Showing posts with label Hulk Hogan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hulk Hogan. Show all posts
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Handsome Dan's Final Say
Yes, I realize it's been a while. When I saw that my last post was from back in July of 2013 I couldn't believe it myself.
But the Handsome One is back and he's STILL the Smartest Man Not In Professional Wrestling! [trademark, muthaphuckas!] Want proof? Just click on the link below and listen to me ramble in a drowsy stupor on the long ride home New Year's Eve and marvel how that even at half-speed, my brain is still calculating faster than 90% of the backwards cap wearing masses.
But don't just stop there. Further your education by reading some of the articles here as well, and while they may not make you as smart as me, you might just be able to impress your friends with the wisdom you glean.
So without further ado, I give you...Handsome Dan's Final Say!
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Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Drawing The Right Conclusions
I've written on this subject before but what bears "peating" bears repeating. (Check out my previous post "Why WWE Isn't Going Anywhere")
Two things provoked me to spend time on this subject again:
1) Members of the Internet Wrestling Community (a term which if you are familiar with me at all, you know I despise) once again proclaiming the imminent demise of World Wrestling Entertainment thanks to low television ratings, pay-per-view buyrates, and poor arena attendance.
2) This video of a shoot interview with Bobby Heenan that I watched a few days ago.
Before we really get the discussion rolling, here are a couple of references that I encourage you to check out either before, during, or after our little discussion as a way to help us all maintain the proper perspective:
- Raw ratings from September 1995 to June 2010
- Revenue reports for 2012 from WWE's Corporate website
Not going to spend a lot of time trying to convince you that WWE is NOT the Titanic sinking fast. I don't think I can put together a more comprehensive argument for that than the one I've already presented in my previous post linked above.
But what I would like to spend time on is what "The Brain" had to say in his shoot interview.
From the reference links above TWO things can be positively determined:
1) Television ratings for Monday Night Raw, currently parked in the 2.7 - 3.0 range, are as low as they were in the company's "darkest days" just prior to the Attitude Era (1995-1997), when they were on the verge of "financial peril" according to Vince McMahon's own testimony.
2) World Wrestling Entertainment is not anywhere close to "financial peril" today. They are consistently turning over a handsome profit in spite of waning interest in the current product.
With these two things in mind, I want to refer to the Bobby Heenan interview where "Brain" emphasizes over and over again the importance of being able to "draw money." For example, after singing the Dynamite Kid's praises as an athlete and a wrestler, the host asks if Dynamite is "the greatest wrestler of all-time." To which Heenan responds, "The greatest of all-time is the guy who draws the most money."
This is just one example. He gives several and it really helped me get a grip on the whole "mark" controversy.
Wrestling fans usually don't mind being called "marks" but I'm afraid few of us understand what it really means. What wrestling do not like is being called "mark" in a dismissive way.
But if the truth be told, if we all had a better understanding of what a "mark" is, we'd have to admit that sometimes, more often than not, we're all a bunch a fucking marks and deserve the type of treatment we get.
I'm not saying "all the time" but most of the time, we wrestling fans draw inaccurate conclusions about how the wrestling business works.
Read that again. The wrestling BUSINESS. And just like any BUSINESS, the one and only, end-all, be-all purpose is to DRAW MONEY.
We all know part of Bobby Heenan's schtick as a legendary heel manager was his "hatred" for Hulk Hogan. Yet during his shoot interview, Bobby goes out of his way to defend Hogan against his detractors.
Why? Because Hulk Hogan DRAWS MONEY.
I applied this logic to myself in this way: once upon a time, I had dreams of becoming a professional wrestler but life, as it sometimes does, got in the way. I had responsibilities that put that dream on permanent hold status.
However, if I had attended a wrestling school at that time (we're talking 1999 or so; shortly after I graduated high school) my goal would probably have been to be the best professional wrestler I could become.
But according to Bobby Heenan, a legend with decades of experience in the business, what is the criteria for being considered the greatest of all-time? DRAWING MONEY.
That's the difference. A mark like me thinks, "I have to be THE BEST" without even realizing what it means to be THE BEST in professional wrestling.
Being THE BEST means DRAWING THE MOST MONEY. That's it. It's literally that simple.
This is why wrestlers develop a certain disdain for fans, or marks. Because a mark will come up to them and say some stupid shit like "You can't wrestle" or "So-and-so is way better than you" without realizing how stupid something like that sounds.
If "So-and-so" is having great matches all across the country, but in high school gymnasiums in front of twenty people, it doesn't matter how fucking "good" he is. The musclebound clod who can barley chain two moves together is the better wrestler because he's the one that's DRAWING MONEY.
Get it now?
I know, I know, it's hard to free ourselves from the mindset of what we see in the ring and how entertaining it is and using that as our basis for comparison. But it's the difference between being a fan, and someone who is involved in the business.
And it's the difference between being dismissed as a mark, and being able to intelligently discuss someone's profession with them.
I'm not saying what takes place in the ring doesn't matter. Of course it does. But that isn't the measuring stick for those involved in the business. Those involved in the business realize that the measuring stick is what perpetuates the business and having a great match isn't it.
What perpetuates the business is DRAWING MONEY.
This is why we see things on our TV that sometimes we don't understand as fans. And it's why we sometimes don't see the things that we would like to see. The people in charge are only interested in DRAWING MONEY and using personnel in the best way to optimize their ability to DRAW MONEY.
In the post linked at the beginning ("Why WWE Isn't Going Anywhere") I mentioned a program that Hulk Hogan was supposed to work in the 80's with Jake "The Snake" Roberts during the height of Hulkamania when Jake was still a heel. The angle was supposed to kick off during Roberts' interview segment The Snake Pit, where he was going to DDT Hogan on the concrete floor.
When Jake did this however, instead of the crowd booing him out of the building for beating up their hero, they cheered. In Jake's own words, this was "the wrong reaction." According to him, when he got backstage, even Vince McMahon said "you've got rotten luck!"
Why? Because as the heel, Jake's desire was to DRAW MONEY by working with the babyface in shows all across the country. Well, if fans were going to be divided when they worked together and CHEER FOR THE HEEL, the angle wasn't going to work and it wasn't going to DRAW MONEY.
Now, a mark might say, "A babyface Jake Roberts versus a heel Hulk Hogan in the 80s would've been AWESOME!" A mark has the luxury to think that way. But the business owner, the bookers, the people in charge have to think about the Big Picture and keep their eye on the goal which is, to DRAW MONEY.
I know I keep beating that horse into the ground, but the point needs to be made. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss and I'd be better off screaming my head off like any other mark and losing myself in the illusion. But I actually don't have a problem doing that even with a better understanding of the business. I prefer to be informed. I prefer to sound intelligent when I speak about the things I'm passionate about, like wrestling.
Fans of movies, even obsessed fans, like those who love the Twilight series, are not as bad as wrestling marks. They don't call Taylor Lautner "Jacob" when they meet him or suggest that his brothers are better at "morphing" than he is. How ridiculous would that be? How might Taylor Lautner respond to such outright lunacy?
Yet we wrestling marks insist that the PERFORMERS that we watch week-in and week-out humor us when he say shit like, "Chris Benoit deserved to be champion way more than you did" or "Dude, you should've won that last match!" Honestly, no wonder they try to avoid us. That would get old real fast!
Wrestling IS unique in the sense that you watch the PERFORMERS put on their SHOW right in front of you. And many times, they'll interact with you IN CHARACTER during the PERFORMANCE (all this emphasis is deliberate, by the way). So it is easy to lose yourself in the illusion probably more so than any other form of entertainment, which is I love it and believe wrestling to be the single greatest form of entertainment in the world. The fact that there are so many marks in the world is proof of how this industry has excelled at what they do.
I would rather go to a wrestling event than to a "real" sporting event. I would rather go to a wrestling show than a Broadway show. I would rather go to a wrestling show than go the movies. Wrestling, when done right, is the end-all, be-all of entertainment in my opinion.
But we have to realize that these men and women are simply PLAYING A ROLE. And once the performance is over, they're real people with real names, families, hobbies, interests, etc. I'm sure just like any performer they appreciate fans who love their performance. But when the line between PERFORMANCE ART and REALITY become blurred that's when things get creepy.
Can a wrestling fan express an opinion about what he believes will DRAW MONEY? I think so, obviously. I do it here every week. But I've increasingly tried to keep my opinions out of the realm of a blind mark's rantings and instead, take the approach of someone whose goal is to perpetuate the product by DRAWING MONEY.
So go ahead, you marks, book your own shows, speculate, rant and rave about the things you hate and the things you'd like to see! No harm in that. But do yourself a favor and at least try to sound intelligent. Try to understand how the business works if you're going to comment on it. We'll never understand it fully as fans because we're not in it. But we can all make an honest effort.
For example, just to apply all this wisdom to the current WWE product, I think they've done a good job recently of booking their top talent like Ryback, and some of the midcard talent like Damien Sandow and Antonio Cesaro. But I do think they haven't done as well with the divas' division or their tag teams. I believe there is money to be made there and they are doing themselves, the performers, and the business a disservice by not focusing more on these areas and booking a better product. That's not a blind mark's ramblings. That's looking at it realistically from the standpoint of what's best for business and DRAWING MONEY.
Would I like to see WWE throw caution to the wind and book whatever would be "cool?" Sure I would. But I understand that it's important to keep someone like John Cena on top. He DRAWS MONEY. Maybe not the bucketfuls that others have drawn in the past. But he provides a steady source of income and I can see how a business owner, would be hesitant to risk that by changing his character.
That doesn't mean I don't think there are better ways to use John Cena and still DRAW MONEY. I certainly believe that there are. So I'll rant about that. That's not being a mark. That's just being a fan.
So to tie all this together, how has this knowledge changed me? Am I still The Smartest Man Not Currently Involved In Wrestling (trademark, Sonnnnnnnn!)? Of course!
I've been changed in this sense, were I to enter a wrestling school today with visions of fulfilling my dream, my goal would still be the same. I would still want to become the greatest wrestler I could be, but instead of asking my instructors to "teach me to be a great wrestler," I would ask them "teach me how to draw money."
That's the secret to success in professional wrestling. For some, it's having great matches. For others, it's finding the right gimmick. For others still, it's a combination of the two, or something entirely different altogether. But the goal remains the same.
So quit making yourself look stupid. Be a mark, but know what the fuck you're talking about. And that'll help you draw the right conclusions.
That's the last word for now, phreaks and phalluses. Until next time, and I mean this...........DISCUSS!!!!!!!!
[The Smartest Man Not Currently Involved In Wrestling is mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.]
Two things provoked me to spend time on this subject again:
1) Members of the Internet Wrestling Community (a term which if you are familiar with me at all, you know I despise) once again proclaiming the imminent demise of World Wrestling Entertainment thanks to low television ratings, pay-per-view buyrates, and poor arena attendance.
2) This video of a shoot interview with Bobby Heenan that I watched a few days ago.
Before we really get the discussion rolling, here are a couple of references that I encourage you to check out either before, during, or after our little discussion as a way to help us all maintain the proper perspective:
- Raw ratings from September 1995 to June 2010
- Revenue reports for 2012 from WWE's Corporate website
Not going to spend a lot of time trying to convince you that WWE is NOT the Titanic sinking fast. I don't think I can put together a more comprehensive argument for that than the one I've already presented in my previous post linked above.
But what I would like to spend time on is what "The Brain" had to say in his shoot interview.
From the reference links above TWO things can be positively determined:
1) Television ratings for Monday Night Raw, currently parked in the 2.7 - 3.0 range, are as low as they were in the company's "darkest days" just prior to the Attitude Era (1995-1997), when they were on the verge of "financial peril" according to Vince McMahon's own testimony.
2) World Wrestling Entertainment is not anywhere close to "financial peril" today. They are consistently turning over a handsome profit in spite of waning interest in the current product.
With these two things in mind, I want to refer to the Bobby Heenan interview where "Brain" emphasizes over and over again the importance of being able to "draw money." For example, after singing the Dynamite Kid's praises as an athlete and a wrestler, the host asks if Dynamite is "the greatest wrestler of all-time." To which Heenan responds, "The greatest of all-time is the guy who draws the most money."
This is just one example. He gives several and it really helped me get a grip on the whole "mark" controversy.
Wrestling fans usually don't mind being called "marks" but I'm afraid few of us understand what it really means. What wrestling do not like is being called "mark" in a dismissive way.
But if the truth be told, if we all had a better understanding of what a "mark" is, we'd have to admit that sometimes, more often than not, we're all a bunch a fucking marks and deserve the type of treatment we get.
I'm not saying "all the time" but most of the time, we wrestling fans draw inaccurate conclusions about how the wrestling business works.
Read that again. The wrestling BUSINESS. And just like any BUSINESS, the one and only, end-all, be-all purpose is to DRAW MONEY.
We all know part of Bobby Heenan's schtick as a legendary heel manager was his "hatred" for Hulk Hogan. Yet during his shoot interview, Bobby goes out of his way to defend Hogan against his detractors.
Why? Because Hulk Hogan DRAWS MONEY.
I applied this logic to myself in this way: once upon a time, I had dreams of becoming a professional wrestler but life, as it sometimes does, got in the way. I had responsibilities that put that dream on permanent hold status.
However, if I had attended a wrestling school at that time (we're talking 1999 or so; shortly after I graduated high school) my goal would probably have been to be the best professional wrestler I could become.
But according to Bobby Heenan, a legend with decades of experience in the business, what is the criteria for being considered the greatest of all-time? DRAWING MONEY.
That's the difference. A mark like me thinks, "I have to be THE BEST" without even realizing what it means to be THE BEST in professional wrestling.
Being THE BEST means DRAWING THE MOST MONEY. That's it. It's literally that simple.
This is why wrestlers develop a certain disdain for fans, or marks. Because a mark will come up to them and say some stupid shit like "You can't wrestle" or "So-and-so is way better than you" without realizing how stupid something like that sounds.
If "So-and-so" is having great matches all across the country, but in high school gymnasiums in front of twenty people, it doesn't matter how fucking "good" he is. The musclebound clod who can barley chain two moves together is the better wrestler because he's the one that's DRAWING MONEY.
Get it now?
I know, I know, it's hard to free ourselves from the mindset of what we see in the ring and how entertaining it is and using that as our basis for comparison. But it's the difference between being a fan, and someone who is involved in the business.
And it's the difference between being dismissed as a mark, and being able to intelligently discuss someone's profession with them.
I'm not saying what takes place in the ring doesn't matter. Of course it does. But that isn't the measuring stick for those involved in the business. Those involved in the business realize that the measuring stick is what perpetuates the business and having a great match isn't it.
What perpetuates the business is DRAWING MONEY.
This is why we see things on our TV that sometimes we don't understand as fans. And it's why we sometimes don't see the things that we would like to see. The people in charge are only interested in DRAWING MONEY and using personnel in the best way to optimize their ability to DRAW MONEY.
In the post linked at the beginning ("Why WWE Isn't Going Anywhere") I mentioned a program that Hulk Hogan was supposed to work in the 80's with Jake "The Snake" Roberts during the height of Hulkamania when Jake was still a heel. The angle was supposed to kick off during Roberts' interview segment The Snake Pit, where he was going to DDT Hogan on the concrete floor.
When Jake did this however, instead of the crowd booing him out of the building for beating up their hero, they cheered. In Jake's own words, this was "the wrong reaction." According to him, when he got backstage, even Vince McMahon said "you've got rotten luck!"
Why? Because as the heel, Jake's desire was to DRAW MONEY by working with the babyface in shows all across the country. Well, if fans were going to be divided when they worked together and CHEER FOR THE HEEL, the angle wasn't going to work and it wasn't going to DRAW MONEY.
Now, a mark might say, "A babyface Jake Roberts versus a heel Hulk Hogan in the 80s would've been AWESOME!" A mark has the luxury to think that way. But the business owner, the bookers, the people in charge have to think about the Big Picture and keep their eye on the goal which is, to DRAW MONEY.
I know I keep beating that horse into the ground, but the point needs to be made. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss and I'd be better off screaming my head off like any other mark and losing myself in the illusion. But I actually don't have a problem doing that even with a better understanding of the business. I prefer to be informed. I prefer to sound intelligent when I speak about the things I'm passionate about, like wrestling.
Fans of movies, even obsessed fans, like those who love the Twilight series, are not as bad as wrestling marks. They don't call Taylor Lautner "Jacob" when they meet him or suggest that his brothers are better at "morphing" than he is. How ridiculous would that be? How might Taylor Lautner respond to such outright lunacy?
Yet we wrestling marks insist that the PERFORMERS that we watch week-in and week-out humor us when he say shit like, "Chris Benoit deserved to be champion way more than you did" or "Dude, you should've won that last match!" Honestly, no wonder they try to avoid us. That would get old real fast!
Wrestling IS unique in the sense that you watch the PERFORMERS put on their SHOW right in front of you. And many times, they'll interact with you IN CHARACTER during the PERFORMANCE (all this emphasis is deliberate, by the way). So it is easy to lose yourself in the illusion probably more so than any other form of entertainment, which is I love it and believe wrestling to be the single greatest form of entertainment in the world. The fact that there are so many marks in the world is proof of how this industry has excelled at what they do.
I would rather go to a wrestling event than to a "real" sporting event. I would rather go to a wrestling show than a Broadway show. I would rather go to a wrestling show than go the movies. Wrestling, when done right, is the end-all, be-all of entertainment in my opinion.
But we have to realize that these men and women are simply PLAYING A ROLE. And once the performance is over, they're real people with real names, families, hobbies, interests, etc. I'm sure just like any performer they appreciate fans who love their performance. But when the line between PERFORMANCE ART and REALITY become blurred that's when things get creepy.
Can a wrestling fan express an opinion about what he believes will DRAW MONEY? I think so, obviously. I do it here every week. But I've increasingly tried to keep my opinions out of the realm of a blind mark's rantings and instead, take the approach of someone whose goal is to perpetuate the product by DRAWING MONEY.
So go ahead, you marks, book your own shows, speculate, rant and rave about the things you hate and the things you'd like to see! No harm in that. But do yourself a favor and at least try to sound intelligent. Try to understand how the business works if you're going to comment on it. We'll never understand it fully as fans because we're not in it. But we can all make an honest effort.
For example, just to apply all this wisdom to the current WWE product, I think they've done a good job recently of booking their top talent like Ryback, and some of the midcard talent like Damien Sandow and Antonio Cesaro. But I do think they haven't done as well with the divas' division or their tag teams. I believe there is money to be made there and they are doing themselves, the performers, and the business a disservice by not focusing more on these areas and booking a better product. That's not a blind mark's ramblings. That's looking at it realistically from the standpoint of what's best for business and DRAWING MONEY.
Would I like to see WWE throw caution to the wind and book whatever would be "cool?" Sure I would. But I understand that it's important to keep someone like John Cena on top. He DRAWS MONEY. Maybe not the bucketfuls that others have drawn in the past. But he provides a steady source of income and I can see how a business owner, would be hesitant to risk that by changing his character.
That doesn't mean I don't think there are better ways to use John Cena and still DRAW MONEY. I certainly believe that there are. So I'll rant about that. That's not being a mark. That's just being a fan.
So to tie all this together, how has this knowledge changed me? Am I still The Smartest Man Not Currently Involved In Wrestling (trademark, Sonnnnnnnn!)? Of course!
I've been changed in this sense, were I to enter a wrestling school today with visions of fulfilling my dream, my goal would still be the same. I would still want to become the greatest wrestler I could be, but instead of asking my instructors to "teach me to be a great wrestler," I would ask them "teach me how to draw money."
That's the secret to success in professional wrestling. For some, it's having great matches. For others, it's finding the right gimmick. For others still, it's a combination of the two, or something entirely different altogether. But the goal remains the same.
So quit making yourself look stupid. Be a mark, but know what the fuck you're talking about. And that'll help you draw the right conclusions.
That's the last word for now, phreaks and phalluses. Until next time, and I mean this...........DISCUSS!!!!!!!!
[The Smartest Man Not Currently Involved In Wrestling is mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.]
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Review In The Raw: 11-26-12, Shield Your Eyes
Did Raw build upon a mostly positive show last week? Let's find out...
Opening Narration.
-People can bust on WWE for ripping off TNA all they want, but the fact is, this is a good idea. Almost every other popular "weekly, episodic" tv show does a recap at the beginning of the show to bring viewers up to speed. It makes it feel more like a tv show and let's face it, that's what Raw is. I know purists like to entertain dreams of WWE returning to its roots and becoming a rasslin' show again, but that's not going to happen anytime soon. So, for the way WWE is trying to present their product, I think the opening narration is a smart move.
-Furtherance of the John Cena-Dolph Ziggler feud taking place on Smackdown this past Friday is alluded to. As an adult, I groan at this because I just don't care enough to watch every second of WWE programming. But as a kid, I was such a hopeless devotee, that I think I would have LOVED having this much wrestling to watch and would have kept up on it religiously. Still not sold on this approach by WWE. I think a less-is-more approach with a better overall product would result in a greater overall viewership, but I can't say that I don't see the logic in doing things this way either.
Segment 1. Ryback def. Titus O'Neil. Ryback refuses to leave the ring.
Old-school type match in which the singles star goes over the tag team specialist. I don't have a problem with it.
Titus is so horribly green it's disgusting. But he makes a strong showing.
-"Feed Me More" chant, and Ryback, really starting to get over.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 2. Ryback attacks security. Vicki gives him a TLC title match against Punk at next PPV. Hornswoggle, Rosa, ADR & Khali backstage.
-Nothing wrong with the Ryback-Vicki segment other than illogical booking. How does Vicki Guerrero have the authority to book pay-per-view title matches when she's just the Raw (whatever title they're using now)?
-The backstage segment with the also-rans was to set up for a match between Del Rio and Khali. This is the kind of thing that I can do without and lends credence to my argument that a three-hour Raw is just way too long.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 3. ADR def. Khali clean with Rosa watching backstage. Punk and Heyman confront Vicki backstage.
-Not sure where the Rosa, ADR angle is going to lead but again, this isn't the kind of thing that I think needed to be part of this show.
-The whole concept of a fan poll deciding Punk's opponent is another concept that old-school fans can't stand but it's actually a good idea. Whether or not it's legit is always going to be a question, but social media is more important right now than TV ratings and WWE is doing its best to stay at the head of the pack, even posting a graphic during the show of their "Social Media Ranking." Even if it is bogus, it keeps fans involved.
Think about how often you check Twitter or Facebook throughout the day. Not that a non-wrestling fan will suddenly watch wrestling because a related topic is trending, but if you can show investors and stockholders that millions of people on social media are talking about your product, that makes your product relevant and marketable to advertisers and sponsors. So criticize all you want, wrestling fans, it's smart business.
-All that being said, this segment really wasn't needed.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 4. Cole interviews Ambrose, Rollins and Reins. They call themselves The Shield.
-Not crazy about the name. But loving the gimmick and the concept behind it. Why? BECAUSE IS MAKES SENSE. We're always complaining that storylines don't make sense anymore, and with good reason. This one does. Ambrose has already confronted Mick Foley about something similar, the "purity" of wrestling. And their declaration of protecting what amounts to the "old-school" way of doing things is an extension of that.
-It is clear that Ambrose should be the leader of this group. He has a natural gift for speaking. I say, give them guns and make him The Joker! As a rogue group, they should be able to get away with pushing the envelope a little bit.
-I don't see them getting over as individuals with this angle unfortunately, but it's a nice way of making three guys the WWE Universe is probably not at all familiar with seem important right off the bat.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 5. Fandago vignette. Tamina def. Alicia Fox.
-Vignettes are such an effective way of debuting someone. It worked for Damien Sandow. Whether or not a dancing gimmick is the best way to go, I'm not exactly sure. It'll draw some heat initially which will be good for him and he can always change things later. I have no complaints.
-Tamina's outfit looked like she was trying to hide her period. And the match was terrible. Fans can't help but pop for the Superfly splash though.
-I don't have a problem with this segment because I realize the importance of furthering both characters, I just wish it had been a part of a two-hour show instead. The fact that I had to watch this on top of everything else just left a bad taste in my mouth.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 6. Another replay of Cena-Ziggler-AJ. Vicki gives Cena & AJ a "gift." More gross make-out stuff. Ziggler interrupts.
-Cena's involvment in this angle has made almost everyone else lose their appeal. Sure, AJ is adorable but her lack of chemistry with Cena just makes it feel like her presence is wasted. And Vicki always has heat but it looks like not even she believes in her "crusade" to expose Cena and AJ. Dolph so far, has been able to maintain some conviction but he started to lose it this week when he made the feud with Cena to suddenly be more about AJ than about furthering his career.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 7. Some football player gets a Spinner Belt. Wade Barrett on commentary while Kofi Kingston def. Tensai.
-Along with the constant reference to Vince and other Superstars visiting a U.S. miliatry aircraft carrier, the short video featuring the football player is just more intelligent PR by WWE.
-Wade Barrett is so good on the mic, I find it hard to believe that he won't be a top heel someday.
-Unfortunately, Kofi is over but Tensai made an excellent showing and could possibly build on this if they decide to use him in something worthwhile. I think he impressed the fans by kicking the crap out of Kofi.
-I really like the way the Intercontinental title is being showcased as something important.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 8. Daniel Bryan and Kane backstage. Kane revealed as winner of the fan poll.
-Bryan is still crazy over. This segment was funny. I just wish they could turn these segments into more success for these two wrestlers in the ring. I realize they're tag champs, but both of them ended up losing tonight in mediocre fashion.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 9. Rey Mysterio vs. Daniel Bryan, Part One.
-In case you didn't catch it on Monday, this is the FIRST TIME EVER these two have wrestled a singles match against each other. UGH! Overkill much?
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 10. Rey wins (of course). ADR, Ricardo & Rosa backstage.
-The match was decent by WWE standards, but when you realize how much more these two are capable of, it just fell a little flat. Bryan looked like he hadn't even broken a sweat when it was over. And why does the WWE Tag Champion who is over like mad have to fucking lose?! Just a disappointment on every level.
-Can't say much about the Del Rio, Rosa angle except that what I care most about is how it's going affect Ricardo and I'm not sure that's a good thing.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 11. Yet ANOTHER replay of AJ-Dolph-Cena. Ziggler vs. Cena, Part One.
-Cole almost reluctantly acknowledges Cena's "torn meniscus" as Cena runs full speed to the ring and then executes a leapfrog without favoring the limb at all. At least the jorts are gone.
-Dolph Ziggler may be the new Shawn Michaels. He just needs to develop HBK's refusal to do jobs.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 12. Ziggler can't even beat a hobbled Cena.
-When Cena suddenly aggrivates his "injury" hitting the ropes I groaned thinking Ziggler would win but only because Cena was hobbled. Not sure how I let that thought even enter my brain because of course, Cena can't lose no matter the odds or how hurt he may be. Silly me!
-I realize Cena's over. And despite the "Cena Sucks!" chants, the crowd popped huge when he won. But when Ziggler countered the AA by hitting the Zig Zag, I don't think Cena's reputation as a "Superman" would've been hindered at all had he just eaten the pin. It was a brilliant counter and Ziggler's best move, yet Cena still kicks out. Dolph, on the other hand, gets caught in an Attitude Adjustment, or in layman's terms, a fireman's carry takeover, and 1-2-3, the match is over! It just made Ziggler's winning streak disappear because no matter what kind of a roll he was on, he still can't beat even an injured John Cena, meaning he's not in the same class as The Rock or....well, gee, I guess that's it actually.
I understand that he's supposed to be this era's Hulk Hogan, but the way I look at it, you can give Cena marks in the Raw crowd the cheap pop, then give the Cena marks in the next crowd the cheap pop again by having him continue to go over every single time. OR, you can have Ziggler win the match, and show everyone that John Cena IS human, that he can lose, and help everyone get behind the illusion and suspend their disbelief and actually generate some interest in a future match between the two at say, TLC, when fans will actually have to PAY TO SEE IT. I don't know, it makes sense to me but when has that ever mattered to WWE when it comes to booking their Golden Nugget?
-Very good match. Fantastic showing by Ziggler. All spoiled by a cheap Cena win and Cena trying to swallow AJ's face afterward in a revolting display. Hopefully WWE has realized the utter lack of chemistry between these two and will put this angle out of its misery. This article by PWMania gives me some hope.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 13. Sheamus def. Antonio Cesaro by countout. A pay-per-view match worth caring about.
-What an excellent, physical match! It's just a shame that neither of these guys are as over as John Cena. The crowd was clearly more involved in the previous match. I think these two eventually won them over though with some hard-hitting action.
-The finish wasn't going to generate much of a pop, but it was the right call. Cesaro is too good to be jobbing to main event guys in non-title matches. And Sheamus needed another good showing but also needed to win. This way, both purposes are accomplished.
-I like the build for Big Show-Sheamus. Their match at Hell In A Cell was very good and this has turned into an old-school championship series that I actually wouldn't mind seeing through to its final resolution.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 14. Damien Sandow gets his token win over Zack Ryder. Josh Matthews interviews Paul Heyman outside CM Punk's dressing room.
-This is the point in the show when I start wishing it was still two hours.
-Sandow, whose recent stint as a tag team foil for Team Hell No I wasn't particularly fond of, is back to singles competition again which is great BUT...this Wednesday he's going up against The Golden Nugget on Main Event, John Cena. Now, why should ANYONE with ANY SENSE AT ALL think Sandow has a snowball's chance in Hell of actually winning? Honestly, they wouldn't! But that hardly matters. The Universe will tune in anyway just to see their "hero" make his monkey faces and resort to his standard "drop the town name to get the cheap pop" antics.
BUT...WWE has to at least make some kind of effort to make Sandow look like a threat. So of course, they give him a token win against a token jobber who used to be somebody once upon a time, Zack Ryder. I was surprised at the pop Ryder got when his entrance music hit. Maybe that's a sign that the character is not completely dead and could still enjoy a resurrection should the right opportunity present itself.
-As much as I understand the logic in booking this match, I don't think it accomplished the goal because Sandow barely beat Ryder, which if I were him, wouldn't exactly fill me with confidence in my chances of beating Cena.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 15. Shield interview replayed. CM Punk vs. Kane, Part One.
-Glad they replayed the Shield interview. It honestly felt like it had happened LAST week by this point in the show!
-Apparently, in some more investigative reporting done by PWMania, CM Punk wrestled the wrong opponent in this match. According to this article, Daniel Bryan actually won the fan poll.
My take is, it's wrestling. Who gives a shit if they fix the outcome of a poll?? The outcomes of the matches are fixed! But my question is WHY? What difference would it have made if Punk wrestled Bryan or Kane? Do they honestly think we are so stupid that we simply CANNOT BELIEVE that a man of average size like Bryan couldn't beat CM Punk? They obviously don't think we believe that Bryan can beat ANYBODY the way they have him lose EVERY. SINGLE. MATCH.
How hot would the crowd have been for an all-out war between Punk and Bryan? They could have played up Punk's "relief" at not having to face Kane. His smugness at feeling like Bryan would be an easy win. And you know the crowd would've been rabid in their support for Bryan beating the champ! So you have Bryan trap Punk in the "No Lock", the crowd's going crazy thinking Punk's about to tap, and Shield intervenes just like they did.
Not that the match with Kane was bad, but a Punk-Bryan match has the potential to be so much better and is the hotter ticket the way Bryan is over. Worst part is, you have the guy WHO THE FANS ACTUALLY WANTED TO SEE lose a meaningless match to Rey Mysterio!
It's as if WWE is going out of their way to make Daniel Bryan NOT MATTER. As I've said countless times, he's a survivor and he's make the best of it, but he's got to be fuming on the inside. I'm just a fan and this situation's got me pissed off. He deserves better than the treatment he's getting.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 16. Punk defeats Kane with the help of the Shield. Ryback to the rescue.
-As if Bryan's mistreatment wasn't bad enough, WWE rubs salt in the wound by sending him out to save his partner to yet another huge pop, only to get beaten down for his trouble.
-As much as I maligned the booking of the match, it was another step in the right direction for Shield. According to their interview, having the WWE Champion wrestle the winner of a fan poll would be considered an injustice, thus prompting them to get involved. Again, it makes sense. And they were able to get the best of Ryback yet again.
-Speaking of Ryback, this angle has been very good for him. The crowd knew who they wanted to see come out and save the day and it wasn't John Cena (Thank God!). And the pop when Ryback did appear on the scene proved it.
Last Word: PLUS +
Final Tally: 8 PLUS, 8 MINUS
So from a mostly positive show last week, to merely breaking even this week. A couple of side notes: no Randy Orton this week, and no Brian Maddox. Don't be surprised if that angle is just conveniently no longer mentioned. My chief points of praise are:
+ The Shield. Not just because I'm a big fan of stables. But I am a big fan of stables featuring talented workers that are booked well.
My chief complaints:
-Sorry Dolph, but AJ's not trash, your angle with her, Cena, and Vicki is trash!
-Although there was plenty of action, aside from Sheamus vs. Cesaro and Kofi vs. Tensai, it was pretty lackluster.
-Gross misuse of the talent, especially Ziggler and Daniel Bryan.
As optimistic as I was last week, I am equally trepidatious heading into the rest of this week. WWE hasn't completely fallen off the porch but Granny's rocking chair is getting awfully close to the edge. They don't need a major overhaul. Some things are still going in a positive direction. Just the way certain talents are being handled needs to be corrected immediately.
That's the last word for now, rejects. Time for you to put in YOUR two cents. Don't let my wealth of wisdom and disarming charisma rob you of your manhood (or womanhood for that matter). Speak your mind. Let's get a discussion going. And tell your friends to check out the blog and make their voices heard as well. Until next time....DISCUSS!
{Our beloved author is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling show, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
The Thrill Is Gone
Remember how exciting Monday nights used to be?
Go back to 1997 with me and think about "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, The Hart Foundation, De-Generation X, Mankind/Cactus Jack/Dude Love, Goldust, Vader, and Ken Shamrock. The emergence of superstars like The Rock and Kane was just beginning. And the guy who you would almost forget about but could appear at any moment and absolutely blow the roof off the place, The Undertaker!
And what about over on Nitro where you had some of the greatest young cruiserweights like Rey Mysterio Jr., Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho, Juventud Guerrera, Ultimo Dragon, and Dean Malenko absolutely killing it in the ring with fantastic ten-minute matches? Move up a few pounds and you had guys like Curt Hennig, Perry Saturn, Booker T, Chris Benoit, Diamond Dallas Page, and Raven battling it out over the intermediate titles. And the main event was routinely stocked with huge names from the past like "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Lex Luger, Ric Flair, and Hulk Hogan, and guys in their prime like Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Syxx, and The Giant. And steadily moving up the ranks, the phenomenal Goldberg who you knew was destined for greatness. Add to that the hottest angle in wrestling at the time, Sting stalking the nWo, Hogan, and the World title in particular, and Monday nights were a big effing deal for a wrestling fan!
And now think about the rest of the week. Remember how excited you'd get on Wednesdays to watch more wrestling? No? How about Thursdays? Fridays? Ok, but Saturdays for sure, right? C'mon, wrestling couldn't possibly have been hotter at that time! How could you not want to watch it every single day of the week??
Simple, because it was more fun to let the anticipation build and reflect on what you watched on Monday. That way by the time the next Monday night rolled around, you were totally jacked and couldn't wait to see what was going to happen next. And rarely did the show disappoint back then because they made the most of their respective two hours each and jam-packed it full of the stuff we wanted to see.
And then, the cycle would repeat. You could talk to friends all week long about what happened on Monday and speculate as to what would happen next. More importantly, you could have a fucking life! Everyone enjoys some type of meaningless fun for a couple of hours a week. That's not too much to ask of any normal human being. So a couple hours spent on a Monday night flipping back and forth between two wrestling shows was no big deal either.
But fast forward to 2012 and if you were going to keep up on all that's happening in the world of professional wrestling, or even just WWE, you're already in over your head on Monday because now Raw is three hours instead of two! Add to that an hour of Main Event on Wednesday, two hours of Smackdown on Friday, a half hour for Saturday Morning Slam, and if you're really dedicated, an hour of Superstars and an hour of NXT on the internet.
Before we look at what's WRONG with this, let's understand, WWE doesn't care if you watch all six of these shows>(SIX!!). The shows are on TV not to pull ratings(obviously, because their ratings suck), but for the advertising and sponsorship dollars, and for the exposure.
The people in charge of World Wrestling Entertainment could care less whether or not marks can keep up with all their programming. WWE is a BUSINESS. And as a BUSINESS, they have ONE GOAL: to make money. If you are buying tickets, pay-per-views, merchandise, advertising, or stock, they care about what you think. If you are not, then they don't.
Now I know that breaks all our widdle, weswing fan hearts, but grow up, already! Time to get your head out of the fucking clouds and realize this isn't your daddy's WWE! Actually, your daddy never had a WWE. He had a WW-F, and the WW-F was fucking awesome! The WWE on the other hand, is the drizzling shits.
Not that the goal was any different for the WWF, but there were more old-timers around back then. More wrestling people had a say in the product and therefore, it was good. Those people have been gradually phased out and now, Vince McMahon's family is calling the shots. And if you know anything about history, Vince McMahon is a fucking moron when it comes to wrestling.
Vince is a businessman. He deserves credit for being a businessman. He's a hell of a performer. He deserves credit for being a great performer. But when it comes to creative ideas, you're better off asking the manager of your local Pizza Hut to book your show (those of you who get that, I salute you!).
Do your research. This is the guy who wanted to bring Mick Foley in as The Mutilator. This is the guy who called Steve Austin, The Ringmaster. This is the guy who damn near had an orgasm about "Puke." He's a fucking idiot when it comes to making up a compelling wrestling storyline and no one is going to convince me otherwise!
The point? Now that Vince and his family are calling the shots more than ever, the product is suffering. It's not the first time either. It's happened before. And thankfully, there was WCW and Ted Turner to kick Vince's ass in the ratings and piss him off enough to change things up and actually listen to the talent and the wrestling people he had around him at the time.
The result? The most entertaining time ever in the history of wrestling on TV.
But I digress. So what's WRONG with six wrestling shows, encompassing eight and half (FREAKING) hours of television per week? Simple, it's just...too...much.
Think of it this way, imagine if, back in 1997, you had this many shows. Could you really have remembered everything that happened on any one of them? It's been fifteen years and I STILL remember angles from those days! Fact is, our brains can only retain so much. And the more it has to take in, the less it's going to retain. It's a matter of percentages. The better, more entertaining something is, the greater the likelihood that we're going to retain it. But when there's this much, and most of it is easily forgettable, even downright head-shakingly awful, we're going to retain even less!
It could be better. Certainly. If more wrestling people were involved creatively like they were back in the day, if the talent was given more say perhaps. But even if it were better, it's still too much. There's no chance for anticipation to build during the week and the result is, the shows tend to run together.
I watched WWE's most recent pay-per-view, Hell In A Cell, and most of the matches (not some, not a few, but MOST) were standard fare for any one of the six weekly television shows and nothing worthy of paying money to see. If that's the case with the pay-per-views, then it's certainly the case with what's taking place on the TV shows. For instance, what sets Raw apart from Smackdown? Why couldn't the things being done on Main Event have just been done during Raw? NXT might be a refreshing use of young talent but how much time is devoted to pointless segments on Raw or Smackdown that could be devoted to this same young talent instead?
The greatest danger with WWE's current programming slate is the one thing they're desperately seeking: exposure. Nothing wrong with getting more eyes on the product. Particularly when there's so much programming on TV to choose from now.
However, not that I even pretend to understand all the dollars and cents, but the fact is, there were more people watching Vince McMahon's product when there was just a FRACTION of what he has now on TV. More people were buying tickets. More people were buying merchandise. More people were buying pay-per-views. Money, money, MONEY(Cue DiBiase laugh track)!
But not only was the product good back then, but the product was also special. Wrestling on Monday nights was an event, a national phenomenon! Like Monday Night Football or a popular weekly sitcom. Everyone would gather around the TV at a friend's house on Monday night because it was wrestling night! And we all couldn't wait to see what was going to happen.
Now? "Oh, I'll just DVR Raw and maybe watch it later if I get around to it. I still have to get caught up on Smackdown from last week!"
Where has the excitement gone? I'll tell you where. It's still buried in the hearts of wrestling fans like me. An ember at the bottom of a fire that has almost completely died out. I read Twitter and Facebook on Monday nights when you guys and gals aren't working and have the chance to catch the show live. I can detect the passion that's still in the words you type as I'm sure you can detect it in mine. The hope that maybe someday, the puppetmasters who pull the strings will hear the collective voice of "The Voiceless" and return the great thing that we love to its former glory.
Maybe someday before I type my last word. Until next time true believers, die hard and..........DISCUSS!!!
{Our beloved author, "Handsome" Dan Lopez is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}
Go back to 1997 with me and think about "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, The Hart Foundation, De-Generation X, Mankind/Cactus Jack/Dude Love, Goldust, Vader, and Ken Shamrock. The emergence of superstars like The Rock and Kane was just beginning. And the guy who you would almost forget about but could appear at any moment and absolutely blow the roof off the place, The Undertaker!
And what about over on Nitro where you had some of the greatest young cruiserweights like Rey Mysterio Jr., Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho, Juventud Guerrera, Ultimo Dragon, and Dean Malenko absolutely killing it in the ring with fantastic ten-minute matches? Move up a few pounds and you had guys like Curt Hennig, Perry Saturn, Booker T, Chris Benoit, Diamond Dallas Page, and Raven battling it out over the intermediate titles. And the main event was routinely stocked with huge names from the past like "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Lex Luger, Ric Flair, and Hulk Hogan, and guys in their prime like Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Syxx, and The Giant. And steadily moving up the ranks, the phenomenal Goldberg who you knew was destined for greatness. Add to that the hottest angle in wrestling at the time, Sting stalking the nWo, Hogan, and the World title in particular, and Monday nights were a big effing deal for a wrestling fan!
And now think about the rest of the week. Remember how excited you'd get on Wednesdays to watch more wrestling? No? How about Thursdays? Fridays? Ok, but Saturdays for sure, right? C'mon, wrestling couldn't possibly have been hotter at that time! How could you not want to watch it every single day of the week??
Simple, because it was more fun to let the anticipation build and reflect on what you watched on Monday. That way by the time the next Monday night rolled around, you were totally jacked and couldn't wait to see what was going to happen next. And rarely did the show disappoint back then because they made the most of their respective two hours each and jam-packed it full of the stuff we wanted to see.
And then, the cycle would repeat. You could talk to friends all week long about what happened on Monday and speculate as to what would happen next. More importantly, you could have a fucking life! Everyone enjoys some type of meaningless fun for a couple of hours a week. That's not too much to ask of any normal human being. So a couple hours spent on a Monday night flipping back and forth between two wrestling shows was no big deal either.
But fast forward to 2012 and if you were going to keep up on all that's happening in the world of professional wrestling, or even just WWE, you're already in over your head on Monday because now Raw is three hours instead of two! Add to that an hour of Main Event on Wednesday, two hours of Smackdown on Friday, a half hour for Saturday Morning Slam, and if you're really dedicated, an hour of Superstars and an hour of NXT on the internet.
Before we look at what's WRONG with this, let's understand, WWE doesn't care if you watch all six of these shows
The people in charge of World Wrestling Entertainment could care less whether or not marks can keep up with all their programming. WWE is a BUSINESS. And as a BUSINESS, they have ONE GOAL: to make money. If you are buying tickets, pay-per-views, merchandise, advertising, or stock, they care about what you think. If you are not, then they don't.
Now I know that breaks all our widdle, weswing fan hearts, but grow up, already! Time to get your head out of the fucking clouds and realize this isn't your daddy's WWE! Actually, your daddy never had a WWE. He had a WW-F, and the WW-F was fucking awesome! The WWE on the other hand, is the drizzling shits.
Not that the goal was any different for the WWF, but there were more old-timers around back then. More wrestling people had a say in the product and therefore, it was good. Those people have been gradually phased out and now, Vince McMahon's family is calling the shots. And if you know anything about history, Vince McMahon is a fucking moron when it comes to wrestling.
Vince is a businessman. He deserves credit for being a businessman. He's a hell of a performer. He deserves credit for being a great performer. But when it comes to creative ideas, you're better off asking the manager of your local Pizza Hut to book your show (those of you who get that, I salute you!).
Do your research. This is the guy who wanted to bring Mick Foley in as The Mutilator. This is the guy who called Steve Austin, The Ringmaster. This is the guy who damn near had an orgasm about "Puke." He's a fucking idiot when it comes to making up a compelling wrestling storyline and no one is going to convince me otherwise!
The point? Now that Vince and his family are calling the shots more than ever, the product is suffering. It's not the first time either. It's happened before. And thankfully, there was WCW and Ted Turner to kick Vince's ass in the ratings and piss him off enough to change things up and actually listen to the talent and the wrestling people he had around him at the time.
The result? The most entertaining time ever in the history of wrestling on TV.
But I digress. So what's WRONG with six wrestling shows, encompassing eight and half (FREAKING) hours of television per week? Simple, it's just...too...much.
Think of it this way, imagine if, back in 1997, you had this many shows. Could you really have remembered everything that happened on any one of them? It's been fifteen years and I STILL remember angles from those days! Fact is, our brains can only retain so much. And the more it has to take in, the less it's going to retain. It's a matter of percentages. The better, more entertaining something is, the greater the likelihood that we're going to retain it. But when there's this much, and most of it is easily forgettable, even downright head-shakingly awful, we're going to retain even less!
It could be better. Certainly. If more wrestling people were involved creatively like they were back in the day, if the talent was given more say perhaps. But even if it were better, it's still too much. There's no chance for anticipation to build during the week and the result is, the shows tend to run together.
I watched WWE's most recent pay-per-view, Hell In A Cell, and most of the matches (not some, not a few, but MOST) were standard fare for any one of the six weekly television shows and nothing worthy of paying money to see. If that's the case with the pay-per-views, then it's certainly the case with what's taking place on the TV shows. For instance, what sets Raw apart from Smackdown? Why couldn't the things being done on Main Event have just been done during Raw? NXT might be a refreshing use of young talent but how much time is devoted to pointless segments on Raw or Smackdown that could be devoted to this same young talent instead?
The greatest danger with WWE's current programming slate is the one thing they're desperately seeking: exposure. Nothing wrong with getting more eyes on the product. Particularly when there's so much programming on TV to choose from now.
However, not that I even pretend to understand all the dollars and cents, but the fact is, there were more people watching Vince McMahon's product when there was just a FRACTION of what he has now on TV. More people were buying tickets. More people were buying merchandise. More people were buying pay-per-views. Money, money, MONEY(Cue DiBiase laugh track)!
But not only was the product good back then, but the product was also special. Wrestling on Monday nights was an event, a national phenomenon! Like Monday Night Football or a popular weekly sitcom. Everyone would gather around the TV at a friend's house on Monday night because it was wrestling night! And we all couldn't wait to see what was going to happen.
Now? "Oh, I'll just DVR Raw and maybe watch it later if I get around to it. I still have to get caught up on Smackdown from last week!"
Where has the excitement gone? I'll tell you where. It's still buried in the hearts of wrestling fans like me. An ember at the bottom of a fire that has almost completely died out. I read Twitter and Facebook on Monday nights when you guys and gals aren't working and have the chance to catch the show live. I can detect the passion that's still in the words you type as I'm sure you can detect it in mine. The hope that maybe someday, the puppetmasters who pull the strings will hear the collective voice of "The Voiceless" and return the great thing that we love to its former glory.
Maybe someday before I type my last word. Until next time true believers, die hard and..........DISCUSS!!!
{Our beloved author, "Handsome" Dan Lopez is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}
Saturday, June 2, 2012
If Zombies Really Do Eat Brains...
...then the people in charge of TNA have nothing to fear.
"BRAAAII...Hey, what the fuck?"
It's been a busy week so I've been catching up on this past Thursday's Impact Wrestling a little bit at a time on my DVR and I just got to the halfway point...
I honestly could not believe what I was seeing. This is supposed to be an entertainment show, and yet I'm watching three old, fat guys sitting in a room talking about what they liked and what they didn't like about a certain wrestler?? Are you fucking serious?!
So the brain-trust (and I use that term loosley) at TNA got together and said, "Ok, brothers, this is gonna be our first live show so we gotta make sure we do something big! Something that's really gonna WOW 'em! [thinking].....I know! Let's put Bruce, Tazz, and Al in a room and they can talk about Joey Ryan! It should look like something out of an 8AM business meeting at a used car dealership! I've seen those before and, oh my God, brother, they're a real hoot!"
And everyone nodded in agreement.
At no point did anyone raise their hand and suggest that no one on the planet called Earth could give even half a shit about this?
"We don't care."
So because I'm a die-hard fan I pressed on through it, right? I muscled my way past the gag reflex on behalf of the greater good just so I could bring you a detailed report on the show, right?
Fuck to the No!
I turned that shit off faster than if I had just received a text message alerting me to a booty call!
I may be nothing but a simple wrestling fan, but the zombies will be breaking down MY door before they ever even sniff the air at the fucking Impact Zone because not only are the people running that show completely lacking in grey matter, but the dumbasses in the crowd who are actually excited about it couldn't make a member of the Walking Dead's mouth water if they dunked their head in melted butter and shook it under his nose.
The last word for this post is "Fuck TNA!" Now, discuss!
[Don't forget to check out your beloved author on SPINEBUSTER.com and his favorite show, Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast].
It's been a busy week so I've been catching up on this past Thursday's Impact Wrestling a little bit at a time on my DVR and I just got to the halfway point...
I honestly could not believe what I was seeing. This is supposed to be an entertainment show, and yet I'm watching three old, fat guys sitting in a room talking about what they liked and what they didn't like about a certain wrestler?? Are you fucking serious?!
So the brain-trust (and I use that term loosley) at TNA got together and said, "Ok, brothers, this is gonna be our first live show so we gotta make sure we do something big! Something that's really gonna WOW 'em! [thinking].....I know! Let's put Bruce, Tazz, and Al in a room and they can talk about Joey Ryan! It should look like something out of an 8AM business meeting at a used car dealership! I've seen those before and, oh my God, brother, they're a real hoot!"
And everyone nodded in agreement.
At no point did anyone raise their hand and suggest that no one on the planet called Earth could give even half a shit about this?
So because I'm a die-hard fan I pressed on through it, right? I muscled my way past the gag reflex on behalf of the greater good just so I could bring you a detailed report on the show, right?
Fuck to the No!
I turned that shit off faster than if I had just received a text message alerting me to a booty call!
I may be nothing but a simple wrestling fan, but the zombies will be breaking down MY door before they ever even sniff the air at the fucking Impact Zone because not only are the people running that show completely lacking in grey matter, but the dumbasses in the crowd who are actually excited about it couldn't make a member of the Walking Dead's mouth water if they dunked their head in melted butter and shook it under his nose.
The last word for this post is "Fuck TNA!" Now, discuss!
[Don't forget to check out your beloved author on SPINEBUSTER.com and his favorite show, Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast].
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