(See what I did there? The title? Ah, nevermind.)
Quick disclaimer: I'm not a know-it-all kind of smark who thinks every idea I have is good. This is mostly self-therapy but maybe you find it interesting too and it gets you talking, either to me or your friends. I don't think I'm the end-all, be-all so don't shred my post with a fine-tooth comb as if I do, ok? Everybody cool? Ok, let's go!
THE ROCK v JOHN CENA
I'm fine with it. Well, that's not exactly true. I'm fine with it as long as it results in change. Real change, not President Obama-type change which is, no change.
I look at this match like Hogan-Andre at WM3. It was the WWF's attempt at legitimizing Hulkamania. And it worked. Up to that point, Hogan was looked upon as a bit of a fraud because although he'd beaten everybody he was matched up with, he hadn't beaten anyone who was transcendent. Someone who was more of a celebrity than he was. Andre was the ONLY guy who fit that bill. If anyone knew any other wrestler besides Hulk Hogan in 1987, they knew Andre the Giant.
Hogan, in his prime. Cena, in his prime. Andre, past his prime. Rock, past his prime. Thankfully, unlike Andre, Rock can still move and we're going to get a decent match. Where the trouble lies, is if the WWF drops the ball with Cena the way they did with Hogan AFTER the match is over.
Any momentum Hogan gained from beating Andre was quickly lost thanks to him becoming too formulaic and corny. Prior to WM3, Hogan's matches were much more unpredictable. His promos were much more passionate and chaotic. Go watch some of his stuff from 1984-1986. He was just a wrestler then. He wasn't this transcendent goody-two-shoes superman that no one could identify with. He was just a competitor, with a bit of a cocky chip on his shoulder who hated losing and if he didn't like you, he punched you in the face.
Cena's situation's a little different because he's already become that boring, formulaic, corny, goody-two-shoes that no one can relate to. Which is why I'm saying, if he beats the Rock, and drops the whole "Super Cena" gimmick and just goes back to being a regular guy, you might actually see a turnaround and the people start getting behind him again.
But, if things stay the same and in the aftermath of WrestleMania 28, we can't even tell that it happened, then it was a colossal waste of time. Sure, it may result in some pay-per-view buys, but that wasn't enough to keep WCW alive and it won't be enough to keep the WWE alive either. (Yeah, I went there! It's DEAD, son!)
TRIPLE H v UNDERTAKER
Am I the only one who hopes this is Taker's last WrestleMania? The "Streak" means more than any championship in the WWE right now but it's getting close to becoming just as insignificant as those belts considering, the guy only wrestles once a year. What's so special about beating him, really?
If it is his last Mania, how sad is it that he's wrestling Triple H...FOR THE THIRD TIME???
A problem that has ALWAYS existed in wrestling is veterans hanging on too long and not being willing to put younger talent over on their way out. This match is a classic example of that.
My idea? Undertaker vs. Sheamus. Sheamus has all the tools to become a top star for the WWE for a long time. Similar to Taker, he's got a great look, he can do some special things for a big guy, and he's got charisma. I believe Taker deserves to retire undefeated at Mania, but what's special about beating a guy you've already beaten twice who barely wrestles himself??
The storyline was already written for them. Taker was pushed to the limit last year. The Streak is more vulnerable than it's ever been. He's ready for a hungry young lion to come along and overthrow him. Sheamus pushes him even further than Triple H did (without all the garbage rest spots btw) but in the end, Taker proves there's something "supernatural" about the Streak that prevents him from losing at WrestleMania BUT Sheamus earns respect for putting on a great performance and nearly winning.
If the match is executed the right way, it could greatly benefit both guys. Taker rides off into the sunset with the Streak intact; Sheamus moves on with more prestige.
What about Triple H, you ask? Well, for that we have to look at...
CM PUNK v CHRIS JERICHO
Why does Jericho deserve a title shot? Wasn't he the guy who was jobbing to Evan Bourne before his last hiatus? So what if he wins a battle royal after NOT winning the Royal Rumble?
For all his history and talent, I just don't buy him as a World title contender. I don't think very many other people do either. They're trying to get fans to take him seriously with the whole alcoholism angle but it's not working.
Why not instead have CM Punk tie up the loose ends from last summer when he was feuding with Triple H? The whole angle took that awful detour with Kevin Nash but just like they brought Rock/Cena back to the forefront, do the same for Punk/HHH. Punk was already feuding with a staff member, John Laurenitis. Instead of Undertaker coming out when Johnny was set to be fired, have Punk come out and confront Hunter.
And this time, have Punk win. Not just win, but win convincingly. Not just win the match convincingly, but win the feud convincingly. Along the way, you could work all sorts of angles. You could have Triple H just go full on heel boss with it and throw guys like David Otunga or even Funkasaurus at Punk. Fun angles, unorthodox angles, things that no one expects just to shake things up and make them interesting for crying out loud!
The key is, Punk goes over and you've legitimized him. He becomes the same kind of people's champion that "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was. He beats Jericho and really, when it's over, who cares? But, he overcomes the odds and beats the "boss" who last year nearly ended "the Streak" and the torch has officially been passed.
Right now, the torch is being passed alright. Triple H and Undertaker are tossing it back and forth like a game of Hot Potato and they're refusing to let anyone else play.
Would I have Jericho do anything at Mania? I would've had him manage Dolph Ziggler or Wade Barrett. When he was Barrett's Pro on NXT, he was the best manager professional wrestling had seen since Bobby Heenan. In that role, he's a threat because he's still in fantastic shape and can contribute in ways most managers couldn't. He's a legitimate threat outside the ring but he can do all of the other things that managers do to aid their charges not only during a match but during promos as well.
Even though I think Wade Barrett is a great talker and Dolph is passable, having that extra mouthpiece just bolsters their ability and adds an extra dimension to their character and helps make them INTERESTING.
At this point, beating Chris Jericho in a match means nothing. Managing is really the only way he can be productive in the business anymore.
DANIEL BRYAN v SHEAMUS
Daniel Bryan is the best heel the WWE has had in a long, long time. He's such a good bad guy that he could believably mow through the entire roster of good guys. He's already on his way having beaten the Big Show. He needs to move on to someone more legitimate than him.
And his name is Randy Orton (See what I did there? Ah, whatever.)
Seriously though, Orton has always come right up to the edge of transcending the business but has continually come up short. What's that tell you? He just hasn't got it. There's something internal that's missing.
However, he's still very popular and regarded as a top babyface. So to legitimize Daniel Bryan and establish him as one of your stars of the future, he needs to continue moving through the company's top babyfaces, meaning Randy too.
They could've easily had Orton win the Rumble. They could've sold his injury and his comeback to win it in his hometown. It would've made a great story. I think fans right now, would be behind Orton winning the belt at Mania more than Sheamus. I honestly think if Sheamus does win, some fans are going to turn on him because of what a white hot heel Daniel Bryan has become. I don't think fans are ready to see him lose yet. They're trying hard to push Sheamus now that he's won it, but his Rumble win was so unexpected that it's really struggling to build the necessary momentum for people to care, especially with Bryan so far ahead of him in terms of overness.
But Orton's a different story. He's always over because he's been so firmly established as a top guy. It's easier for fans to believe in him as a legit threat.
Bryan beats Randy, Randy continues to "hover" around the top of the card to be fed to more up-and-coming heels. Bryan moves on. I wouldn't mind seeing him turn the Miz face and the two of them feud. What I'd REALLY like to see, is a very slow, incremental build to a "Super Bowl" type match at next year's Mania between Punk and Bryan that unifies the World title but, one thing at a time.
Speaking of Randy...
RANDY ORTON v KANE
The backstory they cooked up at least gives this match-up some meaning I guess, but in the end, who really cares? Who cares if Orton beats Kane or if Kane beats Orton? What does it accomplish? Answer: nothing!
Kane is like Randy in that, while still very popular, he's never become that transcendent guy. So, like Randy, he needs to become high-end enhancement talent. Have him put some of the younger talent over.
Why not a feud with Zack Ryder that doesn't involve Eve or John Cena? Cena essentially fought Zack's battle for him against Kane. What, after all Kane put him through, Zack doesn't want a little revenge of his own? Getting the best of a feud against Kane would help Ryder regain some of the momentum and credibility he lost in that terrible love triangle.
It doesn't have to be a total job out by Kane. He could even win at Mania with the story being that Zack doesn't have the killer instinct to beat him. That he's just a goofball who can't be taken seriously ("Bro, seriously?"). You drag it out for awhile with Zack getting pushed further and further down until one day he's able to finally break the lid off and do what it takes to beat Kane. I don't know; it makes sense to me.
CODY RHODES v BIG SHOW
I'm sure some of you will hate me for this but, I've got no problem with Show beating Cody for the I-C title at Mania.
He's been such a team player for so many years, jobbing out to wrestlers and non-wrestlers alike, and this may be his last chance to have something positive happen for him at 'Mania. He's played a part in getting so many young guys over, he deserves to have his moment in the sun.
Of course, in the process, he can still make Cody look good and I'd ultimately like Cody to regain the title from him. But give Show his moment, I've got no problem with that as long as it's not some ridiculous squash. He has to just barely win. That's the only way to make it meaningful.
KELLY KELLY & MARIA MENOUNOS v BETH PHOENIX & EVE TORRES
I'd totally scrap this match. I'd fire Kelly Kelly and Eve. I wouldn't have Maria Menounos involved at all unless it's to get totally flattened by Beth and saved by another diva who can actually wrestle. Tamina Snuka? Natalya? AJ?
Actually, I wish Mickie James, Gail Kim, Jillian, and Winter (Katie Lea) were still with the company, then they'd have some options. Not sure what Kharma's situation is but if she's available, she'd be an option too. Have Beth come out and start beating up poor Maria Menounos, only for Kharma to appear and beat Beth for the title.
The divas shouldn't be there simply for their looks. They need to be marketed to the most obvious target demographic, young girls. Take a cue from the WNBA and start using the divas as role models. Reach out to a target audience and start reaping the benefits of merchandise sold and tickets and pay-per-views purchased. It won't be enough to carry the company of course, but I'm sure it would result in more revenue that can actually be tied to the divas' presence than they're currently bringing in.
TEAM TEDDY v TEAM JOHNNY
A twelve man tag match is a little ludicrous, especially considering how little time they're sure to get. I'd prefer a five-on-five Survivor Series style elimination match.
Realistically, this is probably the best those involved in this match can hope for. There's only so much time and so many spots on the card. I'd prefer to see the tag champs involved rather than Christian, who I think is way past his prime, looks horrible, and has no credibility as anything other than midcard enhancement talent, and Jack Swagger who, for all his talent, just doesn't deserve this spot. He's done NOTHING to elevate himself since his debut.
Reward those who've earned it with a spot on the card. Primo, Epico, and Rosa Mendes have EARNED a spot in WrestleMania. Dolph Ziggler has EARNED a spot in WrestleMania. David Otunga, Mark Henry, R-Truth, they've all earned a spot in WrestleMania with the way they have elevated themselves over the past year.
Santino Marella? Kofi Kingston? They're kind of in the same boat as Swagger. They certainly have their "niche" but do they really deserve to be featured in this match? The reason they're in it is because the WWE hasn't worked to develop anybody else so right now, these are the only names that fans care enough about to support.
But what if the WWE had implemented the program I suggested in a previous post featuring Trent Barreta? Then he could be one of the young talents featured in this match. But right now, it wouldn't make sense to include him because no one knows who he is.
How about Brodus Clay? He's a PERFECT fit for Team Teddy! And he's certainly earned a spot on the card.
Overall, I'm not crazy about the idea of ONE General Manager over both shows, but a 10-man tag is probably the best way to get the most talent featured on the card, and the stipulation at least makes the match meaningful.
Last word on this match, there's still time for it to happen, the Miz as the last member of Team Teddy after he continually fails to make Team Johnny, Teddy Long just offers him a spot, which leads to a face turn and sets the Miz back on track to the top of the card where I personally feel he belongs.
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So here's MY 'Mania:
MAIN EVENT: JOHN CENA v THE ROCK
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: CM PUNK (c) v TRIPLE H
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: DANIEL BRYAN (c) v RANDY ORTON
THE STREAK: UNDERTAKER v SHEAMUS
GRUDGE MATCH: ZACK RYDER v KANE
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: CODY RHODES (c) v BIG SHOW
IMPROMPTU DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP CHALLENGE: BETH PHOENIX (c) v KHARMA
TEAM JOHNNY (Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, David Otunga, Primo & Epico) v TEAM TEDDY (The Miz, R-Truth, Brodus Clay, Trent Barreta, *not sure who the fifth member would be; write your own ending, I guess)
Discuss!
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