The Greatest Heel Stable In Wrestling History

[Douchey Author's Note: Lofty title, right? But when you tout yourself as The Smartest Man Not In Pro Wrestling (trademark, muthafuckas!), you tend to have to go balls-in or else people just don't take you seriously.]

The inspiration for this post came from considering nWo Wulfpac, the babyface stable that sprung from a "split" in the original nWo. It featured Kevin Nash, Sting, Lex Luger, Konnan, and briefly, Randy Savage. With the exception of Konnan, all big names, all very popular and successful in their own right. The group was certainly over, but in terms of booking, it actually sucked. It made me wonder whether or not a babyface stable could actually succeed in wrestling.

And as usual, when I get to thinking about wrestling, one thought leads to a million others. So as I contemplated the merits of a babyface stable, I started examining the entire purpose of a stable in wrestling. And here, in all it's rawness, is how that played out...

The ultimate benefit to a stable is having someone to watch your back. Heels take it a step further by having someone interfere on their behalf or give them an unfair advantage in a fight. Heel stables get over by exploiting this to the max. The Hart Foundation was probably the best example of heels getting an advantage in such a sneaky, chickenshit way and against such popular faces, that fans actually hated them.

Some heel stables are full of such individually cool characters that they're hard to hate no matter what they do. Like the Four Horsemen. They were dastardly cheats who always took every advantage to beat up on the most popular babyfaces. But besides that they were cool. They could wrestle, they could talk, they were tough, and had a sweet life.

The Hart Foundation on the other hand were hard to like. An Elvis impersonator? Two guys who wear pink and can't win without cheating? A wrestling referee? A little pipsqueak who wears hearts and uses a megaphone? Those are heat magnets. Add all the classic heel stable tactics and you've got a group of assholes you can't wait to see the shit beaten out of.

Any heel stable has to win a little. The degree to which they need to win varies depending on who they're facing. If they're being built up to eventually fall to the top babyface, they should win a lot. On the other hand, if all they do is lose, they're just a comedy group. Buffoons who can't even cheat well. That has its place in the show but can't be taken seriously.

Like 3MB. The odds are in their favor every single time and they still lose. But that could be turned around. Give them a manager and either a "roadie" or a bodyguard and you could have a very successful, hateable group.

The last five paragraphs were my unedited hand-written notes on this topic. Just to expound a bit, I'd like to say that The Hart Foundation of 1987 was the greatest heel group of all time. Bold proclamation I know. But by "greatest" I want to make it clear that I don't mean "most successful" or "best" but then again, I do. What I mean is, if the purpose behind heels banding together and forming a stable in the first place is making it work to their advantage to achieve success in spite of their own limitations or the level of competition they're up against, then the Hart Foundation of 1987 did it the best, was the most successful, drew the most legitimate heat, against the best babyface competition, and therefore, was the greatest heel stable of all time.

I'm sure the arguments contrary to my point of view will be many and varied: no longevity, no world titles, not enough individually great wrestlers, not enough main events, etc, etc. Allow me to squash every single one of those in order: longevity hurt the Horsemen more than it helped them, a lack of world titles doesn't mean shit, a lack of individually great wrestlers actually lends to the greatness of the stable, the Honky Tonk Man headlined plenty of shows at his hottest, and just for shits and giggles, let me also throw in the fact that when it came time to form the Mega Powers, the evil force that brought them together was the Hart Foundation, not the Heenan Family nor any other top heel working at the time.

I haven't seen everything, nor do I claim to know everything. I'm sure someone could come up with another example of a heel stable, something I haven't seen perhaps, that might also fit this definition of "great". That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if there is a measuring stick for the right kind of success for a heel stable, the Hart Foundation is it.

Heels getting cheered has always been a thing in wrestling. And I'm sure it always will be. I'm probably the biggest offender when it comes to cheering the bad guys. But I love the kind of heels that nobody likes. To me, that is the most successful kind of heel. And every single member of the Hart Foundation was that kind of heel.

Bret Hart was the coolest of the group but in 1987, he was downright mean. He joined in with Honky Tonk Man and the rest of crew in threatening Elizabeth and mocking her when HTM violently knocked her to ground. The way he would cheat at every opportunity and pal up to Danny Davis, the despicable corrupt referee, there's no way anyone could like this guy! And credit "Mean" Gene Okerlund who sold "Hitman" and "The Anvil" as a couple of sick individuals. He'd play along with Honky Tonk Man's routine, but when it came to the Harts, he was always appalled by their actions, even once throwing down the mic and walking out on an interview with them. Great stuff!

It all lead exactly where it was supposed to lead. To the two most popular babyfaces in the company teaming up to wreak havoc on the whole bunch. I swear, my television set was shaking after Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage cleaned house of the entire bunch and then shook hands. I've heard a lot of ovations in my time as a wrestling fan, but that one, which wasn't even live, seemed like it shook the fucking arena!

Does the overness of Hogan and Savage deserve the credit for that? Certainly. But the crowd had been effectively worked into such a frenzy that it was ready to explode and THAT is thanks to the despicable actions of greatest heel stable of all time.

Point is, I love wrestling. And great booking, great psychology, deserves to be recognized. It's a fucking tragedy when the spotlight shines on others while sheer genius seems to go almost completely unrecognized [I experience it every time I post a new blog and no one comments on it. But I digress...].

When it comes to the Hart Foundation, it seems like there's always something getting in the way of them receiving the credit that they're due. Mention what a great manager Jimmy Hart was (the greatest of all time in my opinion, but that's an entirely different post), and right away someone has to bring up that Bobby Heenan was better. And of course, they just happened to work for the same company at the same time, both as heels. But when the Heenan Family started winning multiple titles in 1989 and 1990, it was like everyone forgot that the Hart Foundation had already done it.

Speaking of the Hart Foundation, mention them as a tag team, and while they may get some accolades, fans usally have more regard for The innovations of the British Bulldogs, or the legacy of Demolition, or the fact that the Rockers were never tag champs. Or they care more about Bret's singles career. And while I agree that the Hart Foundation just as a tag team, especially as babyfaces, wasn't the most exciting. But as a part of Jimmy Hart's stable, they played their roles to absolute perfection.

And the Honky Tonk Man. Mention him and it's either he didn't deserve to beat Ricky Steamboat or his quick loss to The Ultimate Warrior. Sure, everyone remembers that he's the longest reigning Intercontinental Champion of all time, but his feud with Savage is hardly ever mentioned among the greatest feuds in history when it was possibly the greatest feud Savage ever had. It seems like he's easy to dismiss because of his limited ring skills but last I checked drawing heat as a heel is a skill too and Honky Tonk was exceptional at it. His limited ability was one of the big reasons he was so hated. Macho Man should've wrestled circles around this clown but for all his efforts, he couldn't rest that I-C title away. And it wasn't just the interference of Jimmy Hart that helped hold on to the title, it was the mind games Honky Tonk played with Savage concerning Elizabeth. Yet no one ever acknowledges that.

And don't even get me started on this guy.

Just look at him. You can tell he's a fucking asshole. The fact he couldn't wrestle for shit made the success of the entire stable even more infuriating. He wasn't tough or talented, just a slimy piece of shit sneaking around just waiting to screw the good guys over. It doesn't get more heel than that!

Every individual has a role that they play in wrestling. And so does every stable. Not every stable is going to be the same. If that was the case then there would be no separation between the great ones and the mediocre. But I'm afraid a real oversight has taken place and is ongoing to this day with regard to the Hart Foundation. So it's my hope that if nothing else, this post will not only awaken you assholes to MY greatness as The Smartest Man Not In Pro Wrestling [Son!], but also give you pause next time one of those all-time discussions gets started on the Facebook, Twitter, or even sitting around the house with your pals and you won't be so quick to overlook The Greatest Heel Stable in Wrestling History.

Now THAT'S the Last Word. I'm out.

{"Handsome" Dan's ghetto ass is without a computer right now, but as soon as that situation is corrected look for more of his musings on Wrestling Rambles, Ring Wars Facebook page, and he's mentioned regularly on his two favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast, and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Both of which you can find at swn.shiningwizards.com.}

"U Can't See Me...Or Deez Nuts!"

[Lazy Author's Note: I haven't got the time to investigate these sources so if you're willing to do the legwork and find out that they're shit, I'll give you props. But until then, I'm just going to go with what I have.]

Ratings for Monday Night Raw lately have been in the high 2's and low 3's despite all their hotshot booking efforts of brining in "surprise guests" or "returning stars." I'm not going to get into why that doesn't work right now but suffice to say, a consistently good product is what gets people talking, builds a fan base, and eventually boosts ratings. NOT booking week-to-week hoping the way WWE currently is hoping for an immediate spike.

Check out this website for some perspective, 2XZONE.COM. If you'll notice, even in 1997, when some of the really cool shit with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Bret Hart, and DX was happening, the ratings weren't much better than they are right now.

In other words, it was a slow build. It took consistently entertaining programming to generate the necessary buzz to get people to turn to the WWF product. So a lot of the people that eventually got on board and bumped their numbers into the 4's and 5's a couple of years later, didn't see a lot of the stuff that those of us who were watching at the time remember with great fondness as landmark shit.

We all know the current WWE product needs to change and that one good show, one big name, one big surprise is not going to rescue them from the ratings outhouse. The creative staff has clearly lost touch with what works and that goes for the writers, the bookers, Triple H and Stephanie, all the way up to Vince McMahon. Waiting for them to strike gold and suddenly start booking compelling television is like waiting for Kamala's amputated leg to grow back. It just isn't going to happen.

The good news is, this is nothing new. This already happened once before. It's well-documented that in the mid-90's when WCW was picking up steam and beating the WWF in the ratings and the product was tanking to the same degree it is now, Vince went to his wrestlers and essentially said, "I'm out of ideas."

Whether or not he has admitted that recently I have no idea. However, when he threw up his hands nearly twenty years ago, the talent stepped up and started changing the product on their own. But it wasn't as if it came out of the blue. All throughout the "Disney years" of the early 90's, wrestlers like Kevin Nash (then Diesel), Shawn Michaels, Vader, Psycho Sid, Goldust, Steve Austin, and Brian Pillman were crossing the line and pushing the envelope long before that became the mantra at Titan Tower.

For most of these men, there was no gurantee that they couldn't be fired. Brian Pillman, who signed in June of 1996, was the first person to receive a guranteed contract with the WWF. None of these men had been annoninted as "The Man" and given the company's blessing to work at the top of the card to the same degree or for the same length of time that John Cena. Yet they took that chance anyway and the only reason I can think of for why they would do that can be summed up in one word....BALLS!

That's what brings me to John Cena and the title of this post. It's painfully (never has that word been more appropriately used) obvious that he is "The Man" in the WWE. He won his first WWE Championship at WrestleMania 21, SEVEN YEARS AGO , and has been at the top of the card ever since despite the boos, despite the hatred, despite the low ratings.

If I'm John Cena, job security is not keeping me up at night. If I'm John Cena, I'm pretty confident that when I lie down at night next to Eve Torres or Stephanie McMahon (or both), I'm going to wake up with a) their mouths on my cock, and b) a job at the top of the card with World Wrestling Entertainment.

The men who revolutionized the business in the 90's, men like Kevin Nash, Shawn Michaels, Vader, Steve Austin, Goldust, Brian Pillman, etc.), had no such peace of mind. Granted, there were other places one could go back then and apply their trade. However, Impact Wrestling, while incredibly shitty (don't get me started), is pulling ratings nearly equal to Smackdown right now. So for better or worse, they have become a legitimate option for wrestlers today who leave WWE to still maintain national exposure.

But the rest of the roster aside, if ANYONE currently employed by the WWE has the influence and standing within the company to change the direction of the current product, it's John Cena. I don't care if he does it by dropping the PG label once in awhile or by simply abandoning the script and just doing something different that would actually be entertaining, no one is going to fire him. I don't think they would suspend him or even fine him! They are so desperate to keep their current fan base that they can't go one week without panicking when he's not on their show and the ratings are bad.

He's clearly capable of being entertaining. For all the shit he gets about his in-ring ability, he offers more in the ring than Hulk Hogan ever did. And when he's forced to step up his game, like he was recently during his angle with the Rock, he can be compelling.

Remember this guy?



For one night in 2012, he made a comeback.



But when the Rock left, apparently, so did "Doze Nuts."



Only thing I can figure is, he must have been borrowing Dwyane's. Apparently, Rock was telling the truth about Cena and his "lady parts."

The Rock could've come back and fallen in line with the PG program. It's not like he hasn't worked under those kind of restraints before. He was the fucking Tooth Fairy for crying out loud! But he knew that'd fall flatter than tapeworm shit so when he came back he said, "Fuck PG! I have to be THE ROCK!"

Can't Cena tell that what he's doing right now is falling flat? Can he not tell that he's failing miserably at being a professional wrestler? Is he content with the shit that stirring into the big ass bowl of Fruity Pebbles he's serving up every Monday Night? He's boning the boss' daughter (or is it the boss' wife now?) and making a gazillion dollars so he's got a right to be content, I guess. I'd take some real balls to jeopardize all that just for the sake of going down in history with the likes of men like Shawn Micheals and Steve Austin and the others who changed the game.

But I guess it's always taken balls. Guess that's why if things do change, it won't be because of this guy....


Whatever happened to "Deez Nuts?"

That's the last word. Until next time....discuss!

["Handsome" Dan Lopez is a regular on the Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast. You can also find him on SPINEBUSTER.com. Follow him on Twitter @DAntonioLopez ]