Segment 1. Team Hell No vs. Prime Time Players, Part One.
-If the selling point of this first segment was supposed to be the wrestling, then it failed miserably.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 2. The Shield jumps Team Hell No.
-Clearly Darren Young blew an opportunity on commentary last week the way Michael Cole (Vince McMahon) kept deriding him for not saying much both last week and this week. Don't be surprised if you see Titus break out first.
-At least the tag champs didn't job. I like that Shield got some air time right off the bat and looked ruthless and strong.
-Sheamus and Cena's backstage segment was ridiculous and not in a good way.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 3. AJ gets lucky with Tamina (not as hot as it sounds)
-These two should not be wrestling already. With proper build, this could've been made a pay-per-view series. Not that I really care to see it because AJ can't wrestle for shit but still, do we want to make money here or not?
-Giving credit where it's due, at least they were smart enough to include AJ on the show and seeing her back in her wrestling gear was almost enough for me to pardon this atrocity. Almost.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 4. Paul Heyman and CM Punk in-ring promo. Miz interrupts.
-Paul Heyman clearly knows his endgame before he starts speaking. That's why he's so damn good, folks. He's not out there just rambling and it shows.
-Punk is clearly so much more comfortable being the heel and this whole respect angle, while getting a little monotonous, makes sense and has the legs necessary for a heel champ to run with (now if only Punk still had legs to run with, OHHHHHHHH!)
-I honestly got excited at first when Miz came out because I honestly thought that would make for a good match-up. But I quickly got over it after he started speaking. Miz was AWWWWWSOMMMME as WWE Champion but has been anything but that since his feud with Alex Riley.
-The best in this segment came prematurely which is never a good thing.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 5. Entrances galore and some wrestling.
-The Cena-Sheamus vs. Show-Ziggler tag match started around the one hour mark and all I could think was, "This should be the main event. If the show ended here it would be perfect. But no, there's still TWO MORE HOURS TO GO!!"
-That being said, the action was good and the crowd was hot for this match.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 6. Ziggler shows off how great he is at getting pinned.
-It's like we're getting house shows on Raw each week. Nothing wrong with this finish for the sake of popping the live crowd, but for the rest of watching at home, why the fuck would I want to order a pay-per-view when clearly Dolph Ziggler is utterly INCAPABLE of beating John Cena? Again, we here to make money or not?
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 7. Forget apprentice, I'll be his concubine!
-I am in mad man love with Damien Sandow. It's not just that he's a great character. But he has bought into this character completely to that point that we all believe he is this snobby intellectual douchebag. THAT, my friends, is a great heel!
-Glad he got the best of Santino.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 8. Because Brian Maddox was on it.
-Sandow beats Santino and somewhere in the universe, Killer Kowalski remains at rest.
-Thought they had forgotten about this guy but I'm glad they didn't because he's pretty freaking entertaining! Who knew?
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 9. Anybody know where I can find two Mexicans willing to wrestle for money?
-When I first saw that it was going to be Sin Cara vs. Del Rio I thought, "Damn, I need to mow my grass tomorrow!" No, actually I thought, "Who gives a flying burrito?"
-But The Man With No Face and The Man With No Originiality actually put on a pretty damn good match.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 10. Cue the trumpet, Ricardo!
-It's almost as if ADR is being built the same way Randy Orton has been over the past couple of years. Despite not doing anything particularly meaningful, he keeps winning. This should serve him well in the future. Whether or not serves wrestling fans well, the jury's still out on that. Still, it was a good match.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 11. NO CHANCE IN HELLLLLL!!!!!!!! (Of saving this segment)
-Vince came back for this?
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 12. "WTF? MF'N Viper's in the MF'N ring?! I'm calling in Shield!"
-Orton is really in a sweet spot in his career and regardless of whether you love him or hate him, he can make a moment virtually at any time. Him coming out as Maddox opponent was pretty cool and it made sense that he squashed him.
-I hope they aren't done with Maddox and Shield attacking Orton gives me hope that they are not.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 13. Hey, WWE Universe, we REALLY want to know what you think this time!
-Everybody's pretty much decided for themselves that Ziggler's briefcase being up for grabs means he's losing. But if The Shield can keep Cena from beating Punk, it can keep Cena from beating Ziggler. I'm pretty sure Cena's out of the title picture until WrestleMania. So relax.
-Tag match turned into a four way is fine but this whole segment just seemed like a waste.
Last Word: MINUS -
Segment 14. Fatal four way, Part One
-So WWE goes with the ACTUAL result this time and puts Antonio Cesaro's U.S. Title on the line. Not sure what that says about the WWE Universe's opinion on the two secondary champions; if they're protecting Kofi's title or they just care more about Cesaro's.
-Good action in Part One of this match. I like the fact that Kofi & Truth are forced to wrestle each other.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 15. Fist-pumping like a champ
-After this match was over I had a flashback to the early 90s when Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, Curt Hennig, Marty Jannetty, and Razor Ramon (Scott Hall) were battling over the Intercontinental title and their matches outshone anything that was going on with the WWF title. Just goes to show when you book a belt to matter, it fucking matters.
Last Word: PLUS +
Segment 16. Lie to me and tell me they didn't just do this.
-I actually don't have a problem not ending Raw with a match as long as whatever they do instead is compelling. But this segment almost felt like WWE just gave up knowing that viewership was going to drop off for the last hour.
-Ryback finally making an appearance was an excellent handling of his character. I actually think to this point, WWE has done a decent job with Ryback.
-The whole lie-detector test thing with Miz and Punk was just kind of meh. I blame Miz because he just did not come with anything strong to answer Punk's verbal barbs. And even though storyline-wise this all made sense, it's now been wasted on a match that isn't even going to happen.
Last Word: MINUS -
FINAL TALLY: 8 PLUS, 8 MINUS
Raw breaks even again. The show "felt" worse than what it actually was as a whole. And I'll explain that by addressing....
My chief points of praise:
+ Intermediate titles continuing to be booked strong.
+ Damien Sandow. You're welcome.
My chief complaints:
- The Miz. Ruining two segments in the same show? Really? Really?
- Three hours is still way too fucking long.
- Poor booking choices. I realize WHY they almost have to do things the way they do, but that doesn't mean I have to approve of it.
To elaborate on that final complaint, booking AJ vs. Tamina this early in their angle, Ziggler constantly getting pinned clean by Cena, The Shield, while used, coming across as almost an afterthought. We get it, they attack people; let them speak, let them do something meaningful. It's hard because if you use up their legs too soon, you have three guys left with nothing to do. So while taking a slower approach makes sense for the current format, it doesn't necessarily make for compelling TV.
That's the last word, except for this: apparently there's some confusion as to how to post comments. Below this paragraph and the blurb that follows you should see the words "No comments" or "Comments" with a number in front of it. Click on that and the option should pop up. I need your participation here, people. Come strong like the marks I know you all are. You have opinions now make them heard! In other words.......DISCUSS!
{"Handsome" Dan Lopez is a regular mention on his two favorite wrestling shows The Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and Turnbuckle Throwbacks. Follow him on Twitter, @DansLastWord.}
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