Bye-Bye Brock, Hello Show

PWInsider posted a video of Dana White hinting at a possible Brock Lesnar return to UFC. Shortly after the Extreme Rules pay-per-view ended, PWInsider was reporting that Brock was livid over the fact that John Cena cut a post-match in-ring promo instead of following the original plan, which was to have him carted away from ringside after having been so "brutally mauled" in his match with Brock.

If there is one thing that anyone who's been paying attention at all realizes about Brock Lesnar, it's that he's a proud man. He's been "The Man" everywhere he's gone (except the NFL, sorry Brock). Because of that I can say with 99.9% certainty, that he did not return to the WWE just to be a part of the "John Cena Show." He came back to be a major player and be used in a way that showed respect to all that he's accomplished not only in the world of professional wrestling, but also in the world of legitimate sports. The guy was a collegiate wrestling champion and a champion at the highest level of competition in the world's hottest individual sport.

But he can't beat John Cena. Not only can he not beat John Cena, but after their match, Cena felt well enough to cut a promo thanking Chicago for actually cheering him that night.

Now, if you were Brock Lesnar, and you've been regarded as a legit ass-kicker throughout your career AND had the credentials to back it up, how might YOU feel if were told to not only lose to the "Kool-Aid Man in jorts" (Cena's own words to describe himself), but then for said Kool-Aid Man to brush off the effects of the match like the imaginary dirt on his shoulder?

I imagine that might not sit well with you either.

Now, I'm not privy to any "insider knowledge" nor do I have access to any sources telling me what's going on behind the scenes. But I think even Hellen Keller could tell you what's up with this situation. Let's do a little detective work together, shall we?

- Brock leaves TV on a strong note, crippling the "COO" Triple H and looking a little more like a beast again.

Paul Heyman comes out for two straight weeks as Brock Lesnar's representative and completely owns on the mic. His character is interesting, believable, and he actually started breathing a little new life back into the Lesnar character.

Then this past Monday, no Triple H, no Paul Heyman.

This past Saturday, Brock Lesnar is in the audience at UFC 146 and Dana White is talking like he's pretty much back.

Explanation: Heyman's done. The most we may get by way of an explanation is some contrived news blurb on WWE.com about his "lawsuit" against Triple H.

I think the only reason he was brought in was to appease Brock after Cena shit on their match. Brock probably agreed long enough to do Raw the next day then while he was sitting at home decided, "Ah, fuck this! I'm going back to the UFC."

It's not like the WWE can stop him. He has the money to buy his way out of his contract. He might even have the leverage to get a break on that if he fights it because of the way his character was treated. I wouldn't even be surprised if Dana White wasn't willing to step in to help buy him out!

Watch the video of Dana White speaking about Brock's return and listen to how he completely disses the WWE for being "fake." He's not talking like an uninformed detractor of pro wrestling. He's talking like someone who has lost respect for a company that's tanking and fucked up the chance to make money with a legitimate athlete and pay-per-view draw by disrespecting him.

I could be proven wrong about Triple H and Heyman. They might find some way to tidy up that angle on TV but I don't think I'm wrong about Brock. I'm pretty sure he's done.

- John Cena, while addressing the crowd in Chicago at Extreme Rules, hinted that he would need to take time off after his grueling match with Brock. The following night on Raw he's immediately thrown into an angle with John Laurenitis and the build for the next pay-per-view main event is off and running like a rabbit with a hard-on.

Explanation: After Cena completely shit on him, Brock refused to work with him again. Cena taking time off to recover from his match with Brock now means nothing if he can't come back and have another match with him. Now that Cena's staying, he needs an opponent. The only other heel in the company that had any momentum was Daniel Bryan. His momentum was completely sacrificed for the sake of getting Sheamus over. So that leaves just one other option, John Laurenitis.

- John Laurenitis, while a douchebag, has always tried to play off the illusion that he cares about the fans and the product. His "feuds" with people like CM Punk, Zack Ryder or Santino Marella have been based on the wrestler not showing him the proper respect and/or his own personal feelings that the wrestler he's feuding with being on TV or top is not what the fans want to see or what's best for the company. Not the strongest premise, but there's at least some rationalization there.

Along the way, the ONE Superstar that Laurenitis has NEVER had a problem with has been John Cena. There have even been instances of Johnny speaking favorably of, even fawning over John Cena. This makes perfect sense. Any idiot could see that having Cena on top is good for the company (at least under the present circumstances); he gets the biggest crowd reaction and he moves the most merchandise. It actually adds to the douchebagginess of Laurenitis that, as a heel, he supports the company's biggest babyface as a way of appeasing the corporate scumbags that make up the "board of directors." AND, it adds a little fuel to the fire for those fans that hate John Cena.

This would all be awesome build for either Cena "going rogue" and abandoning all the corporate bullshit and grandstanding and Johnny becoming his "Mr. McMahon," OR Cena turning full-on corporate "Yes" man and aligning himself with Laurenitis. Either way, it would've injected new life into Cena's character.

But instead, Laurenitis turns on the one guy he's always favored after losing the only other meal ticket he had in Lesnar. That doesn't make John Laurenitis dastardly and evil; that makes him stupid.

Now, you could make the argument that Johnny lost his mind after his "grand plan" bringing in Lesnar failed and that might work, it worked for Mr. McMahon, but Johnny doesn't own the company. He can't just do whatever the hell he wants. He's an employee. And the quickest way for an employee to get fired is to go nuts and start physically assaulting other employees.

But because this is pro wrestling, instead he gets to main event a wrestling show and the WWE is going ask its audience to pay to see it.

Imagine if this was how corporate discipline worked on any other job. They call a meeting at Wal-Mart and the manager stands up, "Well, Bob in Lawn & Garden flipped his lid and attacked Steve in Dairy so after we close up they're gonna hash it out in a No-Holds-Barred in the Hardware department. You're all welcome to attend but it's five bucks to get in. Rita in Accounting will be here if anyone wants to place any bets. Other than that, make sure you check with Customer Service for your returns and remember people, whatever the outcome, our doors still open tomorrow morning at 6!"

Laurenitis follows up his attack on Cena with Generic WWE Heel 101 Standard Operating Procedure stuff like firing the cuddly Big Show and calling the fans "losers"(so much for People Power). *Yawn* The big pay off comes in the form of John Laurenitis doing what not even Brock Lesnar could, he beats John Cena thanks to a heel turn by the once-cuddly, now repulsive Big Show which, biggity-bam, leads us all right into our next pay-per-view.

Speaking of Big Show, if it's not a money issue(guess they went to that well so many times they figured nobody would buy it) and the only reason you don't want to get fired is because you love performing...guess what, asshole? There's another wrestling company that's on national TV and getting ratings nearly as good as Smackdown that you can go to if all you want to do is perform! OR, maybe you could go to the "board of directors" and tell them the GM has lost his fucking mind and it trying to fire you just for making fun of his voice. Nah, I'd rather cry on national TV like a giant pussy and hit my knees faster than a prostitute on her period.

Explanation: People still hate John Cena and they knew Laurenitis favored him. There's no way they're going to solve the puzzle of how to get people to love John Cena in three weeks. Hell, they've had six years and they still can't figure it out! So the easier thing to do is make people REALLY hate John Laurenitis.

But up to this point they've been going with the "slow build" method which has really worked. Laurenitis was gaining legit heat as a heel boss because he was being booked smartly. But when plans changed, they had to go with the "two-minute offense" and started having him do more drastic things.

The result is the credibility of what could have been a solid storyline has been completely shattered. But the show must go on, right?

So is the puzzle coming together for you? You know we all shit on Impact Wrestling for how clueless they are and rightfully so. The WWE is at one of its lowest points ever and yet Impact STILL can't overtake them in the ratings. For you to not be able to beat the WWE as bad as it is, then how shitty must you be?

What pisses me off about them and even other indy feds like Ring of Honor, feds that are trying to go mainstream and get noticed. They can do ANYTHING! No fucking storyline is off limits! These aren't publicly-traded companies. They're fucking Mom & Pops that can do whatever the hell they want and they aren't doing DICK!

Fucking roll the dice, take some chances, do something different, ANYTHING! "Naw, we're all about the rasslin' 'round here, pard!" Yeah, and a fly is all about shit but nobody wants to watch that either!

Sorry this is so fucking long (not the first time I've had to use those words, Ho-Ho!) but there really isn't a damn thing I can trim out of here so if you're straining your eyes, tough shit. You've got some perspective now and that's a small price to pay.

I've got a lot more to say but I hate reading long fucking rambles too so I'm going to make this the last word...Vince McMahon is a fighter. He's at his dead-level best when his back is against the wall, he goes all "Hulk Smash"(cheap Avengers mention for relevance), then takes his wang out and pisses on his adversary's fresh corpse. Think about the 80's, he was taking on the territories and made them all members of the "Kiss My Ass" Club. And the product was fucking awesome. Then the 90's hit and he gave us this...

Until Ted Turner came along and challenged him. Then Vince made Ted Tuner take his bra off, admit that his grapefruits were bigger, bought his company and told him "YOU'RE FIRED!!" (or something like that) The product was fucking awesome.

He hasn't had competition since and what do we get? We get this...

Will somebody PLEASE step up and challenge this motherfucker!

That's all I got for now. Until next time, assholes...discuss!

(Shameless Author's Plug: "Handsome" Dan Lopez is a regular on the Shining Wizards Wrestling Podcast and SPINEBUSTER.com; Follow him on Twitter @DAntonioLopez )