Bye-Bye Brock, Hello Show

PWInsider posted a video of Dana White hinting at a possible Brock Lesnar return to UFC. Shortly after the Extreme Rules pay-per-view ended, PWInsider was reporting that Brock was livid over the fact that John Cena cut a post-match in-ring promo instead of following the original plan, which was to have him carted away from ringside after having been so "brutally mauled" in his match with Brock.

If there is one thing that anyone who's been paying attention at all realizes about Brock Lesnar, it's that he's a proud man. He's been "The Man" everywhere he's gone (except the NFL, sorry Brock). Because of that I can say with 99.9% certainty, that he did not return to the WWE just to be a part of the "John Cena Show." He came back to be a major player and be used in a way that showed respect to all that he's accomplished not only in the world of professional wrestling, but also in the world of legitimate sports. The guy was a collegiate wrestling champion and a champion at the highest level of competition in the world's hottest individual sport.

But he can't beat John Cena. Not only can he not beat John Cena, but after their match, Cena felt well enough to cut a promo thanking Chicago for actually cheering him that night.

Now, if you were Brock Lesnar, and you've been regarded as a legit ass-kicker throughout your career AND had the credentials to back it up, how might YOU feel if were told to not only lose to the "Kool-Aid Man in jorts" (Cena's own words to describe himself), but then for said Kool-Aid Man to brush off the effects of the match like the imaginary dirt on his shoulder?

I imagine that might not sit well with you either.

Now, I'm not privy to any "insider knowledge" nor do I have access to any sources telling me what's going on behind the scenes. But I think even Hellen Keller could tell you what's up with this situation. Let's do a little detective work together, shall we?

- Brock leaves TV on a strong note, crippling the "COO" Triple H and looking a little more like a beast again.

Paul Heyman comes out for two straight weeks as Brock Lesnar's representative and completely owns on the mic. His character is interesting, believable, and he actually started breathing a little new life back into the Lesnar character.

Then this past Monday, no Triple H, no Paul Heyman.

This past Saturday, Brock Lesnar is in the audience at UFC 146 and Dana White is talking like he's pretty much back.

Explanation: Heyman's done. The most we may get by way of an explanation is some contrived news blurb on WWE.com about his "lawsuit" against Triple H.

I think the only reason he was brought in was to appease Brock after Cena shit on their match. Brock probably agreed long enough to do Raw the next day then while he was sitting at home decided, "Ah, fuck this! I'm going back to the UFC."

It's not like the WWE can stop him. He has the money to buy his way out of his contract. He might even have the leverage to get a break on that if he fights it because of the way his character was treated. I wouldn't even be surprised if Dana White wasn't willing to step in to help buy him out!

Watch the video of Dana White speaking about Brock's return and listen to how he completely disses the WWE for being "fake." He's not talking like an uninformed detractor of pro wrestling. He's talking like someone who has lost respect for a company that's tanking and fucked up the chance to make money with a legitimate athlete and pay-per-view draw by disrespecting him.

I could be proven wrong about Triple H and Heyman. They might find some way to tidy up that angle on TV but I don't think I'm wrong about Brock. I'm pretty sure he's done.

- John Cena, while addressing the crowd in Chicago at Extreme Rules, hinted that he would need to take time off after his grueling match with Brock. The following night on Raw he's immediately thrown into an angle with John Laurenitis and the build for the next pay-per-view main event is off and running like a rabbit with a hard-on.

Explanation: After Cena completely shit on him, Brock refused to work with him again. Cena taking time off to recover from his match with Brock now means nothing if he can't come back and have another match with him. Now that Cena's staying, he needs an opponent. The only other heel in the company that had any momentum was Daniel Bryan. His momentum was completely sacrificed for the sake of getting Sheamus over. So that leaves just one other option, John Laurenitis.

- John Laurenitis, while a douchebag, has always tried to play off the illusion that he cares about the fans and the product. His "feuds" with people like CM Punk, Zack Ryder or Santino Marella have been based on the wrestler not showing him the proper respect and/or his own personal feelings that the wrestler he's feuding with being on TV or top is not what the fans want to see or what's best for the company. Not the strongest premise, but there's at least some rationalization there.

Along the way, the ONE Superstar that Laurenitis has NEVER had a problem with has been John Cena. There have even been instances of Johnny speaking favorably of, even fawning over John Cena. This makes perfect sense. Any idiot could see that having Cena on top is good for the company (at least under the present circumstances); he gets the biggest crowd reaction and he moves the most merchandise. It actually adds to the douchebagginess of Laurenitis that, as a heel, he supports the company's biggest babyface as a way of appeasing the corporate scumbags that make up the "board of directors." AND, it adds a little fuel to the fire for those fans that hate John Cena.

This would all be awesome build for either Cena "going rogue" and abandoning all the corporate bullshit and grandstanding and Johnny becoming his "Mr. McMahon," OR Cena turning full-on corporate "Yes" man and aligning himself with Laurenitis. Either way, it would've injected new life into Cena's character.

But instead, Laurenitis turns on the one guy he's always favored after losing the only other meal ticket he had in Lesnar. That doesn't make John Laurenitis dastardly and evil; that makes him stupid.

Now, you could make the argument that Johnny lost his mind after his "grand plan" bringing in Lesnar failed and that might work, it worked for Mr. McMahon, but Johnny doesn't own the company. He can't just do whatever the hell he wants. He's an employee. And the quickest way for an employee to get fired is to go nuts and start physically assaulting other employees.

But because this is pro wrestling, instead he gets to main event a wrestling show and the WWE is going ask its audience to pay to see it.

Imagine if this was how corporate discipline worked on any other job. They call a meeting at Wal-Mart and the manager stands up, "Well, Bob in Lawn & Garden flipped his lid and attacked Steve in Dairy so after we close up they're gonna hash it out in a No-Holds-Barred in the Hardware department. You're all welcome to attend but it's five bucks to get in. Rita in Accounting will be here if anyone wants to place any bets. Other than that, make sure you check with Customer Service for your returns and remember people, whatever the outcome, our doors still open tomorrow morning at 6!"

Laurenitis follows up his attack on Cena with Generic WWE Heel 101 Standard Operating Procedure stuff like firing the cuddly Big Show and calling the fans "losers"(so much for People Power). *Yawn* The big pay off comes in the form of John Laurenitis doing what not even Brock Lesnar could, he beats John Cena thanks to a heel turn by the once-cuddly, now repulsive Big Show which, biggity-bam, leads us all right into our next pay-per-view.

Speaking of Big Show, if it's not a money issue(guess they went to that well so many times they figured nobody would buy it) and the only reason you don't want to get fired is because you love performing...guess what, asshole? There's another wrestling company that's on national TV and getting ratings nearly as good as Smackdown that you can go to if all you want to do is perform! OR, maybe you could go to the "board of directors" and tell them the GM has lost his fucking mind and it trying to fire you just for making fun of his voice. Nah, I'd rather cry on national TV like a giant pussy and hit my knees faster than a prostitute on her period.

Explanation: People still hate John Cena and they knew Laurenitis favored him. There's no way they're going to solve the puzzle of how to get people to love John Cena in three weeks. Hell, they've had six years and they still can't figure it out! So the easier thing to do is make people REALLY hate John Laurenitis.

But up to this point they've been going with the "slow build" method which has really worked. Laurenitis was gaining legit heat as a heel boss because he was being booked smartly. But when plans changed, they had to go with the "two-minute offense" and started having him do more drastic things.

The result is the credibility of what could have been a solid storyline has been completely shattered. But the show must go on, right?

So is the puzzle coming together for you? You know we all shit on Impact Wrestling for how clueless they are and rightfully so. The WWE is at one of its lowest points ever and yet Impact STILL can't overtake them in the ratings. For you to not be able to beat the WWE as bad as it is, then how shitty must you be?

What pisses me off about them and even other indy feds like Ring of Honor, feds that are trying to go mainstream and get noticed. They can do ANYTHING! No fucking storyline is off limits! These aren't publicly-traded companies. They're fucking Mom & Pops that can do whatever the hell they want and they aren't doing DICK!

Fucking roll the dice, take some chances, do something different, ANYTHING! "Naw, we're all about the rasslin' 'round here, pard!" Yeah, and a fly is all about shit but nobody wants to watch that either!

Sorry this is so fucking long (not the first time I've had to use those words, Ho-Ho!) but there really isn't a damn thing I can trim out of here so if you're straining your eyes, tough shit. You've got some perspective now and that's a small price to pay.

I've got a lot more to say but I hate reading long fucking rambles too so I'm going to make this the last word...Vince McMahon is a fighter. He's at his dead-level best when his back is against the wall, he goes all "Hulk Smash"(cheap Avengers mention for relevance), then takes his wang out and pisses on his adversary's fresh corpse. Think about the 80's, he was taking on the territories and made them all members of the "Kiss My Ass" Club. And the product was fucking awesome. Then the 90's hit and he gave us this...

Until Ted Turner came along and challenged him. Then Vince made Ted Tuner take his bra off, admit that his grapefruits were bigger, bought his company and told him "YOU'RE FIRED!!" (or something like that) The product was fucking awesome.

He hasn't had competition since and what do we get? We get this...

Will somebody PLEASE step up and challenge this motherfucker!

That's all I got for now. Until next time, assholes...discuss!

(Shameless Author's Plug: "Handsome" Dan Lopez is a regular on the Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and SPINEBUSTER.com; Follow him on Twitter @DAntonioLopez )

Replayed Raw

[Maddening Author's Note: I wanted this to be my inaugural post for www.SPINEBUSTER.com but I'm having issues with my home internet connection ~ translation: I didn't pay my bill ~ So you're getting this post here instead. But if you would like to see more of me...NO, not naked pictures you freaks! But more of my ramblings and those of other talented people like me, check out www.SPINEBUSTER.com]

I had thoughts on this past week's Monday Night Raw but thanks to the problems explained above, I couldn't get around to putting those thoughts into typed form. Then I thought, Who the hell wants to read about a show that took place nearly a week ago?! But now that we're on the eve of the WWE's Over The Limit pay-per-view I realized, what better excuse to bring up old shit! But because I've had to wait so long, my brain is like a new mother's tit ready to burst all over your faces. So with that visual in mind, tilt your head back and open wide and let's get into it...

First of all, the title of this post. WHAT'S WITH THE FUCKING REPLAYS?????? We got three replays...THREE REPLAYS, of what happened between Big Show and John Laurenitis on last week's show before the final resolution of Big Show getting fired. Raw is only two fucking hours long!!! And Big Show's segment didn't even come at the end of the show. So in less than two hours we had three fucking replays of something that happened just one week ago.

The only thing I can take away from this is that the WWE either thinks their viewing audience is made up entirely of goldfish, or they expect for viewers to leave the show and come back and that they need these multiple replays so that a) people who didn't catch the other replays will know what's going on, and b) people who didn't watch the segment from last week's show will know what's going on.

Given that viewers actually do leave and come back to Raw multiple times during the show, it makes sense to do this. But on the other hand, it's fucking annoying for those of us who actually watch every episode from start to finish. Imagine if other shows did this. Like if Law & Order replayed what happened in the first five minutes of the show two or three times throughout the rest of the episode. You'd never get through a fucking show!

Besides, I would think replaying the same segments over and over would be counterproductive to getting people to stay with the show. Aren't you enabling those viewers that do leave and come back with all these replays? Like you're telling them, "We know our show is boring so go ahead and watch something else for awhile; when you come back we'll let you know if you missed anything important." And in the process you're also punishing those who stay with it by subjecting them to that shit.

I actually thought some of the action on Raw was good this week. The opening tag match was decent. Big Show vs. Kane was actually a pretty good match. And Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho was excellent. It's just a shame that they they could've devoted even more time to these matches and the others that got whittled down to practically nothing if they would've just cut out all the fucking replays.

John Cena's Jim Carrey impersonation could've stood to lose some time as well. But I'd even be willing to live with that if we can just do away with the replays (which I bet you're getting tired of reading in this post, but now you know how I felt watching Raw). And from now on I guess Raw's going three hours so we get to be treated to even more of them!

In my last post ("It's Time For Raw...Do You Know Where You're Children Are?"), which if you haven't read, you need to, I talk about the things that appeal to the WWE's target audience. Replays was not among them.

Think about an episode of Prime Time Wrestling from the 80's. Like Raw, PTW was a two-hour show. It consisted mostly of never-before-televised matches from house shows and the occasional replay of a match that took place on Superstars or Saturday Night's Main Event. It would also replay whatever interview segment that took place that week to advance an important storyline like the Brother Love Show, the Barber Shop, or a "Mean" Gene interview segment, etc.

But the replays weren't happening over and over again throughout the show. You got them once and that's all you needed because 1) you most likely already saw what happened when it originally aired, and 2) you saw the first fucking replay so you didn't need another one.

The point needs to be driven home (I can't help how that sounds), WRESTLING is what's missing. Give me a match that I may not see ever again and I'm not going to change the channel. Give me a bunch of fucking replays of shit I've seen more than once already, why the hell shouldn't I find something else to watch?

So there you have it. My brain has been fully expressed and hopefully you got your fill. If you didn't, you can check out www.SPINEBUSTER.com and go drink up some ideas from other people who love wrestling and need their brains emptied. Either way, I feel better and that's the last word.

Until next time, bitches...discuss!

It's Time For Raw...Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

[Annoying author's note: I'm doing this post bare bones on my phone because my internet is currently down. So don't expect the usual bells and whistles, and do expect typos galore.]

As an involved father of six (that's not a typo), I can tell you where my children are not. They are not in front of the tv watching Monday Night Raw.

My kids range in age from thirteen to four, mostly girls, with a couple of boys sprinkled in there too. So my house makes for a nice demographic study.

My oldest son, who's eight, is special needs and doesn't watch tv. My other son is the four year-old. Anytime I have wrestling on and he walks in the room the first words out of his mouth are "I LOVE wrestlings!" (Again, not a typo, that's how he says it.) He then plops down next to me and after about twenty seconds he's gone, off to find something else to do.

Hardly a knock on the product because, he's four. He does that with everything he watches. Some things hold his interest longer than others but for the most part, it's running back and forth between playing and watching. Plus, I don't think his understanding is fully there yet of how wrestling even works. Not the whole kayfabe thing, I mean I don't think he even knows that you win a match by pinning your opponent. All in due time.

My thirteen year-old has had the most exposure to wrestling just because she's been around the longest. She thinks the Undertaker is cool as hell but she won't sit through a match. A couple of years ago she might have, but I think the unfortunate curse that comes with being thirteen has struck in which everything you do either has to be really trendy or really, really entertaining in order to warrant your time.

What's that tell you? It tells me that as cool a character as the Undertaker is, his appeal goes only so far in the current product. If wrestling were trendy, which it was once upon a time, or if the stuff they were putting out was highly entertaining, which it isn't, they would probably be reaching this demographic of teenagers.

With all of these examples, of course there are exceptions to the rule. But even I went through it. When I was thirteen it was 1991 and Dusty Rhodes was dancing with Sapphire dressed in polka dots and the Bushwackers were the top contenders to the tag team titles. The Undertaker was around but at that time his character was pretty goofy. So in the interest of being cool, it was abandon ship as far as my love of wrestling was concerned.

Plus, my tastes had matured. I was reading gritty stories in Batman comics and dealing with relationships for the first time. My daughter is also a reader, having graduated to things like Eragon, the Hunger Games, and Where the Red Fern Grows. You really think she has any interest in watching Hornswoggle dance with Brodus Clay?

So where is the WWE making it's bread and butter if it's not with the little kids and it's not with the teenagers? How about with the kids in between? My six year old daughter is a little princess who could care less about wrestling. But my other two girls, ages eleven and ten, will still get into it. I ordered this year's Royal Rumble on pay-per-view and it was actually a lot of fun watching it with them because they were going nuts. The concept of being eliminated by going over the top rope added an element of suspense that had them on the edge of their seats, screaming and frantically clapping their hands, especially when it came down to the final two guys, Sheamus and Chris Jericho.

I can't say they really knew much about either guy. They just knew that Sheamus was the good guy and Jericho was the bad guy and that was enough for them. Unfortunately they did not follow in their father's footsteps and cheer for the heel. They fell right in line with the WWE program and cheered vehemently for Sheamus and celebrated wildly when he won. It was the same way with WrestleMania, which I also ordered. They cheered the good guys and booed the bad guys like good little members of the WWE Universe should.

That being said, these were the only two pay per views that I'm probably going to order this year. They'll sit and watch them because they know that a pay-per-view is something their dad pays for and sets aside time to watch. They'll get into it because the action is usually pretty consistent.

But when it's time for Monday Night Raw, my kids are usually finding something else to do.

Most of the segments bore them. They don't really care about storylines or getting to know the characters. What they need to know about them, they get in the matches. They know that Big Show is big. They know Kane is a big evil monster. They know Randy Orton is a lean, mean wrestling machine with a cool look and a cool move. They know John Cena wears the bright, colorful clothes and that he's the top good guy, going so far as to ask me if he is "the best wrestler" which usually results in an answer from me that is way more comprehensive than they care for.

Watching my own children and their response to the product has been quite the eye-opener. And it's helped me to realize that the WWE isn't trying to please me. They're trying desperately to appeal to a couple of my kids and their peers in the hopes that their product will catch on with them to the point that we will make a concerted effort as a family to purchase pay-per-views, merchandise and tickets, as well as watch their shows on a regular basis and maybe turn into lifelong fans. Knowing that helps me to relax a little because what is wrestling if it's not having fun. And if I can watch a pay-per-view with my family and just have fun, who am I to complain?

That being said, I think they are still failing to reach their target demographic in their weekly shows. I know I'd enjoy Raw and Smackdown a whole lot more if my kids were watching it with me. It sounds a little too simplistic but I think the answer is wrestling. I think things are a little too storyline-driven these days. I enjoy the occasional backstage segment or angle but the in-ring action has really taken a backseat to everything else the last few years.

Like I said, my kids know everything they need to about a wrestler by what they see in the ring. It was the same way when I was growing up. I didn't need a lot of angles involving Tito Santana to know he was a good guy or to become a fan. I became a fan of Tito because of what I saw him do in the ring. (oooh...italics) And squash matches went a long way in establishing who I became a fan of. It certainly hasn't hurt Ryback's popularity. It also helped me take undercard guys more seriously because I saw them actually get some offense in and win matches. So that when it was time to watch them on a pay-per-view, I was excited because I knew what they were capable of.

Did I really say all this just to say bring back wrestling and bring back squash matches? I guess I did. Fact is, I love wrestling, I love the WWE, and I'd like for my kids to love it too. And that's a subtle change that could be implemented gradually, inexpensively and perhaps really go a long way into boosting the company's bottom line. I seem to recall business being pretty good in the days of squashes and fifteen minute wrestling matches as a regular occurance tv.

Anyhow, sorry for being a little long-winded this time. I promise that's the last word, and I'll try to keep it shorter next time. Until then...discuss!

Ring Around The RHINO

(Obnoxious Author's Note: If you haven't read my "Rant of Honor" post from a week ago, GET ON THAT SHIT, SON!!!)

As promised, I am giving Ring of Honor every possible chance to impress me. So I watched their tv show going into the big pay-per-view, "Border Wars" that was this weekend (that I didn't watch because I'm broker than Job's turkey thank you very much).

Along those lines, why do all these indy feds have iPPVs running the weekend of Mother's Day, the second highest gift-giving day in the United States? I'm sure there are plenty of people who have the money to take care of Mom AND get their wrestling fix, but for people like me who've got a wife that doubles as the mother of my children, my own mother, my mother-in-law, and three sisters-in-law to shop for, a little better planning on behalf of these wrestling promotions with regard to the scheduling of their big events would be appreciated.

But I digress....

In case you haven't seen the latest Ring of Honor tv show and are wondering what I'm talking about, I have conveniently linked the show from their YouTube page for you here.

Now that you're all caught up, let's get into it, shall we?

-THE BRISCOE BROTHERS (ROH Tag Team Champions) vs CEDRIC ALEXANDER & CAPRICE COLEMAN
What I liked about this non-title match was that it furthered the existing storyline between the Briscoes and The World's Greatest Tag Team while also advancing Alexander & Coleman. If the WWE (or TNA for that matter) could learn anything from ROH, it's how to run a tag division. This was one of those beautiful situations where everybody wins in terms of the outcome of the match.

Where the match "lost" was with regard to the action itself. Once again, I got the sense that these four guys were just executing moves on each other with no real build or flow to the action. There were a lot of moves that could've easily been finishers that the guys kept kicking out of.

The move that actually did end the match was impressive and cleanly executed despite being a very difficult move to pull off but what these team need to learn is that sometimes it's better to live off the milk than to sell the cow. (I don't know, I'm making this up as I go.)

The last word on this match is, as effective as it was from a booking perspective, if this is the kind of action I'm going to get as a payoff, I'm not sold.

-RHINO MAKES HIS ROH DEBUT
In case you haven't noticed, I try not to spoil the match results because I'm trying to generate interest in wrestling of every kind. If you're not a regular ROH watcher but decide to check it out after reading my blog, I want you to enjoy their show the way wrestling was meant to be enjoyed, unspoiled.

In this case, unfortunately, there's no way around that so...*SPOILER ALERT!* RHINO crushes a jobber. And he looks damn awesome doing it! That's his appeal though so, props to him for going with what works. He's the reason for the title of this blog. He was smartly sandwiched in the middle of the show and was the one thing that truly had me wanting to tune in next week to see what they do with him.

What didn't work was the backstage segment he had with Prince Nana, R.D. Evans, and Truth Martini. It was one of those things in wrestling, like "Mean" Gene Okerlund dancing with the Gobbledy Gooker, that make even a die hard fan like myself want to deny that I watch it. Although, Truth did redeem himself with the in-ring promo he cut prior to the match.

The last word on this match is, keep RHINO in the ring and off the mic, and over-the-top caricatures are fine as long as they don't make me want to change the channel and pretend like I was watching something else when someone walks into the room.

-IN-RING SEGMENT FEATURING KEVIN STEEN, JIMMY JACOBS, DAVEY RICHARDS AND JIM CORNETTE
This was to promote the upcoming ROH World Title match at "Border Wars" between the champion Richards and the challenger Steen.

As a talker, you don't have to hit a home run every time, and Kevin Steen definitely did not in this segment, but he came off a WHOLE lot better than Davey Richards did. Being new to Ring of Honor and not knowing much about any of these guys, I'm definitely more drawn to Steen even though he's the heel in this angle. Richards just came across as painfully bland to me.

On the plus side (insert fat joke here) I enjoyed seeing Jim Cornette as an authority figure. It was my first time seeing him in that role.

The last word on this segment is, this match definitely requires commitment on behalf of the viewer. You need to have some time invested in these wrestlers to really care about this match because nothing they've done on the last two tv shows I've seen has sparked my interest enough to consider buying the pay-per-view. I understand that they pretty much HAD to do this segment in order to advance the storyline, but for the sake of the bottom line, perhaps a video package spliced together that ran down the journey of each wrestler leading up to this match would have been more effective, especially considering that the argument Steen is making is that he has been overlooked by management while Richards has been favored by management. But that's just me spitballin'. On to the next!

-RODERICK STRONG (ROH TV Champion) vs ADAM COLE
I like that the Television championship is being defended every week. It's an old-school thing but if you're going to bother with a TV Championship, you might as well do it right.

The guys smartly stayed away from Strong's weakness (see what I did there?) by not throwing any strikes other than chops. And the moves they were executing, while impressive, weren't the kind of moves that you shouldn't kick out of. The match had a nice rhythm, and the finish helped build another one of the pay-per-view matches, which was good.

The last word on this match is, a solid cap to the show. Good action that was paced well, and the finish helped advance everyone involved. If Ring of Honor stresses the quality of its wrestling as its strength, then this match certainly showcased that.

Overall, this episode of Ring of Honor Wrestling still didn't sell me on their product completely, but I'm warming up to it. Not enough to consider buying their pay-per-view, which at this point has already passed anyway, but enough to keep giving them a chance.

It's going to be an uphill battle though. I won't say there are a lot of things working against them, but there are enough that as of right now, I don't see myself ever becoming a huge Ring of Honor fan. The promos are all sub-par, some are even terrible. The in-ring action is decent but the subtleties of storytelling are still lacking for the most part. So Jim Cornette, if you're reading this, work on that shit for next week!

That's the last word. Until next time, discuss!

The "Ace" Up Vince's Sleeve

Just finished watching the 5/7 edition of WWE Monday Night Raw and even though it's 2:30 in the morning and I have to get up in about three hours I'm going to quickly run down my thoughts.

This episode of Raw was proof that conventional wisdom DOES NOT apply to professional wrestling, especially the WWE.

Conventional wisdom would dictate that selling a pay-per-view built around a match between John Cena and John Laurenitis is a bad idea. Nevertheless, that's exactly what the WWE is doing.

First, let's address why it's a bad idea:

Reason #1 - The fans hate John Cena. Do I really have to get into this? Just listen to the crowd response whenever he's announced. We hate him. For a myriad of reasons.

Reason #2 - John Laurenitis is a bitch. I'm not saying that because I don't like John Laurenitis. I actually enjoy the character. He's played his role well. BUT, he has also played the role of bitch to HHH, CM Punk, and most recently Brock Lesnar, the guy who John Cena just beat at the last pay-per-view. CM Punk even put him to sleep on an episode of Raw a few months ago. So why should I care to see John Laurenitis, the bitch, against ANYBODY much less John Cena, and even more less PAY TO SEE IT???

Reason #3 - The fact that both of these guys are in the main event means that more deserving workers on the roster will have to settle for the undercard which could turn fans against the product, particularly John Cena, even more.

This is conventional wisdom and it totally shits on the WWE logic.

HOWEVER, John Cena vs. John Laurenitis is EXACTLY what the WWE intends to sell you for the next three weeks and it is EXACTLY what they expect you to spend your hard-earned money on April 29th.

Why? Because Vince McMahon has an "Ace" up his sleeve.

That being Johnny Ace.

Over The Limit will sell in spite of itself because the WWE has done a good job building the character of John Laurenitis into a heel that everyone wants to see get what's coming to him. John Cena just happens to be the person the WWE has chosen to administer the beatdown.

Nevermind the fact that Laurenitis has screwed with plenty of other people who could've easily stepped up to do what John Cena is being given the chance to do. HHH and CM Punk most notably. Don't you think fans would've loved to have seen either of those guys take Johnny Ace down? Even PAID to see it?

Of course they would. That makes sense because it's Wrestling Booking 101. You introduce a heel and you slowly build him up into a dastardly scumbag who always gets away with his cowardly, self-serving schemes. Then when the time is right, you have the hero rise up and beat him. If done properly, the fans will be clamoring to see it.

So yes, there will be interest in this match, but it won't be because of John Cena, even though that's how the company will try to present it. The same way the interest in the main event at Extreme Rules had nothing to do with John Cena. The interest in that was generated by Brock Lesnar.

So yes, there will be interest but imagine if the protagonist in these main events was someone the fans actually cared about? Imagine if Brock Lesnar had returned the day after WrestleMania and challenged The Rock? Or if CM Punk had been the one to rid the WWE of John Laurenitis back in January when their feud was still hot? Or better yet, had their feud continued by tying it into the Punk/Jericho angle, which could actually still be going on if Laurenitis HAD been more involved.

But no, John Cena, Vince's Golden Boy, is going to once again be spoon-fed the best angle despite losing at WrestleMania and getting booed week-in and week-out. And despite the fact that throughout John Laurenitis' regime, the one babyface he's remained fair with, and even supported has been John Cena.

Imagine if we had gotten a John Cena heel turn at WrestleMania instead and he aligned himself with Laurenitis? Of course the fans would all turn on him at first, but ultimately, they would appreciate both Cena and the WWE for doing something that makes sense. Wrestling fans appreciate smart booking and good heels. We want you to embrace your role and play it well. The Miz might tell me to my face that I suck and I'll love him for it because he's a great heel and that's what heels are supposed to do.

Nobody likes an ass-kisser and that's exactly what John Cena is. He's a corporate ass-kissing heel who refuses to embrace his character, or rather, the WWE is refusing to acknowledge his character, therefore, I hate him. I don't love to hate him. I just hate him.

Speaking of aces, Vince brought out another one this week in Paul Heyman. I love Paul E. He's a great talker. He's going to be a terrific mouthpiece for Brock, but his being there on Raw would've been a whole lot more interesting had Brock Lesnar actually won at Extreme Rules.

This hotshot, good-enough-for-this-week style of booking the WWE is doing, bringing out these "surprises" every week is eerily reminiscent of WCW at the beginning of their decline. Sooner or later you run out of "aces" and your PRODUCT is all you have left. But by then fans have lost all faith in your product and regaining their trust and interest may be too slow of a process for your bottom line to recover. Just some food for thought.

Hey, remember David Otunga? Don't worry, pretty soon nobody will.

Speaking of representation, how about that promo that John Cena cut as CM Punk to begin the show? Seriously, why was Punk even out there? To promote John Cena apparently. Last I checked Punk, you're the WWE Champion and you're consistently being booked underneath Cena on the card. Seems to me like John Cena is the LAST person you should be speaking up for. He even admitted in his promo that his match would be on BEFORE the Cena-Laurenitits match!!!!! How about speaking up for YOURSELF? You did it once and it was the coolest thing that happened in wrestling in nearly a decade.

Imagine "Stone Cold" Steve Austin as the WWE Champion coming out and confronting Vince McMahon about a match that Vince was going to have with Mick Foley at an upcoming pay per view? And admitting that it would be the main event and that he would be watching after his undercard title defense was finished? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that probably would've cost ol' Stone Cold some cool points. Guess what is cost CM Punk. Yep!

The conspiracy to keep a title on Kofi Kingston continues. Not sure what this guy has on Vince McMahon, or Stephanie, or Hunter, but it must be pretty darn good. The dude can't go five months without a belt around his waist.

At this point in the blog, I'd like to have a moment of silence for the career of The Miz..................ok, we're done.

Seriously, his promo prior to his match with Brodus Clay was even better than Paul Heyman's spiel. He's such a great performer, not the best in the ring, but his character is everything a good heel should be, I wish he were still at the top of the card. Why he's being treated the way he is is among the many mysteries involving WWE booking.

Speaking of the Funkasaurus, his two lady friends got an awful lot of camera time this week. I'm sensing that they may be starting to overshadow ol' Brodus as the best part of the gimmick. And why not? They're amazing and we've pretty much seen all there is to see when it comes to what Funkasaurus is in the ring. Stay tuned to the blog and we'll let you know how that develops.

Fans can't help but pop for the Walls of Jericho. I give the guy credit. He didn't leave the WWE on the best of terms, jobbing to Evan Bourne. And he didn't come back with the greatest of gimmicks. But he's earned the respect of the fans once again. He stole the show and was the better wrestler at WrestleMania in my opinion so even though I haven't always been a fan of Jericho's I give him props for legitimizing his return.

I'm actually going to applaud a decision made by the WWE booking staff. I think it was wise to make the World Heavyweight Championship match at Over The Limit a Fatal Four-way. Mostly because I don't think anyone could care less about Sheamus vs. Albert Del Rio. Sheamus has really struggled to pick up steam since his title win, mostly because of the bogus circumstances of the match at WrestleMania. The company's attempts to legitimize his title reign since then, having him beat Daniel Bryan cleanly over and over again, still haven't won anybody over.

I'm calling it now, Chris Jericho gets the loudest response from the crowd in that match. He won't win, but he'll win over the fans with his ring work.

The last thing you need to know about Raw is that the Main Event started at the 1:59 mark.

Actually, that's not the last thing. The last thing you need to know is, Daniel Bryan couldn't even score the win over CM Punk in a Handicap Match. I swear it honestly feels like they DON'T want me to order the pay-per-view. And it's working because I won't be.

That's all I've got for now people. Until next time, discuss!

Rant of Honor

Watched the most recent Ring of Honor tv show made available by the company on Facebook and I had some thoughts...

First of all, not a damn guy on this show could talk to save their lives with the exception of Lance Storm who cut a very good promo on Mike Bennett, hyping their rematch at the upcoming Ring of Honor ppv "Border Wars." Storm is a vet and has always been a pretty good talker so this doesn't surprise me.

What did surprise me was that he was the only one who pulled off a compelling interview. This is Ring of Honor after all, the company that's run by one of the greatest talkers of all time, Jim Cornette. It's not like these guys have to memorize scripts or anything like that. It's not like they're talking in front of capacity crowds of twenty or thirty thousand people. The actual promos on the show were all backstage, pre-recorded segments where I'm sure if they needed it, the wrestlers were probably offered the luxury of multiple takes.

Even Kevin Steen, who I've heard a lot of good things about and was really looking forward to hearing, failed to wow me. On the one hand, it was the first ROH tv show that I've had both the time and means to sit down and actually watch all the way through. But on the other hand, Kevin Steen was trying to build interest in a landmark event where he will be challenging for the ROH World title. I'm sure die-hard Ring of Honor groupees are going to mark out for the match no matter what. But for someone like myself, who is watching this for the first time, I saw nothing that would make me consider "Border Wars" a ppv that I must see.

I promise this isn't going to be a total burial job so please just stick with me. On to the action...

-THE BRISCOE BROTHERS (ROH Tag Team Champions) vs THE WORLD'S GREATEST TAG TEAM (Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin)
I was expecting a lot from this match because I've heard a lot of good things about the Briscoes and I knew Haas & Benjamin were both great athletes. The match DID NOT live up to my expectations.

It was kind of sloppy, there were a lot of moments when it looked like the guys weren't really sure what they wanted to do, and there was no real flow to the match. What I mean by "flow" is, it was like four guys in wrestling gear executing moves. They weren't telling a story through the action. It's a very subtle skill that if you're not used to seeing, may be hard to pick up on, but it's the kind of thing that can make a "boring" portion of a match part of a greater whole resulting in a good match. This was NOT a good match. To put a positive spin on it, anyone can have an off night, and maybe this was theirs.

TJ PERKINS vs FIRE ANT
This was a cross-promotional exhibition between an ROH guy (Perkins) and a CHIKARA guy (Ant). I know the appeal of CHIKARA is the storyline and gimmicks but sooner or later you have to get in the ring. And while some may be fans of the CHIKARA style, if this match was any indication of what they're all about, I am definitely NOT a fan.

SELL A FREAKING MOVE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!! Some impressive high spots were totally negated by the fact that they popped right back up after every one of them until they decided it was time to end the match and the loser graciously stayed down so that the winner could hit him with his finish.

Here's the problem, I'm a wrestling fan. I'd love it if other people became wrestling fans too. I wouldn't encourage someone to watch the WWE right now because it's garbage. If you tout your promotion to be what wrestling SHOULD be, and you offer up crap like this, you're not trying to bring in new fans. You're catering to good ol' rasslin fans who will pardon stuff like this as long as they can get drunk and have a good time at your show.

Sorry if I'm being harsh but this match insulted my intelligence more than the notion of "good guys versus bad guys" ever did.

JAY LETHAL (ROH TV Champion) vs RODERICK STRONG
Jay Lethal was the saving grace of this show. If his wrestling style is any indication, you can tell this guy is a fan of old-school wrestling. What I loved most about this match was Lethal's striking. Good striking is a lost art form. His punches, forearms and chops looked stiff and realistic which goes such a long way in legitimizing the product. Stop a person on the street and ask them to demonstrate a professional wrestling punch and they'll probably stomp their foot while they do it. Even some of the greats have done it that way but Lethal is clearly from the school of Ric Flair and Terry Funk where wrestling is a FIGHT and in a FIGHT, the damage you do is more important than how good it looks. (That's PERCEPTION by the way; looking like you're doing damage without actually doing damage. It's an art form and if you don't understand that, I encourage you to stick around for future installments of this blog and get eductated)

By contrast, Jay's opponent, Mr. Strong, looked like he couldn't bust his way out of a brown paper sack with the shots he was throwing. His selling sucked too, kind of like everyone else's on the show so at least there's uniformity within the company, Jay Lethal excluded. Although Strong made up for it all with a sick finisher that popped me as well as the crowd.

Just to sing his praises once again, the pace that Jay Lethal kept was another bright spot. By that I don't mean that he chained a bunch of big moves together in rapid-fire succession. I mean his movements were brisk and clean. He wasn't staggering around or fumbling with his opponent wondering what to do next. It reminded me of Shawn Michaels, who's pacing I always felt was the best in the business. Doing simple things like the drop down, leapfrog, armdrag quickly and decisively is an underrated skill.

As a side note, I enjoyed the peripheral story between Jay Lethal and Tommaso Ciampa. It got me wanting to see that how that storyline progresses.

OK, to wrap this all up, Ring of Honor has got some pluses and minuses just like any other fed. But it's a fed that hypes its wrestling as the selling point. I've seen other Ring of Honor shows that I was more impressed by so I'm not going to write them off completely. I wouldn't tell you as a wrestling fan not to give them a try. You should definitely check them out. Would I say they're going to be the next big thing in wrestling? Not a chance.

I will be watching though, and reporting so if this review didn't sell you on Ring of Honor, stay tuned to this magnifical blog and maybe the next one will.

That's all I got. Discuss!