWF. This isn't even your WWF. This is your kid's WWE. Get it through your heads, people. Those are THREE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT COMPANIES. What worked for the World Wide Wrestling Federation would not have worked for the World Wrestling Federation. And what worked for the World Wrestling Federation WILL NOT WORK for today's World Wrestling Entertainment.

Okay, I may be stretching things just a bit because I personally believe that some of the tested and proven methods of making money that worked for the WWF, and even the WWWF, would actually work for WWE, but it doesn't matter what I think. And it doesn't matter what you think.

What matters is what the shareholders and board of directors think.

World Wrestling Entertainment is a publicly-traded company. It isn't Vince McMahon's rasslin' promotion anymore. It's PG because it HAS to be PG. It isn't because anyone on the planet believes that the best form of wrestling entertainment is created under the PG banner. Anyone who has watched the Rock during his comeback both this year and last year knows that a little edgier is better.

But with CREATIVITY comes RISK.

Ask anyone who has ever had an idea. When you attempt to make your IDEA into a REALITY, you run the RISK of it not being accepted. Not a big deal if all your doing is say, writing a blog on a free blog-posting website. The risk is virtually non-existent.

But when you run a million-dollar company, every single idea that comes out of your creative meetings with the company's stamp of approval, carries with it a MILLION-DOLLAR RISK. All it takes is ONE bad angle, ONE bad promo, ONE bad idea, to cost the company THOUSANDS, if not MILLIONS of dollars.

And forget the fans. I'm not talking about the fans' dollars. Fans are extremely forgiving. Because they're fans. How much garbage have we sat through in our twenty or thirty something years as wrestling fans and yet where are we on Monday nights? In front of TVs watching Raw. Despite ranting and raving all week long about how terrible the product is, we remain loyal and hopeful because we're fans. That's our nature.

But sponsors and advertisers don't have to be fans. And THAT, my friends, is where World Wrestling Entertainment's bread gets buttered.

If you want to read the company's spiel, you can check out this article printed by the Miami Herald last summer.

I'm not going to pretend to understand all the verbiage, but here's the gist of it: if I'm Vince McMahon, here's how I think: "It's not what we DO, it's who we ARE. We are WWE. Consumers (not fans) RECOGNIZE OUR BRAND so they come to us. Just like they recognize Coke or Pepsi. As long as we always LOOK THE WAY WWE IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK, we will always keep consumers coming back.

"Therefore, we're not selling ourselves to the consumers; we're selling ourselves to SHAREHOLDERS, SPONSORS, and ADVERTISERS. And sharholders, sponsors, and advertisers want TWO THINGS: a SAFE INVESTMENT, and BRAND STRENGTH. If we get too CREATIVE, we RISK becoming an UNSAFE INVESTMENT. And that cannot happen.

"Therefore, if we can find something that works within the boundaries of a SAFE INVESTMENT, we will ride that gravy train as long as we can."

And that's where THIS guy comes in...

Look at him. More importantly, look at those troops. They don't care that he dresses like a 12-year old boy. They don't care that he wrestles like one. All they know is, he's a good guy who supports them and is the face of THEIR FAVORITE WRESTLING BRAND, WWE.

Anybody think Zack Ryder could fill that role? How about Daniel Bryan? CM Punk? R-Truth and Little Jimmy? What about The Miz? Could they do it as well as John Cena?

Answer? "OH, HELL NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Now you know why it's John Cena and NOT those guys. That's why it will be John Cena as long as he's capable of functioning inside a wrestling ring. Because he does this WITHOUT BEING CREATIVE. We've all seen John Cena at the top of his game. We know he has it within himself to be entertaining and come with edgier stuff. But that means RISK. And WWE is not going to risk losing shareholders, sponsors, or advertisers.

They've clearly lost fans. Just look at the ratings for Raw. They're nowhere near where they were in the days of Stone Cold and the Rock. But they haven't lost ENOUGH fans and they NEVER WILL because they know it's not just John Cena, it's THE BRAND. It's WWE.

What SHOULD have happened when the World Wrestling Federation became WWE, fans should've abandoned ship the way they did when New Coke came out.

But we didn't. Because even though it didn't TASTE like the WWF, it still LOOKED like the WWF so we stayed. Not all of us, but enough of us did.

And so, instead of scrapping WWE, and going back to what worked, they found a way to make money with New Coke. And the rest is history.

So why did I bother going to such lengths to essentially justify what Vince McMahon and WWE is doing? Am I happy with the current product? HELL to the NO!! But as the Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling, it is my obligation to understand the current wrestling landscape. And what I've just laid out for you so eloquently IS the current wrestling landscape as it pertains to World Wrestling Entertainment. No one else is going to break it down any simpler.

So what should YOUR response be to what I have just told you? Ideally, we would all close our wallets, put away our checkbooks and go find something better to do. It's not that WWE hasn't done a few good things since they adopted the new formula, but if we're all honest we'd have to admit that a good 75-90% of what they have done in the past decade has fallen short of expectations.

That's a pretty lousy performance record. As a fan of the San Diego Chargers, I know all about failure. But in sports, you don't suddenly change teams unless you have a vagina. But this isn't sports. The rules are different here. It's not as if they aren't controlling the outcomes. What we have gotten is what THEY have chosen to give us. So it's up to us to say, "I'm switching brands because I don't like the way this shit tastes."

A lot of people have done it already. But not enough for them to pull the plug. So what's a couple hundred or thousand more marks reading spoilers on the internet? They'll always have the troops. They'll always have the middle-income nuclear families. And those people will happily whip out their checkbooks when it comes time to order a pay-per-view or visit the t-shirt stand. Why? Because it's WWE. It's the brand they recognize. They know it's safe. Think they realize such a thing as TNA exists? Not a fucking chance. If their kid did happen upon Impact on TV, think their parents are going to spend money on that ghetto-looking shit? No. Fucking. Way.

So basically, I'm not telling you to do anything. You want to watch WWE in the hopes of gleaning the few good bits of grain you can? Go ahead. Just don't waste your time getting all red-faced and stomping a mudhole in your TV. Realize, nothing's going to change. You want to make a statement and show WWE how fed up you are? Then take your consumer dollars elsewhere. I personally don't think it will make a difference but maybe it will improve your blood-pressure and that alone will be worth it.

Who knows? Maybe enough people WILL turn away and WWE will finally get the message and start to take some risks and improve the level of creativity. But in the meantime, THAT is the state of the business and no one is going to lay it out any better. What you choose to do with the knowledge is up to you.

And that's the last word, peeps. Now it's time to make your voice heard. WWE may not be willing to listen. But here, your opinion actually matters. So.......DISCUSS!

{The Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling is mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}