Reviewed Raw 11-19-12: CM for "Celebrate Me"

[Dicko Author's Note: I'm hoping to make this a recurring post in which I review WWE Monday Night Raw. But for now, just enjoy this one.]

Segment 1. Ryback's in-ring promo. Vicki Guerrero interrupts. Ryback def. Tensai.

A good showcase for Ryback who needs to continue to be booked strong.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 2. Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett, Part One.

The conspiracy to keep a belt on Kofi continues. Wade's post-Survivor Series promo was excellent. Spoke like he actually cares about the Intercontinental title.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 3. Barrett def. Kofi. Brad Maddox video package. Punk, Heyman & Stryker backstage.

I was surprised at how well Cole and Lawler sold for Barrett, even pointing out his strategy. Classic example of winning a crowd with wrestling. Match started slowly but with Barrett dominating in ruthless fashion. Then the fast-paced finish really got the crowd back into it. Crowd pops for a Barrett win. Excellent build to an eventual title match.

Don't know what the payoff is in the Maddox angle but the video package was well done.

Striker's pornstache nearly distracted from the entire backstage segment with Punk and Heyman.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 4. Kaitlyn def. Aksana.

These girls are both sloppy but the action came across as stiff. I was more impressed with Aksana's character. I have yet to be impressed with Kaitlyn. Not a terrible effort. At least it was mercifully short.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 5. Antonio Cesaro def. Brodus Clay. R-Truth on commentary. John Cena, Make-A-Wish video package.

I don't really care about Brodus Clay losing because I don't believe the character had any real longevity to begin with. He can still lose and be given the occasional push now and then. Cesaro on the other hand, has a very bright future. I think he has impressed crowds enough with in-ring performances like this one to be taken seriously and I like that they're taking the time to build toward something with R-Truth even though he sucked on commentary.

Although we're all tired of John Cena, this video piece was excellent PR for the company. More wrestling promotions, meaning TNA, could learn from this.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 6. Vicki, AJ & John Cena in-ring. Dolph Ziggler attacks Cena. Cena gets "injured."

Vicki still has legitimate heat. AJ still gets a big pop. That's what makes this situation eerily similar to the Cena-Zack Ryder-Eve Torres angle from a year ago. Ryder was the trendy Superstar who seemingly came out of nowhere and suddenly developed a cult following. Cena was out of the title picture at the time, so I guess it was easy to stick him in a program with a guy who was already over. That way the fans are guaranteed to be emotionally invested. Unfortunately it didn't work out to well for Ryder so I'm not terribly optimistic for AJ's future. She's a talented actress but not a great wrestler though so, the way I see it, she doesn't have much a future anyway. Hopefully Ziggler avoids any negative blowback from his involvement in this angle and ends up in perfect position for cashing in his MITB contract.

Basically, this angle shouldn't be happening. I think there are better ways of putting this talent to use rather than sacrificing them all on the altar of WWE's Golden Goose and Cena and AJ's make-out session was just gross.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 7. ADR vs. Randy Orton, Part One

Del Rio really needs a gimmick change. It's like he's doing "The Darn Amigos" and nobody cares. Randy Orton, on the other hand, has reached that point in his career where he is now a "Money Guy." You put his name on the card, I think fans are going to show up and go home happy to have seen him regardless of what else happened on the rest of the show.

BUT...the reason for that is because he's a winner. Sure, he may lose from time to time, but he's never gone on a real lengthy losing streak the way some other guys have, Ziggler most notably. So yes, he has the great look, the cool gimmick, the cool move, he's got decent charisma and is a pretty good worker, but most importantly, he has the respect of the fans. This is where WWE really needs to re-evaluate the handling of their talent and strongly consider bringing back squash matches even for top level talent and not just debuting monsters. And by squash matches, I mean against local talent or journeymen vets who are no longer worried about getting a push. If that did that, perhaps they might a few more "Money Guys."

I appreciated the psychology behind Del Rio getting DQ'd in the first fall.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 8. Orton def. Del Rio.

The crowd really came alive toward the end of this match and I attribute that to their respect for Orton and the excellent psychology employed throughout the match.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 9. Great Khali squashes Primo & Epico.

I don't understand this. At all. There seems to be some effort finally being put into rebuilding the tag team division and you sacrifice two very good workers to a sideshow freak? Khali may be an attraction in the carnival sense, but he's not a good worker the way Andre the Giant was. Andre knew psychology. Khali just knows how to be a big guy. Regardless of what their future plans are for everyone involved in this segment, this was an utter failure in every way.

Hornswoggle's involvement is just more dung heaped on the pile.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 10. The Miz def. David Otunga.

They're not a little late for a Miz face turn, they're a lot late. This turn should have come at WrestleMania. What has the Miz done since his involvement in that Team Laurenitis vs. Team Teddy Long fiasco? Provide horrible color commentary? The last eight months have been a waste of a solid talent.

That being said, I believe Miz will make a great face as long as he doesn't change his character and become a pandering John Cena clone.

This was a good showcase for both guys. I don't have a problem with Otunga losing to someone like Miz at this point in his career.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 11. Sheamus-Big Show, dueling microphones. Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow, Part One.

We're entering the third hour so every segment is going to have to really impress me because at this point I'd much rather be doing something else.

I don't understand why Sheamus is being such a whiny bitch. I felt like they finally "made" him at Hell In A Cell with his show-stealing performance against Big Show and now it's like the crowd is back to hating him. Griping to referees isn't helping, I'm sure.

The verbal sparring match between he and Show started out verrrrrry slowly but eventually got heated only then they kept stepping on each other. "You listen to me!" "No, YOU listen to ME!"

First part of the match was nothing spectacular.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 12. Sheamus def. Damien Sandow. AJ, Tamina & Vicki backstage.

Good showing for Sandow even though he lost. He controlled most of the match, just got careless and Sheamus was able to pull out a win. Sheamus fired up at the end but I think he could've done more with that comeback to really get the crowd on his side. They didn't pop like they did during Orton's comeback win. Perhaps they're couldn't get off their seats because all their asses and feet had fallen asleep after sitting for over two hours.

Sheamus has "Money Guy" potential but I'm afraid they're still just pushing him too hard and there's something about his character that comes across as unlikeable.

It's nice to see Tamina re-packaged. I think she's one of the better female wrestlers on the roster. This segment is penalized though by the fact that it's tied to John Cena.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 13. AJ, Layla walking backstage. AJ confronts Dolph then attacks him. Cena tries to rescue and gets beaten up.

Strong showing by Dolph but Cena's involvement just feels so contrived that the whole angle is falling flat for me.

Last Word: MINUS -

Segment 14. Sin Cara & Rey Mysterio vs. Team Hell No, Part One with Prime Time Players on commentary.

I'll bet Darren Young was wishing he had taken Monday night off the way Michael Cole was raking him over the coals! Titus O'Neil on the other hand, held his own on commentary. I was impressed.

This is a match-up of four "Money Guys." For all his botcharifficness, Sin Cara has been built up well since Day One and he wins consistently. Go figure. You book a wrestler as a force to be reckoned with and the fans actually take him seriously!

Can Daniel Bryan be any fucking hotter? He has really proven to be a survivor the way he has found something to keep himself relevant despite the company's best efforts to bury him and take everything away that got him over.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 15. Tag match, Part Two.

PTP get involved and one of the teams gets DQ'd as a result (can't remember which). Decent match. Nice way to bring some attention to the tag team division.

Last Word: PLUS +

Segment 16. CM Punk's celebration. Ryback interferes gets jumped again by Rollins, Ambrose and Reins.

The focus of this angle is the WWE title and I like that. Punk and Heyman had the crowd eating out of the palms of their hands. They're not trying to be liked. They're trying to be hated and so far, they're succeeding. Heyman even went so far as to turn the Attitude Era and ECW heel by current WWE Universe standards.

I think Punk was given a raw deal as a babyface champ. I think he could've been booked much better than he was. But I also feel like he's much more comfortable in this role.

Not sure where this is leading for Ryback's young attackers but even if they end up like the Nexus did, they could still bounce back from that the way Ryback, Barrett, Bryan, and Heath Slater all have.

Last Word: PLUS +

Final tally: 11 PLUS +, 5 MINUS -

Yes, I am regarding this as a MOSTLY GOOD episode of Raw. My chief points of praise are:

+ Plenty of in-ring action with good psychology for the three hours.
+ Handling of the secondary singles titles. Making them seem important.

My chief complaints would be:

- John Cena being shoehorned into an angle with AJ, Vicki, and now Dolph.
- Meaningless squash of a good tag team for the sake of a Khali push.

That's just for this show. My chief complaints about WWE's product as a whole are the fact that at the 2-hour mark I'm done. Three hours is just WAY too long for a wrestling show. Two matches featuring the secondary singles champions seemed a bit redundant. One of those matches could've easily been moved to next week. The Khali squash of course, was a waste of time. And honestly, I can do without this whole Cena-AJ angle. Just give Cena some time off for crying out loud! His elbow injury was the perfect excuse to just give him a break until the Royal Rumble. I realize he's the company cash cow but so many fans are tired of him that getting him off our TV for awhile might make those that do hate him, hate him a little less and appreciate him more when he does come back.

My other complaint is, there are still FIVE MORE SHOWS TO GO! If this were the only WWE show for the week, I would be looking forward to how they're going to follow it up. The talent was left, for the most part, in a good position to further storylines and characters. But now, who knows what will have happened by the time next Monday rolls around?! Who knows what wrestlers will have lost unnecessarily just for the sake of filling time?

Anyhow, I'm rambling. I wish I could've kept this review shorter, but it's a three hour show? What can I do?

The WWE is not in a bad place right now with the established talent working with a lot of new faces. The overexposure however, is continuing to squelch my enthusiasm and I'm sure I'm not alone in this. I am looking forward to how things develop for next week though.

That's the last word for now, scrubs. Until next time, remember, you're feedback is important so leave a comment and tell your friends to check out the page and get involved as well. Now.....DISCUSS!

{Our intrepid author is a regular mention on his favorite wrestling show, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}

The Thrill Is Gone

Remember how exciting Monday nights used to be?

Go back to 1997 with me and think about "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, The Hart Foundation, De-Generation X, Mankind/Cactus Jack/Dude Love, Goldust, Vader, and Ken Shamrock. The emergence of superstars like The Rock and Kane was just beginning. And the guy who you would almost forget about but could appear at any moment and absolutely blow the roof off the place, The Undertaker!

And what about over on Nitro where you had some of the greatest young cruiserweights like Rey Mysterio Jr., Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho, Juventud Guerrera, Ultimo Dragon, and Dean Malenko absolutely killing it in the ring with fantastic ten-minute matches? Move up a few pounds and you had guys like Curt Hennig, Perry Saturn, Booker T, Chris Benoit, Diamond Dallas Page, and Raven battling it out over the intermediate titles. And the main event was routinely stocked with huge names from the past like "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Lex Luger, Ric Flair, and Hulk Hogan, and guys in their prime like Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Syxx, and The Giant. And steadily moving up the ranks, the phenomenal Goldberg who you knew was destined for greatness. Add to that the hottest angle in wrestling at the time, Sting stalking the nWo, Hogan, and the World title in particular, and Monday nights were a big effing deal for a wrestling fan!

And now think about the rest of the week. Remember how excited you'd get on Wednesdays to watch more wrestling? No? How about Thursdays? Fridays? Ok, but Saturdays for sure, right? C'mon, wrestling couldn't possibly have been hotter at that time! How could you not want to watch it every single day of the week??

Simple, because it was more fun to let the anticipation build and reflect on what you watched on Monday. That way by the time the next Monday night rolled around, you were totally jacked and couldn't wait to see what was going to happen next. And rarely did the show disappoint back then because they made the most of their respective two hours each and jam-packed it full of the stuff we wanted to see.

And then, the cycle would repeat. You could talk to friends all week long about what happened on Monday and speculate as to what would happen next. More importantly, you could have a fucking life! Everyone enjoys some type of meaningless fun for a couple of hours a week. That's not too much to ask of any normal human being. So a couple hours spent on a Monday night flipping back and forth between two wrestling shows was no big deal either.

But fast forward to 2012 and if you were going to keep up on all that's happening in the world of professional wrestling, or even just WWE, you're already in over your head on Monday because now Raw is three hours instead of two! Add to that an hour of Main Event on Wednesday, two hours of Smackdown on Friday, a half hour for Saturday Morning Slam, and if you're really dedicated, an hour of Superstars and an hour of NXT on the internet.

Before we look at what's WRONG with this, let's understand, WWE doesn't care if you watch all six of these shows >(SIX!!). The shows are on TV not to pull ratings(obviously, because their ratings suck), but for the advertising and sponsorship dollars, and for the exposure.

The people in charge of World Wrestling Entertainment could care less whether or not marks can keep up with all their programming. WWE is a BUSINESS. And as a BUSINESS, they have ONE GOAL: to make money. If you are buying tickets, pay-per-views, merchandise, advertising, or stock, they care about what you think. If you are not, then they don't.

Now I know that breaks all our widdle, weswing fan hearts, but grow up, already! Time to get your head out of the fucking clouds and realize this isn't your daddy's WWE! Actually, your daddy never had a WWE. He had a WW-F, and the WW-F was fucking awesome! The WWE on the other hand, is the drizzling shits.

Not that the goal was any different for the WWF, but there were more old-timers around back then. More wrestling people had a say in the product and therefore, it was good. Those people have been gradually phased out and now, Vince McMahon's family is calling the shots. And if you know anything about history, Vince McMahon is a fucking moron when it comes to wrestling.

Vince is a businessman. He deserves credit for being a businessman. He's a hell of a performer. He deserves credit for being a great performer. But when it comes to creative ideas, you're better off asking the manager of your local Pizza Hut to book your show (those of you who get that, I salute you!).

Do your research. This is the guy who wanted to bring Mick Foley in as The Mutilator. This is the guy who called Steve Austin, The Ringmaster. This is the guy who damn near had an orgasm about "Puke." He's a fucking idiot when it comes to making up a compelling wrestling storyline and no one is going to convince me otherwise!

The point? Now that Vince and his family are calling the shots more than ever, the product is suffering. It's not the first time either. It's happened before. And thankfully, there was WCW and Ted Turner to kick Vince's ass in the ratings and piss him off enough to change things up and actually listen to the talent and the wrestling people he had around him at the time.

The result? The most entertaining time ever in the history of wrestling on TV.

But I digress. So what's WRONG with six wrestling shows, encompassing eight and half (FREAKING) hours of television per week? Simple, it's just...too...much.

Think of it this way, imagine if, back in 1997, you had this many shows. Could you really have remembered everything that happened on any one of them? It's been fifteen years and I STILL remember angles from those days! Fact is, our brains can only retain so much. And the more it has to take in, the less it's going to retain. It's a matter of percentages. The better, more entertaining something is, the greater the likelihood that we're going to retain it. But when there's this much, and most of it is easily forgettable, even downright head-shakingly awful, we're going to retain even less!

It could be better. Certainly. If more wrestling people were involved creatively like they were back in the day, if the talent was given more say perhaps. But even if it were better, it's still too much. There's no chance for anticipation to build during the week and the result is, the shows tend to run together.

I watched WWE's most recent pay-per-view, Hell In A Cell, and most of the matches (not some, not a few, but MOST) were standard fare for any one of the six weekly television shows and nothing worthy of paying money to see. If that's the case with the pay-per-views, then it's certainly the case with what's taking place on the TV shows. For instance, what sets Raw apart from Smackdown? Why couldn't the things being done on Main Event have just been done during Raw? NXT might be a refreshing use of young talent but how much time is devoted to pointless segments on Raw or Smackdown that could be devoted to this same young talent instead?

The greatest danger with WWE's current programming slate is the one thing they're desperately seeking: exposure. Nothing wrong with getting more eyes on the product. Particularly when there's so much programming on TV to choose from now.

However, not that I even pretend to understand all the dollars and cents, but the fact is, there were more people watching Vince McMahon's product when there was just a FRACTION of what he has now on TV. More people were buying tickets. More people were buying merchandise. More people were buying pay-per-views. Money, money, MONEY(Cue DiBiase laugh track)!

But not only was the product good back then, but the product was also special. Wrestling on Monday nights was an event, a national phenomenon! Like Monday Night Football or a popular weekly sitcom. Everyone would gather around the TV at a friend's house on Monday night because it was wrestling night! And we all couldn't wait to see what was going to happen.

Now? "Oh, I'll just DVR Raw and maybe watch it later if I get around to it. I still have to get caught up on Smackdown from last week!"

Where has the excitement gone? I'll tell you where. It's still buried in the hearts of wrestling fans like me. An ember at the bottom of a fire that has almost completely died out. I read Twitter and Facebook on Monday nights when you guys and gals aren't working and have the chance to catch the show live. I can detect the passion that's still in the words you type as I'm sure you can detect it in mine. The hope that maybe someday, the puppetmasters who pull the strings will hear the collective voice of "The Voiceless" and return the great thing that we love to its former glory.

Maybe someday before I type my last word. Until next time true believers, die hard and..........DISCUSS!!!

{Our beloved author, "Handsome" Dan Lopez is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling shows, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}

FEED...ME...Less?

It's no secret we Americans are just a smidge overweight.

Alright, so not only is it not a secret, but apparently we're screaming it from the fucking rooftops!

And the rooftop is collapsing.

What's this got to do with wrestling, you ask? Simple, we Americans are fat because we're constantly wanting MORE. We're Americans after all. We fought for our independence (well, actually, our forefathers' forefathers did because had we been the ones fighting we'd have all collapsed from heart failure charging up the first hill) and if it can be Super Sized, then by God we're gonna Super Size it!

And that's the prevailing mentality here in the good ol' U.S. of A. MORE is BETTER. So when Americans took over the WWE in the form of shareholders, guess what happened? This same mentality took over as well.

The result? Seven and a half hours of original WWE programming every week. EVERY WEEK!

I know this argument has been made countless times before BUT (that's right assholes, I'm about to make it again)...take a popular weekly sitcom like ABC's Modern Family. In four seasons they've run a grand total of seventy-six episodes. That's nineteen episodes per season. WWE's Monday Night Raw, by comparison, doesn't have "seasons." It runs every week, all year long. No breaks. Modern Family's total running time is twenty-two minutes. Raw's total running time? Two hours and fifteen minutes.

So by the American mentality, Raw should be crushing Modern Family every week in the ratings, right? After all, more is better, isn't it?

Guess again, fatty. Modern Family is not only a critical success, having won multiple awards but it is also a commercial success currently averaging 12.71 million viewers each week, nearly FOUR TIMES as many viewers as last week's Monday Night Raw.

Close your mouth, you chubby cherub, before your dinner falls out.

The truth is, when it comes to writing compelling television, when it comes to entertaining the masses, LESS is MORE!

It's not easy being entertaining twenty-four seven. Why do you think you don't get one of these blogs every single week? There's only so many interesting things to write about in an entertaining manner. So to avoid putting out a crappy product, I don't write a blog until a) I have some interesting material to work with, and b) I'm convinced that I can make it entertaining. If I come up short in one of those two areas, guess what? I DON'T PUBLISH IT!

But do you think WWE has the foresight to do that? Nope. Because we've got to have MORE! It's actually quite poetic that the catchphrase of the new Superstar their pushing is...

I certainly don't think this was done on purpose simply because, as I stated earlier, I just don't believe WWE has the foresight to be so blatantly subtle. I chalk it up to the magic of irony, which has owned more bitches since the beginning of time than George Clooney.

"I'm not worthy!"
Let me try to explain this phenomenon with one example before we get to my Last Word. WWE recently debuted their newest weekly show, Main Event on ION Television. It's an hour-long show focusing primarily on one match, the Main Event if you will (Daddy!). The announcers talk up the importance of the main event, there's a video package about each wrestler involved, and the wrestlers are interviewed backstage. Then you have the match itself, usually a contest lasting about twenty minutes, featuring decent action. This is followed up by a much shorter undercard bout. All in all, it's not a bad show. I like the fact that the in-ring product is the focal point.

However, when you have FIVE HOURS of programming to fill every week already, do you really need one more?? Especially when the one hour devoted to Main Event, is nothing that couldn't be done as part of any other show! It wasn't that long ago that Raw went from two hours to three hours. That extra time could easily be taken up by what they're doing on Main Event.

I understand the logistics. Another show on another network means more eyes on the product, more advertising dollars, more sponsorship money, yadda yadda. But the creative aspect is suffering.

How is it suffering? What's my chief complaint, you ask? Simple. Nothing is memorable anymore. It's the difference between all-you-can-eat and fine dining. Now, to me, fine dining is a delicious, one-of-a-kind cheeseburger. But give me one of those bad boys, let me savor it, and I'm good. But if I'm at an all-you-can eat place, sure I'm tasting the first bite, but after that I'm trying to cram as much food down my gullet as I can to make sure I'm getting my money's worth.

What's the result? I'm no longer savoring what I'm eating. The experience is no longer memorable. That's what WWE has become. What was the best match on Smackdown last week? How about the best match on Raw two weeks ago? What is the best match you've seen in the last two years? How does that match compare to other good matches you've seen in the past?

I realize that sometimes we can pick out certain things about an all-you-can-eat experience that are memorable, but if you've ever experienced fine dining, you know that food is capable of being so much better. That's my complaint. Professional wrestling, as an entertaining art form, can be so much more than what it is in World Wrestling Entertainment. And it's a shame when something with so much potential to be great, is being wrapped in paper and flung out of a drive-thru window.

One more example, and I'll make this my Last Word. In 1988, if you found out that the main event of a WWF Superstars of Wrestling that week was going to be Jumpin' Jim Brunzell against Greg "The Hammer" Valentine, you would be excited about it. Now, someone who is a fan of the current product and didn't grow up during that time might say, "Who gives a fuck about two midcarders in the main event?" And to that my response is, "Exactly."

Think about it, Junior. That's the Last Word. Until next time, true believers......DISCUSS!

{Our intrepid author, "Handsome" Dan Lopez is a regular mention on his favorite wrestling show, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast. Follow him on Twitter @DansLastWord.}

Gimmicks That Should Never Have Sucked: The Berzerker

Title's pretty self-explanatory but that's not going to stop me from explaining the purpose for this blog because that's what we authors do because we authors are assholes who just can't get enough of ourselves.

A lot of people like to claim that the wrestling business has been completely tapped out. That there are no more "new" and "fresh" ideas to be had, that there are only old ones to be re-packaged and re-purposed.

Pardon me while I call BULL to the SHIT.

Are people proclaiming the death of the movie or television industries? How many ideas have been tried and re-tried in those two forms of entertainment yet you don't find people playing their funeral march, do you?

Just because there was once a terrible movie made out of a great idea, that doesn't mean that idea can never be used again. No, someone takes that idea and does it better; perhaps with better effects, better acting, better direction, or a better screenplay.

Even then, that idea is not dead. Because that is just one interpretation. It doesn't matter if it is successful or not, the next interpretation that is tried may be a colossal failure or may be even more successful. The point being, ideas can live forever.

So what if old concepts that have been tried in wrestling are being tried again? A new interpretation can breathe new life into any concept. But I also believe there are many concepts that haven't yet been tried that could be made successful when executed properly.

Some characters or gimmicks that were terrible in their original execution, when given a fresh interpretation, could be great. I've chosen one in particular to focus on for this installment of Gimmicks That Should Never Have Sucked and that is, this man....

That's right boys and girls. If you grew up watching wrestling when I did, you know all too well who this is. It's the motherfucking Berzerker. Good ol' "Yukon" John Nord. Sure, a viking helmet and some fuzzy boots are step up from flannel and an axehandle but not by much.

So what was the problem with this gimmick? Where did it go so horribly wrong?

On the plus side you have a huge guy playing the character, John Nord is 6'6" (1.98 m) and over 300lbs (143 kg), who had seven years of experience as a pro wrestler, working for Verne Gagne in the AWA and with legends such as Bruiser Brody and Jimmy Snuka.

The concept, on the surface at least, sounds cool. He's a berserker. Berserkers were the fiercest of the vikings. Vikings were ruthless, take-no-prisoners, plunderers who would wreck anything and anyone that tried to withstand them. This all sounds great right? Yeah, sure it does...for the tenth century.

The fact is, in professional wrestling in the 21st century, it is against the rules to hack someone to pieces with ye broadsword, or smash them with ye shield, or headbutt them with ye horned helmet. Which makes ye gimmick pretty fucking pointless.

Ye might as well be an oversized goon with a viking fetish.

"BOOBIES!!!"
So in other words, when the WWF debuted The Berzerker they didn't put much thought into the character or how the concept could be executed effectively in the modern world. Not a big deal since it was just John Nord, not a guy synonymous with wrestling excellence or star potential charisma. I'm sure they didn't have big plans for him other than just to have around in case they needed a big guy to job out to their top heroes like Hulk Hogan or the Ultimate Warrior.

That's fine. Problem is, it's a waste of what could potentially be a pretty cool gimmick. It's clear why the Berzerker sucked in 1991, but how could it have been done better?

To answer that question, let's first find out what a true berserker is, and see how we can apply it effectively to the modern world of pro wrestling.

First of all, bersekers were known for possessing AN UNCONTROLLABLE, TRANCE-LIKE FURY IN BATTLE.


This is something that has been done before in wrestling and could easily be done again. It wouldn't make for very intersting in-ring performances if, for every single match, the person playing the berserker character simply came out and flew into an uncontrollable rage because in the real world, wrestlers blow up, they get tired. So pacing has to be taken into consideration.

But the idea that could be sold is that this person could "snap" at any time and fly into that "berserker rage" that drives him forward even after a lengthy, physically-grueling match.

Second, this rage was attributed to the influence of DRUGS, ADRENALINE, or WITCHCRAFT.

I realize sorcery and drug abuse have rarely been portrayed well in wrestling for whatever reason but all three of these things can be and have beeen communicated quite effectively on television and in movies. So my question is, why not in wrestling? They are all forms of entertainment. These are very real social issues that draw people to watch and can be very compelling when part of a dramatic story.

So if it can be done convincingly, any one of these explanations for the character's "power" would be perfectly acceptable and equally compelling.

Thirdly, berserkers were distinguished by what they wore in battle. They often wore either wolf or bear pelts, giving them a fearsome appearance. The word "berserker" actually means "bear coat".

In the tenth century, in the heat of the moment on a chaotic battlefied where you're fighting on foot with crude weapons, a guy showing up in a bear or wolf costume would be pretty unnerving. Know what happens when you try that today in a wrestling ring? You get this....

Yeah, not so much.

That's essentially where the WWF failed with regard to their original try at the berserker character. That type of wardrobe just doesn't work anymore. It's not frightening. It's comical. Because it doesn't make you a better warrior. It just makes you a better target for hunters.

If you're going to take a cool archaic concept and revise it to fit the modern world, you have to give it an honest, modern interpretation to make it just as cool now as it was then.

A berserker's wardrobe in the tenth century was both functional and frightening. How would such a warrior accomplish that today? Take a look at this examples of badass modern-day combat gear...

Obviously, this example is a little too cumbersome to be realistically applied to a professional wrestler, but trim away a few of the accessories, and this still looks like a guy who fucking means business!

This is when I started to get a vision of a more current worker with a similar wardrobe and character to that of John Nord's 1991 Berzerker. That being Edge.

Obviously, he's not playing a "berserker" type character in this photo, but look at his jacket. It has a sort of futuristic, modern warfare feel to it. The only adjustments I would make to the rest of his ring gear would be to add a sleeveless top to offer some sort of chest protection, nothing too bulky; sleeveless, to allow full range of arm movement, something a berserker would like to have in battle; and his tights more of a combat-ready type as opposed to the "Rated R" type he's wearing in this picture.

Edge may not have John Nord's imposing physique, but realistically, how essential in combat is it to be muscle-bound? If anything, a more flexible, athletic, versatile fighter would be better suited as part of a berserker army on today's battlefields. It's not like Edge is a small man. At 6'5" (1.96 m) he still has the imposing height that one would imagine a viking would possess.

Even the name "Edge" suits a berserker character because they were noted for fighting with reckless abandon and disregard for even their own lives. In other words, someone who is on the edge.

Also, someone with a berserker mentality would take every advantage in battle to give themselves an edge over their enemies. An ultimate opportunist in other words. So the underhanded, self-serving things he did, marrying Vicki Guerrero for example, could still be completely applicable, just another way of gaining an advantage, a calculated way of positioning himself to ensure victory.

Berserker warfare still exists today, believe it or not. Some researchers suggest that perhaps even the berserkers of old were fueled by the same psychological disorder that affects those today with post-traumatic stress syndrome. A regular person thrust into horrific circumstances in which survival is the ultimate goal, can be infused with what appears to be a supernatural imperviousness to pain and an utter disregard for the lives of others and even his own.

Edge did a good job of conveying madness at times with his expressions. Add the extra storyline element of this madness giving him a certain imperviousness to pain and driving him to victory or insane risk-taking and, even though his character was never tied to a modern-day berserker, it's easy to see how he could have been.

So did I really go through all this just to say that the Berzerker would have worked, just as Edge? Kind of. Sometimes a character has to be sold subtly, with nothing more than a commentator referring to him as a "modern-day berserker". Sometimes that's all it takes for a concept to become ingrained in the fans' subconscious.

The point is, ideas need to be well thought-out and developed before they're debuted to avoid one-dimensional caricatures that have a very limited range of application. The character of Edge had tremendous range and versatility. Attaching the "berserker" label to that character would not have limited that range at all. On the other hand, a guy comes out in fuzzy boots and a viking helmet, you've pretty much seen all you're going to get.

This is just one interpretation of The Berzerker. I'm sure there are others that would be just as effective. That's the beauty of a great idea. It can spawn multiple incarnations. Speaking of a great idea, tune in next time when we tackle this monstrosity....

Until then, that's the Last Word, y'all. Now.........DISCUSS!


{"Handsome" Dan Lopez is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling show, the Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast. Follow him on Twitter, @DAntonioLopez.}

A Bad Case of the IWC: Ignorant Wrestling Community

[Douchey Author's Note: I don't watch Raw live because it's THREE FUCKING HOURS and I just don't have THREE FUCKING HOURS to sit in front of my TV and watch a wrestling show that I know I'm going to mostly hate; consequently, I'm still catching up. So I have yet to watch Raw from last Monday, September 27th therefore, this review pertains to what transpired on Raw from a few weeks prior, that being August 20th. Just play along and I think we'll be alright.]


Anybody else catch the "ENTERTAINMENT" graphic that flashed across the screen followed by the WWE logo after Raw went off the air?

The first part of it appears at the tail-end of this video.

I bring it up because it's going to be important for you to keep that in the back of your mind while you read this review. I'll explain how it relates to everything else I'm about to say when we get to my Last Word.

But first things first. To say that wrestling fans complain a lot is like saying the Kardashian girls might have had multiple sex partners. It's a bit of an understatement. Now I'll be the first one to stand up and proclaim my rights as a paying fan to voice my displeasure as often and as loudly as I see necessary.

However, because we do it so often, the act of complaining can turn into a REFLEX rather than a REACTION, and we can find ourselves complaining about EVERYTHING. Even when WWE does the things that we say we want them to do.

Let's go through the August 20th edition of Raw and pick out some examples and see if I'm not on to something here....

When Brock Lesnar came back we were all upset because we felt like they threw him into the mix too quickly with Cena only to have him lose to Cena in their very first match.

HOWEVER...he has become the most intimidating motherfucker on the entire roster thanks to his manhandling of Shawn Michaels, his victory over Triple H, the addition of Paul Heyman as his mouthpiece, and even his constant "quitting" adds to his persona of being "bigger than WWE."

Speaking of Brock, has anyone noticed that he's only wrestled TWICE in five months since returning to the company? Another of our chief complaints is that the talent is overexposed. We all thought this was going to get worse when Raw went to three hours every week.

HOWEVER...not only has WWE managed to keep Brock out of the ring, but on this edition of Raw, neither of the top champions wrestled, meaning World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus and WWE Champion CM Punk. And neither did John Cena.

Now I'm not saying that they couldn't afford to spread out the in-ring appearances of these guys even more, but you would expect, especially in a three-hour show, that at least one of them would have to end up in a match of some kind. But the point is, they didn't.

Speaking of matches, there were eight, count 'em, EIGHT matches on the August 20th edition of Raw. Now, before you start using "fuzzy math" (Come back, W!) and try to argue that every match should've been at least twenty minutes if it's a three hour show, let me give you some more realistic numbers...

Any hour-long program you watch on TV, you're only going to get about 30-40 minutes of actual show and about 20-30 minutes of commercials. So to be fair to Raw, every hour the show is on, we're probably only getting about 30-40 minutes of actual show. If we're generous and say it's 40 minutes for every hour, that gives us 120 minutes of actual show time. If every segment was devoted entirely to the matches, that would mean each match would have to last approximately 15 minutes from beginning to end, including intros, aftermath, etc.

Now, I'm sure there are some purists out there that would love that. I for one, wouldn't mind seeing a little more WRESTLING in my WRESTLING shows. However, I understand that some time has to be devoted to other things too. You're going to have backstage segments, in-ring segments, replays, etc. That's all part of wrestling. So as much as I would love to see longer matches, my point is, if it's more wrestling I want, I can't honestly say that WWE isn't making an effort in that regard, especially when you consider how much show time you're actually getting.

Speaking of all the extra-curriculars like backstage segments and in-ring promos, Raw General Manager AJ Lee, while not nearly as cute fully-clothed, hasn't lot much of her appeal as far as I can see. Her involvement in the WWE Title picture with CM Punk and Daniel Bryan got to be too much for my liking, to the point where I felt like she was overshadowing the championship and two of the company's best workers.

In her new role however, she gets plenty of screen time (good), wrestles less (good), and gets to continue to expand her "crazy chick" persona (good) while not being married (that was intentional) to any one worker or angle. Fact is, her character is good. Really good. And she plays it so well that she's going to overshadow anyone she's involved with.

So as much as we might hate to admit it, putting her in the General Manger role was the best thing that WWE could have done for her. Tying her to any one worker would have most likely resulted in the death of her character because she's not good enough to headline shows as a wrestler and the crazy chick who was just another worker on the roster had already hit its ceiling with Punk, Bryan and Kane.

So yeah, I'd much rather see the half-naked pixie wrapping her legs around guys and making love to their faces but I'm sure when the occasion calls for it, that version of AJ will make her reappearance. At least she's still relevant and in a position to be used that way and not completely forgotten.

Speaking of AJ as Raw GM, the "decisions" she made during this particualr episode were about as good as anyone could have asked for, in my opinion. The Randy Orton return was exciting. I'm a little tired of him, like everybody else, but in a wrestling landscape that offers so few surprises thanks to internet spoilers, it was a good moment.

The Kane/Ryder vs. Bryan/Miz match, while doing a horrible disservice to Ryder and Miz, was a nod to continuity which so many of us complain, is lacking in today's product. The fact that these wrestlers all had history with each other was played up for that match to the point where you couldn't overlook it or forget about it, as is usually the case.

Speaking of Bryan and Kane, even though I'm not a fan of the way WWE has treated Bryan like a second-rate star because of his lack of size, thanks to the whole "Yes vs. No" thing, the anger storyline, his history with AJ, and the quality matches he's had with Kane, who is still a major company player, he is in a position now that I don't think any internet mark could have projected for him just one year ago.

Speaking of Kane, he's in a similar position to Orton, a veteran who seems to be hanging on too long. However, if it weren't for his chemistry with the Big Red Monster, Daniel Bryan might have been forgotten by now. Our biggest complaint about these veterans overstaying their welcome is when they refuse to put new guys over on their way out. That can hardly be said about Kane who seems to be doing his best to "make" Daniel Bryan in thier angle.

The proof? No one else is getting entire vignettes and backstage segments devoted to him like Bryan is and even though we all know he is a much more capable wrestler than he is being allowed to show, I'd rather he be involved and over as a heel, than losing to the Funkasaurus and buried at the bottom of the midcard.

Speaking of the Funkasaurus, I thought the gimmick had run it's course. And it may still have. But, whatever life is left in it, I'm glad it's being sacrificed on the altar of Damien Sandow. Another of our many complaints is that the WWE isn't making any new stars. Like I said, not sure how much further Brodus Clay can climb, but the sky's the limit for Sandow as far as I'm concerned. Their "mini-feud" is a throwback to the late eighties when midcarders like Bret Hart and Bad News Brown, or Hercules and the Ultimate Warrior, young up-and-coming talents would engage in a similar feud, with the more impressive of the two moving up, and the "loser" staying put until he has proven himself ready to advance to the "next level."

A similar scenario has developed between Ryback and Jinder Mahal. Both guys clearly have potential and their present conflict is a great tool for revealing which one is ready to take that proverbial next step.

Speaking of potential, David Otunga, who I'd really grown to appreciate as a lackey to John Laurenitis, not only held his own with AJ backstage but immediately gets a match upon his return to TV. He also explained what he'd been up to in his absence. Not that filming a movie with Halle Berry is as big a deal as it used to be but still, nice to see a talented guy making some progress in the world of entertainment and still being allowed to get right back into the ring upon his return.

Speaking of Otunga getting back in the ring, while some might complain about him getting squashed, he was squashed by Big Show. Big Show has always been a source of frustration for me because he hasn't always been booked as the intimidating physical force that he is. I realize this is wrestling and sometimes the storyline calls for the giant to take a fall.

What I'm not going to complain about is when a giant finally gets booked as a giant. I said earlier that Brock Lesnar is the most intimidating guy on the roster right now. Well Number "One B" would be Big Show. People should be scared to get in the ring with him and right now, that's how he's being booked. That's booking that makes sense. Again, one of those things we all clamor for.

Speaking of which, one thing that so many people have been clamoring for that was actually mentioned during the show, is CM Punk to be involved in the main event as the WWE Champion instead of constantly taking a backseat to John Cena. It seems that this real internet situation is actually being brought to the forefront, not just in any angle, but in the biggest angle in the company right now. You'd think this would make us all happy, right? FINALLY, WWE is listening to the Internet Wrestling Community.

You'd be surprised, or maybe you wouldn't, to know that some people actually liked the pandering corporate suck-up that CM Punk had become as the babyface champion and maligned this heel turn.

And that, dear friends, leads me to my point behind running down virtually the entire show, which I don't usually do and despise in reviews as a general rule. But I felt it was necessary to prove my point: most of the complaining that people do with regard to the current WWE product seems like a REFLEX more than a REACTION.

You ask them, "How was Raw?" And instead of a realistic answer, you get the usual, "Ah, more of the same old shit. WWE sucks right now so of course it was terrible!"

But just look at how many POSITIVE things I mentioned about this one episode of Raw. Yet you can't get these haters to even mention ONE.

Another thing you can't get them to do is tell you the last time they actually liked EVERYTHING WWE Creative was doing. They all use phrases like "FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS NOW the WWE has gotten worse and worse." Care to ascribe a NUMBER to those "past few years?"

Or they'll say, "The creative team, Vince and Linda McMahon, continue to just make the WWE look more and more terrible AS THE YEARS GO ON." A time frame, a date, something! I'm beggin' ya!

They won't do it. Know why? Because they've NEVER liked everything WWE Creative has done. There's always SOMETHING to complain about and therefore the product is "terrible." "Oh, if only we were still in the ATTITUDE ERA!" I wish I could borrow Doc Brown's DeLorean, kidnap one of these motherfuckers, and take them back to their beloved Attitude Era so they can hear just how much they were complaining even back then!

Bottom line is, you're memories are liars. You think back fondly to your childhood or your teenage years when you weren't so smart (I use that term very, very loosely) and you could watch wrestling just for the fun of it and you think everything they did back then was good. I dare you to go watch some of that shit again. Go watch a random episode of WCW Nitro or an Attitude Era Raw then come tell me how great it was.

Or you really want to see some shit, how about you go back even further and watch an episode of Prime Time Wrestling or Saturday Night's Main Event. Or how about an old WWF pay-per-view?

Am I saying EVERYTHING from "back in the day" sucked? Of course not. Anymore than I'm saying that everything WWE is doing now is good. I'm just saying, let's quit kicking our legs at EVERYTHING WWE is doing now and pissing on the entire product and let's start making realistic assesments of what we're watching.

Because what we're watching (you were supposed to remember something, remember?) is ENTERTAINMENT. It is not, is not, is not WRESTLING. Forget about belts and their legacy or importance. Forget about "midcard" or "main event". Forget about who "deserves" to be a "top star". Because it's TV SHOW. They don't talk like that. They haven't for YEARS. It's time we all caught up.

As usual, I've got a lot more I could say, but for now, that's the Last Word. Until next time, marks......DISCUSS!!!!



["Handsome" Dan Lopez is mentioned regularly on his favorite wrestling show, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast which you can download for free on iTunes. Follow him on Twitter, @DAntonioLopez.}

Review Without Honor: Death Before Dishonor X: Steen vs. Rhino

A more appropriate title might have been Dead Before It Hit The Ground, because that essentially describes Ring of Honor's internet Pay-Per-View feed.

I had planned on doing a full show review but since I missed THE ENTIRE FIRST HALF, you're getting a half-assed one instead. (Half-assed as far as content is concerned, not quality. Trust me, it'll be good.)

As usual, with my ROH reviews, we'll start with the main event because unlike Ring of Honor, I'm not here to waste your time and maybe that's all you're really interested in. So here goes...

KEVIN STEEN def. RHINO (ROH World Title)

This match-up was the real draw for me and reason I even ordered the pay-per-view. So I guess in that sense, I got my money's worth because this was a very good match.

Before the bell, Jim Cornette made an appearance and announced that he was making it a No-Disqualification match, which allowed for an extra level of violence and helped the overall match quality because as a result, we got a nice table spot with Rhino flying over the top rope and through Steen who was positioned on a table outside the ring (Sick!), as well as plenty of chair shots and outside interference.

Needless to say, it was a pretty wild match but the wrestlers both did a good job of selling which added just the right amount of drama (something which, if you frequent this blog page regularly, you'd know I've been critical of Ring of Honor contests for lacking).

The best part was the finish because it was believable. Too often in ROH, a wrestler will kick out of pin attempts following some of the most outrageous moves, then get beat with a pedestrian finisher, like Steen's F-Sync (still going strong as Wrestling's Most Poorly Named Finisher), which is basically Brock Lesnar's F5. I'm not even a fan of this move when Brock does it, but if you want to make it a devastating move because it looks unique, fine.

In a match like this though, a simple "F-Sync" should NOT have gotten the job done. Steen hit it at one point but thankfully, Rhino kicked out of the pin attempt. It was the F-Sync that ultimately won the match for Steen, but it came after Rhino missed a Gore, causing him to smash through another table. Perfectly acceptable finish in this author's all-knowing opininon.

The match was certainly worth any wrestling's fans time, but not necessarily worth fifteen dollars (the cost to stream the iPPV). I mean, Rhino put on an equally good match for free on ROH's TV show just a couple of weeks ago against Eddie Edwards.

There was some stuff in the aftermath in which Michael Elgin came out and attempted to power bomb Steen as a set-up for their title match at the next iPPV, but he was accidentally thwarted by his stablemate Roderick Strong. This lead to Elgin power bombing Strong and essentially ending their "partnership." This is fine because it's what the fans who regularly watch ROH and are privy to the build-up have been waiting for, but it felt like it was wasted by just being thrown in to the end of this World title match that didn't involve either guy.

I've said before that the build-up for the Elgin-Strong rivalry has been one of the best things that ROH has been doing lately and I've been waiting for the kettle to boil over so to speak because you knew it had to happen sooner or later and both guys had been playing their roles well. It would've been nice had it happened during a match that these guys were actually involved where the attention of the crowd was completely focused on them. Besides, Strong's slight seemed minor compared to more blatant things he's done to Elgin in the past for Elgin to suddenly snap now.

My last word on this segment is, solid match with lots of fun spots, and decent lead-in to the next show's main event. Question is, how many potential purchasers will think twice about ordering for fear of encountering the same issues with the streaming?

STEVE CORINO & JIMMY JACOBS def RHETT TITUS & CHARLIE HAAS (Finals of the ROH Tag Team Title tournament)

I would've liked to have seen the two semi-final matches that I assume took place earlier in the card. But it hardly matters because this match was the shits. It literally felt like the crowd was asleep, they were so devoid of any noise whatsoever.

It's understandable. These aren't necessarily high spot teams and that seems to be what ROH's fanbase is used to. I appreciated the unique dynamice of seeing Haas go up against Corino and Jacobs because they're all heels. As interesting as that was however, it couldn't make up for a boring, predictable match.

Jacbos pins Titus after Haas' usual tag team partner, Shelton Benjamin, lays him out with his finisher, Pay Dirt. I'm sure there's some storyline reason that Titus was teaming with Haas in the first place but, what the fuck did he expect??

My last word on this segment is, boring match with a bittersweet payoff. Jacobs & Corino winning the tag belts, along with Steen as World Champion, strengthens their stable's "influence" within the company which could lead to something promising, but all we get out of Titus and Haas teaming together is their already boring feud being perpetuated.

ADAM COLE def. MIKE MONDO (ROH Television Title)

At the start of the match, Mondo gets Cole to agree to a "No Fear" match, which apparently means no time limit and no rules. Fine.

That being the case, Mondo, as the challenger, should've been completely ruthless and relentless. He wasn't. The match ended with Mondo twice pausing instead of stomping Cole in the head, so he could attempt a top rope stomp. Stomp him twice, then go to the top rope, ya asshole! You want to win the fucking title, don't you?!

Long story short, Mondo misses the top rope stomp, which aggravates his wounded knee (see what I did there?), leaving him vulnerable to the champion's Figure Four Leglock. Mondo taps, Cole retains his title.

Apparently another provision of a "No Fear" match is also no game plan because Mondo seemed completely clueless as to how to go about winning a title. For instance, if you're opponent has been working your leg over, do you really want to be attempting a top rope stomp?

Matt Hardy made his ROH debut on commentary and sucked a bag of dicks. Not the best way to bring him in. He was terrible. He confronted Cole after the match, which again, is a nice lead-in but you just got the feeling they could've done so much more with it.

My last word on this segment is, despite the solid action, Mondo's stupidity caused the overall match quality to suffer. Why? Because it made Cole's win almost seem elementary. That being said, much love for the TV Champ finishing people with the oldest of old-school submission holds. Too many great wrestling maneuvers have lost their luster over the years. Nice to see one of them making a comeback.

MICHAEL ELGIN & RODERICK STRONG def. JAKE & DAVE CRIST


The point behind this match was to sell the dissension existing between Elgin and Strong as well as give Elgin some nice power spots.

My problem with it? They just did this for free on their TV show a couple of weeks ago. Why ask fans to pay to see it now? At least have the blow-up that we've been waiting for between these two take place at the end of this match. That would've been a nice way to cap it off.

My last word regarding this segment is, total waste of time. Who gives a shit if the Crists are good workers? They're nobody to me, and I want to pay to watch them wrestle?? Give me somebody I care about instead.

And sadly, that's where the review ends because I was forced to join it "in progress" after waiting NINETY MINUTES for Ring of Honor's pay-per-view stream to work. I would like to have heard what Davey Richards had to say in his return address to the crowd. I also would like to have seen the ROH debut of ACH against one of my favorites, Kyle O'Reilly. Instead, I had to spend my time drafting an email asking ROH for a full refund (which I fully intend to receive because I'll be ding-danged if they're going to be counting MY money!)

I had actually given up on the show until one of my good pals with The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast (my favorite wrestling show by the way), Shining Wizard Matt, practically begged me to give it another chance. He found a creative way to spend his time waiting for the stream to work as well. He wrote his own blog about wrestling promotions and all the ups and downs they encounter with iPPV technology, which you can read by clicking here.

Have to give a shout out to another of my favorites, Tommaso Ciampa, who is currently sidelined with an injury, for providing some comic relief during the lack of a broadcast with some of the things he was posting on his Twitter account as he too, was also in the dark like the rest of us.

My last word about this show is, it's a badly dropped ball and a damn shame. Like I've said before, I want companies like Ring of Honor to succeed, but if they can't provide better than this(better matches, better storylines, better technology), why should I waste my time and money? I'm sure I'm not the only one thinking that way. I may give it another try, but they may have lost some potential fans for good.

And that's the last word, ya freaks. Until next time.....discuss!


{In case you hadn't noticed, we're trying to make money here. Click on the ads sometime and give our sponsors a look. This is Google, so don't worry, they're all safe. Also, check me out on Twitter, @DAntonioLopez. Get in on the discussion by posting a comment. And most of all, thanks for reading!}

Why WWE Isn't Going Anywhere

Checked out www.ewrestlingnews.com because apparently some of my fellow die-hards are heralding the demise of the WWE again!

Friends, let me break this down for you and, I would say "Put this to rest once and for all" but I know that's not realistic but since I've already said it, let's just leave it in.

World Wrestling Entertainment is not going anywhere anytime soon. So please, STOP with the prophecies of doom and gloom, hellfire and brimstone, Kane and Mankind, The Undertaker and Sable, DDP and Mae Young (I don't know what any of that means but I got on a roll and I couldn't help myself).

Just stop it, already. Click the above link and read the article for yourself. There are still over FOUR MILLION PEOPLE watching Monday Night Raw! That's not bad business.

How about this little statistic? For the first quater of 2012, World Wrestling Entertainment cleared over FIFTEEN MILLION DOLLARS net profit. That's just in the first quater! There's still THREE MORE TO GO! Their live events accounted for 61% of that income, or $75.7 million dollars in revenue. (Source: WWE's Coroporate website)

The numbers may not be what they once were. The enthusiasm may not be what it once was. But still, check out the crowd shots during any recent episode of Raw. They're still a sea of signs and people decked out in WWE apparel.

My point is, when people want wrestling, they still go to World Wrestling Entertainment FIRST. Why? Because of what Vincent Kennedy McMahon himself said:

"If you provide THE HIGHEST PRODUCTION LEVEL, the fans will find you AS LONG AS YOU ARE DISTRIBUTED WELL." (emphasis mine)

So there you have it. The reason WWE isn't going away is because of that right there. Pretty simple. The reason WCW was competition was ALSO because of that right there. It wasn't the product. It was the fact the product was:

A) On NATIONAL TELEVISION and,
B) It LOOKED GOOD.

Of course it didn't hurt that a bunch of old names were featured prominently. It gave fans who grew up on Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, and Roddy Piper, something familiar to latch on to. But make no mistake about it, if ECW had done the New World Order, it would not, WOULD NOT, have gotten over like it did in WCW; even with Hall, Nash AND Hogan.

Why? Because Extreme Championship Wrestling did not offer THE HIGHEST PRODUCTION VALUE and IT WAS NOT DISTRIBUTED WELL. And yes, I'm going to keep repeating that so hopefully, the point gets driven home once and for fucking all.

Think about it. If ECW had done the New World Order storyline, it probably would have led to more people watching, which would have led to more money coming in, which would have led to higher production quality, which would have led to greater distribution, which would have led to ECW becoming a legitimate competitor to the WWE. But if you think you can put the cart before the horse and a killer angle is going to make some glorified indy fed a competitor overnight, you are dead fucking wrong!

I'm a die-hard. I'm going to LOOK for good wrestling. But not everyone is like me. Some people love WWE for what it is. WWE is NOT wrestling. I'll be the first to admit that. It's all about "the show." But when has that ever not been the case?

Fans like myself who remember how great the glory days of Hulkamania were and loathe the current dynasty of John Cena need to go back and watch some of those matches again. How many good matches did Hogan really have? Was his character really that much cooler than Cena's? Go back and read articles from the people who reported on wrestling during that time. They all despised Hogan. They all called Vince McMahon's WWF a "circus" meanwhile singing the praises of REAL wrestling promotions like the AWA, NWA, and World Class.

Are things really any different now? Nothing's changed. We all know when it comes to finding a great in-ring product, most of the time we need to look elsewhere other than under WWE's bright lights. Two guys may put on the occasional good match once in a while but it's a rarity.

Was it really any different when we were growing up? Granted, the talent pool was deeper and more workers in the midcard had road experience that made them better performers when they actually got TV time and there was usually more time devoted to the in-ring product BUT can we honestly say that the "good old days" (whatever that translates to for you) were really full of great wrestling in the "E"(or maybe in your case, the "F")?

So why the fuck did we watch it? We watched it for the same reason we watched WCW. Because it was easy to find and it looked good. You're either fucking fooling yourself or completely full of shit if you try to say you watched either because the product was just that good because I was there. I saw plenty of episodes of Prime Time Wrestling, or Saturday Night's Main Event, or Raw Is War, or Monday Nitro to be able to emphatically testify that there was SHIT APLENTY on those shows.

But I was a kid living in the Desert Southwest. ECW didn't reach me so I could give a fuck about them. I had nothing else but I didn't care. To me, WWF, then WCW, WAS wrestling. I knew there were other things out there and would have watched them but since it was too much trouble, I watched what I had and made the best of it.

Along the way, there was plenty of shit to complain about, but there was some good stuff too. It came in peaks and valleys. As a youngster, I loved anything WWF did during the mid to late 80s. But as a teenager, I thought it turned into shit. I couldn't stand the goofy stuff they did with the Ultimate Warrior, Undertaker, the Bushwackers, etc. so I just quit watching. During the Monday Night Wars it became cool again but then WWF amped up the raunchiness factor and that turned me off so I quit watching again.

But my tastes changed. Today I think I would enjoy the Attitude Era WWF, but would probably struggle to get into the 80's stuff I loved as a kid just like I struggle to get into what WWE is doing now. I look back on it fondly now but that's more due to nostalgia than the actual quality of the content.

My point is, WWF during that time wasn't hurting for viewers and it's not hurting now. Back then I would've been one of those kids in the crowd with posters or decked out in Bret Hart sunglasses or waving a yellow and red Hulkamania foam finger the same way kids today put on every color in the rainbow to celebrate John Cena or wave glowsticks to honor DX.

I didn't have what you'd call an "involved" father but I like to think that I am one and if my son were to fall in love with wrestling the way I did, that I'd take him to as many live events as I could and be right there alongside him cheering or booing and watching the shows despite how terrible I might think the skits or matches are or how nonsensical I find the booking.

Why? Because I'm a bad father doing his son a disservice by not exposing him to "REAL" wrestling? No, because I'm a good father who enjoys spending time with his son doing something with him that HE enjoys.

It's not my kid's fault that the WWE is so easy to find and looks so good. What kid wouldn't gravitate to that? And it's because of that, World Wrestling Entertainment is still going strong and will continue to do so. Because there's always going to be kids. And they're always going to love wrestling.

Yes, I'd love it if WWE would cater only to me and what I consider to be good. But they're not. Is that smart on their part? Probably. I think time has proven that kids are lot easier to entertain than adults. Kids present a lot more merchandising opportunities than adults. It appears to be the safer bet anyway. Perhaps they're missing out on greater money that could be made but what if they try to target a more mature fan base and the product just doesn't catch on? Seems to me if you're running a million-dollar company you're better of going where the sure money is more likely to be.

As a way of wrapping this up, I wanted to include a video of Jake "The Snake" Roberts discussing a program he was supposed to work with Hulk Hogan during the heyday of Hullkamania and why it didn't happen. Unfortunately, every version of it has been pulled by WWE. The gist is though that on an episode of The Snake Pit, Jake DDT'd Hogan to kick off their feud but instead of being booed by the crowd, many of the fans cheered Roberts and started chanting "D-D-T! D-D-T!" As a kid in the pre-internet age, I didn't know anything about this. But if this were to happen today, there'd be no way to hide it and all of us internet marks would be clamoring for a Jake Roberts babyface turn and the end of Hulkamania.

As cool as that sounds, it would have been financial suicide for the WWF at the time because as over as Jake was, his character just wasn't as marketable as Hogan's. So for all of us who today complain about John Cena and wish he would just retire, or even die in the case of more extreme fans, no one is going to replace him as the company's "Golden Goose" until someone comes along who is more marketable to their core audience than he is. And that's not a slap in the face to wrestling purists, that's just smart business.

Jake Roberts understood what it meant when the crowd cheered him and he wasn't happy. He didn't fill his head with grandiose ideas about becoming the "face of the company." In the video Jake himself called it "the wrong reaction" because he understands the business. The goal isn't to write a great story. It's to MAKE FUCKING MONEY.

The sooner we marks can get that through our heads, the fewer ulcers we'll have and blood pressure meds we'll have to take.

That's what you call "the defnitive work on the subject" my friends. And that's what I call the last word. Until next time.........discuss.



[Find more of your beloved author on SPINEBUSTER.com and on his favorite wrestling show, The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast. Follow him on Twitter, @DAntonioLopez.]