Ring Around The RHINO

(Obnoxious Author's Note: If you haven't read my "Rant of Honor" post from a week ago, GET ON THAT SHIT, SON!!!)

As promised, I am giving Ring of Honor every possible chance to impress me. So I watched their tv show going into the big pay-per-view, "Border Wars" that was this weekend (that I didn't watch because I'm broker than Job's turkey thank you very much).

Along those lines, why do all these indy feds have iPPVs running the weekend of Mother's Day, the second highest gift-giving day in the United States? I'm sure there are plenty of people who have the money to take care of Mom AND get their wrestling fix, but for people like me who've got a wife that doubles as the mother of my children, my own mother, my mother-in-law, and three sisters-in-law to shop for, a little better planning on behalf of these wrestling promotions with regard to the scheduling of their big events would be appreciated.

But I digress....

In case you haven't seen the latest Ring of Honor tv show and are wondering what I'm talking about, I have conveniently linked the show from their YouTube page for you here.

Now that you're all caught up, let's get into it, shall we?

-THE BRISCOE BROTHERS (ROH Tag Team Champions) vs CEDRIC ALEXANDER & CAPRICE COLEMAN
What I liked about this non-title match was that it furthered the existing storyline between the Briscoes and The World's Greatest Tag Team while also advancing Alexander & Coleman. If the WWE (or TNA for that matter) could learn anything from ROH, it's how to run a tag division. This was one of those beautiful situations where everybody wins in terms of the outcome of the match.

Where the match "lost" was with regard to the action itself. Once again, I got the sense that these four guys were just executing moves on each other with no real build or flow to the action. There were a lot of moves that could've easily been finishers that the guys kept kicking out of.

The move that actually did end the match was impressive and cleanly executed despite being a very difficult move to pull off but what these team need to learn is that sometimes it's better to live off the milk than to sell the cow. (I don't know, I'm making this up as I go.)

The last word on this match is, as effective as it was from a booking perspective, if this is the kind of action I'm going to get as a payoff, I'm not sold.

-RHINO MAKES HIS ROH DEBUT
In case you haven't noticed, I try not to spoil the match results because I'm trying to generate interest in wrestling of every kind. If you're not a regular ROH watcher but decide to check it out after reading my blog, I want you to enjoy their show the way wrestling was meant to be enjoyed, unspoiled.

In this case, unfortunately, there's no way around that so...*SPOILER ALERT!* RHINO crushes a jobber. And he looks damn awesome doing it! That's his appeal though so, props to him for going with what works. He's the reason for the title of this blog. He was smartly sandwiched in the middle of the show and was the one thing that truly had me wanting to tune in next week to see what they do with him.

What didn't work was the backstage segment he had with Prince Nana, R.D. Evans, and Truth Martini. It was one of those things in wrestling, like "Mean" Gene Okerlund dancing with the Gobbledy Gooker, that make even a die hard fan like myself want to deny that I watch it. Although, Truth did redeem himself with the in-ring promo he cut prior to the match.

The last word on this match is, keep RHINO in the ring and off the mic, and over-the-top caricatures are fine as long as they don't make me want to change the channel and pretend like I was watching something else when someone walks into the room.

-IN-RING SEGMENT FEATURING KEVIN STEEN, JIMMY JACOBS, DAVEY RICHARDS AND JIM CORNETTE
This was to promote the upcoming ROH World Title match at "Border Wars" between the champion Richards and the challenger Steen.

As a talker, you don't have to hit a home run every time, and Kevin Steen definitely did not in this segment, but he came off a WHOLE lot better than Davey Richards did. Being new to Ring of Honor and not knowing much about any of these guys, I'm definitely more drawn to Steen even though he's the heel in this angle. Richards just came across as painfully bland to me.

On the plus side (insert fat joke here) I enjoyed seeing Jim Cornette as an authority figure. It was my first time seeing him in that role.

The last word on this segment is, this match definitely requires commitment on behalf of the viewer. You need to have some time invested in these wrestlers to really care about this match because nothing they've done on the last two tv shows I've seen has sparked my interest enough to consider buying the pay-per-view. I understand that they pretty much HAD to do this segment in order to advance the storyline, but for the sake of the bottom line, perhaps a video package spliced together that ran down the journey of each wrestler leading up to this match would have been more effective, especially considering that the argument Steen is making is that he has been overlooked by management while Richards has been favored by management. But that's just me spitballin'. On to the next!

-RODERICK STRONG (ROH TV Champion) vs ADAM COLE
I like that the Television championship is being defended every week. It's an old-school thing but if you're going to bother with a TV Championship, you might as well do it right.

The guys smartly stayed away from Strong's weakness (see what I did there?) by not throwing any strikes other than chops. And the moves they were executing, while impressive, weren't the kind of moves that you shouldn't kick out of. The match had a nice rhythm, and the finish helped build another one of the pay-per-view matches, which was good.

The last word on this match is, a solid cap to the show. Good action that was paced well, and the finish helped advance everyone involved. If Ring of Honor stresses the quality of its wrestling as its strength, then this match certainly showcased that.

Overall, this episode of Ring of Honor Wrestling still didn't sell me on their product completely, but I'm warming up to it. Not enough to consider buying their pay-per-view, which at this point has already passed anyway, but enough to keep giving them a chance.

It's going to be an uphill battle though. I won't say there are a lot of things working against them, but there are enough that as of right now, I don't see myself ever becoming a huge Ring of Honor fan. The promos are all sub-par, some are even terrible. The in-ring action is decent but the subtleties of storytelling are still lacking for the most part. So Jim Cornette, if you're reading this, work on that shit for next week!

That's the last word. Until next time, discuss!

Rant of Honor

Watched the most recent Ring of Honor tv show made available by the company on Facebook and I had some thoughts...

First of all, not a damn guy on this show could talk to save their lives with the exception of Lance Storm who cut a very good promo on Mike Bennett, hyping their rematch at the upcoming Ring of Honor ppv "Border Wars." Storm is a vet and has always been a pretty good talker so this doesn't surprise me.

What did surprise me was that he was the only one who pulled off a compelling interview. This is Ring of Honor after all, the company that's run by one of the greatest talkers of all time, Jim Cornette. It's not like these guys have to memorize scripts or anything like that. It's not like they're talking in front of capacity crowds of twenty or thirty thousand people. The actual promos on the show were all backstage, pre-recorded segments where I'm sure if they needed it, the wrestlers were probably offered the luxury of multiple takes.

Even Kevin Steen, who I've heard a lot of good things about and was really looking forward to hearing, failed to wow me. On the one hand, it was the first ROH tv show that I've had both the time and means to sit down and actually watch all the way through. But on the other hand, Kevin Steen was trying to build interest in a landmark event where he will be challenging for the ROH World title. I'm sure die-hard Ring of Honor groupees are going to mark out for the match no matter what. But for someone like myself, who is watching this for the first time, I saw nothing that would make me consider "Border Wars" a ppv that I must see.

I promise this isn't going to be a total burial job so please just stick with me. On to the action...

-THE BRISCOE BROTHERS (ROH Tag Team Champions) vs THE WORLD'S GREATEST TAG TEAM (Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin)
I was expecting a lot from this match because I've heard a lot of good things about the Briscoes and I knew Haas & Benjamin were both great athletes. The match DID NOT live up to my expectations.

It was kind of sloppy, there were a lot of moments when it looked like the guys weren't really sure what they wanted to do, and there was no real flow to the match. What I mean by "flow" is, it was like four guys in wrestling gear executing moves. They weren't telling a story through the action. It's a very subtle skill that if you're not used to seeing, may be hard to pick up on, but it's the kind of thing that can make a "boring" portion of a match part of a greater whole resulting in a good match. This was NOT a good match. To put a positive spin on it, anyone can have an off night, and maybe this was theirs.

TJ PERKINS vs FIRE ANT
This was a cross-promotional exhibition between an ROH guy (Perkins) and a CHIKARA guy (Ant). I know the appeal of CHIKARA is the storyline and gimmicks but sooner or later you have to get in the ring. And while some may be fans of the CHIKARA style, if this match was any indication of what they're all about, I am definitely NOT a fan.

SELL A FREAKING MOVE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!! Some impressive high spots were totally negated by the fact that they popped right back up after every one of them until they decided it was time to end the match and the loser graciously stayed down so that the winner could hit him with his finish.

Here's the problem, I'm a wrestling fan. I'd love it if other people became wrestling fans too. I wouldn't encourage someone to watch the WWE right now because it's garbage. If you tout your promotion to be what wrestling SHOULD be, and you offer up crap like this, you're not trying to bring in new fans. You're catering to good ol' rasslin fans who will pardon stuff like this as long as they can get drunk and have a good time at your show.

Sorry if I'm being harsh but this match insulted my intelligence more than the notion of "good guys versus bad guys" ever did.

JAY LETHAL (ROH TV Champion) vs RODERICK STRONG
Jay Lethal was the saving grace of this show. If his wrestling style is any indication, you can tell this guy is a fan of old-school wrestling. What I loved most about this match was Lethal's striking. Good striking is a lost art form. His punches, forearms and chops looked stiff and realistic which goes such a long way in legitimizing the product. Stop a person on the street and ask them to demonstrate a professional wrestling punch and they'll probably stomp their foot while they do it. Even some of the greats have done it that way but Lethal is clearly from the school of Ric Flair and Terry Funk where wrestling is a FIGHT and in a FIGHT, the damage you do is more important than how good it looks. (That's PERCEPTION by the way; looking like you're doing damage without actually doing damage. It's an art form and if you don't understand that, I encourage you to stick around for future installments of this blog and get eductated)

By contrast, Jay's opponent, Mr. Strong, looked like he couldn't bust his way out of a brown paper sack with the shots he was throwing. His selling sucked too, kind of like everyone else's on the show so at least there's uniformity within the company, Jay Lethal excluded. Although Strong made up for it all with a sick finisher that popped me as well as the crowd.

Just to sing his praises once again, the pace that Jay Lethal kept was another bright spot. By that I don't mean that he chained a bunch of big moves together in rapid-fire succession. I mean his movements were brisk and clean. He wasn't staggering around or fumbling with his opponent wondering what to do next. It reminded me of Shawn Michaels, who's pacing I always felt was the best in the business. Doing simple things like the drop down, leapfrog, armdrag quickly and decisively is an underrated skill.

As a side note, I enjoyed the peripheral story between Jay Lethal and Tommaso Ciampa. It got me wanting to see that how that storyline progresses.

OK, to wrap this all up, Ring of Honor has got some pluses and minuses just like any other fed. But it's a fed that hypes its wrestling as the selling point. I've seen other Ring of Honor shows that I was more impressed by so I'm not going to write them off completely. I wouldn't tell you as a wrestling fan not to give them a try. You should definitely check them out. Would I say they're going to be the next big thing in wrestling? Not a chance.

I will be watching though, and reporting so if this review didn't sell you on Ring of Honor, stay tuned to this magnifical blog and maybe the next one will.

That's all I got. Discuss!